Love Born of Pity Chapter 127

Do Yeonjae could not bring himself to leave the bed until nearly noon. It was because Kwon Jiho had not yet woken up. He gazed at his defenseless face, deeply asleep, fully indulging his secret desires.

The more he looked, the more baby-like he seemed. Even when he stroked his cheeks or gently touched his warm earlobes, he was so deep in sleep he wouldn’t wake up. It was so cute how he burrowed into his embrace as if bothered that he couldn’t help but keep teasing him.

While toying with his shortened hair, Do Yeonjae thought about the fetal nicknames he had decided to come up with after waking up. Lemon and Tutto. It meant “everything” in Italian. He had kept it in mind because he heard it was good to call them by names with hard or aspirated sounds. It was worth the trouble of burying himself in the hospital to think about it.

However, since the nickname had to be to Kwon Jiho’s liking, he had also memorized common examples. Fetal nicknames like Yeolmu (young radish), Teuntuni (sturdy one), Ttakpuli (glue stick), Ssukssugi (growing fast), and Sarangi (love) were also said to be popular. At first, he wondered if such words were actually used as nicknames, but they all had meanings.

He would tell him when he asked. He stroked his back with a sense of pride. Then, he worried that his belly might be compressed because Kwon Jiho was lying in a position close to being prone. Do Yeonjae removed the arm he had tucked under his neck and laid Kwon Jiho flat on his back. A belly that had bulged out under his thin cotton t-shirt revealed its shape.

He would find out the gender at the regular check-up scheduled for this week. Do Yeonjae desperately wished for a son once again. If it were a daughter… worry had already piled up high. He should ask Kwon Jiho as well. Come to think of it, Kwon Jiho never talked to him about pregnancy or baby-related things. He had never brought up the idea of preparing baby supplies, either.

He didn’t even cast a glance at the baby supply stores they passed on the way back from the hospital. Even while unconsciously stroking his belly and sending affectionate touches, why was he so extremely careful about such actions in front of him?

Was he thinking of leaving? The way he kept delaying the answer to getting married, too… The thought that he had once said, “Is it okay for me to leave after the baby is born?” suddenly flashed across his mind.

“Mr. Kwon Jiho, Kwon Jiho. Jiho. Wake up.”

The anxiety that spread in an instant swallowed Do Yeonjae’s reason. He shook his slender shoulders to wake him up. He forced his closed eyes open and urged him to rise stubbornly.

“…Director”

“The baby, have you thought of a fetal nickname for the baby?”

“Yes…? Suddenly the baby… fetal nickname, not yet.”

Kwon Jiho, who hadn’t fully woken up from his sleep, reacted in a daze while rubbing his eyes.

He was clearly having a good dream. He was dipping his feet into a very clean lake where the bottom was clearly visible, and a small boat made of leaves floated toward him. When he reached out his hand to pick up the boat, it was filled with colorful jewels. Just as he was about to look at it closely, he couldn’t see it because Do Yeonjae had woken him up.

“The nickname, we were supposed to decide on a fetal nickname for the baby.”

“Ah…”

Kwon Jiho, who had opened his half-closed eyes, grabbed Do Yeonjae’s hand as he adjusted to his gradually sharpening vision. His hand was trembling slightly.

“Director”

“What gender would you like the baby to be? I like boys. Boys can just be played with physically, right? I wouldn’t worry even if I left him at my parents’ house. I don’t think I could even lay a girl on the bed. It’s nerve-wracking. The, the nickname. Have you thought about a nickname? Did you think about it while you were sleeping? Should we move up our hospital appointment date a little?”

The incoherent words did not sound like him at all. His eyes, which had met his calmly, were filled with anxiety. Had he had a strange dream? Kwon Jiho did not answer and carefully pulled Do Yeonjae closer. With the gradually spreading tremor, his own body was now shaking too.

“I was having a really good dream just now.”

“…”

“I was dipping my feet into a really blue and clean lake, and a boat made of leaves was floating toward me.”

Kwon Jiho continued speaking while slowly stroking his broad back.

“It came right up to me, so I picked up the boat and looked inside to see what was in it.”

“…What was inside?”

“It was full of sparkling jewels. But I couldn’t see it in detail. Because… because I woke up from my sleep.”

Instead of blaming him, he spoke in a voice that seemed to hold regret. Even in any given moment, Kwon Jiho did not let resentment take precedence. His kind nature showed even in such places.

“I’m sorry.”

Do Yeonjae hugged Kwon Jiho back. He buried his face in his thin shoulders and took a long breath. He escaped the anxiety he had been locked in to some extent. For a brief moment, he debated whether to confess his worries to Kwon Jiho. He didn’t want to needlessly stir up trouble. But at the same time, he also wanted to know his feelings for certain.

“…Why do you try not to talk about the baby with me? Are you… preparing to break up? Do you hate becoming a family that much?”

“Yes? Me? It’s not… it’s not like that. Why would I…”

“…”

“It’s really not. That’s not it, but…”

It was a question like a bolt from the blue. His sleepiness vanished entirely. Besides, it didn’t seem like the kind of conversation to have suddenly after waking up from sleep, but Kwon Jiho swallowed hard, thinking about when else he might be able to have such a talk. Watching Do Yeonjae’s reaction carefully, he opened his mouth cautiously.

“So… the reason I avoided that subject was.”

Do Yeonjae closed his mouth, feeling as if he were choking on the tension. He focused all his attention on the answer that would come from Kwon Jiho.

“Mr. Director only told me to have the baby… but you didn’t want it, did you? I thought you would dislike it if I talked about the baby.”

“…”

“You don’t even like children, and it seemed like you accepted it reluctantly because of me. Paternal love is also an emotion, and it would be even stranger if it just appeared suddenly. Also… just because the relationship between you and me recovered doesn’t mean you would suddenly like an unwanted baby.”

As his calm voice, mixed with a hint of crying, continued, Do Yeonjae had to feel a miserable sensation. It was Kwon Jiho, rather than himself, who hadn’t wanted the pregnancy. Even knowing that he had tried to pin him down with the excuse of carrying his child, Kwon Jiho loved the baby.

“Still, after the baby is born, if you see the baby, you might like him… even if not now, if we get close slowly.”

Tears welled up in the eyes of Kwon Jiho, who was speaking his thoughts in a trembling voice.

“My morning sickness is so severe… and it feels like I’m being a nuisance, so I try not to be as much as possible… I was worried about what you might do if you resented or hated the baby because of that.”

“Jiho.”

“That’s why I didn’t talk about the baby, I didn’t think… that I would take the baby and leave, or raise it alone. I want to raise the baby too. I want the baby to receive love from his grandfather and the Mister here equally, and of course, sob, of course, I want him to be a baby who is loved by you, Mr. Director.”

Do Yeonjae had never dreamed that Kwon Jiho was still worrying and festering like that.

He had expected that the reason for avoiding conversations about the baby was because of resentment, wondering if someone like him was trying to act like a father now, or because he was thinking of leaving suddenly while leaving only the baby behind; he couldn’t even imagine the answer that he did so because he thought he didn’t want the baby.

“No, it’s not like that.”

“…”

“I never thought that. It’s true. I imagine it every day. Who does he resemble, how… pretty will he be.”

“Then now… can I talk to you about the baby, about the baby, Director”

Tears that had crossed his white cheeks gathered on his chin for a moment before falling off drop by drop. Do Yeonjae nodded at the question asked with hesitation. It felt as if his own trembling had now been transferred to Kwon Jiho. As he held and comforted his sobbing, shivering body, Kwon Jiho’s crying intensified.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I hurt you, and I hurt you again because I can’t even remember.”

“The dream I had… hic, just a while ago… I think it’s a prenatal dream.”

“A prenatal dream?”

Kwon Jiho, who had been sniffling with his face buried in his shoulder, raised his head while rubbing his eyes.

“I think so.”

“You mean the dream about the jewels is a prenatal dream?”

“They say there are big fruits or jewels, and animals too. I don’t know since it’s my first time having one, but… I feel like it’s a good dream. Could it be related to the baby…?”

Sorrowful breaths were mixed in here and there. To him, who asked with a lingering tone, Do Yeonjae replied that he thought he was right. He soothed Kwon Jiho’s crying a bit more, then took him into the bathroom to wash his flushed face. The areas around his eyes were plumply swollen. They should go down. It didn’t matter much if he got an earful from his family, but he didn’t want to show it to Kwon Heeyeon.

He only wanted to show her how happily Kwon Jiho was living and how preciously all of his family members were treating him.

“Are my eyes too… like a goldfish?”

“They’re pretty. Where would you find a goldfish as pretty as this?”

Do Yeonjae, who kissed his swollen eyes, brought him out to the sofa, asked what he wanted to eat, and took care of him out of habit. When he answered that he would have shaved ice, he laughed, saying he had known that would happen, and moved.

“Shall we go out to get some fresh air?”

“…No. I just want to stay at home today.”

Kwon Jiho, who scooped a little bit of the shaved ice and put it in his mouth, shook his head. Every now and then, he glanced at Do Yeonjae as if he had something left to say.

“Why are you like that?”

“…That… the fetal nickname from earlier. What did you think of?”

At the hesitant question, Do Yeonjae let out an exclamation, “Ah.”

“Lemon and Tutto. Tutto is Italian, and it means ‘everything.’ I heard it’s good to use hard sounds for a baby’s fetal nickname. Besides that, there are a few nicknames that people use a lot these days. Yeolmu, Ttakpul, things like that.”

“Ttakpul…?”

Do Yeonjae answered immediately to the voice muttering while chewing on his lips.

“They said Yeolmu means to grow up sturdily for ten months, and Ttakpul means to stick tightly for ten months.”

“They all have meanings.”

“Is there one you’ve thought of?”

When he broke off a piece of biscuit that had no taste and handed it to him, Kwon Jiho took it naturally and put it in his mouth. A nutty flavor spread in his cold mouth.

“I just… thought of something normal.”

“What kind of normal thing?”

“If you promise not to laugh…”

“I’ll absolutely not laugh.”

Do Yeonjae tightened his expression. At his gesture with his chin to go ahead and tell him, Kwon Jiho parted his lips.

“…Dodo. Is it strange? It’s cute if you use the Director’s surname twice. But… it is similar to Tutto.”

At his insecure tone, Do Yeonjae clenched both his fists and shouted loudly that it wasn’t at all.

“It’s not similar at all? It’s incredibly cute? I think you named it well? Then Jiho, you were thinking of me the whole time you were naming the baby? That you wanted to name it something related to me since I have to call him by it constantly?”

He asked without hiding his excitement. The end of his sentences kept rising. Kwon Jiho sighed deeply as if he had no choice, looking at him who was already beaming. He couldn’t deny it. Just as he said, he had spent the whole time thinking only of Do Yeonjae.

“…That’s right. I did a lot, continuously.”