Debut or Die Chapter 188

Author: LyraDhani

‘Drink too much’, he said.


I looked at Bae Sejin with ridiculed eyes.


“I just took one can.”


I never drank too much when I drank alone.


I was not an idiot, and I had a schedule every day, so there was no way I would drink too much. Moreover, tomorrow was the last day of the concert in Seoul.


However, Bae Sejin replied with a nervous face.


“…It’s dangerous to drink while taking a bath. And not just today, you drink too often.”


“I drank once today to cheer myself up, I don’t usually drink like this. I don’t drink that often…”


“No, you drink often!”


Bae Sejin screamed. Then, in surprise, he glanced at the other rooms.


‘What are you doing?’


As I looked at him with bitter eyes, Bae Sejin continued to talk in a slightly lowered tone.


“You drank a few days ago. You drank last week, too.”


“It was just one can.”


“It’s not the quantity that matters. …You, why did you drink?”


“Well, to relieve stress…”


Bae Sejin clenched his hands tightly.


“Therefore… You’ve been drinking every three or four days to relieve stress!”




“You’ve been doing that lately.”


Bae Sejin looked down.


“…Since you came back from America.”




I felt like I’d been stabbed in the back.


“I saw you did that too often while we were sharing a room.”


Listening to Bae Sejin’s testimony, I ran the calculation in my head.


‘I… drink every three or four days.’




Bae Sejin was right. Twice a week. It was almost once every three days.


There were more days when I didn’t drink than days when I drank, and I didn’t feel it because I drank it quickly without thinking.


In other words, I drank to ‘relieve stress’ every time like a habit.


“I-I did some calculations, and the frequency seemed to decrease a bit when you were receiving counseling. But… um, after you got hurt on vacation, you drink again often.”




“And when someone touches your drink, you get irritated, and you get happy when someone gives you a drink… To me, you look too dependent on it.”




Come to think of it, isn’t it too natural for me to drink beer when taking a break whenever I have a hard time?


‘It’s worse than before entering Park Moondae’s body.’


I couldn’t help it.


‘It has good cost-effectiveness.’


Considering all the time, effort, and money, I couldn’t help but know instinctively that there was no method as convenient as this.


“You can try to relieve your stress in other ways. Seon Ahyeon also picked up embroidery…”


I looked at the empty can in my hand, and I answered.


“…You’re right.”




“I’ll be careful.”




Bae Sejin seemed a little surprised, but he soon answered vigorously.


‘…I’ve been helped.’


I looked at Bae Sejin again.


“Thank you for caring.”


“It’s not a big deal, I notice this kind of thing a little faster…”


Perhaps the problems at home had an impact. I nodded.


“Then I’ll throw this away and go to bed. I won’t drink anymore, so don’t worry.”


“Okay. Go to bed quickly. It’s already late. Um, uh, we should do well at the concert tomorrow.”


“Of course.”


I threw the empty can to the trash can in the kitchen.


Then I went back to my room and lay down on the bed.


Next to me, Cha Eugene was already lying upside down on the bed, completely asleep. It seemed he had fallen asleep while eating popcorn.


‘New hobby…’


I had to develop a hobby to relieve stress.


Still, I could choose regardless of money. Because I had a lot of savings.


‘Should I buy some expensive food?’


Looking at the empty popcorn bag on Cha Eugene’s bed, I reflexively thought of that first.


‘Maybe adjusting the quantity would be better…’


I felt like I fell asleep after thinking about whether I should eat Korean beef or not.


And the next day.


Before going out early in the morning to prepare for the concert, I inadvertently opened the refrigerator and noticed a change.


The beer was gone.


Of course, there was only one person who could be suspected of being the culprit.




Bae Sejin, who was sneaking into the kitchen, avoided my gaze and shouted quite brazenly.


“W-What?! You said you wouldn’t drink.”




‘I must have had some real dependency symptoms.’


I got a little pissed off for a moment.


I shrugged, packed the soda as planned, and closed the refrigerator.


“That doesn’t taste good!”


Ignoring Cha Eugene who strongly recommended coke, I drank the soda.


My troubled thoughts last night resurfaced again.




I never had anything like that.


Whatever. Let’s just end the concert for now.


* * *


“Thank you!”


“Loviewer! I love you!”


“Go home safely! See you again!”


Since it was the last concert in Seoul, everyone seemed to be immersed in emotion, so the exit remark was long.




Except for when Cha Eugene reached out and shook his hand outside the closing screen and almost got caught, it was a satisfying ending.


“You idiot! You could get hurt doing that!”


“I’m not an idiot I have Passion.”


He was full of energy. I heard a few words from Ryu Chungwoo, who was equally energetic.


I drank water and wiped my face and neck with a towel. I could hear people catching their breath or chattering here and there.


“Moondae, your phone!”




I could just go to the waiting room and get it, but he insisted on handing them out today.


I nodded my head to Keun Sejin, who was handing out the smartphones from the hands of the staff.


Eventually, as the cheers from above subsided and announcements began to appear, the guys started moving from backstage.


“Ah, didn’t it feel going more smoothly today? No, of course, I liked all the concerts, but was it because it was the last?”


“Haha. Probably. I liked it, too.”


“R-Really… It was great!”


“I thought I’d like to sing one more song if it wasn’t for overtime work for the staff and night noise problems.”


I didn’t feel like refuting what I heard as I walked down the hallway.


‘It was fun.’


There were no accidents or difficult unexpected situations, and it was a performance that worked together.


It could be said that the best assumption was made because that was simply how it was.


Even the improvised performance during the talk show was like that. With a bit of luck and coincidence, an interesting situation was created.


‘I didn’t know we’d all get punished.’


Thanks to this, there was no stage for the winners, so we did one more encore.


It seemed the fans were plotting with each other to make us get punished, so they must be very proud.


“What do you think, Moondaemoondae?”


“It was good.”


“Oh~ You’re going to cry again today… Cough.”


He was good at goofing and messing around every time.


As I walked past Keun Sejin who had a towel on his face, the manager approached me from the other side of the hallway.


“Well, ahem, Moondae!”


“…? Yes.”


“Wait, can I talk to you for a moment? Not for long!”


“Ah, yes.”


Hmm, it was probably about the company.


I forgot about it for a moment because I was busy drinking and thinking about the concert, but the company was currently in a state of emergency due to the ‘Idol Inc season 4 Testar Concert Cameo incident’.


It might be slowly being added to the wiki in the ‘Controversies and Accidents’ section.


‘But I don’t know why they picked me.’


Well, because of the industry spy case, they might have misunderstood me as the type who was good at picking things up from here and there.


I shrugged my shoulders, bowed to the others, and followed the manager.


The manager went to the restricted parking lot and offered me an iced Americano.


“Um, why don’t you have a drink first?”




I waited for the manager to get to the point while contemplating the benefits of drinking beverages as a hobby.


However, until the whole cup of Americano was gone and only ice remained, this guy hadn’t opened his mouth 




Looking at the manager who just stood awkwardly and pretended to be looking at his smartphone for no reason, I eventually opened my mouth first.


“What is it, hyung?”


“…Ah~ Um, Moondae. Do you have any concerns these days?”


What are you saying, out of the blue?


‘Since when did the company care about that?’


I replied hesitantly.


“Well, nothing in particular. Why?”


“No~ Umm, ah, counseling! Do you have any plans to do something like counseling again?”




I frowned, then smiled.


“Why? Did the members tell you I need counseling?”


“… ! Uh, it’s not like that~ You look tired these days!”


What do you mean it’s not like that?


‘Looking at his attitude, someone has prodded him.’


And to use that as an excuse, it would have been right to do it when I was hospitalized.


I shook my head.


“It’s okay. It’s hard to get counseling once the tour starts anyway.”


“Um, that’s right. That… um, yes. But if you need it, just tell me!”








No way, is it over already?


“Do you have anything else to say?”


“Um… yes, yes! Shall we go in now? Moondae, keep fighting in the future!”




How strange.


I looked at him with some doubts, but soon I put myself together.


‘It”s not just once or twice that the company fools around.’


Well, even if he said it, I would pretend to evade the topic.


I returned to the waiting room with the silent manager and touched my smartphone.


‘Wouldn’t it be better to post a speech at least?


I turned on the camera application on the screen as I walked. And I turned it to selfie mode.


‘Now I’ll take some pictures with this.’


Of course, I was skilled enough that my focus didn’t falter when I walked.


Alright, let’s level it up.


Click. A proper picture was saved with a low sound.


‘This is fine.’


Let’s post this. I nodded my head inwardly and started typing.



Hello, Loviewer

I really enjoyed the concert. So much that I don’t know how the three days went by



‘Ah, I forgot the introduction.’


As I added ‘This is Moondae’ in front of it instead of typing it down, something suddenly bothered me.


‘Hmm, it would be better to have a group shot than to post it alone.’


It was a concert, so doing that would make it more touching. It could also prevent sarcastic comments and useless comparisons between the members.


‘Let’s take a picture as soon as we enter the waiting room.’


Just in time, the door to the waiting room was just around the corner.


Like a habit, I knocked and opened the door.


… But, suddenly, glitter flew in front of my eyes and covered my field of view.


Puufft! Puuuffft!!


Similar to the confetti I just saw on stage… It was an event firecracker.




When I came to my senses, I was covered in some kind of shiny threads.


As I was dumbfounded and speechless, a group of guys wearing cones of all colors suddenly appeared in front of me.


And in the hands of the two guys at the front… There was a cake.


It was chocolate, and a dark brown puppy decoration was on top of the mess.


The phrase was… ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY‘.


“Happy birthday!”


“Happy birthday!”






Suddenly, I calculated the date in my head… I was surprised.


December 8th.


It was my birthday.


In other words… It was not Park Moondae’s birthday. It was my birthday.


The day Ryu Gunwoo was born.


“How did you…”


I didn’t even know what I was saying now. I was about to say something useless, so I quickly stopped talking.


But my brain still didn’t work.


What the hell is going on?




As if I looked funny, Keun Sejin burst into laughter and hit me on the shoulder.


“Hey, have you forgotten? It’s your birthday next week!”


“W-When we were on the plane, you said back then… It would be nice to celebrate on the same day…!”




Ah, I see.


‘That’s right. There’s no way you’d know.’


I broke out in a cold sweat. I understood a little bit now.


…Still, I didn’t know how they chose this day.


Like the improvised stage where everyone got punished together… It was because of coincidence and luck.


“Yes, and it’s also the last day of the concert!”


Ryu Chungwoo added with a smile.


“Moondae likes concerts so much.”




“We worked hard! The birthday cake! It was made by me and Kim Raebin!”


“Cha Eugene has no skills. Strictly speaking, it’s more like I am the one who made it.”


“No! I’m good at drawing!”


The two maknaes insisted hard to win the cake decoration.


Keun Sejin grinned.


“Anyway, you look really surprised, don’t you? The surprise is successful!”




‘Oh, my God.’


When I saw the manager who had slipped aside and looked at me with a happy face, I immediately understood what he had been doing.


“Then what you kept saying out of the blue…”


“Hey, these guys are asking me to buy some time~ What can I do? I just did whatever I was told to do, Moondae!”




The manager showed his smartphone.


On the screen, there was a group message room filled with noises such as ‘Just talk about counseling’ and ‘We need more time’.


By the way, the name of the message room was <Tibetan Moondae Surprise Birthday Party>.


I could tell without looking whose naming sense it was.


When I looked at the giggling Keun Sejin, he reduced his laughter and spoke seriously.


“Anyways, happy birthday!”


Happy birthday, bro~


And a messy birthday song mixed with English and Korean filled the waiting room.


The staff who were present were also smiling and singing together.




It felt really weird.






Yeah, this was good.

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Comments (15)

  1. Awwwwww! This was so sweet! This whole chapter was just sweet.

  2. It’s nice being passionate about his job but I think he really needs a new hobby. If his job stresses him then he doesn’t have anyway to express his emotions. He might ended up becoming psychotic like VTIC guy.

    Anyways, I really like how the other members gave him a surprise birthday party. It sounded like he finally able to appreciate and enjoy his current life.

  3. It was such a nice change from his slighlty depressing thoughts~ the atmosphere was warm.

  4. and yet another good example of moondae being an unreliable narrator. we had no idea he had a drinking problem bc he always makes his actions out to be rational. that is what he truly believes, like when the pad scandal came out- he thought about quitting like it was the pragmatic thing to do, but he wasn’t really thinking straight. it’s just hard to tell because moondae’s internal dialogue is rarely very flustered, even if he is emotionally affected, which is so interesting. ANYWAY the birthday thing is incredibly heartwarming! AND AND AND moondae always says he feels “weird” whenever he’s genuinely touched, like he doesn’t want to acknowledge his own feelings, so it’s an amazing step forward that he’s even allowing himself to think that it’s good! ahhh moondae is such a well-written character, the realism of his psychology is insane…


    1. REAL i love the author so much like i’ve been rereading this after every update and the way they write is truly phenomenal like it’s just so damn good 😭😭😭

  5. Awwww the worries and concern to the surprises is so wholesome 😍🤧💙🎊

  6. Thank u for the translation… happy bday to my moon puppy

  7. The fact that he’s really happy because they’re celebrating his actual birthday even just by coincidence TT

  8. i love bae sejin here!! he’s really tsundere in a cute way.

  9. It’s your birthday soon so Happy birthday in advance Moonbaby milove 😘

  10. It is because this is a novel narrated by the MC itself that I cannot trust any of mondae words 😭 he downplays how he feels and pretends to not care about things sometimes as if it cool. I love how the author showcases the reality from the other members point of view but still as a narration by Moondae still. Aaaah so good