Kill Your X Chapter 13

Silence descended heavily upon the house once again after the lingering sound of the closing door faded away.

“What… giving something and then taking it back?”

The puzzling feeling was quickly buried under a wave of drowsiness. I must have been incredibly tense. Strangely, whenever I met Si Yeonho, my mind became hazy. I stumbled towards my bed, putting the now troublesome bag of money back in the corner of the room.

As I tried to sleep, my thoughts were filled with Si Yeonho. His words were vague, yet his actions were direct, making him all the more confusing. I wondered if he simply spoke in a stream of consciousness, and I was reading too much into it.

‘What’s the problem? We’re going to drift apart after a while anyway.’

Setting aside the unanswerable question, I recalled the image of Si Yeonho diligently sucking my cock. Guilt over using him to relieve my anger clashed with a shameless sense of entitlement because he seemed willing.

When was the last time I had such childish worries? The ticklish flutter in my chest could easily be mistaken for excitement in my half-asleep state.

✽✽✽

Perhaps because I used to frequent it almost every week, Jerome felt strangely unfamiliar after a long absence. Physically, not much had changed. The interior, the general manager—everything remained the same, only the owner was different.

The most significant change was the private room Si Yeonho had created for me. It was an act of pettiness, unlike him, to designate the very room where we reunited after he had been giving blowjobs to others.

There was one more difference. The other patrons at Jerome no longer ogled me. Their furtive glances felt odd, so I asked the manager, who told me that the rumor had already spread.

“What rumor?”

“The rumor that you’re dating, Mr. Gyujin. With the owner of Jerome, no less.”

“Ha…”

Only three people in the world knew we were dating. I certainly hadn’t been spreading it around, and Yeojun, my friend who would already be in the room, wasn’t the type to gossip either. The culprit was easily deduced.

It was absurd. Like kids in elementary school gossiping about who’s dating whom. What kind of validation was Si Yeonho seeking by doing that?

Oh, of course, I had a history of sneaking off to other clubs for some… extracurricular activities…

The more I thought about it, the less innocent I felt, so I kept my mouth shut.

Entering my private room with mixed feelings, I found Yeojun sprawled on the sofa as if it were his own bedroom.

“Wow, Song Gyujin! You really are something else.”

“Why did you come so early?”

“You frequented Jerome like you owned the place, and it turns out it was all a grand scheme to seduce the owner?”

Yeojun teased me relentlessly, saying I finally landed a big fish after all the fuss I’d made about finding someone. I had asked him for help since he was my only gay friend, but I regretted contacting him.

“I didn’t seduce him.”

I plopped down onto the sofa and sighed deeply. As if waiting for this, Yeojun filled my glass with alcohol. Looking around, I saw the table was laden with food. It was a strange sense of déjà vu.

“Did you order all of this?”

“Yeah. I asked the staff just in case, and they said they don’t charge for food ordered in this room.”

“That shady bastard, doing things without being asked.”

I only learned about this unsolicited kindness today. I understood it was his way of showing consideration, but strangely, it didn’t feel like a favor. An inexplicable unease made the floor feel sticky beneath my feet. Seeing my displeased expression, Yeojun commented,

“The owner’s sweet, so what? Stop playing hard to get.”

“Sweet? What are you talking about? Did you even listen to my explanation?”

“Think about it. If you really weren’t interested, you wouldn’t have given him false hope by saying you’d wait ten years or whatever. You must have had some level of interest in him back then, right?”

I took a sip of my drink. Despite the abundance of ice, it didn’t feel refreshing, only adding to my confusion.

“I don’t understand that either. Why did I do that back then?”

“Because he was handsome. You’re a sucker for a pretty face.”

Yeojun dismissed my deep contemplation as if it were nothing.

“Speaking of which, show me a picture of your boyfriend. Let’s see what a drop-dead sexy bottom looks like.”

“I don’t have a picture.”

“Then at least his messenger profile picture.”

“He doesn’t have KaKaoTalk.”

Yeojun frowned, as if he had just witnessed something truly bizarre.

“Wait, is your boyfriend twenty-nine or ninety-two? No, even grandparents are pretty tech-savvy these days.”

He had a point. I couldn’t remember the last time I had such long conversations through basic phone texts instead of messaging apps. That awkwardness made me prefer calling Si Yeonho.

Yeojun snatched my phone and started scrolling through my photo gallery without permission. Seriously, what do you live for? He soon clicked his tongue at the unusually empty folder.

“There really isn’t one? You said you’re dating. Haven’t you even been on a single date?”

“A date…”

Did summoning him in the middle of the night for oral sex count as a date? I’d been in so many casual relationships for so long that I’d forgotten how to have a normal relationship.

“You really haven’t? Then what about sex?”

“Just… almost.”

“You’re both that age and all you’re doing is playing house? What’s the deal?”

Sometimes, I also questioned what we were doing, but since the other party had no complaints, we maintained this strangely ambiguous relationship. I had initially intended to keep him at arm’s length before pushing him away, but his excessive obedience made it difficult to find a justifiable reason.

“How do gay people date? I mean, besides one-night stands.”

Yeojun looked at me as if I were crazy. I was serious.

“Do you think gay couples are aliens or something? Dating is the same for everyone.”

“Holding hands and walking outside, watching movies, having lovey-dovey dinners? Doing that as men would make it obvious we’re gay. I don’t want that.”

“Ugh, I knew what you were going to say.”

He sighed deeply and downed the rest of his drink in one gulp. As he refilled his empty glass, he said something incredibly absurd.

“Song Gyujin, just admit it. I’m tired of seeing you so desperate to come out of the closet. Even acting crazy gets old after a while, you know?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

Coming out? That was something that couldn’t exist in my life, as unthinkable as marrying a woman.

“From what I see, you’re practically itching to come out. Would someone who absolutely refuses to reveal their sexual orientation to the world frequent gay bars like this?”

“That’s why I only went to places that guaranteed customer anonymity. Why do you think I only came to Jerome like it was my second home?”

“You know that’s all just a facade, right? You know there are plenty of crazies in this scene.”

His sharp remark made me shut my mouth.

“You just… want to be exposed. You want to be free, even if it means getting shit on for a while.”

Unlike me, Yeojun came out to his family as soon as he became an adult. What was the result? He was immediately cut off and forced to become independent at twenty.

Despite countless hardships, Yeojun said he didn’t regret his decision. Honestly, I envied him for living openly without hiding.

“If it was just me who would suffer the consequences, I would have done it a long time ago. But what about my mother, my sister?”

“Oh, conveniently leaving out your father, I see.”

“My father… ha…”

If a stranger heard me, they’d think I was being overly cautious, as if I were the president’s son or something. Even though the position of Chief of the National Police Agency was high-ranking, most ordinary citizens who weren’t particularly interested in politics wouldn’t even know his name.

However, my father’s case was a bit different. His popularity had soared after the media covered his success in eradicating a large organized crime syndicate during his time as a violent crimes detective. With a slight exaggeration, my father was probably the most well-known police officer in the country. He was also often portrayed as some kind of righteous crusader, frequently appearing in public campaigns. His objectively good looks probably contributed to his popularity as well.

“I don’t know. I don’t even know how long things will last with Si Yeonho.”

“The owner might be upset to hear that, after he took over Jerome and even set up a private room for you.”

“I don’t care if he’s upset or not.”

I had come here to drink comfortably, but tonight, even swallowing felt uncomfortable. Unresolved and accumulating problems kept flashing before my eyes.

“By the way, what did you say the owner’s main job was? Some kind of agency?”

I pulled out a business card from my wallet and handed it to Yeojun. Si Yeonho had given it to me a few days ago. I was bothered by the vagueness of his work, so I had asked him again, and he had tossed me a whole stack of crisp new cards.

“KNT Entertainment, Executive Director? Holy shit, that’s huge.”

Yeojun, who had been drinking with an indifferent expression, suddenly became animated.

“I was going to ask you about this when I saw you. This is a pretty famous place, right?”

“Not just ‘pretty famous.’ Do you know Ma Yoobin? Including her, one out of five hot celebrities these days is signed to this agency.”

Yeojun rattled off a list of names that sounded vaguely familiar. Unlike me, who deliberately avoided paying attention to society, Yeojun was knowledgeable about all sorts of issues and trends. It was an occupational hazard for a designer.

“Do you know what an executive director at an entertainment agency actually does? I asked him, but he just vaguely said he does whatever his superiors tell him to do.”

“It’s obvious. That’s how the entertainment industry works.”

Even though we were the only two in the large room, Yeojun needlessly shielded his mouth with the back of his hand and whispered.