Kill Your X Chapter 49

“Yeonho.”

He looked at me.

“Seunghan.”

His gaze remained fixed on me. I couldn’t even bring myself to scoff anymore.

“So why did you lie to me about your identity? Did you have some kind of inferiority complex towards the real Si Yeonho?”

“I told you back then. Names don’t mean anything to me. I wouldn’t have cared what Sunbae called me initially. It’s also a hassle to explain everything to someone who doesn’t remember the past properly.”

I suddenly remembered the scene where the gangster-like, no, the actual gangster CEO of KNT Entertainment called him “dog.” Looking back, Seo Seunghan remained unfazed by that insulting nickname. Back then, I thought it was simply due to his easygoing nature.

“What was more important than a name was making Sunbae fall in love with me as quickly as possible. I was confident I could do that before that person, Si Yeonho, came back.”

“Does that make any sense? It was bound to be exposed eventually. And what if I truly fell in love with you? Did you expect our relationship to last forever with a fake identity?”

“Sunbae, there’s no such thing as an eternal relationship in this world. I just…”

He sounded like someone who would be content with briefly capturing my love and then flying away somewhere. I was disgusted by how he hesitated to tell the truth, even now.

“Ha… Fine. Don’t tell me if you don’t want to. I’m tired too. What’s the point of the past anyway, when we’re never going to see each other again?”

“Would you like to say that again?”

His expression hardened as soon as I finished speaking. Seo Seunghan stood up and approached me. Trying to avoid him, I ended up lying back down on the bed. A dark shadow loomed over me. I tried my best to hide my fear and spoke clearly,

“It’s over. I should have ended it sooner. I’m sorry for being clingy.”

“No.”

Seo Seunghan stared at me without blinking. His gaze, resembling an abyss, was unsettling, so I looked away first.

“Sunbae won’t be able to leave me from now on. You shouldn’t have clung to me like that if you wanted to leave.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I was drugged back then.”

“Not to the extent of making up things you didn’t mean. Doesn’t Sunbae know that better than anyone?”

At some point, it felt like our conversation was hitting a wall and bouncing back. It was a familiar pattern.

“You won’t tell me about the past anyway. I don’t know what I did wrong to deserve this torment, but please, let’s stop here. I’m begging you.”

He easily stopped me as I tried to pull out the IV needle in a fit of anger. His hand, pushing my upper body down to make me lie back, was rather forceful.

“Sunbae did nothing wrong. However…”

A large hand covered my eyes. Just that, and my mind became hazy, as if hypnotized.

“Even if I tell you now, Sunbae won’t believe me. You’re not ready to accept the truth.”

“So why are you making that decision for me?”

“Just tell me one thing for sure. Sunbae wants to keep living, right?”

I grumbled, resisting the sudden wave of sleep. I tried to push his hand away but ended up with both my hands caught.

“Do you think I’m doing this because I want to die?”

“How long do you want to live?”

“I want to live long enough to see all the shitty things in this world, why?”

Was I mistaken in thinking his eyes looked sad?

“Just wait a little while, and I’ll grant that wish.”

Then, Seo Seunghan started to get ready to leave. He skillfully changed his blood-soaked bandages and put on a bulletproof vest before his shirt. The end result was his usual suit attire, but knowing his condition, it felt like he was going out to die.

“Seo Seunghan, where are you going?”

“It would be best to take some time off from the library for a while. Things aren’t looking good outside. I’ll try to prevent it, but I can’t rule out the possibility that Sunbae might become a target.”

I wanted to ask for a more detailed explanation, but I was already half asleep. Seo Seunghan watched me blink slowly from afar for quite some time.

“Rest. Sunbae still loves me, right?”

I lost consciousness the moment I heard the front door close. I dreamed of him strangling me in the car and looking distressed. A few hours later, I woke up and was startled to see the distinct handprints on my neck.

Only then did I realize that the memory wasn’t a dream.

‘Maybe the punishment I received… was something else entirely.’

Not even Seo Seunghan’s last murmured words.

✽✽✽

Seo Seunghan advised me to take some time off work, but it was difficult for me to follow his advice. It was absurd to tell my workplace the real reason for taking leave, and I couldn’t keep using my health as an excuse. As my physical condition recovered somewhat, I decided to go back to work.

Then, another problem arose. I had recently decided to move and listed my house with a real estate agent. Despite the agent saying it might take some time because it was the off-season, a new tenant was found immediately.

Because of the recent events, I hadn’t had time to look for a new place, and I was on the verge of being homeless. I absolutely refused to rely on my family, and it would be an imposition to ask my friend Yeojun, who was living with his boyfriend, for help. As I was urgently looking for short-term accommodation, Seo Seunghan, who somehow knew my situation, made an offer.

‘Just stay at my place. There are plenty of spare rooms, so use them as you please.’

It wasn’t exactly like sleeping with the enemy, but with our relationship in such an ambiguous state, living together didn’t seem like a good choice. I wanted to make a clean break this time, but Seo Seunghan persuaded me again.

‘It’s for Sunbae’s safety. If you’re concerned about my presence, you don’t have to worry. I won’t be able to come home for a while anyway.’

‘It’s unsettling. Why do you keep talking about safety?’

‘I’m thinking of leaving the organization.’

Seo Seunghan delivered the unexpected news.

‘Suddenly?’

‘Because Sunbae doesn’t like it. I wasn’t staying there because I liked it anyway. But an organization isn’t a group you can just leave whenever you want.’

A scene from a noir movie I had seen flashed through my mind. Did he have to cut off a few fingers as payment for leaving the Kumto gang? Seeing my pale face, Seo Seunghan didn’t bother to elaborate.

‘That room over there will be comfortable. It has its own bathroom.’

I was in a situation where I couldn’t go anywhere, so I ended up in a strange cohabitation with him.

There was some understatement in Seo Seunghan’s words. His house wasn’t just a place with “plenty of spare rooms.” Except for the bedroom and dressing room, it was practically empty.

I planned to leave as soon as I found a new place, so I intentionally tried not to unpack my things, but there were so few belongings in his house that I ended up taking out and using my things one by one.

Sadly, my reliance on Seo Seunghan didn’t end with housing. Since I had left my only car at that damned villa, I had no choice but to commute in the car he lent me.

‘He’s rich, he must have more than one car, so why did he give me this one?’

It was the very car where I had rolled around with him a few days ago, drugged and hazy. It was shameless of me to complain about the car when he was lending it to me, but I couldn’t help but feel embarrassed. The interior of the car was spotless, as if nothing had happened, but since I vaguely remembered how Seo Seunghan had sucked and kissed me that night, it didn’t help me calm down.

Who could I blame? It was my karma for failing to properly end a toxic relationship. I was a fool for assuming he had some unavoidable circumstances after he tried to strangle me twice.

The route to work from Seo Seunghan’s house was unfamiliar. Feeling somewhat lonely, I turned on the radio, and a topic that caught my attention came through the speakers.

[We reported earlier about the severely mutilated body found on Mount Woojeong in Gwangju, Gyeonggi Province, on the 8th. The autopsy revealed that the deceased is Mr. Kim, a rookie actor belonging to KNT Entertainment. The whereabouts of the perpetrator are also unknown, and the discovery of a large amount of drugs in Mr. Kim’s blood has sparked controversy. Meanwhile, the web drama in which Mr. Kim appeared as a supporting actor is about to air. The production company stated…]

Chills ran down my spine. A rookie actor with the surname Kim belonging to KNT Entertainment. If my guess was correct, he was the man I met for the first time at the Jerome private party and spent a night with. I remembered him bragging about his upcoming web drama after we had sex.

He was also one of the victims trapped in a cage with me at the villa a few days ago. He seemed particularly affected by the drugs at the time, but to think he was found dead on a mountain…

What happened at the villa after I left?

[KNT Entertainment expressed deep sorrow at the news of the deceased but drew a line, stating they had no knowledge of the drug issue as his agency.]

As soon as I arrived at the library, I searched for all the articles related to him.