Love Born of Pity Chapter 46

Left alone in the cafe, Kwon Jiho trembled, unable to bear the stares directed at him. The focused attention lingered on him for a long time. With a pale, stricken face, he gathered the drinks onto a tray, tidied up, and fled the cafe. He should go back to the academy, but for the first time, he didn’t want to.

But he had nowhere else to go. Kwon Jiho rushed into his counseling room and huddled under his desk as if hiding. Trying to steady his uneven breathing, he struggled to accept the situation as it was. Do Yeonjae had taken Kang Gyumin away. It was a simple situation.

But why did he feel… so hurt? He shouldn’t feel this way. Do Yeonjae would dislike it. The deeper his feelings for Do Yeonjae grew, the more easily he felt aggrieved by trivial things.

He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his damp eyelids, wiping away the moisture. He knew he shouldn’t rub so hard, as it would make his eyes swell and stay puffy until evening, but he couldn’t help it. Kwon Jiho gasped, struggling to control his emotions.

I shouldn’t like him, no, it’s okay to like him, but I shouldn’t feel hurt. He said liking him for being nice wasn’t the same as being in love. He said being fond of him wasn’t the same as being in love. I’m like a pet he’s raising. Pets naturally love their owners. It can’t be helped that I like Mr. Do.

I knew it wasn’t the same feeling. He said he would continue to be fond of me, so what’s the problem?

“Sob, hic…”

Huddled under the desk, he wondered if Do Yeonjae would come. Would he come back to him today, like the day his uncle visited?

But no matter how long he waited, neither the academy entrance nor the counseling room door opened. The sharp pain in his chest finally subsided. Kwon Jiho bent over the sink and washed his face with cold water for a long time. The neckline of his knitwear was soaked.

Looking at his bloodshot eyes, Kwon Jiho tried to think of an explanation for why he had been with Kang Gyumin. Should he tell the truth? Do Yeonjae might already know. He knew everything, so he might already know what he and Kang Gyumin talked about and be waiting.

He only hoped Do Yeonjae wouldn’t be angry after hearing his story. As he wiped the water droplets from his chin and turned around, he came face to face with a familiar figure lingering outside the door.

“……Oh.”

The man, who had been on the border between transparent and opaque in Kwon Jiho’s blurry vision, bowed his head and smiled awkwardly. Eunsol’s guardian. Lim Seonghun awkwardly waved the hand holding a coffee and pushed the door open.

“Hello!”

“Ah, hello.”

“Um, I had some business in the area, so I stopped by on my way. It’s so hot, I thought you might want something cold while you prepare… but you seemed busy.”

How long had he been there? Did he… see everything? As Kwon Jiho froze with an awkward expression, postponing his reply, Lim Seonghun moved quickly. He didn’t think Kwon Jiho would invite him to sit, so he intended to just leave the coffee and go.

“Drink it before the ice melts. While it’s still cold.”

“……Thank you.”

“Is everything… alright? I didn’t mean to see anything, I really didn’t mean to see anything! Really…”

Lim Seonghun couldn’t help but speak, having witnessed everything from the moment Kwon Jiho rushed into the counseling room after leaving the cafe, to him emerging with a flushed face and washing his face for a long time.

“……Yes. Everything’s alright.”

“Oh, that’s good… Then I’m glad.”

“Thank you for your concern. And for the drink.”

“It’s nothing. You take good care of Eunsol. She’s also very fond of you… Yes, that’s why, I really don’t have any other intentions. Really. My younger brother is six years younger than me, and Mr. Jiho is six years younger than him. We’re twelve years apart, born in the same zodiac year.”

Kwon Jiho didn’t understand what he meant. As he looked up at Lim Seonghun with a blank expression, he scratched the back of his head and added,

“I meant that I’m concerned about you because you seem like a younger brother. My brother is also struggling alone in a different city. Sometimes when we talk, he seems lonely. He doesn’t have any friends, and it’s hard to get close to people he meets through work.”

“Ah… Yes. Thank you.”

At his words, Kwon Jiho realized that he, too, had no close friends. He had lost contact with all his high school and college friends. They started avoiding his calls asking to borrow money for hospital bills, and even the friends who had endured it eventually drifted away.

“That’s… true.”

As Kwon Jiho’s expression turned melancholic at the sudden realization, Lim Seonghun, looking even more distressed, waved his hands.

“I don’t have any friends either. Not many acquaintances either! I know I’m being nosy, but there’s a cathedral past the intersection. Ah, I’m not telling you to go, I’m just saying it in case it helps, so don’t feel pressured. If you want to make friends, there are many people your age there.”

“Ah…”

“Um… if you’re baptized, you can request confession before mass. Confession. You know? The one that appears a lot in movies. The scene where someone confesses their sins in a small room, anyway. During that time, you confess your sins or things that have been bothering you to the priest. Things you can’t tell others, or secrets. Your sins are forgiven.”

Rambling as if he was going crazy, not knowing what he was saying, Lim Seonghun made the sign of the cross, feigning a solemn voice. He showed Kwon Jiho his rosary ring.

“I don’t know what your religion is, Mr. Jiho, but…”

“……I’m not Christian, but I’ve been there before. A long time ago.”

“Wow, really? We almost met there by chance! Um… non-believers who aren’t baptized can’t make confessions… but just sitting in the chapel and confiding your worries through prayer can ease your troubled mind.”

Kwon Jiho raised his gaze at Lim Seonghun, who was gently stroking the chair tucked under the table.

“The nuns and priests are all kind. When your heart is heavy, just listening to their kind words can be comforting.”

“……Thank you for telling me.”

“I, well, I should get going.”

Lim Seonghun left the academy after telling Kwon Jiho to cheer up. Left alone, Kwon Jiho stared blankly at the drink with melted ice, then moved as if possessed. He carefully locked the doors and activated the security system, as he had done before, and slowly left the building.

The cathedral Lim Seonghun mentioned was a place Kwon Jiho had visited once or twice. He used to go there to pray for Kwon Heeyeon to wake up after transferring her to a different hospital.

The cathedral, a block away, had a solemn atmosphere. Perhaps because it was mass time, the chapel was quite full despite being a weekday. Kwon Jiho tried to find a seat in the back but quietly slipped out again. He felt like he had come too rashly without any faith.

He lingered for a moment and discovered a walkway behind the cathedral. Thinking he would take a walk to clear his head, he started walking.

He walked more slowly than usual. The shaded path, lined with tall trees, felt cool, as if the heat had bypassed it. As he sat and rested on one of the scattered benches, his complicated and noisy thoughts settled down a little.

He was thinking that he had made the right decision to come when a priest, who had been walking the same path without making a sound, stopped abruptly in front of him.

“Brother, are you not attending mass?”

“……Ah, I haven’t been baptized.”

“It’s alright even if you haven’t been baptized.”

“I know, but… I think it’s better to just go today. Prayers on a day like this… I don’t think they’ll be answered.”

The elderly priest smiled gently at his quiet murmur. Instead of passing by, he sat down next to Kwon Jiho.

“I can’t hear a confession from someone who isn’t a believer, but I think I can listen to your worries. Would you like to share them? Even if your confession cannot be absolved, sins or worries tend to lessen the moment you voice them.”

“…….”

“If you ever get baptized, come for confession.”

Unable to answer the kind words and gentle smile, Kwon Jiho met the priest’s gaze for a moment before dropping his head.

“……I have a lot to say, but now that I’m trying to say it, I can’t.”

His low voice trembled. The priest waited patiently for him to speak.

“……I can’t. Thank you for your time.”

“It’s alright. Come back anytime.”

“……I will try.”

He realized that it took tremendous courage even to confess one’s wrongdoings. Kwon Jiho, his face contorted as if about to cry, stood up and bowed to the priest.

Returning to the academy as if fleeing, Kwon Jiho once again huddled under his counseling room desk. He stayed there for a long time, finding a sliver of stability in the cramped space.