Spark Chapter 5.1 - Red Sea

“It’s been a while.”

Go Baekwoo’s father greeted him as soon as he arrived home after work. His tone was bland, but there was something unsettling about it.

Spring had arrived. Go Baekwoo nodded as he took off his thinner-than-before coat.

“How have you been?”

“That’s not something you say to someone you live with.”

The uneasy feeling was right. His father was scolding him for frequently staying out overnight. Go Baekwoo hesitated, but soon replied in an indifferent tone.

“I did the same when I lived with Mom.”

“You live with me now.”

“I’m just saying that this is how I’ve always been.”

He usually tried to be compliant with his father, but he was too old to be scolded for staying out, and to frequently spend nights with Cha Hongjo, he had no choice but to rebel like this.

Having talked back, Go Baekwoo stared at his father, waiting for the reprimand that would fall upon him.

“I was the same at your age.”

However, Chairman Go unexpectedly laughed heartily and just patted his son’s back.

“So, is he pretty?”

Then, he threw out a question out of context.

Ah, his father was misunderstanding, thinking his son was busy with dating. Well, it wasn’t exactly a misunderstanding….

Go Baekwoo simply nodded without adding anything. Rather than ‘pretty,’ Cha Hongjo was handsome; his appearance was second to none. So, shaking his head would have been the wrong answer. Anyway, his father seemed to interpret it in his own way and laughed even more heartily.

“I thought so. Whose son is he? Of course, he’s pretty.”

“…….”

“Heejin was pretty too.”

Chairman Go murmured, his gaze momentarily flickering in the air as if reminiscing about the past.

“Now she’s aged and weathered from hardship. But back then, she was the prettiest in the neighborhood, in Seoul.”

“……Yes.”

He had seen pictures of his mother when she was young, but even if he hadn’t, Go Baekwoo could easily imagine his mother’s younger days. That was because his appearance resembled his mother’s more than his father’s. He seemed to have inherited their personalities equally.

“What does he do?”

Chairman Go was truly curious about his son’s partner. These days, young people meet and break up quickly, but staying out almost every other day meant he was deeply infatuated. He figured if he knew what kind of person had captivated his son, it would be easier to understand his son. In other words, despite their intentions, the Go father and son were still awkward with each other.

“Is he a student?”

Go Dae-il wanted to fill the time he had been separated from his son, Go Baekwoo.

Go Baekwoo wasn’t entirely unaware of his father’s feelings. However, conversations about ‘dating’ were uncomfortable, especially given who his partner was.

“He works.”

“What kind of work?”

It was difficult to answer. Should he just come clean? Tell him that his partner was a man, and that man was Cha Hongjo?

But Go Baekwoo cleared his throat once and calmly lied.

“Just, an accountant at a small company.”

He suddenly thought of the accountant noona who worked in the ‘office.’ Chairman Go twisted the corners of his lips, as if displeased, but soon returned to his usual expression and placed a hand on Go Baekwoo’s shoulder.

“I see.”

“…….”

“Let’s eat.”

“……Okay.”

They returned to being an ordinary father and son. This was much more comfortable for Go Baekwoo.

🔥

‘He says he’s here to pick me up?’

‘Madam has summoned you.’

Cha Hongjo didn’t get into the car Mrs. Jo had sent. The chauffeur, unable to hide his troubled expression, grabbed Cha Hongjo as he tried to get into Park Solchan’s car. It was useless. Cha Hongjo kicked the chauffeur and got into the car, closing the door. Park Solchan glanced alternately at the chauffeur and Cha Hongjo in the rearview and side mirrors before silently starting the engine.

Perhaps threatened with strangulation if he didn’t bring Cha Hongjo, the chauffeur was persistent. He stubbornly followed them all the way home. Park Solchan, for once taking initiative, tried to stop the man, saying, “You can’t do this,” but when the man shoved him, he helplessly stumbled back. Cha Hongjo was also considering spitting at him.

The chauffeur spoke.

“……I apologize if you were inconvenienced.”

“If you knew, you shouldn’t have chased me like a dog.”

“Madam said…….”

The chauffeur was displeased by Cha Hongjo’s disrespectful attitude, but he controlled his expression and voice as he reached inside his jacket.

“She told me to give you this.”

The gesture of handing over Mrs. Jo’s gift was secretive. Cha Hongjo looked down at what was in the chauffeur’s rough hand.

“…….”

White powder in a transparent bag. He knew what it was. The drug that, when inhaled, made the floor undulate, vines grow from the walls, grapes ripen, and the world fill with a pink-tinted Go Baekwoo.

“She said it’s a gift.”

“Giving it to me empty-handed?”

“……She insisted that I give this to you. Even if you don’t go to Madam, please accept this.”

It seemed he wouldn’t leave unless Cha Hongjo accepted it. Cha Hongjo looked at his wristwatch. It was around the time Go Baekwoo would be waiting at home, or perhaps the time he would visit his own house and return.

He didn’t want to cause Go Baekwoo any unnecessary worry anymore. He didn’t want to be misunderstood, and he didn’t want to create a situation where he’d have to make excuses.

“Fine, now leave.”

After some deliberation, Cha Hongjo took the palm-sized bag.

“Get lost.”

“……Then, I’ll be going.”

Only then did the chauffeur retreat. Cha Hongjo watched until Mrs. Jo’s sedan disappeared completely.

That creepy woman.

Crack, the bag in his hand crumpled.

Disgusting me.

“Mr. Solchan, you can go home too.”

Cha Hongjo turned and told Park Solchan.

“Ah, yes……. Please go inside.”

Then, without returning the greeting, he went into the house.

As soon as he was alone, a gasp and a chuckle escaped him. He covered his forehead and grinned like a madman.

Of course…… bugs are attracted to trash.

He was in no position to blame anyone. If he were to blame anyone, it should be himself for living such a dirty life. Cha Hongjo suppressed the urge to go up to the roof and jump off. Not anywhere Go Baekwoo could find him.

🔥

The doorbell rang. The only people who knew this house were Park Solchan and Go Baekwoo. The visitor couldn’t be either of them. Park Solchan had just left for the day, and Go Baekwoo had a key to the house, so he wouldn’t need to ring the doorbell. Or would he? Maybe he forgot his key.

If it wasn’t Go Baekwoo…… Mrs. Jo’s chauffeur. Or Mrs. Jo herself. Or…….

Cha Hongjo stood in front of the iron gate, holding the doorknob still, then unlocked it.

“…….”

“……Hello.”

The visitor belonged to the ‘or’ category.

“Mom.”

Had she, pretending to be his ‘mother,’ given out his home address at the company? Or had she followed him from his previous company when they ran into each other?

“Are you crazy?”

However she found out, his mother had come all the way to his home, crossing the line.

“Why are you here?”

Even blood-related families had lines they had to maintain, let alone relatives who were worse than strangers. Moreover, Cha Hongjo had drawn a line with Lee Gyeonghee, even if it was cracked.

“Leave.”

Cha Hongjo tried to close the door.

“Wait, wait a minute, Hongjo!”

Lee Gyeonghee squeezed her shoulder and hand through the gap in the door. Cha Hongjo saw the hand, missing its pinky finger, pushing its way inside.

“Fuck……”

He pushed the door open again. His mother, clutching her worn-out skirt, looked flustered and spoke.

“I wanted to see you. Just ten minutes, can I see your face for just ten minutes?”

“Ha……”

Cha Hongjo chuckled.

“Look in the mirror. We look alike.”

“……If you don’t like it here, we can talk outside. Let’s just talk for ten minutes, okay?”

“How did you find out?”

Instead of answering his mother’s question, Cha Hongjo opened the door wider and asked back.

“Who told you about this place?”

Lee Gyeonghee then wore a frightened expression and,

“I saw you… going in last time.”

She made an excuse like a child being scolded. It felt exactly like that. It was unbelievable. The woman who had strangled him, trying to kill her own son, was acting like a ‘child being scolded.’

“I’m sorry!”

“Sorry, sorry……”

Cha Hongjo mocked, repeating Lee Gyeonghee’s words.

“Don’t you think it’s funny, even to you? You weren’t sorry when you should have been, and now you’re saying sorry all the time.”

“……Hongjo.”

“What are you so sorry about?”

Cha Hongjo leaned against the wide-open door, crossing his legs. Then, he took out a cigarette.

“Let’s hear it.”

He said as he lit it.

Seeing this, Lee Gyeonghee was indignant that he was brazenly smoking in front of his mother, but she knew it wasn’t the time to get angry, so she just held onto her skirt and endured it again. Some fortune teller had said so. Patience brings blessings. But she hadn’t been patient so far, and she had been happy.

If it weren’t for the guarantor she needed to squeeze money out of…….

“I……”

Lee Gyeonghee’s lips trembled before she finally managed to speak.

“I’ve done a lot of wrong to you, I’m sorry.”

“So — what exactly did you do wrong?”

“……Things in the past.”

Things that, like the smoke Cha Hongjo exhaled, clouded and distorted her face before dissipating; the past.

“Things I shouldn’t have done as a mother when you were young……”

The violence that left wounds that wouldn’t heal despite repeated apologies. Actions that she hadn’t even considered wrong in the first place.

“Tell me exactly what those things you shouldn’t have done were, Mom.”

At those words, Lee Gyeonghee was truly plagued by the urge to strangle her son to death again if it weren’t for ‘that.’

“Hitting you…… treating you harshly…… I gave birth to you, and yet……”

Tears came in various forms. Tears of joy, tears of sorrow, tears of regret, and tears of rage. That was fortunate. Lee Gyeonghee feigned remorse and regret as she moistened her eyes with rage.

“I shouldn’t have blamed you, I shouldn’t have done that……”

“And the reason you did it despite knowing you shouldn’t have?”

“The reason……”

Because it really was Cha Hongjo’s fault.

Because she gave birth to Cha Hongjo, she had to marry that wretched bastard, and because Cha Hongjo was alive, she couldn’t leave him as she pleased.

‘Look in the mirror. We look alike.’

Nonsense. Cha Hongjo was the spitting image of that bastard; he didn’t resemble her at all. Cha Hongjo, who resembled his father so much, had only stolen her youth. That father roamed around outside, squandering his youth, while she was stuck at home, wasting hers. Her prime, the time she could never get back, was stolen by Cha Hongjo and his father.

Therefore, all the misfortunes that followed Lee Gyeonghee’s life were Cha Hongjo’s fault. But.

“Whatever the reason… I shouldn’t have done that. I’m truly… sorry, Hongjo.”

Lee Gyeonghee knelt before the fuse of her misfortune.

“My son.”

For ‘that.’

“Will you forgive me… just this once……”

“……Ha.”

Looking down at her, Cha Hongjo sighed and rubbed his forehead.

“If I forgive you, what will change?”

Again. That terrible feeling.

“You’re not doing this just to ease your own conscience, are you?”

“……No, that’s really, really a misunderstanding!”

“…….”

Well, it was true that she wasn’t the type of woman to care whether she was forgiven or not. If she were the ‘mother’ he knew, that is. Kneeling down like this…….

Cha Hongjo stared at the knees at his feet, and the hand gripping the skirt covering them. There were only four fingers beneath the back of her hand.

‘I’m a little depressed…….’

‘Depressed?’

‘Sometimes, I do it without realizing. I’m okay now. Because I saw you, so don’t worry about it, okay?’

Cha Hongjo felt something surge up from below his sternum.

It wasn’t just her face he had inherited.

Perhaps this woman was also a victim. Perhaps she, unable to resist, had become a plaything of misfortune, destroying her own life and hurting others, just as he had.

Whatever the reason, the distorted past couldn’t be changed. The wrongs committed couldn’t be justified. But they could be understood and forgiven.

‘You’re really, relentless.’

Wasn’t there someone who taught him that?

‘I’m going to say this every time you tell me not to.’

‘Don’t.’

‘I love you.’

‘Shut up…….’

‘I love you.’

Cha Hongjo dropped the extinguished cigarette butt on the entrance floor. His gaze followed it. Now, he didn’t even have the energy to look at his mother’s skirt. He was using all his strength just to waver.

Could he forgive her, or not?

To forgive her, he would have to tear down the history that made up who he was. Because the past he experienced had become him, to accept his mother, he would have to betray himself. Since he couldn’t be reborn.

Ah, ah…….

‘Come home early tomorrow. Let’s have dinner together.’

Now he understood why his father had acted like that.

‘Why?’

‘It’s your… birthday.’

Because people change suddenly when they’re about to die.

“……That’s enough, now.”

Cha Hongjo muttered as he stared intently at the end of the discarded cigarette butt, the black ash.

“Get up.”

Could this be considered forgiveness? There was no one to tell him.

Thus, the ignorant Cha Hongjo, unaware of the kind of tears Lee Gyeonghee was shedding, extended his hand to her.

Forgiveness. No other words were needed after that. An even thicker awkwardness hung between the mother and son, and silence filled the air more often than conversation.

After somehow appeasing his mother and sending her away, Cha Hongjo went to the kitchen.

He glanced briefly at the side dishes stored in the refrigerator before taking out some alcohol. As if he had ever cared before. Drinking alone with an empty seat in front of him felt quite dreary. Or perhaps, lonely.

After his third drink, Cha Hongjo looked at the wall clock. Go Baekwoo should have arrived long ago. Perhaps he wouldn’t be coming today.

But couldn’t he at least call?

A sudden resentment stabbed him in the back of his head.

🔥

At the same time, Go Baekwoo had just finished showering and changed into comfortable clothes, about to head over to Cha Hongjo’s place. He had even packed extra clothes, not knowing how many days he’d be staying there.

He towel-dried his still-damp hair once more and was about to leave his room when – click. The door opened. The only person in this house who would enter his room without knocking was his father.

His father, barging in unannounced, looked Go Baekwoo up and down from head to toe, then instructed, “Change your clothes.”

“What’s going on?”

“We’re going to a dinner.”

“A dinner?”

It had only been a couple of hours since dinner. He had even eaten with his father. But he hadn’t mentioned anything then, and now, suddenly, there was a dinner engagement?

“What dinner?”

Go Baekwoo asked again, checking the time. Had Cha Hongjo eaten dinner? He could happily eat two or three meals with Cha Hongjo, but not with anyone else. Even if it was family.

Chairman Go spoke casually.

“The president and his wife of Daehan Ilbo want to have a drink with us.”

“Suddenly?”

“They’re busy people. So are we. Get used to this sort of thing.”

Shouldn’t one stick to plans when busy? Go Baekwoo was about to retort but stopped himself. He wasn’t foolish enough to not know where the blessings he currently enjoyed, the happiness he had given and planned to give Cha Hongjo, came from. It was all a legacy built by his father and willingly handed over to him solely because they shared the same blood. The recipient had to at least pretend to obey the giver.

I guess I’ll just see Cha Hongjo sleeping. Go Baekwoo looked away from his watch and followed his father.

Even when he heard ‘the president and his wife of Daehan Ilbo,’ he didn’t think of it.

It was that woman.

‘Madam.’

‘Mr. Pyunghyun.’

‘Are you leaving?’

‘Yes, I came at just the right time. Actor Cha just woke up.’

The woman who left one of her earrings where Cha Hongjo was.

Go Baekwoo focused his gaze solely on that woman among the middle-aged couple sitting across from him. He had no intention of hiding his gaze, so Mrs. Jo, naturally noticing, also kept looking at Go Baekwoo, her nearly wrinkle-free eyes crinkling, regardless of her actual age.

“I’ve been curious for a while.”

Mrs. Jo began, glancing alternately at Go Baekwoo and Chairman Go Dae-il.

“Our CEO Go, Chairman Go’s son, is refined. Who does he take after? The chairman is quite masculine, so perhaps his mother’s side?”

They had already finished a simple meal, and everyone was flushed from a few drinks. Referring to his ‘ex-wife’ as ‘his wife,’ no, even mentioning her, was rude, but Mrs. Jo feigned early intoxication and mumbled.

Chairman Go laughed without a hint of awkwardness.

“Although he’s my son, he does resemble his mother more.”

“Still, his business acumen must come from the chairman.”

Mrs. Jo’s husband, Choi Won-bong, interjected as if to make up for his wife’s blunder.

“I heard Baekwoo is making quite a contribution at Hi Entertainment.”

Contribution, my foot. Go Baekwoo tightened the corners of his lips to suppress a chuckle.

He was a CEO in name only. The employees handled the trivial matters, Director Kim took care of the important ones, and he just stamped the documents. What contribution could a twenty-year-old greenhorn, who had never experienced proper working life, make? A man of his standing would surely know, yet he spoke those flattering words without changing his expression.

Various conversations, both close to and far from reality, flowed back and forth, creating a slightly warm atmosphere. Perhaps it was thanks to the alcohol.

Unlike the adults, whose faces were gradually becoming flushed, Go Baekwoo, who was almost pale, deliberately held back on the alcohol. He was afraid that if he became intoxicated, he might embarrass his father. As the alcohol took hold, he felt his gaze towards Mrs. Jo becoming aggressive, even to himself.

Even though Cha Hongjo had accepted him now, it didn’t erase the lingering resentment. He hadn’t felt this way even when he had sought out and met Cha Hongjo’s past acquaintances to track him down after he suddenly disappeared. Why did he feel this thick jealousy only towards the woman in front of him? In fact, he wasn’t even sure if this emotion was jealousy.

He kept recalling what happened at the hotel that day, and he felt angry at himself, at the woman, and at Cha Hongjo, who remained consistent.

It’s okay now. Just think about the present, only the present.

Repeating this to himself, Go Baekwoo cleared his throat to draw attention. All eyes turned to him.

“I’ll be stepping out for a bit.”

They would likely assume he was going to the restroom, but he intended to smoke and cool off. His father waved his hand dismissively, and the conversation between his father and Choi Won-bong resumed. Go Baekwoo let their uninteresting conversation go in one ear and out the other as he stepped outside.

Barely a minute or two had passed since Go Baekwoo left his seat when Mrs. Jo stood up.

“Well then. Please continue your conversation, gentlemen. I’ll be heading in first. I’m not feeling very well today.”

Since the last cold snap, his breath no longer mingled with the cigarette smoke. Go Baekwoo looked up at the smoke drifting into the dark air and picked up his second cigarette. Glancing inside the pack, there were only three cigarettes left. Since he had just taken one out, only two remained.

“Can I have one too?”

An unwelcome voice requested from behind him. Go Baekwoo frowned and turned around. Mrs. Jo was standing there, arms crossed as if trying to retain her body heat, despite it not being cold. He handed her the entire pack of cigarettes.

“I thought you’d be aloof, but you’re not.”

It wasn’t the kind of compliment one would receive for simply lending a cigarette. It was definitely sarcasm.

“Shouldn’t you light it for me too?”

“…….”

Go Baekwoo lit his own cigarette, then tossed the lighter to Mrs. Jo.

“Keep it.”

He said. He didn’t want to take back anything that woman had touched. Even if it wasn’t a lighter, but a precious jewel.

“Hey, don’t act like we have no business together.”

Mrs. Jo murmured, blowing cigarette smoke sideways. Go Baekwoo’s expression clearly showed his displeasure.

“We have no business together.”

“Well, you never know.”

Mrs. Jo, with a leisurely attitude, suddenly blurted out the title of the movie Cha Hongjo was filming, “A Thousand Blooming Flowers.” At that moment, his gaze, which had been about to turn away from her, found its place and fixed on her. Go Baekwoo looked directly into Mrs. Jo’s eyes. Mrs. Jo gave her usual sophisticated smile.

“I’m investing in it, this time.”

He already knew, having received a report from Director Kim.

“And what does that have to do with me?”

“It does. It’s a movie starring an actor from CEO Go’s company, isn’t it?”

Finally, the topic of Cha Hongjo came out of Mrs. Jo’s mouth. It was a situation Go Baekwoo had tried to avoid even more than Mrs. Jo herself.

“Hongjo, he’s lost a lot of weight. Aren’t you taking care of him?”

“……Have you met Cha Hongjo?”

“Of course, I have.”

“When?”

“Just now.”

Only the chauffeur had met Cha Hongjo today, so Jo Hyegyeong was lying.

“Just now, today?”

This is why children are children. Jo Hyegyeong observed the changes in Go Baekwoo’s expression in detail and smiled even more broadly.

“Yes, today. I met Hongjo briefly after his filming ended. A few days ago, too.”

Not only today but also a few days ago. This was something he hadn’t heard. Then either Mrs. Jo or Cha Hongjo, one of them, was hiding something or lying.

“I haven’t heard about this.”

“Oh, didn’t Hongjo tell you? Or his manager?”

Go Baekwoo clenched and unclenched his fists tightly.

“I guess it wasn’t worth mentioning, so they forgot.”

“Well, maybe they wanted to keep it a secret.”

Phew, the smoke Mrs. Jo exhaled cut through the black air.

“I thought CEO Go and Actor Cha were close, but it seems that’s not the case.”

“……Did Cha Hongjo say that? That we’re close?”

“…….”

Mrs. Jo didn’t answer, instead curving her lips ambiguously.

“Hmm, did I make a slip of the tongue? Anyway, CEO Go?”

Thud. Jo Hyegyeong dropped her cigarette butt in front of her heels.

“You should manage your actors well. Then the movie will do well, and I, as the investor, will be happy, wouldn’t you agree?”

She taunted him, switching back to formal speech after consistently using informal language. But it wasn’t Jo Hyegyeong’s tone that grated on Go Baekwoo’s nerves.

“So, there’s something I really want to tell you.”

“…….”

“Can you lend me your ear for a moment?”

Mrs. Jo beckoned with her index finger. Go Baekwoo took a step closer to her. Jo Hyegyeong stood on her tiptoes so her lips were close to Go Baekwoo’s ear and whispered near his shoulder.

“Our Hongjo, he needs to cut down on the alcohol. Make him eat properly, and also—”

“…….”

Finally, in a voice so low that even Go Baekwoo almost missed it, Mrs. Jo added something.

Go Baekwoo dropped the cigarette he was holding. His already lily-white face turned even paler, chillingly so.

🔥

How long had it been since he woke up alone in the morning? Cha Hongjo, with still sleepy eyes, stared blankly at the empty space in the bed, too wide for one person.

Go Baekwoo hadn’t come yesterday. Not a single call. He usually called to let him know if he couldn’t come, so had something happened? Or had he… become too reliant on Go Baekwoo?

“…….”

Well, he was originally this kind of person. He used to look for a bed partner every night without realizing his loneliness. Back then, he considered it a kind of stress relief or light entertainment, but looking back now, it was an act driven by a weakness that couldn’t bear solitude.

Weak, me.

It wasn’t difficult to admit.

He, who pretended to be strong and put up thorns, was always wandering around, trying to find new ground to take root. Then, he reached Go Baekwoo.

He shouldn’t have been born as a human. If he hadn’t met Go Baekwoo, as a stranger among strangers, he wouldn’t have to feel the emptiness of his absence like this. He didn’t believe in reincarnation, but if there was a next life…… Cha Hongjo wished that Go Baekwoo would be a small pond, and he would be a fish swimming alone in it. He wouldn’t be lonely because he’d be in Go Baekwoo’s embrace, and Go Baekwoo wouldn’t be able to comfort anything other than him.

“Ha……”

There were about three hours left until Park Solchan came to pick him up.

Cha Hongjo first sat up and went to the bathroom. He didn’t even remember what time he fell asleep last night, consumed by the alcohol he drank alone. But he seemed to have managed to take off his clothes and wash up before going to bed. He ran his fingers through his messy hair, still damp from last night’s shower, and felt the lingering moisture.

He rubbed his stiff face with his bare hands and turned on the faucet to wash his face. That’s when it happened. The doorbell rang.

Could it be Go Baekwoo? He thought for a moment, but it couldn’t be. Again, Go Baekwoo had a key to this house, so he could come and go as he pleased.

With the most longed-for face in his mind, Cha Hongjo, wearing only a t-shirt and shorts, went to the front door. It was quite early, but the only person who would come at this hour was his manager, Park Solchan. Or had the filming schedule been moved up? The lead actor had been replaced overnight, after all. It wasn’t impossible.

He opened the front door.

“I came too early, sorry.”

It was his mother. Hadn’t they just met half a day ago? Why had she come? Before Cha Hongjo could ask, Lee Gyeonghee spoke first.

“I wanted to make you breakfast……”

As his mother said, her four fingers were tightly gripping a grocery bag.

“…….”

Cha Hongjo opened the door wider, keeping his mouth shut. His mother smiled brightly and entered the house.

“Did I wake you? You can go back to sleep while I cook.”

His mother said, clearing away the empty bottles and glasses scattered on the kitchen table and placing the groceries on the empty space. Cha Hongjo shook his head, saying, “It’s okay,” and looked around for his cigarettes. He eventually found the pack lying under the table. He picked it up and lit one. Lee Gyeonghee, unfazed, took out kitchen utensils and began preparing the ingredients.

Cha Hongjo stood watching his mother’s back without sitting down. Her busy figure preparing breakfast. Putting rice in the pot, chopping tofu, green onions, and peppers for the doenjang jjigae……

It was a scene he had only seen in dramas or movies.

“Oh, don’t you have work today? I hope I’m not making you late.”

“……I have time.”

“That’s good.”

The nightmare of the past was now warmer than sunlight. Was this the power of ‘forgiveness’?

“Hongjo, come here and taste this.”

“…….”

Cha Hongjo nonchalantly walked over and stood next to his mother. Lee Gyeonghee scooped a spoonful of the bubbling doenjang jjigae, blew on it to cool it down, and offered it to Cha Hongjo. Her son bent down and tasted the jjigae from the spoon.

“How is it? Not bland?”

His mother, who had once infiltrated him like poison and corrupted him. At this moment, she…….

“Uh…… yeah.”

She smelled strongly of a mother. A scent he had never smelled before softened Cha Hongjo’s heart.

“It’s a little bland.”

He sounded like he was acting spoiled without realizing it. Cha Hongjo hardened his expression belatedly and took another spoonful of the jjigae.

🔥

‘Our Hongjo, he needs to cut down on the alcohol. Make him eat properly, and also—.’

Go Baekwoo kept replaying last night’s whisper over and over again, even the next day.

‘The drugs, too.’

‘……Drugs?’

‘You know.’

‘…….’

Mrs. Jo moved her lips away from his shoulder, stepped back, and grinned.

‘Celebrities can fall apart in an instant. He’s the face of Hi now, so we need to take care of him, don’t you think?’

Cha Hongjo was doing drugs?

He knew Cha Hongjo drank excessively. But he had never seen him do drugs. There were days they spent together all day, so there’s no way he could have missed it.

‘Do you have any proof of what you’re saying?’

‘Proof?’

Mrs. Jo pretended to burst into laughter.

‘I am the proof.’

‘I’m not trying to play word games…….’

‘I give it to him, those drugs.’

Go Baekwoo furrowed his brow.

‘When he takes them, Hongjo becomes very comfortable. He doesn’t show any signs of hardship. Oh, do you not know? At my age, I can read the minds of kids as young as you just by looking at their eyes.’

It sounded like she was saying she was looking into his mind right now.

‘……Just get to the point.’

‘Oh, are you bored of an old woman’s rambling? I suppose so. Yes, what I mean is…….’

A gentle breeze blew, scattering Mrs. Jo’s hair. Tucking the strands that brushed her cheek behind her ear, she said,

‘For Actor Cha to be comfortable, he needs me. So, CEO Go, please do me a favor and ignore his calls from time to time.’

She was talking about how he had been relentlessly hanging up on her whenever she called. She was telling him not to do that again, for Cha Hongjo’s sake.

‘Even someone with connections would have understood after I’ve said this much. You’re Chairman Go’s son, after all, aren’t you?’

You can’t give Cha Hongjo comfort like I can.

‘Well then.’

Cha Hongjo might be your everything, but you’re not Cha Hongjo’s everything.

‘See you again, pretty CEO.’

Jo Hyegyeong’s words reached Go Baekwoo with such implications.

“I’ll be stepping out for a bit.”

Go Baekwoo only informed the accountant and left the company, heading to Cha Hongjo’s house. It was two in the afternoon. Cha Hongjo would be in the middle of filming.

Since people could lie, he couldn’t blindly believe Jo Hyegyeong’s words. Go Baekwoo needed more concrete proof. Physical evidence, for example. If Cha Hongjo was using drugs as Mrs. Jo claimed, he would have hidden them somewhere in the house.

Sincerely hoping that he wouldn’t find anything, Go Baekwoo searched the empty house. He rummaged through every nook and cranny, even places untouched by human hands, where only dust accumulated. But there wasn’t a single trace of anything resembling drugs. However.

‘……Have you met Cha Hongjo?’

‘Of course, I have.’

‘When?’

‘Just now.’

The words that they… had met just yesterday came to mind.

With an expression like he was chewing bitter weeds, Go Baekwoo walked over to the laundry basket and picked up Cha Hongjo’s shirt on top. Cha Hongjo’s scent emanated from the shirt swaying before his eyes. He brought it to his nose, closed his eyes, and inhaled deeply. But he still couldn’t calm down.

Next were the pants. Go Baekwoo’s fingertips trembled slightly before touching the black fabric. He clenched and unclenched his fist before picking up the pants. He searched the right pocket and the left pocket. Empty. Then, the back pockets. Left, nothing. In the right pocket……

Thud. Go Baekwoo dropped the pants and stared intently at the small bag in his left palm. Inside the transparent bag was white powder. Not too much, not too little. The grains were coarser than flour but finer than salt.

Holding the ‘drugs,’ Go Baekwoo went and sat on the sofa. He lit a cigarette first. His feelings, unsoothed even by Cha Hongjo’s scent, wouldn’t be calmed by a single cigarette.

‘When he takes them, Hongjo becomes very comfortable. He doesn’t show any signs of hardship. Oh, do you not know?’

His heart twisted.

‘Love me.’

‘……How can I love you more than this?’

His heart ached.

🔥

My longing for you is a journey that will never arrive.

Today, too, I walk towards you.

Even if you are not in this land where I live, I walk.

Even if my soles wear out, I walk.

Now, my feet are gone.

It hurts.

But I stagger and walk, even if it’s only with my ankles.

I walk until wings sprout in place of my legs.

Longing for the day I can fly to where you are.

I walk.

Spring, summer, and autumn have passed.

It is winter.

Scattered across the white fields I’ve crossed are the fallen petals of red camellias…….

It hurts.

I, walk.

It was a letter to a deceased lover.

Cha Hongjo, at the request of Director Choi Yitae, personally wrote the letter to be used as a prop and recited the monologue amidst the people watching him with bated breath.

According to the script, the ‘man’ was supposed to mutter impassively without shedding a single tear, but Cha Hongjo, overwhelmed by an unknown emotion, cried while reading the letter.

‘It is winter.’

He wept profusely like the heavy snow of winter.

‘Scattered across the white fields I’ve crossed are the fallen petals of red camellias…….’

Even after filming ended, the phrase lingered in his mind.

‘It hurts.’

Because his tears wouldn’t stop as if he was broken, the next scheduled scene was postponed to the following day. Park Solchan handed Cha Hongjo a handkerchief and quietly drove him home.

🔥

Cha Hongjo was startled by the unexpected figure.

A little past three in the afternoon. It wasn’t time for him to be there yet, but Go Baekwoo was sitting on the living room sofa.

“…….”

“…….”

Go Baekwoo was also flustered, as it was quite early for Cha Hongjo to be home.

He had been sitting on the sofa like a stone, lost in thought. What should he say first when Cha Hongjo returned? Was Mrs. Jo telling the truth? What was the identity of the drugs in his hand? Should he ask, or not? How should he treat Cha Hongjo, or not? Could he… completely trust whatever answer Cha Hongjo gave?

“You came early.”

Cha Hongjo spoke first. His voice was hoarse. His eyes were swollen.

“……Yeah.”

Cha Hongjo struggled to hold back the tears that welled up again as he faced Go Baekwoo. He had just been immersed in the ‘man’ character, so he cried even though nothing was wrong. But he didn’t think Go Baekwoo would believe him if he said that.

Big or small, distrust struck like lightning, igniting a fire.

Two people, each suspicious of the other for different reasons.

“I’m going to shower.”

Cha Hongjo turned to hide his tear-stained face, and Go Baekwoo stood up abruptly, not wanting to miss a single one of Cha Hongjo’s movements.

“Cha Hongjo.”

Go Baekwoo quickly approached him with long strides and grabbed Cha Hongjo’s forearm, forcing him to face him. Cha Hongjo quickly turned his head, but it was too late.

“……Have you been crying?”

Since he’d been caught, there was no reason to hide it. Though he was worried about how Go Baekwoo would react.

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Filming, there was a crying scene.”

“……Really?”

“Why else would I be crying?”

“……Okay.”

Go Baekwoo’s tone and expression were unusual. So was the fact that he came early.

“What’s up with our CEO?”

He became curious about what was going on.

“Looks like you quit your job?”

“Me?”

Go Baekwoo usually responded to these kinds of questions after a pause. But today, he answered immediately.

“I heard some fucked up shit.”

“What did you hear?”

Cha Hongjo asked back, but he had a hunch. Go Baekwoo must have heard about Mrs. Jo visiting him. Whether it was from Mrs. Jo herself, Park Solchan, or the filming staff, there were many who could have talked.

Go Baekwoo suddenly rummaged through his pocket and pulled something out.

A small bag of drugs, taking up a portion of his large palm. Cha Hongjo frowned.

“Ah…… that.”

“Give me an excuse. I want to believe you.”

It would have been better if he had said with certainty, ‘I will believe you.’ His mood plummeted at that single nuance. Why was he so emotional these days? Cha Hongjo was annoyed with himself.

Regardless of how he felt, Go Baekwoo didn’t look happy either. He decided to be honest first.

“Mrs. Jo sent someone yesterday and gave it to me.”

He had no energy or reason to make up lies anyway.

“They said they wouldn’t leave unless I took it, so I took……”

“You shouldn’t have taken it!”

He didn’t even finish his sentence. Go Baekwoo, raising his voice, opened the bag, poured the contents onto the floor, and stomped on it with his bare feet.

“Fucking hell, whatever it was, you shouldn’t have taken it.”

He wasn’t wrong. If he hadn’t taken it, would the chauffeur have stood there all night? Probably not. But then, Mrs. Jo might have come herself.

Without giving him a chance to continue his explanation, Go Baekwoo continued.

“And what were you going to give her in return after taking it?”

“……What?”

“Did that woman give it to you for free? With no strings attached?”

Go Baekwoo let out a breath that was half sneer, half sigh.

“Cha Hongjo, you.”

He had intended to ask calmly and talk it out, but it was impossible. Go Baekwoo, with furrowed brows and a twisted mouth, moved his barbed tongue. If humans could switch honorifics based on their mood, he would have been bristling with thorns right now.

“You keep throwing away what I give you, but you readily accept what that woman gives you.”

Finally, he stabbed Cha Hongjo with those thorns.

“If you were going to do that, why did you pretend to accept me?”

“……Pretend to accept you?”

Cha Hongjo asked back, his face contorted.

“Or what? Did you take pity on me, chasing after you like a lovesick puppy, and give me some charity?”

“Go Baekwoo.”

“How miserable do you have to make me before you’re satisfied?”

“……Miserable?”

Cha Hongjo was hurt.

“……You feel miserable, right……? That’s why I told you……”

He had said that he couldn’t give Go Baekwoo the kind of love he wanted. He had said he couldn’t reciprocate the love Go Baekwoo gave him. He had said it countless times.

‘Everything that comes to me is a nightmare, a grim reaper. Except for you, Go Baekwoo. That’s why I’m sorry.’

He apologized for dragging him into this.

‘I’ll accept everything.’

He promised he would accept it sweetly, even if Go Baekwoo regretted it later, resented him, or even wanted to kill him. He didn’t want Go Baekwoo to be unhappy. He wished for Go Baekwoo to embrace him but not step into his cesspool.

‘Then, that’s enough.’

That should have been enough.

‘Because being born is a sin…… the world is punishing me, telling me to live like myself. Telling me not to even dream…….’

“Dream……”

Of course. His wish couldn’t come true. Life wouldn’t leave him alone for daring to love.

Go Baekwoo would eventually prepare to leave too. Unable to bear his stench. He would turn his back on him, covered in the grime of misfortune. He would leave in search of happiness.

Cha Hongjo, like a great sinner, hung his head low, unable to even sigh or shed tears. A hole had been ripped in his heart, which had seemed to be cleansing thanks to Go Baekwoo. The filth that surrounded him poured in through that gap. He was soon submerged.

“I dreamed it all.”

Cha Hongjo muttered.

His momentary swim had ended, and now it was time to return to living as he was born. Struggling to survive even in his wretchedness, forcing open his dust-covered eyes, screaming with his stitched-up lips.

“Ah……”

But he didn’t have the strength.

“Baekwoo.”

Cha Hongjo raised his head and smiled at Go Baekwoo. It was clearly a forced smile.

“You knew I was originally this kind of bastard.”

Then, he added a single, sincere sentence.

“I’m sorry.”

“…….”

Go Baekwoo, who hadn’t even imagined Cha Hongjo would apologize, hesitated and moved his lips.

“……Now that I think about it.”

From then on, Cha Hongjo began to utter words detached from his heart.

“I’ve only been taking from you without giving anything back. What should I do?”

“…….”

“Should I suck your dick?”

“…….”

“Should I spread my legs right here?”

“Cha Hongjo.”

Go Baekwoo became even angrier at Cha Hongjo demeaning and belittling himself, but his energy to express his anger dwindled.

“Don’t talk like that.”

“Why, it’s true. Fuck, I take money, drugs, whatever, and give blowjobs. But I’ve taken even this house from you and haven’t given you much in return.”

“Stop.”

“Tell me anything. I’m a whore anyway, so what does it matter if you use me to wipe or tear?”

“Stop it.”

“Or do you want to hit me?”

“Please… just.”

“Trample on me as much as you want. Do whatever you want. Now……”

“Stop it!”

Go Baekwoo shouted. At the same time, Cha Hongjo continued.

“It’s your turn.”

“……No, Cha Hongjo.”

Go Baekwoo denied it.

“From the beginning, there was never a ‘my turn’ with you.”

And he turned and left.

“…….”

With the sound of the front door closing, Cha Hongjo crumbled.

The white grains scattered on the floor stuck to his palms. Tears dropped onto the widely dispersed drugs. The powder, absorbing the moisture, clumped together. Cha Hongjo cupped his hands over his face and lay down. The white powder smeared his cheeks and chin. He looked like a clown with smudged makeup. Hidden in the shadows, no one could see, but then again, there was no one here to see anyway.

Even when he cries, he laughs.

“Haha……”

Cha Hongjo laughed as tears dripped down his face, and.

“Ha……”

He accepted the bleak reality.

“……Hello.”

Go Baekwoo left, but we meet again.

“…….”

Misfortune greeted Cha Hongjo in silence.

The nightmare that always haunted him had no voice. It would have been better if it at least greeted him.

The footsteps of loneliness, one with misfortune, were also silent.

🔥

“What if, at the moment our fates intertwine, we are reborn anew, together? It would be perfect if we were one body, sharing life and death, joy and sorrow. Then I wouldn’t have to leave you.”

Cha Hongjo listened to Seo Joohyun reciting the ‘woman’s’ suicide note.

“It’s raining all day. It makes me so sad……”

Unlike the line, the actual weather was clear. But spring rain was falling inside Cha Hongjo.

“I hope the sun shines on the crown of your head. I hope you always live in March and April. I will pray for it.”

The time for spring flowers to bud had arrived in a blink of an eye.

“I hope you won’t be swept away by the snow……”

Cha Hongjo thought of Go Baekwoo and made plans for the day. After finishing filming today, he would visit a place filled with flowers. Where should he go? If he asked Park Solchan, he would surely take him somewhere suitable.

“Please don’t get sick.”

He would have to see flowers that hid their colors in the dark night.

“I loved you.”

He longed for Go Baekwoo.

He asked Park Solchan to drop him off by the Han River and sent him away first. Left alone, Cha Hongjo slowly strolled along the path where flowering trees and wildflowers were in full bloom.

Petals easily fell with a single gentle breeze. It was a pity. He bent down. He picked up a magnolia petal rolling on the ground. He stared at the petal, not purely white but tinged with brown in places. The flower, with its short blooming period, was already experiencing autumn.

Rubbing the smooth petal in his hand, he found a spot facing the Han River and sat down. Just then, the wind picked up. He absentmindedly tried to brush his hair out of his eyes and dropped the petal. The petal, touched by someone’s hand, thus met its true death.

Three days later, he would film his last scene.

He lit a cigarette, replaying the already memorized script in his mind.

There were no lines at the end of <A Thousand Blooming Flowers>. The ‘man’ had lost the one he could talk to. He closes his mouth until he follows his lover. He doesn’t write a suicide note because there is no one to read it. He simply holds the letter he wrote to the ‘woman’ close to his heart.

“Longing for the day I can fly to where you are…… I walk.”

Cha Hongjo spoke the lines from a scene he had already filmed to himself.

“……Scattered across the white fields I’ve crossed are the fallen petals of red camellias……”

It hurts.

“I, walk.”

It hurts.

“It is winter……”

By the time he finished the letter, the cigarette had almost burned out.

Cha Hongjo discarded the butt and stood up, brushing himself off.

Late at night. Inside the house he arrived at alone, there were two people. The person he longed for. And the person he had never longed for but ultimately had to accept.

Go Baekwoo and Lee Gyeonghee, sitting across from each other at the table, stood up to greet Cha Hongjo when he returned.

“…….”

Go Baekwoo didn’t even greet him or ask why he was late. He just pursed his bright red lips like closed flower buds.

“Hongjo, you’re back?”

On the contrary, Lee Gyeonghee greeted Cha Hongjo warmly, patting his back.

“……Yeah.”

Standing before the two of them, Cha Hongjo felt like he was standing at a crossroads.

He was about to ask why they were together, but stopped. His mother must have come under the pretext of bringing side dishes or making dinner, or perhaps just to see him for a moment, and…… it was unexpected that Go Baekwoo, who had had a big fight with him a few days ago, had come so soon, but looking back, it wasn’t strange. Go Baekwoo didn’t forget easily, but he also didn’t give up easily. Thinking that far,

Thank goodness.

Cha Hongjo felt relieved. Thank goodness Go Baekwoo hadn’t left forever. Even if his feelings for him had faded, it was enough that he appeared before him. He was content. Had he asked Go Baekwoo to long for him even when they were together? That must have been a spell, not a request. He was yearning for him even though they were face to face now. How much more so during the days when he couldn’t even find a single strand of Go Baekwoo’s hair……

Behind him was the shadow of misfortune. In front, Go Baekwoo’s shadow enveloped Cha Hongjo. Cha Hongjo, with one eye screwed shut as if about to cry, the other curved as if smiling, and his lips set in an indifferent expression, murmured,

“I’ll go shower.”

“Okay, I made dinner. Let’s eat after you shower.”

Lee Gyeonghee said, stroking Cha Hongjo’s arm. It was a gentle touch, as if washing away the fatigue he had accumulated today. But Cha Hongjo wasn’t particularly happy. Because Go Baekwoo turned back to the kitchen without a word.

He had asked him to kiss him whenever, wherever. He had asked him to hug him every day, think of him all the time, and tell him he missed him even when they were together. He had asked him to long for him even when they were together.