Strategic Mating Partner Chapter 129 - Epilogue

“…….”

Just say something! Taehyun screamed inwardly. But Sejin merely kept his lips firmly shut, facing Taehyun with his characteristic expressionless face. Gauging by a subtle difference, it felt less like an angry face and more like a somewhat pitiful and dejected slump. I am the sinner here. Taehyun bit his lip once, hard, and then spoke.

“It’s because of that person I was talking to earlier… you’re bothered by it, aren’t you?”

When he asked directly without beating around the bush, Sejin flinched, his hand that had been resting on the armrest twitching. Then he immediately whipped his head away, avoiding Taehyun’s gaze.

“It’s not like that.”

Yes, it is. As if he had started to become conscious of it again because of Taehyun’s words, the back of his neck, flushed with heat, was blotchy red. He was incredibly bothered by it. Of course, it was a situation worth being bothered about. If it had been him, he would have also been uneasy, wondering what kind of relationship they had to make him so flustered and create such a strange atmosphere. Even if he did not think for a second that Sejin would betray him now. Taehyun felt both sorry for Sejin, who was trying so hard not to show it but could not completely erase the traces of his emotions, and, though a rather trashy sentiment, found him so cute it made his heart tickle.

“What do you mean, it’s not like that.”

Taehyun said, smoothly placing his hand over Sejin’s, which was resting on the armrest.

“I’m saying this again just in case you misunderstand. I really didn’t invite him.”

“…….”

“He said he tagged along with a mutual acquaintance we both know. If I had known he was coming, I would have never allowed it.”

That was not the problem for Sejin. It was just… the very act of seeing his existence with his own eyes was utterly unsettling. If that person’s feelings were a one-sided love, he himself was not sure what made him any different. What if the only difference was that he had been more persistent, and that person had lacked the courage? What if, some six years ago, that person had been more courageous and had not let Taehyun go? It was painful to keep thinking about such possibilities. This was not an issue he could blame Taehyun for. It was just him being anxious on his own because he loved him more. Taehyun looked at Sejin like that and then opened his mouth again.

“I know you’re disappointed in me…. But can’t you give me a chance to explain myself, just once?”

As he said this, he tilted his head slightly towards Sejin, looking up at him from below, and there was no way Sejin could refuse that request. Instead of answering with words, Sejin slowly nodded his head. Whew, having gained a small bit of relief, Taehyun took a deep breath internally and spoke.

“First of all… I don’t know what you were thinking, but…. it’s true that he and I dated for a short while. He confessed first, and I didn’t have anyone I was seeing at the time and thought there was nothing wrong with having a girlfriend, so I agreed to date him.”

So they did date. At those words, Sejin felt his heart drop with a thud. He had expected it…. and that kind of atmosphere would not have formed if they had not dated. But when the part he had secretly hoped was not true was confirmed, his stomach began to churn. Taehyun’s heart ached seeing Sejin, whose complexion seemed to be growing paler and paler, but he thought it would be better to pull this out by the roots entirely, as this was all a problem caused by his own past. Even if it became a little painful for both Sejin and himself.

“As you know…. my personality is just like that. I can’t coldly ignore people who say they like me, I like to meddle in others’ business, and I like going out to drinking parties and gatherings to socialize. I think it was an extension of that. Someone likes me? I like them too, sure, let’s date. That kind of….”

At the words that followed, Sejin felt his heart clench again. Then what about him? Hadn’t he also fallen for him first on his own, clinging to him and following him around, saying he liked him? Just as Sejin bit his lip against the welling anxiety, Taehyun tickled the back of Sejin’s hand and added.

“But that didn’t work out the way I planned. From the start, the weight of our feelings for each other was different, so I thought, we just have to date, what’s the big deal. But that didn’t work. I tried my best to be a good boyfriend in my own way, but since I didn’t actually like him that much, it was bound to show. So we clashed throughout our relationship.”

“…….”

“Then at some point, this thought just hit me. What am I doing right now? It wasn’t just because I was tired and exhausted of being his emotional punching bag because he got angry and complained every time we met, but because he was so sincere to the point of grumbling at me like that, and I didn’t even have those kinds of feelings…. I started to feel sorry.”

Sejin still had his head bowed low, his gaze averted. Taehyun continued to move his lips without stopping.

“…Since I didn’t love him, of course there were bound to be limits. I guess it all showed. So I got dumped spectacularly.”

“…….”

“When we met today, he told me this. He said he suggested breaking up, hoping I would hold onto him. And I was like, ‘It’s finally over!,’ as if I had been waiting for it.”

At the time, Taehyun had been in his early twenties, not much different from Sejin’s current age. At the same age that Sejin was coming at him with all his sincerity, he had been acting like a child, not even an elementary schooler, conveniently accepting another’s genuine feelings as he pleased, and letting them go just as conveniently. Talking about this in front of the person he had confessed he would spend the rest of his life with made Taehyun’s face flush with embarrassment and shame. It felt like confessing every single one of his ugly, younger self’s flaws.

“Part of it was because I was young and immature back then, but…. I just thought I was the kind of person who would live like that my whole life. I didn’t have the confidence to properly love someone, and even if someone loved me, I didn’t have the courage to accept it.”

However, he could not just keep apologizing indecisively like this. If Sejin felt anxious because of his past, then sincerely reassuring him that he did not need to was also his responsibility to bear.

“But you know what? That me, after meeting you, I started doing things I never used to do. During the most important period of my life, I was just clinging to my phone, wondering if I’d get a message from you or not. I saved every single photo you sent me and looked at them whenever I had a spare moment. When I’m away from you, I keep wanting to see you, and when I see you, I want to touch you. It’s just… even without doing anything perverted, if I’m in the same space as you, I just want to stick to you for all to see.”

At Taehyun’s words, the back of Sejin’s hand twitched once more. Taehyun tightened his grip on Sejin’s hand, which had grown cold, and looked at him. Beneath his deeply bowed head, his lost gaze was wandering.

“I thought I’d be a person who never knew how to properly like someone for my whole life. It felt burdensome, I felt sorry, and I had no confidence that I could return the feelings with the same heart. I was worried about my father’s situation, and in many ways….”

“…….”

“But it turned out that wasn’t the case.”

At Taehyun’s words, Sejin lowered his head again. The back of his neck, which had been pale for a moment, was now flushed like a ripe tomato. At such an instantaneous reaction, Taehyun had to desperately suppress the chuckle that almost escaped him.

“It was the first time I’d ever felt this way about anyone, so I was pretty surprised myself. I thought I was originally the type of person who couldn’t do such cheesy things. But it seems like whenever I’m with you, I become a childish person. I keep wanting to poke you and play tricks on you…. I want you to only look at me. And because I’m with you, I finally found courage. I thought that no matter what people say or how they point fingers at me, as long as you say you like me, everything would be okay.”

“……”

Sejin’s shoulders were trembling. Taehyun used his free arm to wrap around Sejin’s broad shoulders, and then, having finally regained his smile, he spoke.

“If I knew it would be like this, I would have rejected them all. I should have made you my first. You once said it was okay for me to date other people…. Do you hate me now because I’ve dated many people?”

At Taehyun’s playful question, Sejin immediately lifted his head and looked Taehyun in the eye. His face was beet red and he did not know what to do with himself, and Taehyun found it so funny and cute and lovely that his heart tickled like it would explode.

“There’s no way! It’s just, I….”

“You what.”

Let’s hear just what you were so sulky about. Taehyun asked, holding back the urge to chuckle, and after a moment of hesitation, Sejin opened his mouth.

“It’s just… I wanted to get angry and tell him to stay away from you…. but if I did that, you would hate it, so the fact that I couldn’t… it was frustrating and made me angry.”

“Why?”

“If I can’t do anything anyway, it’s right to just pretend I didn’t see it, but you originally liked women, so if you want to hold me, I can do that as much as you want, but…. it’s impossible for me to become a woman, you know….”

And then he averted his gaze again dejectedly, and Taehyun was dumbfounded, thinking about all the strange worries and concerns he had.