Gutter Chapter 12.2

Unlike all the worst-case scenarios that popped into his head one after another, his clothes were laid out exactly as he had last taken them off on the bathroom tiles yesterday. He checked his pants pockets, and the photo was still there.

“Thank goodness…”

Yeonjo breathed a sigh of relief and carefully held the picture. The edges were crumpled and dirty from being jostled around in his pocket.

Yeonjo’s expression became serious. He couldn’t keep putting it in his clothes every time. He needed to store it somewhere else. Even if Boss Gu didn’t know now, he would eventually find out that Yeonjo had taken the picture, and if he didn’t want it taken back then, he needed to hide it properly this time.

Yeonjo wandered around the room looking for a place where Boss Gu’s hands wouldn’t reach, and belatedly discovered the duffel bag placed in the living room hallway. That bag contained his grandmother’s belongings.

Forgetting what he was doing, Yeonjo immediately opened the bag. Inside were the hospital gown his grandmother was wearing last, a couple of outfits, scarves and hats she wore when her hair fell out from chemotherapy, and a large wallet. That was all.

“…….”

All. This was all his grandmother had. Yeonjo tried to calm his churning stomach as he touched each item one by one.

They’re all so worn out. I should have bought her something nicer. These things aren’t even expensive, why didn’t I think to buy her something nice? I was so obsessed with money, but all that’s left are these worn-out clothes….

Tears streamed down his cheeks. Without even thinking to wipe them away, Yeonjo opened his grandmother’s wallet. Inside was a bankbook he had never seen before and a picture of his grandmother, the same one used for her funeral portrait.

I thought there were a few more pictures besides this. Being busy with work, he couldn’t even remember where he had put them. That’s why this was the only picture he had left of his grandmother.

“That can’t be right.”

Yeonjo desperately denied it as he burst into tears. He began to rummage through his grandmother’s worn wallet. He was sure they had taken pictures together at a photo studio a few years ago, and a regular customer at the market had also taken a Polaroid picture of them, but why.

“Why is this all that’s left? Why… Why….”

You should have taken more pictures, Cha Yeonjo. You brought this upon yourself. If only you had kept them safe.

As if grasping at a lifeline, Yeonjo buried his face in his grandmother’s clothes. His grandmother’s scent was gone, replaced by the common smell of fabric softener. That made Yeonjo even more heartbroken.

What did my grandmother smell like? There was always a fishy smell mixed with her body odor because she always handled fish. She also often prepared vegetables, so there was a bitter smell of grass too. And… And….

“I, I can’t remember.”

Yeonjo mumbled, his pronunciation distorted by sobs.

I can’t remember. Grandma’s smell is already fading. This shouldn’t be happening. It hasn’t been that long since she passed away. Why are you so stupid, Cha Yeonjo?

Yeonjo sobbed like a child. I miss you. Ultimately, what his grandmother needed until the very end was her grandson, but Yeonjo still missed her.

He couldn’t calm down. He was afraid that his grandmother would be completely erased from his memory.

After holding her clothes tightly for a while, Yeonjo, his face already soaked with tears, picked up the last item he hadn’t checked yet. The bankbook in his grandmother’s name.

The paper on the surface was so worn that it was difficult to tell its original color. It looked very old. He could faintly see something written in pen at the bottom of the cover. His vision was blurred with tears, making it difficult to read. Yeonjo roughly rubbed his eyes with his hands.

—Yeonjo’s hospital bills

“Ah….”

The writing was in his grandmother’s pointed handwriting. Although it was a small amount, she had saved up diligently for a long time, accumulating a little over 1 million won. Even though it was only a few thousand won, there were records of deposits made just a few weeks ago.

Yeonjo, who had regained his composure for a brief moment, collapsed onto the floor and wept bitterly.

You should have just used this to buy yourself something delicious. Why were you saving this when I wasn’t even going to die immediately, you foolish woman?

He wanted to go to his grandmother and argue with her. Ask her what this foolishness was. It’s useless to save up like this. You should have taken better care of your health and lived longer, why did you save this? What meaning does this even have?

“And then why… hic, did you look, for… Lee Hanwook?”

Why was it Lee Hanwook until the very end? I’m your grandson. Me.

Wailing as if rolling on the floor, Yeonjo clutched his grandmother’s clothes.

By the time he had exhausted himself from crying, a stabbing pain shot through his lungs, forcing him to take ragged breaths.

“Gasp, …Ugh, ha, ha…”

He struggled to sit up, but his body wouldn’t cooperate. The pain, which seemed to have subsided a little after his hospital visit, had worsened. He knew he had to take his medication, but Yeonjo lay on the floor, unable to move.

The door opened with the sound of the lock disengaging. Boss Gu, who was taking off his shoes at the entrance, stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Yeonjo huddled by the front door. Just like yesterday in the bathroom, he was hugging his knees and burying his head.

“What is it.”

“I want to go out.”

At Boss Gu’s harsh voice, Yeonjo lifted his head and spoke. His eyes were puffy and the corners red from crying. He didn’t need to go in and check to know for sure. He must have been wallowing in self-pity here without eating or taking his medicine.

As Boss Gu tried to enter, Yeonjo timidly grabbed his pant leg.

“I want to go out.”

“Eat your meals on time and then we’ll talk.”

Ignoring his request, he unbuttoned his shirt and walked into the living room. Yeonjo remained stubbornly rooted to the spot in protest.

“I can go out for a little while…. I can do that, right?”

Boss Gu raised an eyebrow, perhaps hearing the faint mumble.

“What’s gotten into you, making a fuss like a child?”

“There’s something I want to buy. The supermarket… or the market… Anywhere is fine. Let me go out.”

Looking at his grandmother’s belongings, he realized he needed a small bag he could easily carry around. One that would be convenient for storing her belongings and family photos, and easy to hide somewhere in this house where Boss Gu wouldn’t find it. Once the thought occurred to him, Yeonjo spent the entire time waiting for Boss Gu thinking about how he could go out and buy a bag.

“Food first.”

“The things I want to eat are outside.”

“What.”

At the mention of willingness to eat, Boss Gu put his hands on his hips and looked down at Yeonjo from a distance.

“Pho.”

“Order delivery. You can’t even walk properly if you go out.”

“I can walk.”

As if to prove his point, Yeonjo abruptly stood up.

“I can’t walk fast, but…”

Yeonjo walked slowly to where Boss Gu was standing and grabbed the tip of his hand with a pleading look.

“I want to eat pho, and buy some things while I’m out… Like clothes.”

Boss Gu stood silently, looking at Yeonjo’s white hand lightly curled around his fingertip. The size difference was stark, like that between an adult and a child.

“It’ll only take a little while. Please?”

Contrary to his conviction that he wouldn’t be able to escape this swamp-like gloomy feeling, his spirits began to lift as they arrived at the supermarket. Having been away from such a place for so long, Yeonjo was fascinated by the people walking around, and enjoyed looking at the neatly organized shelves.

Yeonjo slowly walked around the supermarket, holding Boss Gu’s arm. Though he seemed annoyed, Boss Gu walked along without complaint, his hands in his pockets, letting Yeonjo lead him. His jacket hung on one arm, while the other was used as a support for Yeonjo to hold onto while walking.

Actually, it would be better to have crutches. Yeonjo glanced at Boss Gu, who was walking with a stiff face, looking straight ahead. His forearm was thick and hard, making it uncomfortable to hold onto.

Yeonjo, forgetting his original purpose of going to the bag section, kept looking around, his attention captivated by various items.

“Come and try this. It’s freshly baked… Oh my, what man has such nice skin?”

Just then, a sausage suddenly appeared in front of Yeonjo’s face. The lady grilling sausages at the tasting corner had abruptly offered it to him.

About to decline, Yeonjo was tempted by the familiar shape and opened his mouth without realizing it. The lady put the freshly grilled, warm sausage into his mouth and smiled.

“Delicious, right?”

“Yes. Wow… this still exists. This came out a long time ago.”

A look of delight appeared on Yeonjo’s face as it was something he often ate at the orphanage. Since it was troublesome to cook meals for dozens of children every time, the teachers working in the kitchen often grilled these sausages.

“Oh! It’s different from before. It’s constantly being renewed, so the meat content is higher and only domestic ingredients are used.”

Come to think of it, the flour taste used to be much stronger. The current one was definitely much tastier. Yeonjo smacked his lips and approached the tasting counter.

“Can I have another one?”

“Of course. We also have ketchup and mustard here. I’ll cut it up for you so it’s easy to eat…”

Excited by his enthusiastic reaction, the lady picked up scissors and was explaining when she noticed Boss Gu standing next to Yeonjo a beat later and closed her mouth.

He was so large and had such a fierce expression that she almost screamed, thinking he was a gangster. Managing to compose herself, she forced an awkward smile.

“Would the gentleman next to you like to try some? It’s great to grill these when you don’t feel like cooking. We’re giving away free gifts if you buy some now.”

“Do you want to try it?”

Did he like sausages back in the orphanage? Actually, he seemed to eat anything without being picky back then, but he couldn’t remember if he had any particular favorite foods.

Yeonjo picked up a sausage with a toothpick and offered it to Boss Gu. He was worried that Boss Gu might push it away, but surprisingly, he took it and ate it readily.

Did I treat him too much like a child? He awkwardly put down the toothpick and observed Boss Gu’s face, but there was no change in his expression.

“Does it taste bad?”

“No.”

“Then why that expression?”

“Sausage tastes like sausage.”

“…That’s true.”

Yeonjo agreed half-heartedly, glancing at the embarrassed lady.

“You said you were eating pho?”

“Ah, yes. That’s right.”

“Are you going to buy this?”

The food court was one floor below. I want to buy a pack of sausages. Yeonjo rolled his eyes, calculating how to move around.

Since it was a refrigerated product, he concluded it would be better to buy it last after eating pho and before going home, rather than buying it now.

Leaving a message with the staff that he would come back later to buy it, Yeonjo headed to the food court.

Actually, he hadn’t been that keen on pho. Now that he was actually facing Boss Gu and eating with him outside, it was extremely uncomfortable. He was especially conscious of people’s stares.

“I’ll pay you back when we get home.”

It bothered Yeonjo that he had let Boss Gu pay for the food because he only realized he didn’t have his wallet when it was time to order.

“Nonsense.”

Boss Gu retorted curtly and ate his noodles silently. In fact, a single serving for an average person was far too little for him, so the bowl was emptied after just a few bites.

On the other hand, Yeonjo was a light eater, so it took him a long time to finish his meal.

“We need to go buy clothes too.”

Unable to bring himself to say he wanted to buy a bag, Yeonjo subtly hinted at the need for clothes.

“I think I threw them all away when I moved. Or maybe I couldn’t find my luggage.”

“…….”

“I don’t have much to wear at home.”

“Then we should buy some.”

“Right?”

Pleased with his short agreement, Yeonjo rose from his seat.

He immediately went up to the second floor with him, where clothing brands were clustered. Of course, he needed clothes, but Yeonjo’s main purpose in coming here was to find a bag suitable for storing his grandmother’s belongings and his family photos, so he scanned the fanny packs and belt bags displayed on the mannequins.

“Hello. Are you looking for anything in particular?”

A staff member greeted Yeonjo kindly as he lingered without entering the store.

“I’m looking for some comfortable clothes to wear regularly.”

“What style do you usually wear?”

The staff member’s expression brightened even more at the implication that they were looking for clothes for Yeonjo, not for Boss Gu, who was standing next to him. The store didn’t have clothes for men of Boss Gu’s size, so they might have had to send them away.

Noticing Yeonjo’s discomfort with his foot, the staff member brought a chair and offered him a seat to shop comfortably.

“Just something comfortable and light…”

“Most of our new arrivals this time are basic items, would you like to take a look?”

The staff member responded skillfully and quickly brought out an armful of clothes. Boss Gu leaned against the fitting room wall, waiting with an unlit cigarette in his mouth. He had a clearly bored expression.

Yeonjo didn’t intend to spend a long time choosing clothes either, so he picked the most basic design among the clothes the staff member brought.

“I’ll take this one.”

“You can try it on in the fitting room.”

“Ah, it’s okay.”

“Then I’ll wrap this up for you.”

Boss Gu, who was listening nearby, handed his card to the staff member with the cigarette still in his mouth.

“That one, and one size up in every color.”

He gestured arrogantly as if ordering a subordinate. The staff member, too intimidated to argue, respectfully received the card with both hands.

Meanwhile, Yeonjo slipped the fanny pack he had been eyeing earlier onto the counter. This size seemed suitable for storing his belongings. Fortunately, Boss Gu didn’t seem to care whether he added a bag or not.

“Why the bigger size? Are you going to wear it?”

What was he going to do with the one-size-up clothes? Yeonjo asked curiously, and Boss Gu put the cigarette between his fingers and crumpled it.

“So I can fatten you up and make you wear it.”

Well, it was ridiculous to think that Boss Gu, with his massive build, could wear clothes just one size up from what he wore. The question he had just asked was absurd even to himself.

“Customer, would you like to try on some pants while you’re purchasing a top? We have many casual and activewear items.”

“Sounds good. Try some on.”

At the friendly staff member’s suggestion, Boss Gu agreed.

“Pants are okay.”

“Why?”

“My legs are uncomfortable right now…”

Unlike tops, Yeonjo shook his head, knowing he needed to try on pants to get the right size.

“I thought so. I’ll help you put them on, so just pick some out.”

“If it’s uncomfortable, I’ll assist you. That’s what staff members are for.”

“You just bring the pants.”

“M-me…? Uh, oh, yes. Of course. Please wait a moment.”

The staff member stammered in surprise as Boss Gu openly looked down on him. A look of displeasure flashed across his face for a moment, but not many people could openly defy Boss Gu. He quickly put on a capitalist smile and returned with several pairs of pants, claiming they were new arrivals.

In the end, they bought a lot of clothes and passed through the checkout. Following Boss Gu, who was carrying a handful of shopping bags, Yeonjo recalled the prices of the clothes he had just seen.

He hadn’t noticed in the flurry of activity, but they were more expensive than he had expected. This was partly because they had bought much more than they originally needed, purchasing everything the staff member brought.

He wouldn’t ask for the money later, would he? Yeonjo stared intently at Boss Gu’s back as if trying to read his mind.

But somehow, he felt that Boss Gu would be the type to add it to a debt. After all, his profession was a loan shark.

Should I ask for a refund now? While seriously contemplating this, a restroom sign caught his eye.

“I’m going to use the restroom.”

Boss Gu nodded as if to say go ahead.

There weren’t many people in the men’s restroom, so Yeonjo quickly finished his business and washed his hands at the sink. Checking his reflection in the mirror, his complexion seemed a little better than before. Or was it? Was he just thinner? He couldn’t quite recall what his face used to look like. The pale face staring back at him in the mirror felt unfamiliar.

“Ah, I’m sorry.”

As Yeonjo was wiping his hands with a paper towel and leaving the restroom, he bumped shoulders with someone coming from the opposite direction.

The man who was just entering the restroom paused and spoke in a rather confrontational tone.

“Hey, watch where you’re going. Okay?”

“…Okay.”

Yeonjo looked at the man’s face as he dusted off his bumped shoulder. He looked ordinary, but there was a scar between his eyes. Sharp and long, as if cut by a knife.

As if sensing his gaze fixed on the scar, the man grinned. Then, without another word, he entered the restroom.

Since the man didn’t say anything further, Yeonjo left the restroom. He could see Boss Gu standing a little distance from the exit.

“Why are you standing there?”

As if sensing his presence, Boss Gu asked, looking at Yeonjo, who was standing still.

“…….”

“Shall I carry you?”

“No.”

Shaking his head, Yeonjo moved his feet busily. Perhaps the long outing was too much for him, as his foot started to ache. It wasn’t unbearable pain, but it was difficult to walk around any longer.

The thought of returning home made his spirits sink. The time he had spent casually strolling around the supermarket with Boss Gu felt surreal.

He felt as if the people passing by and the shelves piled high with new products were separating into a completely different space from him.

I was actually excited.

Yeonjo suddenly realized an unwelcome truth.