Gutter – Chapter 10.2

Author: nicotine

Yeonjo squeezed adult toothpaste onto a toothbrush and caught the child who was trying to run away, trapping him between his legs. Then, he put the toothbrush in the child’s mouth and began to coax him gently.

“It will be over soon. One minute, no, 30 seconds will do.”

“Ugh… N, no. I, I, I won’t do it.”

Usually, around this point, the child would give up and become quiet, but for some reason, he was throwing a particularly long tantrum that day. After a few more exchanges between the two, the child spat out the toothbrush and his front tooth grazed Yeonjo’s finger.

Perhaps mistaking it for a bite, the child’s eyes widened, and he covered his mouth with both hands. It hadn’t been a hard collision, yet the child looked more shocked than Yeonjo, his eyes welling up with tears.

“Y, Yeonjo hyung…. H, h, hyung.”

Repeating “hyung” over and over, the child lay face down on the cold bathroom floor, burying his small face in his arms.

“Are you surprised? Hyung is not hurt. I’m not injured, so look up. Okay?”

Yeonjo moved closer and tried to soothe the child. When he wouldn’t budge, Yeonjo pulled the small body into a hug. After hesitating for a few seconds, the child snuggled into Yeonjo’s embrace.

“H, hyung….”

He repeated the same word, like a child who knew no other words.

“It’s okay.”

Taking it as an apology, Yeonjo patted the child’s back. After that, the child stopped resisting and finished brushing his teeth.

That afternoon, after returning to the orphanage from school, Yeonjo suddenly felt something was amiss. Come to think of it, he hadn’t seen Rags. The child always came to meet him at the orphanage entrance, rain or shine, but there was no sign of him today.

Looking around, Yeonjo entered his room, put down his bag, and changed his clothes. He was about to head to the dining room to look for the child.

“Y, Yeonjo hyung!”

Hearing light footsteps running from afar, Yeonjo raised his head. Dadadadak. A few seconds later, the door opened and the child came in.

“Where were you? What’s that in your hand?”

Before Yeonjo could finish his question, the child suddenly held out something he had been holding. Looking closely, it was a dandelion seed from the backyard of the orphanage. Staring at the puzzled Yeonjo, the child mumbled,

“F, flower. F, flower.”

However, because he had been clutching the stem tightly in his small hand all the way from the backyard, half of the fluffy dandelion seeds had flown away.

Realizing that it wasn’t the round and pretty shape he had first found, the child looked flustered and didn’t know what to do.

He thought that was a flower. Yeonjo chuckled inwardly and blew gently on the sparse dandelion seeds the child was preciously holding.

“This is what you do when you find one of these.”

The remaining white seeds scattered and flew away like snowflakes. Now, only the bare flower stalk remained of the dandelion.

“H, hyung!”

The child cried out in a voice filled with sorrow and reproach. He moved busily, trying to catch the flying dandelion seeds. But the seeds, as if teasing the child, scattered in the air, refusing to be caught.

“…The f, flowers all f, fell, fell off.”

The child muttered dejectedly. Every flower around the orphanage building had withered because the child kept picking them and giving them to Yeonjo. Thinking about how the child must have excitedly run all the way here, thinking the scattering dandelion seeds were flowers, made Yeonjo want to laugh.

Yeonjo barely managed to keep a straight face. He knew the child would cry if he laughed.

“Those aren’t flowers, they are seeds. I haven’t seen it myself, but they say that if you blow on them and scatter them, flowers will bloom later.”

“…”

“Thank you anyway.”

As Yeonjo explained gently, the child stared at him intently and opened his mouth to mumble something. But because it was a dream, Yeonjo couldn’t hear his voice properly. What did he say back then?

Did the child smile afterwards, or did he come and hug him? The child, who had been so vivid in his memory, was now blurred like a faded black and white photograph.

🚬

Boss Gu had been out of contact for several days. Consequently, except for his subordinate who occasionally came to check on Yeonjo and deliver necessities, Yeonjo was always alone.

Staying put in the studio apartment was physically comfortable, but the unease in his heart prevented him from truly relaxing. Yeonjo soothed this awkward boredom by meticulously cleaning the bathroom, kitchen, boiler room, bedroom, and living room, rotating through them each day.

During this process, he discovered an old laptop in a drawer. After finishing his chores, Yeonjo brought it to the living room table and turned it on. It had been unused for so long that there was no data left. He hadn’t expected to find a laptop with important information stored in a place he could access anyway.

Since he had the laptop on, Yeonjo decided to search for the riding stable Joowon had mentioned. Although it lagged, there was no problem accessing the internet.

At first, he struggled for a while, unable to find any information about the newly constructed stable. According to Joowon, it wasn’t fully built yet, and it wasn’t solely a riding stable, so Yeonjo couldn’t figure out what keywords to use to find information. Perhaps Joowon had lied to lure him.

Reaching that thought, Yeonjo felt discouraged. Sitting still and pondering, he logged into the online cafe run by Mr. Lim, the owner of the riding stable he used to work at, just in case. He hadn’t left the cafe yet, so his membership level remained the same.

Searching the cafe using various keywords, Yeonjo found posts by two members about a new resort.

The posts mentioned an upcoming resort for a select few members, offering a comprehensive range of facilities including a golf course, water sports, a riding stable, and a spa. The author claimed to have heard this information from a businessman they knew indirectly and briefly described the approximate location and size of the resort. The posts concluded with a promise to introduce interested members to this businessman later.

“…It seems Joowon was telling the truth.”

As Yeonjo finished reading through the posts interspersed with casual chatter, his heart began to race. His mind, which had been quiet due to his confinement, started working quickly.

Although the information wasn’t detailed, it was enough. He also had Mr. Lim’s business card, which he had secured when the unconscious Joowon was being dragged away. Since the location was far from his previous workplace, the riding stable, and Mr. Lim was only partially involved but not directly managing it, the connection was weak, making it difficult for Boss Gu to trace.

Being in a remote area also meant there would be fewer CCTV cameras than in the city. It seemed like a suitable place to hide with his grandmother in the future.

His stomach churned with anticipation for the plan to escape from Boss Gu. He couldn’t live like this forever. He had to escape before he sank further into this mire because of him.

Once his grandmother fully recovered… If only his grandmother got better, he could somehow start anew in a new place. Then he would have nothing more to wish for.

Thinking about these distant future events, Yeonjo deleted his search history and turned off the laptop. Lastly, he carefully arranged the connecting cables exactly as he had found them.

As Yeonjo was leaving the room after putting the laptop back in its place, his steps suddenly halted. He took a deep breath, whoosh, as deep as he could. A sharp pain in his chest made him involuntarily stiffen.

The coughing started again. His throat felt as if it was being torn apart. Unable to stop coughing, Yeonjo hurriedly grabbed the bottled water from the dining table. He gulped it down frantically, but the nausea surged, and he vomited water onto the floor. Seeing the blood mixed in, Yeonjo grimaced.

“Hoo… Whew.”

Leaning against the dining table and taking deep breaths for a few minutes, his phone rang. Barely composed and exhausted, Yeonjo slowly walked to the sofa and picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

—Is this Cha Yeonjo’s guardian? Patient Park Sunja has just been moved from a general ward to the intensive care unit!

An urgent voice came through the receiver. His back, which had momentarily relaxed, stiffened again.

“Wait a minute. What? I, intensive care unit? Suddenly, what happened…”

—Patient Park Sunja is unconscious. Before losing consciousness, she was asking for her grandson. She’s in critical condition, so please visit the hospital’s intensive care unit as soon as possible!

Startled, Yeonjo held the phone to his ear for a while even after the call ended. He only fully grasped the meaning after repeatedly replaying the nurse’s words in his mind.

It was like a bolt from the blue. What on earth had happened? He had thought she was on the road to recovery. Unconscious, what was the problem? She had seemed fine when he last saw her, her voice and complexion were good, why…

Yeonjo immediately ran to the front door. He banged on the door, shouting to be let out so he could go to the hospital, but the only response from outside was that he couldn’t leave without Boss Gu’s permission.

In desperation, Yeonjo frantically bit his fingernails while calling Boss Gu. However, the call went unanswered, the ringing tone stretching on and on.

“He’s not answering. Can’t you just open the door? My grandmother is in the intensive care unit. They said it’s urgent, to come quickly, right now…”

With trembling hands, Yeonjo began pounding on the door again. He pleaded while hitting it hard enough to bruise his hand, but the subordinate remained silent. He was certainly right outside, yet…

Yeonjo felt like he was going crazy with anxiety.

“Please, please. Just once. I’ll just see if my grandmother is alright and come right back. Right? Our grandmother had cancer surgery, and she used to sell fish at the market from dawn, so her health isn’t good, so I have to go see her. I have to check if she’s alright! The hospital said it’s urgent!”

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang!

Yeonjo yelled and banged on the door. Even without a response, he kicked the door, punched it, and shook the doorknob frantically as if he had lost his mind.

Still, the lock wouldn’t budge.

“I can’t do anything until Boss gives permission.”

Every time Yeonjo pleaded, the subordinate repeated the same thing. Yeonjo gasped for breath, feeling a pain as if his insides were being ripped apart.

“You bastard! Open this right now. Open it! Who said I’m going to run away? I’m just going to the hospital, just for a little while, and I’ll be right back. If something happens to my grandmother, you guys aren’t going to take responsibility! Who are you… why are you stopping me?”

His grandmother was unconscious. Why did he have to be locked up? She was in critical condition, why wouldn’t they let him go?

After pounding on the door as if to break it, oblivious to the pain in his hands and feet, Yeonjo picked up his phone again.

He called Boss Gu, then called the hospital, crying and asking if his grandmother had regained consciousness, and then, suddenly coming to his senses, he called the police and 119.

Why hadn’t he thought of that before? He could report that he was being held against his will.

Yeonjo explained his situation to the operator in an agitated voice. However, no matter how long he waited, the police car and ambulance didn’t arrive.

As time passed, a great despair washed over him. No matter how much he struggled, nothing would happen without Boss Gu’s permission. He could do nothing.

Several hours had already passed since he received the call from the hospital. Yeonjo sat right in front of the door, endlessly waiting for Boss Gu to contact him. There was nothing else he could do. He called until his phone battery died, but there was no response.

“Ah.”

After a long time, when his excitement had subsided somewhat, he belatedly realized that his throat was sore from all the shouting. As soon as he became aware of the discomfort, something surged up from his throat. Yeonjo covered his mouth and coughed.

“Ugh, cough, cough… Haa, ugh!”

His palm was damp. And sticky. Yeonjo slowly removed his hand from his mouth.

Dark red blood was dripping down his palm and wrist.

“Haaa.”

Yeonjo clenched and unclenched his fist. It was such a large amount of blood that he wondered if it had really come from his throat.

“…”

Yeonjo sat blankly, blinking. He didn’t even think to wipe away the sticky substance, remaining motionless like a battery-drained toy doll.

Time passed so slowly. How could he get out of here? No matter how much he racked his brains, the reality of being trapped like an animal was just daunting.

Yeonjo stared meaninglessly at his hands, their skin chafed from hitting the door, for a long time before finally coming to his senses.

Staggering to his feet, he first washed his hands at the kitchen sink. The dried blood washed away and went down the drain. The water turned reddish as if colored with paint.

After carefully wiping around his mouth, Yeonjo walked sluggishly to his room and began to change his clothes. The clothes he was wearing were stretched out and unsightly. If Boss Gu contacted him and he could go to the hospital, he couldn’t be seen in this state. He took out the clothes he had carefully washed and dried to look as presentable as possible. And as he was about to close the drawer, something caught his eye.

“…”

The scarf that Boss Gu had ruined was shoved in the corner of the drawer. The yarn was all stretched out or torn, making it look quite unsightly.

He could still vividly picture his grandmother huddled in the corner of an alley in Pyeongwha Market, knitting a red scarf. Every moment of her weaving the yarn with her hunched back and wrinkled hands reeking of fish.

Yeonjo picked up the scarf and examined it, then hid it deep inside the drawer again. I have to get it repaired later.

“Hey, get up.”

Just then, a gruff voice came from behind. Startled, Yeonjo turned his head to see his subordinate standing in the living room with his legs crossed, as if he had been there all along. He looked at Yeonjo’s tear-stained face and cracked his neck from side to side.

“Boss called. He said you can go.”

“Ah…”

“I’ll take you to the hospital, so get up.”

🚬

The air in the intensive care unit was chilly. Large beds and medical equipment were crammed tightly together. Yeonjo spotted his grandmother’s bed from afar and ran towards it. Or rather, he tried to.

“Just a moment. If you’re a guardian, please write your name here before entering.”

A nurse stopped Yeonjo as he tried to open the ICU door without hesitation. In his haste, he dropped the pen the nurse handed him. Yeonjo bent down clumsily, picked up the pen, and wrote his name on the register.

“Are you Park Sunja’s guardian?”

“Yes, yes.”

“You’re late. Are you the only visitor? As a rule, only one guardian per patient is allowed in the ICU.”

“That’s right. Has my grandmother… regained consciousness?”

“Yes. Just a moment ago.”

Yeonjo breathed a sigh of relief, clutching his chest.

“Yesterday, she suddenly started vomiting and her condition worsened, so she was moved to the ICU urgently. She’s on painkillers now, so the pain has subsided and she’s alright, but if there’s an emergency, please press the call button.”

As Yeonjo nodded his head impatiently, the nurse pointed towards the entrance, gesturing him to go in.

“Grandmother.”

Yeonjo rushed to his grandmother and held her thin hand, laden with IV lines. He could barely feel any warmth. He hadn’t realized her condition had deteriorated so much because he hadn’t been able to visit her recently. The caregiver’s words about his grandmother’s weight loss came to mind belatedly.

Feeling guilty, Yeonjo gently stroked her rough hand. Her skin was uneven with wrinkles and age spots.

“Grandmother, I’m here. Do you recognize me?”

“…”

“I’m sorry I’m late. I tried to come sooner…”

Although she was conscious, she didn’t seem to recognize him, as there was no response. It was a symptom he had often seen when she was hovering between life and death, so Yeonjo habitually adjusted her blanket and clothes.

His grandmother’s face was devoid of color. Even though he tried to rationalize that it was natural for her to be this way as she aged and fell ill, he couldn’t calm down. Her body temperature had dropped, and she lacked moisture, looking like a dried-up tree root.

“You were healthy when I last saw you. Why have you lost more weight… When you get better, we’ll go see the flowers in spring together, go to the market and greet the fruit seller… and visit Mr. Kim too. We have so much to do together. Right?”

Despite Yeonjo’s earnest voice, his grandmother only breathed shallowly, staring blankly into space with unfocused eyes. As if she was too weak to see or hear anything.

Her unresponsive state made Yeonjo’s heart sink. A sudden, ominous thought crossed his mind: perhaps it was time to let his grandmother go. The nurse’s demeanor at the ICU entrance, and his grandmother’s frail and exhausted appearance…

But Yeonjo wasn’t ready yet. Since the day of the fire, his grandmother had been his only family.

No matter where he was or what he did, his only goal and dream was to live a comfortable and happy life with his grandmother. If only he could make his grandmother healthy, no matter the sacrifice…

“My…”

A faint sound escaped his grandmother’s lips, which had until now only blinked slowly. Yeonjo’s eyes widened.

“Grandmother? Are you awake?”

“…son.”

Those words tightened his chest. Tears welled up in Yeonjo’s eyes.

“Yes, yes, Grandmother. I’m here.”

Wiping away his tears, Yeonjo took his grandmother’s hand. It was so thin that he was afraid it would break if he held it too tightly.

His grandmother’s droopy eyelids fluttered, her eyes moving back and forth.

“I’m here. I’m sorry I came late… I’m sorry I couldn’t visit often.”

“My grandson…”

His grandmother gasped for breath, but gripped his hand tightly. Her mumbled words were difficult to hear, so Yeonjo leaned closer and asked again,

“Yes?”

“Where is he… my grandson…”

“…Grandmother.”

Then, his grandmother let go of Yeonjo’s hand as she searched for her grandson. And repeated the same words.

Yeonjo froze, his hand left hanging in the air.

“My only grandson, I can’t see him. I’ve lost him again. What if that’s the case… What am I… going to do.”

“…”

“It’s so… cold outside… I need to find him quickly and bring him back.”

His grandmother turned her head in the opposite direction of where Yeonjo was standing, desperately searching for her grandson.

My grandson… How much I… searched the market… To find you… Our Hanwook, my grandson.

Only then did Yeonjo realize that, just like every other time she was on the brink of death, his grandmother was looking for Hanwook this time as well.

An indescribable sadness washed over him.

“…”

Yeonjo looked down at his hands. His chest ached with disappointment and a sense of loss. He looked up at the ceiling to hold back his tears, and through the glass door of the ICU, he saw Hanwook’s face, who had just arrived.

As their eyes met, Hanwook mouthed something. At the same time, the nurse he had spoken to earlier touched Yeonjo’s shoulder.

“Excuse me, I’m sorry, but… another guardian for Park Sunja has arrived.”

“…”

“Only one guardian is allowed to visit at a time, and the person outside is asking you to step out…”

Yeonjo looked back and forth between Hanwook beyond the glass door and his grandmother lying in bed, his face wet with tears.

He didn’t want to give up his place, but he felt a profound sense of isolation, as if he shouldn’t be there.

Hanwook continued to urge Yeonjo to come out. The nurse also looked troubled, and his grandmother, unaware of Yeonjo’s feelings, kept repeating the same words with difficulty, saying she needed to find her grandson.

Having no other choice, Yeonjo rose from his seat as if being chased away. His steps were heavy as if shackled, making it difficult to even lift a foot. With a gloomy expression, Yeonjo opened the door. At the same moment, Hanwook brushed past him and rushed into the ICU.

“Are you feeling alright?”

Hanwook sat next to his grandmother and checked her condition. He had been shocked when he received the call from the hospital, but seeing her in person was even more of a blow. His grandmother, whose health had deteriorated sharply overnight, looked like she had lost her soul, with no expression or vitality, just skin and bones.

“Grandmother.”

“Who…”

“It’s me. Do you recognize me?”

His grandmother’s eyes, which had been fixed on empty space, now focused directly on Hanwook.

“My grandson… I can’t see my grandson. Go and find my grandson for me. Okay?”

“I’m right here. It’s me, Hanwook, Grandmother.”

Hanwook hid his bewilderment and placed his hand over his grandmother’s. Then, with a strength that seemed to come from nowhere, his grandmother abruptly swatted his hand away.

“Don’t lie. My grandson is… wearing the scarf I knitted for him… and sitting there.”

“What?”

Hanwook asked again, flustered, but his grandmother returned to muttering to herself.

“It’s winter, it must be very cold at the market… What am I going to do.”

“Grandmother?”

“Go and bring my… grandson.”

“…Where is my grandson?”

“At the end of the alley in Pyeongwha Market, there, if you go, my grandson… wearing a red scarf… sitting… a pretty boy. If you go and tell him his grandmother… misses him… he’ll come right away…”

Listening quietly to her story, Hanwook realized that the grandson his grandmother was talking about wasn’t him. He turned his head and looked beyond the ICU door.

Yeonjo was standing outside the glass door, his back to the room. His thin shoulders were shaking unevenly up and down, a pitiful sight.

Deciding that this wasn’t his place to be, Hanwook stared at his grandmother with a bitter expression.

“…I won’t resent you, even so.”

He murmured softly and stood up again to give way to Yeonjo.

“Hu…mm.”

At that moment, a rattling sound escaped his grandmother’s lips. She suddenly began to writhe in pain, and the startled Hanwook pressed the call button.

Hearing the sound, Yeonjo entered the ICU almost simultaneously with the nurse.

“Grandmother? Grandmother!”

Just a moment ago, she had been vaguely conscious, but now her eyes were closed as if nothing had happened.

“What happened? Why is she suddenly like this…”

Before Yeonjo could finish his question, the doctor entered and started shouting at the medical staff. The nurse called out to the unconscious grandmother and brought out an unfamiliar machine, everyone acting in unison as if there was no time to answer Yeonjo’s questions.

Yeonjo stared blankly at the medical staff bustling around his grandmother. He couldn’t think straight as his body began to tremble uncontrollably.

His grandmother’s dark face, drained of blood, was seared into his retinas.

…….

Everything that followed seemed to slow down as if his consciousness was paralyzed. The doctor’s urgent voice, the nurses’ footsteps, all sounded muffled, as if coming from behind a transparent wall.

At some point, his grandmother’s closed face began to blur.

“No, no. Our grandmother, she d, didn’t die, did she? Wait a minute, what are you doing! Grandmother, Grandmother! Grandmother!”

Beeeeeeep.

Sensing something was wrong, Yeonjo cried out in anguish, but the flatlining sound of the heart monitor soon echoed through the ICU.

🚬

The funeral proceedings were swift. Yeonjo, half out of his mind, kept fainting, so Hanwook took on the role of chief mourner.

His memories were fragmented and disjointed. Mourners seemed to have come and gone, but when he closed and opened his eyes, time would shift abruptly from day to night, from night to day. Mr. Kim, who had been close to his grandmother, had also come and gone, but even that was a hazy memory.

When he came to his senses, it was dawn. Yeonjo blinked his dry eyes, staring at the empty funeral hall. He felt utterly abandoned by the world. Now I’m truly alone. Even though he had seen his grandmother die with his own eyes, the harsh reality hadn’t sunk in. The events at the hospital felt vague, like something he had seen in a dream.

From time to time, Hanwook approached him with a look that suggested he had something to say, but seeing Yeonjo’s unresponsiveness, he would turn away, saying they should talk later when more time had passed.

He closed his eyes and opened them again, and the funeral was over. The mourners and staff had all left, and Yeonjo was the only one left in the hallway.

As Yeonjo finally exited the funeral hall, the cold, damp air, characteristic of winter, pierced his skin. The sky was dark as if ink had been spilled across it. He thought it resembled the child’s eyes.

Perhaps because he thought of the child, he suddenly saw Boss Gu before him.

“…….”

Dressed in a black suit and black shoes, he looked like the grim reaper, come to take him away. Leaning against his car, he smoked a cigarette, waiting for Yeonjo to approach.

As soon as Yeonjo saw the man’s endlessly calm and impassive face, a terrible headache struck him. The small ember of the cigarette dangling from the man’s lips ignited his fury. Uncontrollable rage surged within him like a storm.

If he could, he wanted to run over and strangle him to death right then and there. He felt like even if he beat and trampled that indifferent, composed face, he would never be able to quell this boiling murderous intent.

This was all because of Boss Gu. If only that bastard hadn’t searched for Hanwook. If only he hadn’t locked him up! No, if he hadn’t met him in the first place, he could have spent a little more time with his grandmother. If only you had never existed in my life…

“Get in.”

Boss Gu ordered Yeonjo as he began to stagger forward.

“Get… out of my way.”

“Get in.”

“I said get out of my way.”

He turned to avoid Boss Gu blocking his path, but Boss Gu grabbed his arm.

Yeonjo pressed his palms against his tearful eyes and swallowed his sobs. His ragged, damp breaths from trying to catch his breath filled the space between them.

“I want to kill you.”

Yeonjo spoke clearly, putting force into his words.

“I wish you were dead! I wish you would disappear from my sight!”

“Is that so?”

Boss Gu tilted his head crookedly, cigarette still in his mouth. His voice was devoid of any emotion.

“Then you can kill me if you feel that way. Just kill me and it will all be over! Kill me! Kill me, right here, right now… huhh…!”

Yeonjo’s body, dehydrated over several days, swayed weakly. Exhausted to the point where even raising his voice was difficult, Yeonjo clutched his chest and gasped for breath. His lungs throbbed as if they were tearing apart.

Boss Gu narrowed his eyes and looked down at Yeonjo with a strange expression.

“…I think you used to wish for that.”

“Haa, haa. Huuuh.”

“I don’t know anymore.”

He murmured softly to Yeonjo, who had collapsed on the ground like a child.

“What’s left now? Haa, you took everything.”

“I took everything?”

“What more are you going to take! You came to take everything I have. That’s why you’re holding me captive, for revenge! Because I… I…!”

“…….”

“Left you alone in that room and ran away by myself.”

Yeonjo confessed the sins of his past that he had buried deep inside.

“But now I really… have nothing left.”