Gutter Chapter 13.2

“I rested watching TV.”

“It seems you didn’t water the tree.”

“Later. …It doesn’t grow well in winter.”

He knew Yeonjo’s answer wasn’t sincere, but he didn’t point it out.

“Your medicine.”

“I took my medicine too.”

The short conversation with him was suffocating Yeonjo. He felt like he would choke if he stayed like this.

Yeonjo, who tried to endure it by biting his lower lip, eventually got up from the sofa where he had been sitting for a long time.

“I’ll go to my room… Haa, I’ll go into my room.”

As soon as he saw Boss Gu’s legs standing right in front of him, his solar plexus tightened. A heavy pressure, as if someone was stepping on and pressing down on his feet, swept over Yeonjo.

The image of him violently swinging his hand yesterday unfolded before his eyes. At the same time, the taste of blood spread thickly in his mouth.

“Cha Yeonjo?”

“Just lie down for a bit, I… Haa. Haa.”

No. I can’t breathe again. Yeonjo clenched and unclenched his fists, trying to drive away the dark emotions that dominated his mind.

But even that was useless. A while later, Yeonjo collapsed on the floor, clutching his chest. No matter how quickly he inhaled, he couldn’t get enough air. His chest continued to ache, and his mind was in a jumbled mess, poking at Yeonjo’s sensitive nerves like iron skewers.

Now, his senses were so messed up that he didn’t even know where it hurt.

“Cha Yeonjo, what’s wrong? Get a hold of yourself, Cha Yeonjo!”

Boss Gu grabbed Yeonjo and lifted him up, shouting. As soon as his hand touched him, Yeonjo pushed him away as if he had been burned by fire.

“Don’t touch me!”

“What the….”

“Just leave me, leave me alone. Just, just let me rest for a bit. Haa, so please leave me alone… Can you leave?”

Yeonjo barely managed to enter the bedroom and grabbed the doorknob with his trembling hand.

“Right now, gasp, it’s too, too hard to see your face, so… so….”

Without hearing a reply, Yeonjo quickly closed the door. At the same time, silence fell.

He didn’t have the strength to walk to the bed. His breath caught in his throat, making him dizzy. He had no energy in his hands and feet, and his body was covered in cold sweat, giving him chills.

Yeonjo looked down at his still trembling hands. Even though he clenched them tightly to try and control them, their state didn’t change. So Yeonjo quickly hid both hands under his armpits.

Why am I like this? No matter how much I’ve been sick, I’ve never lost my mind like this.

His body trembled and shivered as if it wasn’t his own. The dazed expression on Boss Gu’s face that he had seen when he closed the door wouldn’t leave his mind.

Following the anxiety that was eating away at his mind, the fear that Boss Gu would come in and grab him by the collar and get angry added to his distress. A concrete scene unfolded in Yeonjo’s mind of him losing his temper and swinging his fists, and himself collapsing onto the cold floor with his eyes rolled back like Joowon. Thud. It was as if he could vividly hear the sound of his body falling to the floor and his bones twisting.

As soon as that thought crossed his mind, Yeonjo got up, reached out, and locked the door to prevent him from entering. Then, like a madman, he crawled into a corner, closed his eyes tightly, and began to slowly count.

🚬

Another nightmare. This time, the dream featured the corpse of Joowon and Cha Yeonjo himself with his facial skin tattered. Insects swarmed around the two corpses.

The flames were growing fiercer, and a dark figure walked into the burning room.

Black shoes, black hair, black gloves. He looked like the Grim Reaper.

Even though flames were everywhere, he stood calmly in front of the corpses like an untouchable deity. After staring at the lumps of flesh scattered on the floor for a moment, he lifted his foot. And then.

Crack. He crushed Yeonjo’s insect-covered face.

‘Aaagh!’

“Gasp…!”

His eyes flew open as soon as he screamed in his dream. The brightly lit room and the faint crescent moon hanging in the dark window came into view.

Yeonjo, his face drenched with sweat, looked for Boss Gu. Only his presence could prove that the burning house and the decaying corpses were illusions. If he wasn’t there, he might reappear like the Grim Reaper at any time and try to kill him.

Not realizing that he had fallen asleep hours ago curled up in a corner, Yeonjo looked around. Then, he suddenly groaned at a sharp pain that pierced his chest.

“Ugh, ugh!”

Something hot surged up his esophagus. Yeonjo ran straight to the bathroom.

His mouth instantly filled with vomit. As soon as he saw the toilet, his throat opened before he could even lift the lid properly.

“Ugh! Ugh, ugh…. Haa, haa.”

A thick liquid regurgitated endlessly, as if a waterfall was gushing upwards.

All the fluids in his body, tears and snot included, poured out. In the midst of all this, a twisting sensation gripped his esophagus and lungs. Every time he inhaled, vomit went back down his throat, making him cough, and every cough felt like his lungs would explode.

“Ugh, ugh… Cough, cough, cough, hack!”

Yeonjo, having emptied his stomach, collapsed and sat next to the toilet, exhausted. As usual, there was blood mixed in with the vomit.

“What’s going on?”

Yeonjo, who was barely catching his breath, gasped and choked at the low voice echoing in the bathroom. And he started coughing and vomiting again frantically.

“Cough, cough! It hurts… Huuh. Cough, cough, cough!”

“What’s with all this blood?”

The moment Boss Gu, who had been in the living room, approached and placed his hand on Yeonjo’s shoulder, Yeonjo went into hysterics.

“Don’t come near me! Please, please! Don’t come near me… Please… I’m begging you.”

Yeonjo shook his head, his face as pale as if all the blood had drained from his body.

Boss Gu hesitated and looked back and forth between Yeonjo and the bloody vomit he had expelled.

“I’m asking what’s going on, Cha Yeonjo! Is this all blood?”

Boss Gu was glaring down at him with his eyes wide open, just like the Grim Reaper from his dream. Yeonjo, his nerves consumed by fear, gasped like someone experiencing difficulty breathing.

“Yes, that’s right. Originally sometimes, ha, no, uh, maybe often, blood, haa, came out when I coughed…. inhales It happened recently too….”

“This is serious.”

“I don’t know. I really don’t know. I’m fine now.”

He tried to lift Yeonjo, who was sprawled on the floor. But Yeonjo, with a deathly pale face, barely managed to shake his head. He was gasping for air like a fish out of water.

“Don’t hit me, let me go, please, let me go… let me go.”

Yeonjo pleaded, repeating the same words.

The flustered Boss Gu removed his hand, and only then did Yeonjo’s breathing slowly return. Color gradually returned to his skin, which had turned blue like a corpse.

Boss Gu, who had been watching this, had an indescribable expression on his face.

After a few minutes, Yeonjo, having finally regained his composure, suddenly grabbed some tissues frantically. And with unfocused, blurry eyes, he began to wipe the bathroom tiles soiled with his own vomit like a madman.

“What are you doing?”

“Cleaning up….”

“Are you kidding me? Is this crap important right now?”

Boss Gu, as if dumbfounded, immediately stopped Yeonjo. He snatched the tissues from his hand, left the bathroom, and returned with his phone. It had just occurred to him that he needed to take Yeonjo to the hospital.

“Get dressed. We’re going to the hospital.”

“No, I want to sleep now. I want to rest.”

“If you can’t move, I’ll dress you and take you, so just stay still.”

“I don’t want to, not now.”

At Yeonjo’s adamant refusal, Boss Gu flew into a rage as if he were the sick one.

“You coughed up, fucking hell, a bowl of blood, and you’re being stubborn about resting…!”

“Later… I’ll go during the day, to the hospital. I’ll go later.”

Despite trembling at Boss Gu’s outburst, Yeonjo was unyielding. He debated whether to listen to him or to force him to go.

In the end, he couldn’t break Yeonjo’s stubbornness as he muttered like a madman that he wanted to rest right now.

Deciding to let him have his way for now, Boss Gu put his phone in his pocket and tried to lift Yeonjo’s limp body. Yeonjo refused this as well.

“Let go! I, I can walk.”

“Shut up.”

“I said I don’t want to. I don’t want you to touch me!”

“…….”

“Ugh, ha… haa….”

Yeonjo cried out precariously, like someone standing on the edge of a cliff. After pushing him away with difficulty, Yeonjo staggered to the bedroom on his own without any help.

As soon as he lay down on the bed, Yeonjo, as if he had never been gasping for air, wiped his messy face with a towel and quietly moved to the edge of the bed, pulling the covers over himself. It made anyone watching feel that he was desperately trying to pretend he was okay.

Boss Gu, who was watching this, walked to the door and stood there. With complicated eyes, he scanned Yeonjo’s haggard face. He felt disgusted. Perhaps it was closer to a feeling of discomfort. He felt angry, and something welled up in his throat.

Yeonjo’s fingertips were still trembling, unsure if Boss Gu would enter the room.

“…I’ll be in the living room, so call me if you need anything.”

Looking at Yeonjo, who faintly nodded his head, Boss Gu closed the door and left.

🚬

This time, it wasn’t sleep but closer to unconsciousness, so he didn’t have any dreams. Even after opening his eyes, Yeonjo remained in a daze, lying in bed for nearly an hour.

When he went out to the living room because he was thirsty, Boss Gu was waiting for him instead of going to work. Judging by the lack of any indentation on the sofa, it seemed he had spent the night in the living room without sleeping.

As soon as they finished breakfast, Boss Gu took Yeonjo straight to the hospital.

“Can you walk by yourself?”

He asked Yeonjo, standing a few steps away. When Yeonjo nodded, he made no further attempts to approach.

After arriving at the hospital, from getting out of the car to entering the building, he walked a certain distance behind Yeonjo, matching his pace.

Yeonjo straightened his posture, trying to move as normally as possible, lest Boss Gu try to support him if his pace lagged even slightly. This time, he didn’t dislike the hospital air. Anywhere was better than that house where he had to be confined all day.

“Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease and Chronic Interstitial Lung Disease really require consistent management. As you already know, since it’s a chronic illness, lungs that have deteriorated like this have difficulty returning to their previous state. Looking at your current condition, rehabilitation therapy seems urgent. I’ll increase your previous medication, including bronchodilators, and give you a new prescription, so let’s observe your progress. And let’s also decide on a schedule for hospitalization and rehabilitation therapy next week.”

After various tests, the doctor explained the situation with a serious face, displaying images on the monitor in the examination room. Boss Gu, who was standing and listening instead of sitting in a chair, had an unreadable expression.

Yeonjo simply nodded, as he already knew all of this. I guess I can’t do anything with this body anymore. A simple and despairing thought came to him first. There was no such thing as a cure for the lung disease he suffered from. This kind of frustration was already familiar to Yeonjo.

“Shall we take a walk before we go in?”

Boss Gu asked Yeonjo, who was naturally heading towards the hospital parking lot. Yeonjo stopped walking for a moment and looked outside. Outside the hospital, where the sun was shining brightly, was very bright and many people were walking around.

For some reason, just looking at the ordinary scenery made his heart ache. At the same time, he felt a little excited.

Although he was still exhausted from the dyspnea episode during the night, he didn’t want to go home just yet. From the moment he heard the word “walk,” Yeonjo felt a strong desire to go outside.

“Yes.”

In response to the answer that came after a long while, Boss Gu took Yeonjo to a small park right next to the hospital. He had tried to carry him there, as usual, so they had a brief struggle as Yeonjo vehemently refused. Fortunately, Boss Gu backed down first this time as well.

“…….”

“…….”

The park was crowded with patients taking walks, so the paths and benches were packed with no space to spare. In the distance, he could see Boss Gu’s subordinates parked and waiting in their car. Yeonjo sighed involuntarily.

Even though he was walking freely a few steps away from him, Yeonjo felt as if an invisible leash was around his neck. And Boss Gu was holding the leash. Even though he was stepping in the direction he wanted, he didn’t feel free at all.

Yeonjo carefully walked along the bustling park path. Still, being outside was better than being at home. Because cars were passing by a little distance away, he could hear people’s voices, and he could see people laughing, talking, and moving around up close.

Since when did he become so obsessed with external noises? Yeonjo felt like he was truly going insane. He was afraid of what would happen if he went any crazier.

Shouldn’t he escape before he completely loses his mind?

“I’ll let you go outside once I’m done with what I’m doing.”

Yeonjo heard Boss Gu’s words but couldn’t think of a proper response. Should he be happy?

What should he do even if he could freely go outside? Yeonjo tried to imagine himself going out comfortably and living with Boss Gu, different from now. But nothing came to mind.

“Say something, whether you like it or not.”

Boss Gu, seemingly frustrated by Yeonjo’s continued silence, walked ahead of him.

“I like it.”

It was true that being outside was better than being confined to the house.

And again, silence settled between them. As if they were in a completely different space from the people bustling through the park, they walked slowly at their own pace.

Then Yeonjo’s steps paused briefly in front of the wall separating the park and the outside sidewalk.

“Why?”

Boss Gu had quietly closed the distance between them.

As he stared blankly at the ordinary wall, a past event suddenly came to Yeonjo’s mind. During his time at the orphanage, after school, a black head would peek over the orphanage wall, which looked similar to this one, at the end of the alley. That child always waited there for Yeonjo to arrive.

Yeonjo glanced at his waist and touched it with his hand, estimating the child’s height back then.

After running away from the orphanage, he avoided passing near places with such brick walls. He tried to find another way, no matter what. He didn’t want to be unexpectedly reminded of that child in his daily life.

Yeonjo turned around and started walking in the opposite direction as if fleeing. He felt Boss Gu’s presence following behind him.

“Mister. Why is your face hurt?”

Just then, a little girl with pigtails, who had been playing in the park, popped out and pointed at Yeonjo’s face. Yeonjo’s eyes widened at the bold question.

“Oh my, I’m sorry. Come here, what are you saying….”

Before Yeonjo could answer, the mother quickly ran over and took the child away.

“It must be very unsightly. I should have worn a hat.”

Yeonjo watched the child being dragged away by her mother and then turned his head. Boss Gu’s gaze was fixed on Yeonjo’s bruised and blotchy cheeks. It was clearly a mark of violence to anyone who saw it.

Boss Gu uncharacteristically parted his lips.

“Your face….”

“Oh, a cat.”

Just as he was about to say something, Yeonjo spotted a cat passing by and pointed his finger. Following his fingertip, a calico cat was trotting along.

Perhaps it had a gentle nature, as it wasn’t wary of people at all and settled down in the middle of the walkway. Even when Yeonjo carefully approached, the cat didn’t get up and run away. Instead, it blinked its eyes and stuck its head out as if asking to be petted.

It had been a while since he’d seen a cat up close, so Yeonjo placed his hand on its head, mesmerized. The cat, smaller than a typical stray, rubbed its head against his hand and rolled over as if asking for more.

Having fed stray cats before, Yeonjo gently stroked its head and then patted its rump.

Meow! The cat, seemingly pleased, raised its tail. Then it rubbed its fur against Yeonjo’s calf as he squatted down.

Yeonjo glanced at Boss Gu, who was standing behind him, and said defensively,

“…They say they like it when you pat their rump like this.”

Boss Gu, who had at some point put an unlit cigarette in his mouth, raised an eyebrow. After a long moment, he spoke.

“You seem to like all small things.”

He sat down on a nearby bench and looked back and forth between Yeonjo and the cat that was acting cute.

“And you’re good at making me a petty bastard who’s jealous of a cat.”

At the word “jealous,” Yeonjo’s hand, which had been stroking the cat, stopped.

Boss Gu repeatedly flicked his lighter on and off. Click. Click. Every time he flicked his hand, a metallic sound rang out from the orange plastic lighter.

“I’m jealous of everything that receives your affection.”

“…….”

His words suddenly made him think of his grandmother. And of Hanwook, whom he had lost long ago and Boss Gu had found. As he became aware of his existence, the image of Hanwook naturally keeping vigil at his grandmother’s deathbed flickered before his eyes.

Yeonjo felt a dull ache spreading through his chest. Although Boss Gu wasn’t involved in his grandmother’s death, he felt an intense sense of loss, as if she had been taken from him.

Yeonjo’s lips parted slightly.

I’m terrified of your jealousy directed at those around me.

That truth remained buried in his heart, unable to become a voice.

Terrified, but at the same time, he didn’t dislike him. Such conflicting emotions constantly crossed, confusing his mind. His past with him, his present with him, his guilt towards him, his hatred towards him. The turmoil of emotions that could never coexist.

His head felt like it would explode. Yeonjo felt a strong urge to escape from him, to escape this confusion. Otherwise, he might truly lose his mind.

Meow!

The cat, which had been purring, got up and left without hesitation when Yeonjo didn’t move.

A few seconds later, Yeonjo also got up from his spot.