A Perfectly Normal Romance Chapter 3.4 - I Really Hate You

“Talk to Hyun.”

― Jio, I was really wrong. I haven’t been sleeping well lately, so I did that for a moment. Look at what I brought yesterday. I was originally going to have a drink with you and talk, but I just went crazy for a second.

“I know. I know, so….”

― If I really intended to stab him, I would have taken a knife…

“Fuck, if you had stabbed him with a knife, you’d be dead by my hand.”

I came to my senses, but only after I had already spewed out harsh curses. I hurriedly turned off my phone and shoved it into my pocket, but I felt strangely scrutinized gazes around me. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled an apology to no one in particular and slipped back to wait for the bus.

I kept my head down, but my heart pounded with embarrassment and rage as if I was having an arrhythmia. I can’t stand it. Can’t I just go and beat him up myself? He calls that an excuse? Tormented by these thoughts, a few minutes passed, and as soon as the bus arrived, I hopped on.

Having overlooked that it was rush hour, I was squeezed between the throng of people. I barely managed to protect the food in my arms and got off, feeling exhausted. It was thanks to someone who had been luxuriously driving me around for the past few days.

I got off the bus and walked a bit. I could see people entering buildings bathed in the slanted rays of the setting sun at wide intervals. Walking like this, I felt like the head of a household. Like a male lion returning after a satisfying hunt. Do male lions even hunt? I watched that documentary a long time ago, so I don’t remember clearly.

I entered the house, unconsciously pressing the now-familiar passcode. I passed the long hallway where I could probably practice golf and entered the living room, but there was no one there. Hesitantly looking around the empty terrace and other places, I stood in front of the bedroom. The door was slightly ajar, so I entered the room without much hesitation.

I could see the silhouette of someone lying face down on the bed in the middle of the room, where blackout curtains blocked the light. Getting closer, I saw that the white back was bare skin, not covered by anything. Unlike the smooth silhouette seen over clothes, the long arms and broad back revealed the distinct contours of well-defined, rippling muscles. My gaze, which had been sliding down from the round line of the shoulder, lingered on the deep groove of the spine.

With an unnecessary cough, “Ahem,” I lifted my gaze again and placed it somewhere in the mess of jet-black hair. I knelt on the bed with one knee and leaned forward, supporting myself. Now that I looked, the sleeping posture with hands tucked under the head bothered me. Wouldn’t the blood rush to the arms like that? I placed my hand squarely on the middle of the back.

“Wake up.”

“……You’re here?”

Hyun, who answered in a languid voice, as if not pretending to be asleep, immediately turned over and lay on his back. The clearly defined muscles of his upper body were visible on his skin. Training pants precariously hung midway between his ribs and the deep dip of his hip bones. As he sat up, I barely managed to tear my gaze away from the waistband around his waist.

“What are you doing sleeping like that?”

“Why?”

“You were resting on your hands.”

“Was I……?”

Hyun stared blankly at his bandaged hand, like a cat looking down at its own paw pads with unfamiliarity. As if sensing my thought, he suddenly looked up at me. His sleepy eyes were gradually becoming clearer.

“So it hurts.”

“Hurts? Did I touch the wound wrong?”

“I don’t know.”

After saying something scary, Hyun lightly got out of bed and, seeing the plastic bag in my hand, wriggled the corner of his lips.

“Did you bring that for me?”

“You told me to buy it. Go eat it.”

“I got up nicely because of that.”

“What if I didn’t get up nicely? Would you carry me?”

“Will you carry me?”

“I know your legs aren’t injured.”

“I should have broken that bastard’s legs too when I kicked him yesterday.”

Saying so, Hyun put on a perfectly innocent smile. It was clear that his intention behind those words was pure.

“I don’t think they would break.”

As he said that and walked ahead, the silhouette of his long legs showed sturdy bones and long muscles. I scanned them down to the flawlessly taut Achilles tendon of his ankle and left the room, relieved.

After the meal, Hyun continued to attract attention by babbling like a child. It was an absurd act, trying to hold his spoon with his bandaged hand and then dropping it, pretending to be in pain. I mostly overlooked it, but I was speechless when he asked me to help him wash up.

“Wash me.”

“……I’ll just run the water.”

“How can you do that? I’m injured.”

“Did you wash me when my shoulder was hurting?”

“Oh,” the thought process was clearly visible on his face. He tilted his head slightly and asked a disingenuous question.

“How am I supposed to wash my hair?”

“Even I, with my shoulder about to fall off, washed it by myself.”

“You could touch water, but I can’t.”

“Just avoid it……”

I was about to say that, but the area was indeed quite large. Finally, with a bitter look, I got up from my seat. Entering the bathroom first, I pointed a finger back at him.

“Soak in the tub and do it yourself with one hand. I’ll only wash your hair.”

After filling the tub, I stepped aside, and he called me from inside again. When I went in, Hyun was soaking in the bathtub, which looked like a halved egg. Thanks to the generous amount of bubbles I had whipped up, his submerged body was not visible. Resting his neck on the edge of the tub, his head tilted slightly back, he looked at me. His water-rimmed eyes looked languid. He playfully popped the bubbles on the surface of the water with his uninjured hand and smiled.

“You’re clever.”

“About what?”

“The bath bubbles.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Pretending ignorance, I approached his head and squeezed shampoo into my hand. I wanted to smear it all over his face, but seeing him obediently extend his neck and close his eyes, guilt pricked at my fingertips.

I gently lathered his hair, following the smooth strands. As I rubbed his perfectly round head and rinsed off the white foam, his face, now clear of hair, looked stunning even upside down. As I gently massaged the area around his nape, Hyun murmured, moving only his reddened lips.

“This is like old times.”

“When?”

“When you passed out drunk and came home with ramen broth in your hair.”

“No, that never happened.”

“Shin Jio. Do you really think that never happened?”

“Yeah.”

“It was fortunate it was just ramen broth. If you saw yourself wandering around back then……”

“It didn’t happen.”

No. At least, it absolutely never happened in my memory. Though there were times when I felt like you just dunked me in and out of the water. Although there were also times when I woke up in the morning fully dressed and lying down……

To escape the urge to smack Hyun’s clear forehead, I quickly rinsed his hair and came out. As I was about to close the door, I heard the sound of water as he got up, but I quickly pushed the bathroom door shut.

Despite having crouched down and washed his hair, Hyun’s both hands were soaking wet when he came out. As I sat on the living room sofa, he sat next to me and held out his bandaged hand. A shiver of betrayal ran through me. I glared at him from his fingertips up, but Hyun met my gaze with a clear, innocent face.

“That’s why I told you to wash me completely.”

“Good job.”

“Want to see the wound?”

“No.”

Despite my answer, Hyun, unfazed, fiddled with the loose end of the bandage. Seeing the damp end, it looked like it needed changing. I sighed and asked,

“Where’s the first-aid kit?”

“Next to you.”

“Shouldn’t we not touch this?”

“We’ll just change the bandage and go see a doctor tomorrow.”

I twisted my body and pulled out the first-aid kit from under the side table. Meanwhile, Hyun had unwrapped the bandage and was slightly lifting the gauze underneath. My neck involuntarily recoiled, and I frowned.

“Why? Don’t you want to see it?”

“Why would I want to see that?”

“You were crying yesterday. I wanted to show you it’s okay.”

“I wasn’t crying.”

I wasn’t crying, was I? Absolutely not in front of that bastard. The memory of me trembling like a wounded fawn, even though he was the one injured, surfaced, but since he had also acted like a baby because he was hurt, I guess we were even.

Just as I instinctively drew my knees up, the last layer of cotton-like material was lifted, revealing the stitched wound. The skin, with some dried blood, was still slightly swollen. Black thread crisscrossed over the gash between his ring and middle fingers, tightly sealing it. It wasn’t as big a wound as I had imagined, but the intricate pattern of the black thread made me instinctively frown.

“Is this really okay?”

“I told you it’s okay.”

“What was that about the ligaments and nerves?”

“It just grazed them.”

“So if this heals, it’ll move the same way?”

“It might be a little uncomfortable because of the scar, but other than that, they said it’ll be fine.”

“But if it grazed it, doesn’t that mean it touched it?”

“I don’t know. Should I ask tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

With the wound hidden and bandaged, the hand looked smooth again on the surface. Distinct features, which exuded a unique aura, looked at me. And the broad, lean shoulders drew closer. Hyun stroked my hair with his good hand. Trying to push it away, I placed my hand on his shoulder, which kept drawing my gaze. His body shifted slightly as if to move, but then he lay down and rested his head on my thigh as if it were his rightful place.

Dumbfounded, I tried to pull my leg away, but he lay down completely, closing his eyes and pressing his head down as if to weigh it down. His straight collarbone was visible above the neckline of his t-shirt. He definitely seemed to have lost more weight.

“You’ve lost some weight this time.”

“This project was tough.”

“Don’t lie.”

“When do I ever?”

“You said the Rink project was small-scale and easy.”

At my softly accusing tone, Hyun opened one of his closed eyes, then closed it again and said,

“Did I say that?”

“You did.”

“I guess I did.”

“Yeah.”

“Jio.”

“Yeah.”

“Want to get back together?”

“……No.”

“No?”

“No.”

“Even like this?”

He showed me his bandaged palm. Was the anesthetic still working? Oblivious to the pain, Hyun was grinning. My face, on the other hand, was contorted.

“No. You brat.”

“That’s harsh.”

What’s harsh about it? Every time Hyun suggested getting back together, resentment erupted like a volcano at the most inappropriate moments. Suppressing the surging emotions, I glared at Hyun’s bandaged hand. Hyun, who had been subtly observing my expression with flickering eyelids, backed down.

“Never mind. I’ve done some things, so don’t accept me back yet.”

He whined, nuzzling his face closer to the inside of my thigh. With his nose almost touching my stomach, his breath brushing against me, Hyun opened his eyes slightly and blinked, asking,

“Then what should I do to make you get back together with me?”

“I’m not getting back together.”

Moments I had longed for in the past, when I was younger and desperately trying to hold on, kept approaching. As if it were now. As if it were right now. They flickered before my eyes. My eyes suddenly flushed with heat. Hyun, who was carefully tracing the ends of my hair with his fingers, was looking at me with an expression from long ago. That face from the distant past gazed into my eyes with a delicate gaze. I twitched my thigh, pressed down by the back of Hyun’s head, and then sighed quietly. I’m tired.

“I’m absolutely never getting back together with you, you fucking bastard.”

“What should I do?”

“I don’t want to.”

“I did everything wrong.”

“You’ll do it again, and then wait until I’m exhausted and give up……”

I can’t do that waiting game twice.

˙✧˖🎥⋆˙

Despite his injured hand, Hyun insisted on driving me to work again that morning. He said he had to take his car out anyway to go to the hospital or see the lawyer, and he would drop me off on the way.

Every time he dropped me off in front of the company, the car was different. A sleek black sedan, a subtle sports car, or sometimes a spacious SUV. He presented a new car each day, like an exhibition, and at the same time, a fashion show took place every morning. Later, people at the company started subtly asking, “Whose car are you getting a ride in these days?” Every time, I would put on the most impassive expression and reply,

“It’s my friend’s car. Just for this week.”

I was busy dodging requests from the sub-writer to set up another meeting, using her unrequited love and female lead script stories as a shield. Meanwhile, dozens of apologetic messages arrived.

I repeatedly ignored and blocked every single message that came in. It was a Sunday morning that felt like a long-awaited holiday. As I walked out to the living room, stretching languidly, exhausted from the week’s events, I ran into the homeowner. The hem of his raised shirt, lifted as he stretched, briefly revealed his abs before falling back down. I watched him with a troubled expression and said,

“It looks almost healed now.”

“No, it’ll take another month.”

“I know it’s not.”

I clearly saw yesterday that the wound had closed, leaving a dark line like a deep palm crease after the stitches were removed.

“I’ll pack my things and leave next week.”

“If that bastard brings anything again…”

“He wouldn’t do that a…”

Before I could finish, Hyun held out his palm and waved it in front of my face. Back and forth. As if to show me the clear consequences of ignoring his advice. Filled with anxiety, I blurted out with a resigned feeling,

“I’ll handle it.”

At that moment, the hand waving in front of me stopped abruptly. The clenched fist moved away, revealing the expression that had been hidden. It was unexpectedly a refreshing expression, suitable for the morning.

“Jio.”

“Yeah.”

“I thought about it last night.”

“What?”

“I think I’ve been pushing you too hard.”

“Yeah, a little.”

“Right. Don’t date someone like me.”

Those were the words I had been saying, but hearing them from his lips, which had been saying something else entirely, felt different. The unexpected words made my heart sink. Hyun, who said those words with a relentlessly cheerful expression while looking at my dumbfounded face,

“Don’t date me again, but stay here. Let’s go to the hospital together. Eat together. Sleep together. Look for something new to do. If there’s nothing to do, just lie down. Live like that. And take care of me occasionally when you have time.”

“……What?”

“Let’s not date, but let’s be together. How about it?”

Hyun passed by my dumbfounded self, patting my shoulder, and said confidently,

“I’ll sleep for an hour. Wake me up later.”

“Why should I?”

“We have to go to the hospital together.”

While I was still stunned, Hyun, who was walking to his room, turned around and asked,

“Want to sleep together and then go?”

“What……?”

“Forget it.”

And with a casual attitude, he went back into his room. What, what was that? Those lines were like we’ve been dating for 10 years, got married, and became a real family? Has he lost his mind?

Hyun really went in after saying that, and I sat there, snacking on this and that, thinking. What was that? Just now. What was that, really?

My thoughts were still swirling, but it was natural to get sleepy after eating. I stretched and washed my face to wake myself up, but as soon as I lay down on the sofa, my eyes closed. I was able to close my eyes with a somewhat relaxed mind. Hyun would wake me up when he left. He said we had to go to the hospital. Whatever else happened, it was hard to say anything when he was acting like this with his injured hand.

Basking in the full sunlight, I curled up on my side and drifted off to sleep. The ticking of the small clock faded away, and when I opened my eyes, I blinked my heavy eyelids and sat up. The hour hand on the clock on the wall had moved past not just one hour, but well over two.

Has he not gone to the hospital yet? As I sat up, the blanket covering my waist slipped down. I put my feet down, sat up straight, and stretched widely. The quiet stillness of the house felt strangely empty.

“Hey.”

Is he not here?

“Hyun.”

Wrapping the large blanket around me, I shuffled around the house, peeking here and there. There was no one in the dark bedroom or the drying bathroom. I checked my phone and found a message.

[You were sleeping so well, I didn’t wake you.]

And then there was a picture of me, taken in a completely dishevelled state. What is this? Who takes a picture of someone lying down from their feet like this? Did he do this on purpose?

[It’s harder than I thought.]

I couldn’t suppress the laughter that burst out as I read the absurd comment.

“It would be harder to take it any other way.”

I clicked on the photo to enlarge it. It was only this clear because of the good phone camera. I zoomed in again on the picture of me curled up asleep, taken at a long diagonal angle from my feet. My face was buried in the crook of my arm, the backlighting obscuring my features, but still.

I sat and stared at the picture for a long time. Do you know? Taking pictures was always my job, and you never really cared about preserving our memories or anything.

It wasn’t that I particularly minded. I was good at taking pictures anyway, and I tried letting you take some a few times, but the results were always bad. You weren’t the type to put effort into things you weren’t good at, so you left it entirely to me. It’s okay. I was good at it.

Clutching my phone, I slowly lay back down as if collapsing sideways. The world tilted at a right angle, changing my view. Even then, I kept staring at the simply taken picture of myself.

But you know, after we broke up, I only had the pictures of us that I took. There were no pictures of me. This must be the first.

Hyun was later than I expected. Thirty minutes was my limit for wallowing with my phone in hand. Beyond that, boredom took over. I wandered around the house aimlessly, stepped out onto the terrace, sat in a chair, and enjoyed the breeze for a while. I checked my messages and confirmed that there were no problems with this week’s filming, so there was really nothing to worry about. As I was about to go inside to wash my face, I noticed a slightly open door and remembered what Hyun had said.

‘If you’re bored, look around the house. Go into the study or the fitness room.’

He definitely said that. My feet hesitated for a moment before heading towards the unexplored room, but there was nothing special inside. A large table sat in the center, and the walls were filled with built-in bookshelves packed with various files and books.

I was idly flipping through the thin magazines and newspapers stacked on one side of the desk. Most of them were economics newspapers and magazines, a mix of Korean and English. Meaning nothing interesting. I looked at the two monitors on the table and then turned to the bookshelves behind me.

“This is a room that will make you even more bored if you come in when you’re bored.”

I scanned the bookshelves. The spacing between the occasional ornaments was eerily uniform. He seemed to have no intention of fixing his mild OCD.

I looked at the bookshelves with admiration, arranged by color, spine height, and other personal rules. There must be something interesting among these. Or a book with lots of pictures would be nice. Lost in thought, I bent down further. Further. Further. I ended up squatting down and scanning the bottom shelf because that’s where the novels and albums were. Ah, there it is. I went all the way to the end and finally found the yearbook Geonjung had seen at my house before.

You were the one who said it was okay to touch things.

Just as my hand reached for the unfamiliar middle school graduation photo, I noticed two thick albums and a box placed next to it, not upright on the shelf, but lying down. My hand moved from the smooth, red velvet-covered middle school yearbook to them in an instant. Seeing their considerable thickness, I grabbed them with both hands. As expected, they were heavy, and my weight shifted backward as I pulled them out, causing me to plop down on the floor.

An unknown album. Even though I knew no one was home, I glanced at the open study door and reached out again. Hyun. You definitely said it was okay to look.

The moment I turned the first page of the album and saw the first picture, I realized what kind of album it was.

“This picture… It was here all along.”

I looked at the two of us at twenty, trapped within a square paper frame. Someone had taken this picture for us. It was a moment in spring when we were sitting outside the social sciences building. We were sitting side by side, still not close. Hyun was looking at the camera lens with a bored expression, and I was smiling for some reason. What was it back then?

I turned another page. This time…it was from our trip. Everyone was there. Daeun, Geonjung, Seungpyo. Hyegyeong, too. A summer day at the beach. With the others between us, we were standing at opposite ends, the sea as our backdrop.

And the next page.

A picture taken at a festival. We were walking under the crudely hung lights on the trees, and somehow, we were captured side by side among the crowd. That night, we drank so much, and after a messy first confession, we kissed. But that day, it wasn’t me, but Hyun who initiated it. Hyun said he was annoyed because I kept giving him “kiss-me eyes” but wouldn’t do anything, so he just went for it. Is that my fault too?

Next.

From this point on, we were dating. Amazing. It was just a trivial picture. You were slightly hunched over, looking at a book. I just took a picture from the side. But I could sense the subtly closer distance.

Or you lying down languidly with your head on my thigh.

Not only did you no longer shy away from the approaching camera, but you started looking directly at the lens.

Right. There was this too. When you were playfully leaning in close to me as I lay down, as if to mingle our breaths, I took a burst shot, capturing the precarious moment before our lips touched. I traced the line of your gently closing eyes with my fingertip on the photo.

My hand moved further. Next, next, next.

We were together, or you were lying alone, or we captured moments that shouldn’t be seen by others in photographs. We walked huddled together, pushing through the snow, and you, holding both my hands, guided me, who couldn’t ski, down the slope backward.

Did we do this much together? My fingers flipped through the pages as quickly as my heart beat. Most of the pictures we shared, but some I had lost during my moves and hectic life. All those photos were neatly arranged. Some vertically, some horizontally. The photos, organized by the flow of time and memory, already filled one album. Inside were mostly pictures of Hyun and me, captured in various frames and perspectives.

Did I see us like this? It was a gaze even I found unfamiliar. With every surge of memory, new emotions rose like waves, crashing against my heart, sharply piercing the surface of my feelings. I rolled my aching eyes, strained from concentrating, and looked at the picture on the first page of the second album.

You, with a languid smile on your face, your head tilted back on the bed, eyes closed in the pale light. The wrinkled sheets beneath you, a few strands of hair stuck to your forehead. It was a composition that could have been featured in a magazine, a black and white study in the balance of sensuality and innocence. And it was a picture that vividly conveyed the sense of distance between you and the person who took the picture.

I licked my dry lips and turned the page again. Toes, legs. Or our legs tangled together, or a close-up of our hands clasped together. There were no pictures beyond that. Hyun wasn’t that cooperative when it came to photos, so it was difficult to take the camera out while doing anything more intimate. Only a few of these kinds of pictures remained, taken over a day or two.

Emotions within the photos matured and faded quickly. From some point on, there were many pictures taken from behind. The obsessive element of trying to get as close as possible disappeared, and at some point, I started taking pictures from a distance, from behind, capturing your silhouette. Why was that? The memory surfaced quickly.

Ah. It was when I was studying light and contrast. Hyun, with his thin but distinct lines, was the perfect subject, and I placed him somewhere between light and shadow, far away, further away. From behind. That’s how the photographs became distant. Tracing the line of your profile. Or taking pictures from across the street.

We were growing distant even in the photos. It was just because of practice, but why did it feel this way? I was flipping through the pages, swallowing the bitter feeling. I grabbed a handful of the turned pages and flipped them back and forth. Again, again.

“…….”

The thick album pages rustled against my hair several times. After flipping through dozens of pages, a thought suddenly struck me. Was it me, not you, who distanced myself first back then?

I had never doubted my innocence in our relationship. I was the one who was dumped, and I was the one who pleaded for you to look back at me just once more.

But, as Hyun had said, I was the one who started to focus more on work and come home late. But, that was work. It wasn’t that I was interested in other people or things, it was my job. And it’s true that you found it pathetic.

However, as I looked at the photos that clearly showed the expansion of my world, which had once been focused on a single point, the clamoring voices in my heart began to quiet down. And a new whisper began to murmur.

How innocent are you?

Maybe it was the result of two twenty-one-year-olds equally at fault.

As if searching for proof of my innocence, I reached into every bookshelf and drawer in the study. After running my fingertips over each file folder in the open cabinets, I returned to the desk. I opened and closed the drawers shallowly a few times. Suddenly, something in the bottom drawer caught my eye. I pulled it out as if in a trance.

The CDs, each encased in a thin case, had clear titles on the front. The letters I had written with a marker pen. Summer Busan, Winter Break, December, November, April, Birthday, etc. I had given one to Hyun every time I filmed a video. He would just look at them indifferently, and then they would disappear, and I would vaguely assume he had put them away somewhere. I also stored them that way, and some disappeared or the data got corrupted during moves. Those memories were now neatly arranged in the innermost part of the drawer, each covered in a glossy case.

I didn’t have the courage to play them. I closed the drawer, put the albums back in their place, and trudged out. I felt drained, as if I had walked through all my archived memories. I didn’t want to move a single fingertip.

As my knees hit the sofa, I collapsed face down. A slight bounce shook my body and then stopped. The lengthening shadow cast over the back of my hand was turning a shade of vermilion. The shadow near my knuckles grew longer. I heard the sound of a door in the distance. I deliberately closed my eyes upon hearing it.

It took a long time for the presence to approach. The quiet footsteps fully entered the room, and a light switched on. After the rustling sound of something being placed down, the approaching presence stopped near my feet. I felt the gaze, and the muscles in my back tensed slightly, but I still had no energy to get up.

“Still sleeping?”

“No.”

I answered brazenly, recognizing the familiar tone. The presence moved up from my feet and stopped near my shoulder. I turned my head towards the other side of the backrest, a passive avoidance. It was still too overwhelming to face him. The tangled thoughts felt like they would spill out of my mouth. What were you thinking back then? Did you think I was the one who distanced myself first?

From my prone position, I rolled over onto my side, turning my back completely. Then I felt an arm gently caress my back. I felt the presence lie down completely, close against the space behind me. Body heat enveloped me. From my waist to my arms, shoulders, and even the hair against my cheek was brushed away by Hyun, who whispered against my crown,

“Did someone bother you?”

“No.”

It’s not someone, but my own thoughts that are bothering me. The thought that I might have been the one at fault keeps pricking at my heart.

“I left, telling them not to bother you.”

His tone was unusually gentle, as if soothing a child.

“What are you doing lying here like this?”

“……It’s nothing like that.”

“Or…”

The already close distance shortened further as Hyun leaned in, as if to mold himself to my curled-up form.

“Why aren’t you moving away?”

“I’m too tired.”

“Do you want to date me again now?”

More than that, I thought, maybe we could have avoided breaking up.

Without answering, I buried my head in the space between my folded arms. My head, confused by the overlapping thoughts, felt hot. I felt him gently scratching my hair from the close proximity behind me. Knowing he could hear me even amidst the quiet, unobtrusive movements, I murmured helplessly,

“We’re like a couple who’ve been dating for 10 years.”

If we hadn’t broken up. If things had been different. At this moment, I couldn’t stop that thought. For a moment, Hyun, who had occupied the space behind me, was silent. A moment later, the body pressed against my back like a wall wriggled closer, eliminating any gap between us.

“Then let’s do that.”

“How can we?”

“Have you forgiven me now?”

“No.”

“Right. Don’t forgive me.”

“Don’t forgive you and stay here?”

“Sleep well, eat properly.”

The fingers that had been brushing my hair moved to my temple. The white, rounded fingertips traced down from my eyelids. Hyun, who had embraced my recoiled posture, slowly turned my body to face him. His dark eyes were focused solely on me.

Looking at Hyun like this, I felt a wave of distant emotion and vague fear. Could it work this time? My uncertain feelings must have shown on my face, because he shifted, placing his leg over my waist and sitting down. The heavy weight felt like a comforting pressure on my turbulent heart, like a paperweight.

“Do what you want, and if there’s nothing to do, lie down. Live like that.”

“You don’t like the things I want to do.”

“I like them.”

The suddenly tilted angle stopped above my eyebrows. His breath, tickling the fine hairs, slowly slid down. The smooth texture of his lips passed, and the tip of his nose brushed against mine, the distance remaining close even as our eyes met. I stared, mesmerized, into his eyes, overflowing with clear, intense emotion. Just as I tilted my chin back and parted my lips, as if to drink it in, he said,

“I like everything.”

“No, you don’t.”

“I didn’t know.”

My upper lip was sucked. A sharp pleasure, more stinging than anything else, shot through me. I frowned, and then felt him take my lower lip in his mouth. The way his moist lips pressed and nibbled made me laugh. It was just like when we were younger, and as if influenced, I instinctively licked his lip. The angle shifted, and our tongues intertwined.

“Hmm, mm.”

The pleasure spreading from the tip of my tongue exploded like fireworks, blurring my vision. With every rub of heat and the taste of sweet saliva, my fingertips tingled, and I scratched the sheets. I felt a soft pressure against my outstretched palm. I quickly turned my eyes and saw a large hand pressed on top of mine. Breaking away from the kiss, I said,

“Your hand……”

But all I could manage was to lick his tongue as it poked and prodded inside my mouth. I felt dazed. Even being held down and kissing like this felt hazy. As if you might disappear again. The moment I wrapped my legs around his waist, I felt the pressure against my core, as if it might burst. As he blatantly rubbed against me, having only been half-heartedly pressing against me before, a different moan escaped my lips.

“Ugh, ah… your hand…!”

“It’s okay.”

“You said you wanted to be taken care of.”

“I’m all better now.”

His lips trailed down my chin and neck, stretching the neckline of my shirt as they reached my collarbone, nibbling and sucking. It was the same spot he had obsessively nuzzled since we were young. Even this is the same. I tilted my head back at the dull ache, and he pulled up the hem of my shirt, taking it off. My hair was ruffled in an instant, and I felt the soft leather of the sofa against my bare back. My back arched again as his fingers pinched and pulled at my nipples.

“Really, hmm… are you better?”

“Completely. Perfectly.”

“Ugh, even so…”

His bright red lips closed around my still-soft nipple. The moment his tongue, which had been licking my areola, shifted to sucking, I couldn’t bear it any longer. As I writhed and squirmed, my head rubbed against the armrest of the sofa, and I felt a clenching sensation deep in my lower abdomen.

“Ah…”

The hand that had been roaming my back grabbed the waistband of my loose pants and briefs in one go, pulling them down. I watched as the clothes slid past my thighs and ankles, pooling on the floor, and I clutched at my shirt. Unlike me, naked as a newborn animal, Hyun was still dressed in his outside clothes. As I tugged at the thin fabric in my hand, the corner of his lips, which had been rubbing against mine, curled upwards.

“Take them off for me.”

As I took off his black shirt, his well-defined upper body muscles were revealed. As I ran my palm down his bare chest, Hyun closed his eyes. Following the contours of his sculpted pectoral muscles and the firm muscles beneath his skin, my fingertips reached his waist. I swallowed hard. His already fully erect penis was clearly visible, its outline extending along the inside of his thigh, nestled to the left.

Sensing my hesitation, his lips met mine again. His lips, nibbling at my Adam’s apple, whispered,

“Take those off too. Quickly.”

“Just a moment.”

Even the breaths I exhaled felt hot with excitement. But if I do this too, there’s no going back. My heart had already softened, but let me just think for a moment. Just a moment…

Sensing my attempt to regain reason, Hyun nuzzled his cheek against my neck like a suckling baby and pressed his lips against the spot below my ear. As the hot, insistent pressure of his erection rubbed against my inner thigh, I bit my lip, and a desperate whisper reached my ears.

“Jio.”

“Yeah.”

“I haven’t been able to touch you at all since I brought you to this house. Please.”

With his pleading words, his hand moved down and grasped my left hand. Hyun sat up and, looking directly at me with piercing eyes, pressed his lips to the tip of my left index finger. He pressed his lips against each finger, rubbing them, and then gently bit the flesh at the tip. He straightened my recoiling hand and placed it between his lips again. This time, his bright red tongue came out and sucked on the tip of my finger. I couldn’t stand the pressure of his sucking and the smooth sensation inside his mouth. Just as I couldn’t take it anymore, I pulled my hand away with a wince.

“I was the same, so be quiet.”

“You were the same?”

“You kept needlessly taking your clothes off.”

“If you knew, you should have come over. You were mean.”

I glared at him, and he brushed the knuckles of my hand with the tip of his tongue, feigning innocence. You bastard. You’re playing with me again. I shouldn’t fall for it.

“Let go for now. Your pants are rubbing against me and it hurts. Either get up or…”

“So I should take them off?”

I don’t know. My glistening fingertips were pulled down, and I finally unbuckled his belt. With the sound of the zipper going down, I pulled off his briefs along with his pants. The base of his flushed penis was prominent amidst his dark pubic hair. As I pulled his pants down past his thighs, his penis twitched and bounced against my hand. He kicked off his remaining clothes and settled his weight heavily on top of me.

The feeling of his flesh licking the inside of my mouth was incredibly soft. I wondered if this was what kissing was supposed to be like. Unfamiliar yet familiar. My upper body was laid back completely, and one of my spread legs fell off the sofa. The hand that had been stroking my lower abdomen pressed against my erect penis. As I let out a groan, he swallowed it and started stroking me. I twisted and turned, but I could feel my pre-cum wetting his palm.

Hyun, who had wrapped his arms around me from behind as if to embrace my back, which was curling in anticipation of our long-overdue intimacy, kept moving his hand. I felt our erect penises being held together, their tips touching. My throat tightened as his erection rubbed against my perineum and inner thigh. My legs trembled, and I flinched.

“Hmm, I think I’m going to…”

“Cum. Let’s use it.”

“Ugh, I don’t want to yet.”

“It’s pretty seeing you cum after so long.”

“Pretty, who… ah…!”

More than the feeling of him jerking and shaking my core, it was your face, looking at me with lustful eyes, that was more arousing. Staring into those eyes, I bit my lip. My body, unintentionally abstinent for a long time, easily released semen at his touch, which seemed to soothe my straining erection. Hyun, who had been pressing his lips against my tilted neck, kept moving his hand, stealing what I was spilling. Finally, he rolled my sensitive scrotum in his hand.

“Ah, ha, there, gently.”

“Okay.”

As if obediently listening to my words, I felt his fingers slide inside me. It was the feeling of long, smooth fingers, their knuckles brushing against me. My mouth opened at the sensation of him pushing inside, further inside, wriggling deeper. He pressed down on my thighs with his bandaged hand to keep them spread, making it difficult for me to resist. His curled fingers brushed against my sensitive inner lining, and then pressed against a particularly sensitive spot. I twisted my body with a sharp gasp.

“Ah, uh…”

“It’s going to take a while to loosen up.”

I felt another finger enter with a squelching sound. As I arched my back, I felt his tongue licking my chest. I felt his fingers searching, insistently rubbing, scissoring and making space inside me. While I tilted my head back, his fingers stretched further inside. After a long while of rubbing, when they hit a sensitive spot, my whole body tensed as my insides tightened. He was right in front of me, gently rubbing that tight spot, gauging my reaction.

While I repeatedly clenched and unclenched my jaw, Hyun clearly showed that he was also holding back, rubbing his own erection against my lower abdomen and thigh. His eyes were flushed, and his sweaty forehead glistened. I found it beautiful and brushed my lips against his. At that moment, as his fingers stretched me open again…

“Ah, uh…”

My strength immediately drained, and my head dropped, but Hyun followed my lips, pressing against them like a seal before lifting himself up.

I didn’t think much of it when he lifted one of my legs and placed it on his shoulder, but as I felt him settle between my thighs, I arched my back. It wasn’t easy to move my upper body, which had been pulled along. Even before he had fully positioned himself, I could feel the tip of his penis against my twitching entrance.

He shifted his hips slightly, pressing and releasing, gauging his entry. My blurred vision watched as his hip bones and abdominal muscles moved like a living organism. He squeezed and rubbed my buttocks, and his hands, gripping my waist, steadied my twitching lower body. And then…

“Ah, ha, haa…!”

“Ha…”

With a thick pressure, his penis pierced me, as if forcing its way between my spread hips. The sensation of hot flesh rubbing and stretching ripped through me. I bit my fingertips, watching his slow movements.

“Ah… ah…”