Gutter Chapter 18.1

Beep. Beep beep. Beep. Beep beep.

A steady mechanical sound continued without rest. Warm air, holding a moderate amount of moisture, cozily enveloped his body, and air that was slightly cool but full of oxygen passed smoothly down his throat.

Sometimes, his solar plexus would feel heavy, as if he were submerged in water, and that would invariably be followed by a fit of coughing.

He unconsciously thought that it would be less agonizing even if his insides were all torn out. When the pain that started from his solar plexus spread throughout his upper body, Yeonjo could no longer hold back his tears and would begin to sob.

At first, the tears were definitely from the physical pain, but from a certain point on, it was as if he were swept away by the debris of memories pouring out from the past, causing sorrow to well up inside him.

After he struggled and begged to be saved, his surroundings would suddenly become noisy. People would flock to him and hang all sorts of things on his body. He found them unbearably cumbersome. He wanted to grab each one and pull it off, but he lacked the strength to do so.

After the people left, Yeonjo would become as calm as if he had never had a seizure.

He would fall into a deep slumber, with no time to have nightmares or recall sad things.

“…”

He felt like a collected insect, pierced by a pair of forceps. The moment Yeonjo opened his eyes, he felt discomfort in breathing. An oxygen mask covered his entire mouth and nose, and the feeling of being trapped made him short of breath.

It seemed to be the time of day when the sun was setting, as the sun outside the window was shimmering with an orange light. It was just like the flames he had last seen before losing consciousness.

Yeonjo tried moving the tips of his fingers. And his toes as well. Finally, he closed and opened his eyelids. Even though they were simple actions, they were not entirely easy for his weakened body. Fortunately, all the movements were smooth and natural.

Beep. Beep beep. Beep. Beep beep. Beep. Beep beep.

Listening to the rhythmic and artificial continuous sound, Yeonjo lowered his gaze and checked the patient gown he was wearing.

So I really survived.

He realized an unwelcome fact. The awareness that he still existed in this world was accompanied by a sizzling, burning pain that filled his entire chest.

Relying on the oxygen mask, Yeonjo calmly repeated the cycle of breathing out and breathing in. Perhaps because the IV drip contained a painkiller, it was not as unbearably painful as before.

Once he had enough leeway to endure some of the agony, various questions began to worm their way into his consciousness.

How long have I been lying here? A day? Two days? Given that he felt dizzy even while lying down, it was clear he had been unconscious for at least a day.

His body felt endlessly loose from having eaten nothing. It felt limp, as if all his bones had been removed and only flesh remained.

How did I get out of that warehouse to be alive and well like this? Blinking, Yeonjo tried to retrace his memories. But nothing particular came to mind.

His last memory was of fainting right after he had been unable to refuse Boss Gu’s pleas and confessed his useless past. Then what happened to Boss Gu? Surely, he could not have been harmed. It was impossible that he alone had survived that terrible pandemonium. If he was still breathing like this, then Boss Gu absolutely had to be fine as well.

Yeonjo urgently darted his eyes around. There was no one in the hospital room, but there were various signs that someone else had been there. Things like a water bottle, a handbag he had never seen before, and a handkerchief were placed in various spots.

When he turned his head to the side, a pair of black leather gloves placed on a table a little distance from the bed caught his eye. It is not common for someone to wear such large and jet black gloves. Therefore, they must have been left by Boss Gu.

The ones he wore in the warehouse must have been torn to shreds after being pierced by the nail, so the fact that an undamaged pair was placed here also meant that he, too, had survived. Reassured, Yeonjo finally let his tension loosen.

Once he had indirectly confirmed that he was safe, he naturally became lost in past memories again.

Even in the haze where scenes did not connect, the two eyes that had gazed only at him in the midst of the inferno rose with a chilling clarity, pressing down painfully on Yeonjo’s chest.

I should not have told him the truth. He regretted confessing about that day, something that did not need to be known, but then he would rationalize it by telling himself that he simply could not ignore his appearance, which was more desperate than ever before.

How should I face him from now on? What should be the first thing I say? Just as he was struggling with a flood of questions for which he could not easily find answers, he heard the sound of urgent footsteps from outside.

Yeonjo stopped thinking and pricked up his ears. The footsteps, which had felt distant, were getting closer and closer to the hospital room.

“No particular issues were found in this examination either.”

At the sound of the doorknob turning, Yeonjo unknowingly closed his eyes, which had been open. He immediately felt the presence of people rushing in.

“If there are no problems, then he should be getting up.”

A low, cool voice. It was Boss Gu. So he was safe after all. Yeonjo barely suppressed the sigh of relief that almost burst out and, for the time being, continued to pretend to be asleep.

“He was in a state of mental and physical weakness, and the blood loss was severe, so… as of now, all I can say is that we need to observe him further.”

“That is what you said ten days ago. Come up with a better excuse.”

Boss Gu growled. A startled Yeonjo twitched his finger.

Ten days? I have been lying here for ten days?

“…That is.”

“Does it make a fucking bit of sense that a patient whose body is perfectly fine has been lying here unable to get up for ten days already? Hey, doctor. Are you trying to mess with me?”

As his voice began to rise, the doctor, terrified, tried to stop him with a trembling voice.

“P-please calm down. Behaving like this here will not help the patient’s stability.”

“Fuck…”

Yeonjo thought he would shout to cut the bullshit, but Boss Gu, surprisingly, seemed to be trying to suppress his temper. For a moment, an uncomfortable silence filled the hospital room.

Yeonjo had to tense his neck to stop himself from swallowing his dry saliva. Even with his eyes closed, he could clearly feel how uncomfortable the doctor was at this moment, carried on the heavy atmosphere.

Yeonjo, too, was so nervous about getting caught being awake that his insides burned. If he were to suddenly start coughing now, it would be a real disaster.

“Then, for now…”

“Get out.”

“Ex-excuse me? Ah. You are telling me to get out?”

“…”

“…I understand. If he does not wake up after we observe him for one more day, we will take another CT scan and re-examine him.”

At Boss Gu’s rude command, the doctor awkwardly left his parting words and exited.

Soon, only Boss Gu and Yeonjo remained in the hospital room. He stood in the same spot for a long time without moving, as if he had no intention of sitting in the chair.

Yeonjo debated several times whether to open his eyes, as the gaze fixed on his face felt piercing. It was not easy to keep pretending to be asleep in the face of his immense attention.

After some time, he finally heard the rustling sounds of Boss Gu moving, as if he were about to sit in the chair. The sound of his clothes brushing against each other strangely tickled his ear.

Thud thud. Thud thud.

Yeonjo had thought he would finally avert his gaze and take a seat, but Boss Gu restlessly paced around the private room without stopping. The hospital room was not small, but thinking about a man as large as him circling around made it feel quite cramped.

Why is he doing that? Has he been restlessly circling my bedside like that the whole time I was unconscious?

In any case, the fact that he could move around freely without any trouble must mean that Boss Gu’s physical condition was good. He was glad that he was alive.

‘Tell me. Tell me, hyung.’

‘Yeonjo-hyung, please… You did not abandon me, did you?’

His desperate voice from the warehouse completely filled his head. Just thinking about that moment made him feel nauseous, and something welled up from within his throat.

If I open my eyes and face you, what in the world am I supposed to say? I just do not know.

Even though Yeonjo knew that Boss Gu was eagerly waiting for him to wake up, he could not bring himself to open his eyes until the very end.

Perhaps because his body had not yet fully recovered, drowsiness soon washed over him. Thanks to that, Yeonjo was able to fall back asleep without difficulty, even with Boss Gu right in front of him.

🚬

When he woke up again, Boss Gu was still in the hospital room. He was sitting in the chair, his gaze fixed out the window, staring into the distance. A firm jawline and cool eyes, firmly closed, distinct lips, and eyes that glistened like black lacquer. His very existence seemed to have no empty spaces. He sat so chillingly upright, like a solid mineral that would not allow a single scratch no matter where one touched it.

What is he thinking about? Yeonjo, forgetting to pretend to be asleep, stole glances at him with a blank expression.

Quite some time must have passed, as Boss Gu looked much calmer compared to when Yeonjo first opened his eyes. And he was wearing the turtleneck sweater that Yeonjo had put on him backwards before.

For some reason, he felt a lump in his throat. He knew it was cowardly, but he still did not have the confidence to speak to him. Yeonjo tried to imagine facing him and having a conversation.

Should he apologize and say he was sorry? Or should he thank him for saving him?

Were Gu Munchun and I in a relationship that could be settled with just a few simple words of greeting like that? He did not know. He just wanted to vaguely postpone the moment of facing him and exchanging words.

How long had he been asleep this time? His body felt considerably lighter. He was still wearing the oxygen mask, but his lungs did not hurt as much as before.

Yeonjo closed his eyes before Boss Gu could turn his head. He had hoped to fall back asleep, but his mind slowly began to clear.

To make matters worse, Boss Gu did not budge from his seat for several hours. Yeonjo endured the tedious time with his eyes closed. Beep. Beep beep. Other than the mechanical sound he was now used to, no noise could be heard in the hospital room.

The sunlight coming in through the window was intense, so it was probably still midday. The hospital room was so strangely quiet that he suspected Boss Gu might have fallen asleep while sitting up.

He is a patient too, so isn’t his body uncomfortable? Yeonjo suddenly began to worry about Boss Gu, who had been sitting in the same position for several hours.

He must have a wound on his shoulder, and with his hands pierced by nails in various places, it would take quite some time to heal. He might have even gotten burned again. …Burns. He should not even think that. Really, it had to be anything but that. Are his lungs okay?

“How long are you going to pretend to be asleep.”

A low voice that cut in abruptly broke Yeonjo’s complicated train of thought.

In that moment, his heart sank. Is he talking to me?

Startled, Yeonjo’s heart began to beat fast. But, with a stubbornness that came from who knows where, he decided to keep pretending to be asleep as if he had not heard him.

“I know you are awake.”

“…”

“…”

This time, he was really talking to him. Boss Gu’s voice was filled with conviction.

Flustered, Yeonjo unwittingly opened his eyes wide. As he did, Boss Gu’s eyes, which had been facing the window until just a moment ago, were now fixed on Yeonjo as if to pierce through him.

When and how did he know I was awake? Yeonjo’s pupils shook unsteadily as he avoided his gaze like a sinner. As if reading his mind, Boss Gu answered.

“I have known since yesterday.”

“…”

So he knew from the very beginning? Yeonjo blinked, unable to find a place to rest his gaze out of embarrassment.

He frowned as he looked down at Yeonjo.

Beep. Beep beep. Beep. Beep beep.

The only thing flowing between the two of them was a silence mixed with the cold mechanical sound. Yeonjo bit his lower lip, under the illusion that his windpipe was being squeezed.

Just as Boss Gu opened his mouth to say something, a dry cough burst from Yeonjo’s lips.

“Hagh, cough cough!”

It was a sensation like dozens of sharp tacks were digging into his throat and stabbing it. No matter how much he inhaled the gas from the oxygen mask, his insides churned relentlessly.

“Cha Yeonjo.”

“Ah, it hurts… it hurts…! Cough cough cough cough!”

Boss Gu quickly pressed the call button and approached Yeonjo. He said something to Yeonjo, but because of the pain, he could not hear a single word.

Soon after, a doctor and nurse rushed into the hospital room. Like Boss Gu, they spoke to him without a break, to the point that his ears hurt, but he could not understand any of the words.

Yeonjo clutched his chest in agony and coughed. At some point, a metallic taste began to rise up his throat. And soon, red blood dripped onto the hospital bed.

🚬

The doctor who had rushed over provided emergency treatment and then returned after delivering a load of unwelcome news.

Yeonjo had somehow managed to cling to life, but he would have to live on medication for the rest of his life. He was also warned that seizures like this one would occur frequently from now on.

Furthermore, his lung function had worsened even more than before, so running even a little or engaging in strenuous activities was now truly impossible. There was a slight possibility of improvement if he underwent rehabilitation over a very long period of time, but he was diagnosed that even that was slim.

Despite having undergone various tests after waking up and having a seizure, there was nothing that could be done right away. If a bone was broken, one could wait for it to heal, and if a wound was sustained, it could be sutured to heal, but that kind of treatment did not work for the lungs.

The only fortunate thing was that if he managed it well so that it did not worsen, he would be able to breathe on his own without an oxygen mask.

The fact that being able to breathe on his own was considered fortunate. Yeonjo was not the least bit happy. The entire time he was listening to the diagnosis from the doctor, he only repeated the thought that it would have been better to die in the warehouse.

“I need to apply the medicine… Could you unbutton your shirt for a moment?”

Yeonjo’s caregiver brought out some medicine and spoke carefully. In addition to the lung damage, Yeonjo also had fairly extensive burns on his arms and back. No wonder his entire upper body had ached while he was lying down; there was a reason for everything.

Yeonjo wordlessly unbuttoned his patient gown and pulled his arm out. When the gauze covering the affected area was removed, his skin began to sting as it came into contact with the air.

“Usually, a nurse is the one who applies the medicine, but I have done it before at another hospital, so I said I would do it. Please tell me if it is uncomfortable.”

“…”

“Still, the doctor said that if you just apply this medicine consistently, you will not have any scars.”

“…”

“For the more severe parts, a slight mark might remain, but they say that much can be easily removed with laser treatment at a dermatology clinic. Your skin is so nice, I thought it would be such a shame if it scarred, so this is great, is it not? Oh my. Are you in pain?”

When he flinched his shoulder, the caregiver stopped her actions in surprise. Only after seeing Yeonjo shake his head did she smile, as if relieved.

The caregiver was a woman who appeared to be of a similar age to Yeonjo. She had her long hair tied back neatly and wore a plain, unpatterned t-shirt. She must have been taking care of Yeonjo while he was lying down, as her hand movements as she spread the medicine seemed practiced.

Yeonjo sat still and stared blankly at the burn on his arm. Seeing the reddish skin, which contrasted with the smooth skin elsewhere, made his mood plummet.

I never thought I would get burned again. It was a wound that dredged up even musty, unpleasant memories. Experiencing again something he never wanted to go through again in his life, a great sense of powerlessness weighed down on his shoulders.

“Um, but…”

The caregiver, who had been concentrating for a long time to avoid irritating the wound, opened her mouth to speak as if she had remembered something.

“The person who comes here every day. The one who is tall and has a bit of a scary impression…”

Instantly understanding that the person she was talking about was Boss Gu, Yeonjo nodded his head.

“Is he a gangster?”

“…”

“I mean… the people he is with are so, um.”

Her words trailed off as she carefully chose her words.

“Rough looking. The way they talk is harsh, too.”

If I say yes, he’s a gangster, will she run away? Yeonjo contemplated how to answer.

“Ah, I am not trying to be offensive. It sounds materialistic to say this, but he pays really well. Originally, my mom was supposed to do this caregiver job, but something came up in the family, so I came instead? It is not as hard as I thought, and I like it.”

“…”

“But it would be scary if he is really a gangster. He has a handsome face, but his way of speaking and his expression are incredibly stiff. I am telling you, even the doctor eyes him nervously every time he comes.”

As if she had not particularly expected a response from Yeonjo, she rambled on with her own story.

Listening quietly, Yeonjo thought back on Boss Gu’s appearance, wondering, Was Gu Munchun handsome? Since reuniting with him, he had mostly been too busy being afraid of him to have ever carefully observed his features with any aesthetic standard.

“Ah, perhaps… Mr. Yeonjo, can you not speak?”

The caregiver, who had been talking by herself for a while without needing him to chime in, suddenly lowered her voice and asked, as if it just occurred to her.

The question was so absurd that for a moment, Yeonjo was flustered. He then belatedly realized that he had not said a single word since waking up in the hospital. The tongue he had bitten before fainting had not yet fully healed, and there was still a lingering discomfort, which made him subconsciously spare his words.

Conscious of her words, Yeonjo carefully rolled his tongue inside his mouth. It was not painful, but it felt stiff, as if the muscles were all contracted. It did not seem like it would hinder his speech, but an uncomfortable feeling of not wanting to move it unnecessarily remained.

He did not want her to misunderstand, so just as he was about to clarify that it was not that he could not speak, the hospital room door burst open and Boss Gu came in.

He was wearing a white shirt and even a jacket, as if he had been out taking care of business.

“What are you doing.”

He looked back and forth between the half-naked Yeonjo and the caregiver, his eyebrows twitching minutely.

“Ah! I was applying his medicine.”

The caregiver, her face slightly flushed, glanced at the well-dressed Gu Munchun. It was obvious to anyone that she was attracted to him. Yeonjo, calmly observing her shyness, recalled their earlier conversation. Is Boss Gu that handsome?

“His arm is all done, only his back is left.”

The caregiver came and sat behind Yeonjo, gently rubbing with her medicine-coated fingers.

“Still, it is a relief that the wound on his back is not very big.”

Boss Gu sat in a spare chair a good distance away and watched Yeonjo. As if he were monitoring him.

“All done. Time to eat now, right?”

The caregiver said as she closed the lid on the medicine and applied a large, new piece of gauze. Yeonjo buttoned up his clothes and nodded. Come to think of it, he did feel a little hungry. When he checked the clock, it was indeed time for a meal.

“Just a moment. I will go out and get your meal.”

The caregiver, who had shot up from her seat, briskly went out of the room. Suddenly left alone with Boss Gu without any mental preparation, Yeonjo froze in surprise.

I have not even properly thought about what to say to him yet. Yeonjo tried to look busy by forcing his gaze to stay fixed on the nebulizer on the bedside table.

He was so nervous that he might speak first that one second felt like ten minutes.

“I brought your meal!”

Fortunately, the caregiver returned quickly, and not long after, Boss Gu received a call and went out.

As soon as he disappeared from the hospital room, Yeonjo’s heart, which had felt heavy, became much more at ease.

“Um, Mr. Yeonjo. How is the taste?”

The caregiver, who had been quietly watching Yeonjo slowly eat his porridge, threw him an unexpected question.

When he tilted his head as if to ask what she meant, she added an explanation.

“He told me to ask if the food was delicious once Mr. Yeonjo woke up and started eating. It was something he said a few days ago, though.”

“…”

Just a moment ago, with Boss Gu glaring at him in the hospital room, he had been so flustered that he had not really tasted the porridge. When Yeonjo gave a rough nod and took another spoonful of porridge, the caregiver smiled.

“That means it is delicious, right? That is a relief. If there is anything you cannot eat, please write it down on paper and let me know.”

As he kept answering only with his head, the caregiver, who must have thought Yeonjo really could not speak, took out a pen and a notepad from her bag and offered them to him.

He felt like he was deceiving someone unintentionally, so just as he was about to clarify that it was not like that, Boss Gu returned again. It was impeccable timing.

Instead of speaking with his opened mouth, Yeonjo went back to eating his porridge. Sitting at a distance in the chair by the table, he stared at Yeonjo so intently it was burdensome. Even after he finished eating, even when the IV drip was being changed, even when the doctor came for a check-up, even when watching TV, and even when taking a walk with the caregiver’s help, he never once averted his gaze.

Yeonjo, extremely afraid of being left alone with Boss Gu, tried his best not to make eye contact. He had spent all his energy avoiding him all day, so even though he had only been awake for a short time, he was crushed by fatigue and his mind was hazy.

It was a great stroke of luck that the caregiver was talkative. As if she never got tired, she chattered on naturally by herself for hours without any response from Boss Gu or Yeonjo. Thanks to her, he narrowly avoided being left alone with him, but he could not keep his mouth shut like a child forever.

“Oh, my goodness. Look at the time. It is already this late? I have an appointment this evening! Mr. Yeonjo, if you do not need anything else, I will be heading home.”

The caregiver, who had been diligently wiping down the hospital room furniture with a wet cloth, saying that cleanliness was the most important thing for the respiratory system, checked the clock and, surprised, grabbed her bag.

“I steeped some tea and filled up the water bottle, you see? You can mix it with warm water from the dispenser as you drink, and I put new clothes in the drawer, so you can change if you feel uncomfortable. If you have trouble breathing, use the inhaler or nebulizer right away, and if you think that is not enough, you must press the call button. Ah! If you get hungry, I put porridge and fruit in the fridge, so you can help yourself.”

To leave so suddenly like this. It was like a bolt from the blue. Oblivious to Yeonjo’s burning anxiety, the caregiver cheerfully explained the things Yeonjo needed to know.

Perhaps the reason Boss Gu had been acting so frustratingly all this time, patiently enduring Yeonjo’s rudeness in treating him as if he were not there, was because he knew she would take her leave when the time came.

Yeonjo, without realizing it, grabbed the hem of the caregiver’s clothes as she was packing her things. She turned around, her eyes wide.

“Yes? Do you need something?”

If he had his way, he would have wanted to tell her not to go, but he could not stop someone who was leaving work. Above all, Boss Gu was staring daggers at Yeonjo’s white hand gripping the hem of her clothes, so it was not an atmosphere where he could easily speak.

In the end, at Yeonjo’s bland reaction, the caregiver gave a silly laugh and left, and the two of them were left alone in the room.

For now, Yeonjo pulled the blanket over his head and lay down on the bed, blocking his line of sight. He had been fine when the caregiver was with them, but now that he was alone with him, his stomach began to churn.

He knew better than anyone that his actions were extremely childish, but Yeonjo was still not ready for anything.

The memories he had painstakingly pushed aside finally invaded his consciousness. What kind of expression he should wear when looking at him, what words he should say, from where to where he should ask. He was in an utterly foolish state, having not decided on anything.

Yeonjo bit his lower lip at the stinging foreign sensation spreading from inside his chest due to the tension. The more he tried to hold back a cough, the more he felt an extreme pressure, as if someone were strangling him.

Unable to endure for more than a few minutes, Yeonjo soon threw off the blanket and gasped for breath. Then, he grabbed the inhaler from the bedside table, shook it, and hurriedly inhaled the medication.

“What. Are you uncomfortable somewhere?”

Boss Gu, who had noticed something was wrong and approached, asked. Yeonjo shook his head, but Boss Gu reached out his hand to press the call button.

“Do not. There is no need for that.”

As a white, slender hand covered the back of a black-gloved hand, Boss Gu turned his head to look at Yeonjo.

“After a little while… haah, it will get better.”

Boss Gu, with a tense expression, watched the pale face inhaling medication from the inhaler. His black eyes were tenacious and persistent, as if not to miss even the slightest change.

“Cha Yeonjo.”

“…I am fine now.”

A moment later, Yeonjo put down the inhaler and sighed. The recovery speed was definitely slower than before. He had never had respiratory attacks this frequently.

Yeonjo looked up at Boss Gu with a complicated expression.

“So. You can speak.”

He said, looking at Yeonjo with a strange expression that was neither a frown nor a smile.

“Ah. My tongue… was a little uncomfortable…”

Yeonjo explained the reason he had not bothered to open his mouth until now, fidgeting with his lips. At that, Boss Gu’s brow furrowed at once.

“What is wrong with your tongue.”

He moved closer to Yeonjo and cupped his face. Then he pressed lightly on his lower lip, as if telling him to open his mouth.

Startled by the unexpected contact, Yeonjo blinked his eyes. Thinking it was because of the foreign texture of the glove, Boss Gu took off the glove he was wearing and pressed his lip again with his bare hand.

“Let me see.”

I do not think you need to look that closely.

The words he wanted to say hovered like a hangnail on the tip of his tongue. But Boss Gu’s hand was faster than his words. A thick thumb entered his mouth without hesitation, passed his small front teeth, and carefully brushed and rubbed against his tongue.

“It is… di-dirty.”

“It is not dirty.”

With a serious expression, he touched the scar on the surface of his tongue. The posture of sitting with his mouth open as if being examined by him was strange, and at the same time, it was so embarrassing that heat rushed to his face, causing Yeonjo to freeze up.

The finger did not stop at the tongue but meticulously swept over his gums and the roof of his mouth. His touch was so overly careful that his entire mouth tickled, forcing him to flinch his body several times.

“Did those bastards do this?”

Boss Gu, who had been carefully observing the wound where his tongue had been bitten, growled as he withdrew his hand. For a moment, Yeonjo thought he was about to hit him and closed his eyes. He quickly realized he was not trying to hit him, but his startled heart pounded wildly on its own.

“…I did it.”

“You? Why.”

“…”

Having answered truthfully in his flustered state, Yeonjo let out a gasp and swallowed his dry saliva.

Soon, Boss Gu, who had properly understood the meaning of Yeonjo’s words, clenched his jaw. Veins bulged on his angular jaw and thick neck. Yeonjo felt self-conscious at his intense reaction.

“Does it still hurt?”

Yeonjo thought he would scold him and get angry, but he asked if Yeonjo was alright in a voice that suppressed his emotions.

“It does not hurt anymore. It is all healed.”

“The wound was deep. Get it checked by a doctor.”

“I said it is fine. What about you?”

Afraid that Boss Gu might go outside to call a doctor, Yeonjo held on tightly to the hem of his clothes and asked.

“Are you okay?”

“As you can see.”

He answered with a blank expression, without any particular explanation.

“You were stabbed with a knife.”

“It was not the first time I have been stabbed.”

His blunt voice, which made it sound as if something like this was nothing, stimulated Yeonjo’s guilt. He resented the environment that had driven him to become accustomed to such violence and pain.

“Are you really okay? Do you not need surgery or something like that?”

“Yeah.”

As if to ask why he was asking such a thing, Boss Gu cut off the flow of questions concisely and coldly. He could not understand the situation where Yeonjo, who was far weaker than him, was worrying about him.

“…”

“…”

A moment of silence followed. Yeonjo felt his breath catch in his throat. Then he realized that he was still holding onto the hem of Boss Gu’s clothes.

Clutching the fabric in his hand even tighter, Yeonjo’s lips moved several times before he managed to speak.

“Thank you… for bringing the family photo out that day.”

“…”

“…”

There was no change in Boss Gu’s expression, making it impossible to know what he was thinking.

“How much did you hear from Hong Gihyeok?”

“Everything.”

“…”

“Probably.”

“I see.”

“I…”

“…”

Contrary to his will, the rest of the words would not come out. It was not as if someone had covered his mouth, but Yeonjo stopped mid-sentence and rolled his eyes in confusion for a long time.

Say it, Cha Yeonjo. It is not like you can avoid it now. There is nowhere left to retreat.

Yeonjo pushed himself.

“I did not abandon you that day. Though in the end… it turned out that I did.”

Each and every word was heavy, as if a weight were attached to his tongue. Perhaps it was a side effect of the injury.

Confessing about that day in front of that boy made his chest feel like it would burst.

“So you are saying the reason your lungs are bad is really because of what happened back then.”

“Yes.”

It was difficult to look at his rigid face. Yeonjo lowered his head and barely managed to affirm in a choked voice. At the same time, many thoughts flashed through his mind.

The days spent at the orphanage and that day which was completely engulfed in flames, his desperate face that he saw in the warehouse, the cold, sneering voice asking if he thought he was the grandmother’s real family, the bundles of money scattered before his eyes as if giving alms, all the violence and rape he had committed against him…

The scenes he did not want to remember mixed together, confusing Yeonjo’s heart. He could not quite figure out whether he should love him completely or hate him. Perhaps he could do neither.

All his memories of him were disjointed and intense. That was why sometimes Yeonjo found his existence unbearably difficult to endure. Like right now.

“Haah, ah…”

Yeonjo clutched his chest and bent his upper body forward. A chill began to creep into his body. The temperature of the hospital room, which had been only cozy, cooled down chillingly and pierced through his skin.

“Cha Yeonjo? Get a hold of yourself, Cha Yeonjo!”

“I… I…”

Boss Gu caught Yeonjo, who was convulsing and forcing out words with difficulty, and slowly laid him down on the bed.

“Do not talk. Close your eyes and take deep breaths.”

“…”

“Close your eyes.”

He whispered softly, holding Yeonjo’s hand tightly. Yeonjo did as he said, closing his eyes and repeating the cycle of inhaling and exhaling deeply. The grip on his hand was so strong it hurt, but paradoxically, that firm grasp brought an inexplicable sense of stability. With a deathly pale face, Yeonjo clasped his hand back.

The intense warmth he possessed instantly dispelled the chill that had enveloped Yeonjo. Then, his trembling body calmed down as quickly as if it were a lie. But his heart was still just as muddled.

“Are you feeling a bit better?”

At Boss Gu’s question, a tingling pain sprouted from his chest and spread outwards.

“Yes.”

No.

I have no idea how I am supposed to face you.

Yeonjo could not bring himself to utter the last words and hid them away.

🚬

Beep. Beep beep. Beep. Beep beep.

The mechanical sound, now familiar to his ears, felt comforting. Yeonjo’s mouth kept twisting at the bitter taste of medicine spreading from his tongue. The smell was foul. With every breath he took, the thick smell of ointment rose up, gradually bringing him back to consciousness.

“You are awake?”

When Yeonjo opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was Boss Gu’s serious face.

It seemed he had fallen asleep for a moment while holding his hand. He did not know what had happened in the meantime, but the oxygen mask was on his mouth again.

With his ungloved hand, he touched Yeonjo’s forehead to check if he had a fever.

As if to avoid his black eyes, Yeonjo squeezed his eyes shut.

“Was I not just asleep for a moment? Why the oxygen mask…”

It was uncomfortable to speak with the oxygen mask on, so he tried to take it off, but Boss Gu stopped him.

“You were breaking out in a cold sweat while sleeping, so just in case.”

“…”

“The doctor says there is nothing else wrong with your body. How are you feeling.”

“I think I am not bad.”

Only then did Boss Gu’s stiff, rigid face visibly relax.

“That is a relief. Are you not hungry?”

Yeonjo shook his head and scanned the inside of the hospital room with his eyes. For some reason, the caregiver who had been constantly chattering by his side was nowhere to be seen.

“…Call Yunhui for me.”

“She is not coming in today.”

“…”

A sigh almost escaped him out of disappointment. To have to be alone with him all day. Just thinking about it was suffocating.

At the same time, a pointless curiosity arose as to when on earth he slept, since he was always by Yeonjo’s side whenever he woke up. He was denying it, but he too was a patient, just like him.

“If you need anything, just ask me.”

“…”

“You look like you would rather die.”

Boss Gu, who had noticed Yeonjo’s discomfort, muttered the loaded words calmly.

Flustered at having his feelings read so easily, Yeonjo’s lips moved, and he decided to change the subject.

“What happened to Hong Gihyeok?”

“We are looking for him.”

Boss Gu also knew that Yeonjo was trying to change the subject, but he did not bother to point it out.

“Why does that person hate you?”

He thought he might not answer, but contrary to his expectations, he easily opened his mouth.

“Because I took everything Hong Gihyeok had. I got him kicked out of the organization, so of course he would fucking hate me.”

“…”

His attitude was as if it were natural to be hated. He did not know how to react. Yeonjo, at a loss for words, just blinked his eyes.

Boss Gu, who had been studying Yeonjo’s face as if observing it, was the first to open his mouth with an unexpected topic.

“All this time. I tried to find you, but no records ever came up.”

He said he had been tirelessly searching for Yeonjo even before he had established his position within the organization.

“I was afraid Director Park would find me… so I stayed in hiding.”

“I thought you were dead, or that you were hiding because you set the building on fire and ran away, abandoning me.”

“No. I am not the one who set the building on fire.”

Yeonjo added an urgent excuse with a grimace.

“I know now. That it was not you.”

Is that really true? Yeonjo could not erase his doubts as he anxiously picked at the hangnails around his fingernails.

For a long time, Boss Gu had misunderstood that he, Cha Yeonjo, was the culprit who had set the fire. Would he really believe his claims now, which were just words without evidence or witnesses?

His mouth went completely dry from the tension. He was anxious that he might think he was lying.

“That day… if I had known you were alive…”

“…”

“I am sorry. It is my fault. I am sorry for everything.”

The conversation was interrupted for a moment by Yeonjo’s apology. The mechanical sound, which had been buried by the sound of their voices, became prominent again.

Yeonjo was lying down and looking up at the ceiling, so he could not see what kind of expression Boss Gu was making. He wanted to see, and at the same time, he did not want to see.

“Have you been sick ever since then?”

“…The aftereffects were severe, so I went to the hospital for a long time.”

Boss Gu’s breathing grew slightly rougher.

“What were you doing going in there. The building was already all on fire anyway.”

At the sharp, reproachful tone, Yeonjo finally turned his head toward Boss Gu.

“Even if I had been inside the building, I would have burned to death by that point.”

“Why would you say that? I went in with the thought of saving you no matter what.”

“There is a fucking limit to that. The fire had spread to the point where your lungs would be ruined, yet crawling in there on your own two feet was a foolish thing to do.”

Yeonjo retorted, nervously throwing off the oxygen mask he was wearing.

“Where was the time to calculate every little thing like that? Conversely, if it were you, would you have checked how much the fire had spread before going in? Even if I was inside?”

Boss Gu roughly swept his hair back. The two of them glared at each other for a moment but did not bother to argue any further.

The murderous silence was brief. Boss Gu, looking at the faint bruise remaining on Yeonjo’s face, opened his mouth again as if he had thought of something.

“Where else did Hong Gihyeok hit you. You had a lot of wounds on your body. Tell me everything without leaving anything out.”

“…And what are you going to do if you know.”

“When I find him, I am going to make him suffer until he begs me to kill him, and then I will kill him.”

For some reason, the image of Joowon, whom Boss Gu had killed without a single change in his expression, came to mind. The face that had been foaming at the mouth and bleeding in a way that was grotesque enough to make one want to vomit.

A strange expression appeared on Yeonjo’s face.

“Is it for my sake?”

“What?”

“You were going to kill Hong Gihyeok anyway, even if it was not for me.”

“What are you talking about.”

Boss Gu’s lips hardened.

“To be honest, I do not care at all that Hong Gihyeok hit me.”

At Yeonjo’s attitude of speaking as if it were someone else’s business, his eyes darkened.

“So. You want me to let Hong Gihyeok live?”

“It means I do not care if he dies or not. What difference does it make? What if I had been caught by you instead of Hong Gihyeok?”

Yeonjo pushed his lying body up and sat on the bed.

“To have my legs snapped and broken… and live my whole life as a cripple by your side, honestly, I think it might have been better to die in that warehouse.”

“Better to die…?”

Boss Gu muttered as if to himself. It was a low voice, chillingly cool.

“I am sorry.”

“…”

“And thank you. I mean it.”

“Then why on earth…”

“But.”

Yeonjo cut off Boss Gu. The inside of his throat, holding the next words, felt like it was boiling.

“But I do not think I can be… with you…”

But Yeonjo did not stop and agonizingly continued speaking, as if spewing out a ball of fire.

“with you.”

“…”

“I just cannot.”

“…You just cannot be by my side.”

Yeonjo nodded heavily. This time, Boss Gu’s breathing grew rough.

“So please let me go now.”

“Let you go…”

His pupils flashed black, as if he had not anticipated this conclusion in the slightest.

After panting for a few seconds, he lost his reason and climbed on top of Yeonjo’s body. The hospital bed creaked loudly with the violent movement.

“Let you go now? Do not make me laugh!”

“Wh-what are you doing?”

Boss Gu placed his arms on either side of Yeonjo’s shoulders and forcibly kissed him.

“Ugh, do not…!”

Yeonjo tried to get away, but to Boss Gu, it was just a pathetic resistance.

His lips and tongue forcibly opened his soft mouth and invaded inside. While he tasted Yeonjo’s sweet breath and tender gums one by one, his hands began to tear off the buttons of his patient gown.

“Ugh… do not, do not do this.”

As if he could not hear Yeonjo’s words, Boss Gu recklessly entangled and sucked on the stinging tongue that had been wounded. Then, biting Yeonjo’s neck and collarbone, he gradually lowered his lips.

Yeonjo pushed him with all his might and struggled. He was already out of breath and his head was dizzy. But Boss Gu, seemingly with no intention of stopping, put his hand inside his pants and touched Yeonjo’s cock.

“I do not want to! I told you not to!”

Even if he shouted at the top of his lungs, it seemed not to reach Boss Gu in the slightest. He pressed down on the weak and soft body. Then, with eyes flickering like black flames ignited by greed and obsession as fuel, he said as if chewing on the words.

“Rather than live having lost you again… I would rather…”

It was a voice from which reason had been removed, leaving only instinct.

Unable to finish his sentence, he could not even think of hiding the expression glistening with possessiveness and recklessly kissed Yeonjo again.

A large hand entered his clothes and restlessly fondled his waist and pelvis. He looked ready to take all of Yeonjo at any moment. To him, Yeonjo’s will and the location seemed not to matter in the slightest.

Hot breath scattered over the nape of Yeonjo’s neck. His lips, touching the thin skin, were trembling. The trembling spreading from his fingertips, which had only felt rough, was also felt belatedly.

This is a terrible feeling. To continue a relationship where they are constantly lost by each other’s existence.

“…”

Yeonjo gave up on pushing him away. The will to push him away evaporated in an instant. His body went limp, as if he were exhausted at the end of a long run. Then, paradoxically, Boss Gu’s trembling came through more clearly.

“Do not tremble.”

Yeonjo whispered in a worn-out voice. Boss Gu’s movements came to a sudden halt. He looked down at the chillingly beautiful and pale face that had, at some point, resigned itself and was waiting for all of this to end.

Boss Gu’s brow crumpled fiercely. Whenever he held Yeonjo in his eyes, the inside of his throat always grew hot. As if he were holding a flame that should not be swallowed.

He could not bear to see Yeonjo like that and soon lowered his head.

“Sorry. I am sorry, hyung. I will not do it.”

“…”

He belatedly straightened Yeonjo’s clothes. Then, hugging the thin body, he pleaded desperately.

“I will never hurt you again. So please do not hate me.”

Irregular, shallow breaths constantly flowed from his face, which was pressed against Yeonjo’s chest. At some point, the collar of his clothes, where it touched his face, became damp.

Just like back then, he was still crying silently, as if he were a person who did not know how to make a sound. It was a sorrowful cry from which not even a common sob escaped.

Yeonjo carefully raised his hand and patted his back.

“Baby.”

At Yeonjo’s whisper, Boss Gu flinched. Soon, he curled up his body as if trying to nestle deeper in his arms, and desperately burrowed into Yeonjo’s embrace, which was now skinny and frail.

The black night gathered up the sun. Yeonjo watched Boss Gu, who had fallen asleep clinging to his side like a child, before slowly getting up from his spot. He must have been deeply asleep, as his breathing was steady and even.

Yeonjo went to the closet provided in the hospital room and opened the door. Inside were a few sets of outdoor clothes that had been temporarily brought. After taking off his patient gown and changing his clothes, Yeonjo stared blankly at the face of Boss Gu, who was sleeping crumpled up in a corner of the hospital bed.

“Goodbye, baby.”

After bidding a short farewell, barely audible, Yeonjo slipped out of the hospital room as if he were fleeing.

And so, after such a long time, Yeonjo left that boy once again.

🚬

4 months later.

Sunlight pierced through the transparent window and shone into the room. Even with his eyes closed, his vision gradually brightened, and Yeonjo slowly lifted his eyelids. His brow naturally furrowed at the bright sunlight that stabbed at his retinas.

The standard curtains in the employee dormitory of the Bright Resort failed to properly block the morning sun that poured in every day. Yeonjo resolved to buy blackout curtains this week for sure.

Though the sun had quickly cleared his mind, there was still plenty of time before he had to go to work. I could have slept more. Yeonjo sat up in annoyance.

“Cough cough!”

Then a cough suddenly burst out, and he bent over again. He placed his hands on the bed, caught his breath, and waited for the coughing to subside before putting medicine in his inhaler, shaking it, and inhaling.

After a few administrations of the medication, the coughing gradually subsided. In the morning, the air was particularly cold and dry, so even a slightly large movement could easily lead to an attack. Therefore, special care was needed.

“Huuu…”

Even breathing slowly and deeply was difficult, and his entire chest rose and fell restlessly. Yeonjo closed his eyes in a comfortable position and relaxed his body as much as possible.

After waiting like that for a few minutes as if he were dead, the pain finally disappeared completely. Having been very sick, he had developed his own knack for quickly calming coughs and attacks. He did not know if this was something to be happy about, though.

Carefully getting up from his spot, Yeonjo took out the herbal medicine he had put in the fridge, warmed it up, and drank it. It was a medicine that the resort’s president had personally had made for him, feeling sorry for the frail Yeonjo who was frequently rushed to the hospital.

At first, he started taking it without much expectation, but after a few months, it seemed to be quite effective. His coughing and bronchial pain had decreased compared to before, but this could simply be due to the weather getting warmer.

After he finished tidying up even the bedsheets, Yeonjo took out a thin cardigan, put it on, and opened the window. The resort landscape, not too large and not too small, and the garden came into view at a glance. It was an employee dormitory, so it did not have a direct front view, but this much was still excellent.

While airing out the room, Yeonjo sat at his desk and carefully organized the tasks for the day. In the morning, there was a meeting with the equestrian club staff, and a veterinarian visit was scheduled because he had to check on the horses that had not been in good condition since last week. In addition, he needed to assign suitable instructors and horses to the clients taking lessons.

Until last month, there were not many lessons, so the weekdays were leisurely, but perhaps because the late spring chill had passed and the weather had warmed up, more clients were visiting the newly opened equestrian club.

For Yeonjo, any slight overexertion would immediately cause a reaction in his body, so it had not been easy to schedule his work recently.

He was sighing while looking at the notes he had written down when he heard a knock from outside.

A visitor at this hour? It was extremely rare for someone to visit his dormitory room before he went to work, so Yeonjo’s eyes widened.

“Who is it?”

Getting up from his desk, Yeonjo opened the door.

“Manager.”

“…Ms. Hyeya?”

“Oh my! Gosh, I am sorry.”

The person who peeked her head through the open doorway was none other than Jung Hyeya, who had worked with him since the resort’s opening day. Still in her early 20s, she was a bit intimidated by Yeonjo due to their considerable age difference and different positions.

She was the one who had knocked, but perhaps surprised by Yeonjo’s disheveled appearance, Jung Hyeya took a step back.

Yeonjo, too, was flustered, as this was the first time since he had started working at the resort that he had been seen in his pajamas in front of someone else.

“Ah, my clothes are a bit… right?”

“Not at all! I was the one who came by so suddenly. I have only seen you in your uniform… I was just a little surprised because it is the first time I have seen you in your casual clothes, manager.”

Yeonjo checked his own attire with an awkward expression. He was relieved for a moment that he looked less shabby because he was wearing a cardigan, but the problem was elsewhere. His hair, reflected in the full-length mirror at the entrance of the room, was sticking up all over the place.

“My hair… Why is it like this?”

As Yeonjo hastily combed his hair back, Jung Hyeya turned her head and laughed.

“Pfft!”

“Is it that strange?”

“No, it is just unexpected.”

She politely swallowed the words that Yeonjo, standing in the room where the sun was just beginning to shine, with a slightly swollen face and a bird’s nest on his head, looked like he was her age.

“But what brings you here?”

“Ah, right. An important guest is making a sudden visit today. So the president asked if you could give them a tour of the riding stable, manager.”

“What time?”

“In 30 minutes, right now.”

Jung Hyeya answered cheerfully, tapping her wristwatch.

“Your walkie-talkie was off because it is before you start work, manager, so I came in a hurry to deliver the message. Today, I am the only one on the early morning shift.”

“I see.”

“And she said that if you give a good tour, she will give you one more day off this month.”

“That is originally my job, but the reward is generous.”

“You know the president is a sucker for your face, Manager Cha.”

When Jung Hyeya said it teasingly, Yeonjo could not find the words to say and just laughed awkwardly.

“Why. Everyone who works here knows.”

As Jung Hyeya said, the president of Bright Resort particularly favored Yeonjo. There had been more than one or two times when he had been embarrassed because she made it too obvious.

4 months ago, around the time Yeonjo got out of the hospital and got in touch with Manager Im of the riding stable. Even though he knew Yeonjo’s physical condition was not good, he was considerate enough to let him stay in the employee dormitory of Bright Resort, which had not yet opened.

At the time, there was construction noise all day, but the resort grounds themselves were in a quiet area far from the city center, and the air was clean, making it suitable for recuperation.

As Manager Im began to seriously plan the operation of the riding stable within the resort, he introduced Yeonjo to the resort’s president, who was an acquaintance of his.

The woman, dressed in luxurious clothes that looked like they would be sold only in a high end brand store at a department store, appeared to be in her mid 40s at most. He had thought she was young for someone who ran a resort, but the president introduced herself to Yeonjo as being in her 60s.

‘Why? Did I say something wrong?’

‘I was surprised because you look so young.’

At Yeonjo’s answer, the president covered her mouth and laughed.

‘Look at this one? You have a good eye. You are the kind of talent we absolutely need at our Bright Resort. You said you were not well, right?’

‘Yes, but if you give me a chance, I will work hard at anything.’

‘Oh, come on, you do not have to go that far. I am not the type to take a talented person and work them unnecessarily hard.’

At the word ‘talent,’ Yeonjo’s face flushed. Even if it was just a polite remark, it was an undeserved compliment.

He found out later that the president’s definition of ‘talent’ was extremely subjective, with appearance being the sole criterion. Therefore, when the president called Yeonjo a talent, it was always an expression that came from the heart.

‘Then how about just lightly handling paperwork in the manager position?’

‘Me, as a manager?’

‘Of course. In this day and age, how important do you think a manager’s face is when greeting important guests?’

The president offered Yeonjo the position of manager of the resort’s equestrian club after just looking at his face, without even receiving a proper resume.

The actual operation was Manager Im’s responsibility, and Yeonjo was in charge of explaining the resort’s system when clients visited and managing the customer list for the equestrian club in general. It was an unconventional proposal that required no physical labor at all. The president called this being the ‘face’ of the establishment.

Of course, he tried to refuse at first. He had not worked at a riding stable for long, so taking on the management position of a newly built resort’s equestrian club was an undeserved treatment.

However, the president was endlessly generous when it came to Yeonjo. She was a person who strongly believed that a luxury resort must have employees with correspondingly beautiful appearances. She would even go around openly saying that a handsome and pretty face was more important than things like ability or education.

Manager Im, embarrassed by the president’s obsessive praise for Yeonjo, whispered.

‘That lady is very picky about faces. Very picky.’

‘Ah…’

‘I predicted she would like it if I brought you, Mr. Yeonjo… but it is a bit much, is it not?’

‘Not at all.’

‘Still, she is not a bad person. She is just a bit meddlesome and gushes over faces, but her personality is easygoing. It will be comfortable to work with her.’

As he had said, after Bright Resort opened, under the president’s consideration, any work that required labor was excluded for Yeonjo.

There was no need to clean up horse manure or carry things like at the previous riding stable. Even so, it was not easy to match the schedules of the horses and clients or to constantly check and manage the equestrian club’s facilities.

In particular, resolving issues with staff was the most difficult. In the early days of the resort’s opening, there were employees who looked down on Yeonjo, leading to frequent discord. The reason they disliked Yeonjo was that he was receiving too much convenience.

Since Yeonjo himself acknowledged this, there were virtually no measures he could take. He was concerned that it would become increasingly difficult to stay at the resort if things continued this way, but fortunately, the situation flowed in the opposite direction.

“Manager. Did you hear?”

“Hear what?”

As Yeonjo came to work wearing his uniform, an employee who managed the stables approached him.

“The person who insisted last week that he could not work according to the schedule you made, manager.”

“Mr. Kim Kyungjun?”

“Yes. He suddenly quit yesterday because of personal circumstances.”

At the unexpected news, Yeonjo could not find an immediate answer and just moved his lips.

“It is a total relief, is it not? He threw such a tantrum in front of you, manager, so we will not have to see him get red-faced anymore.”

“…I did not hear anything about him quitting.”

“Whether it was his last bit of pride or what, he told the general manager. Last night. Do you not think it is because he was embarrassed about the fuss he made?”

Yeonjo recalled Kim Kyungjun, who had been snappish with him in front of everyone a few days ago, saying that he did not like the schedule he had made for him and that the horse he had to manage was too sensitive. Judging by his tone and personality back then, he did not seem like the type of person who would quit his job out of embarrassment.

The employee took the sudden resignation lightly and bad-mouthed Kim Kyungjun, but Yeonjo’s thoughts were different. It was because there were a few things that bothered him.

Ever since Yeonjo started working at the resort, it was strangely the case that all the troublesome customers and employees who disliked Yeonjo had left the resort. And within a week at that.

Moreover, the repertoire for leaving the resort was also similar. The main reasons were that something had come up in the family, or that they were not feeling well.

To dismiss them as coincidences, similar incidents happened too often and in a chain, and the targets were all people who had had some kind of conflict with Yeonjo at least once.

A similar incident had occurred in the early days of the opening as well. One day, a customer was causing a disturbance, and when Yeonjo came to stop him, the customer cursed and shouted at him, causing him to have a seizure on the spot. Yeonjo was rushed to the resort’s infirmary and had to rest for three whole days.

When he recovered and returned to work, somehow, the customer who had shouted at Yeonjo was no longer seen. This kind of thing did not stop at just one time but has been subtly repeating itself until now.

Even though it was somewhat unsettling, from Yeonjo’s perspective, it was actually a good thing. It was an ordeal to work with people he did not get along with.

It was around the time he had his first seizure that the president had some herbal medicine made for him, telling him to take good care of his health. She said she knew a famous doctor and gave him herbal medicine that was said to be good for the respiratory system, and whether it was a placebo effect or not, his coughing and difficulty breathing symptoms seemed to have definitely decreased compared to before. Though he still got out of breath if he overexerted himself even a little.

Anyway, Manager Im had asked for consideration from the beginning, and the president also liked Yeonjo, so to be honest, life at the resort was nothing short of peaceful for Yeonjo.

There was some stress from human relationships, but this much was bearable. Other than sharing the laundry room or the cafeteria with other employees in the dormitory, there were no particular inconveniences in his daily life.

After work, Yeonjo had dinner at the company cafeteria and then returned to his room. The days had gotten longer, and even though it was evening, the setting sun was faintly stretching into the window.

The green grass and tree leaves were tinged with the sun, shining as if they had been painted over with gold. Yeonjo opened the window for a moment and admired the scenery outside.

Bright Resort operated various sports clubs such as water sports, a golf course, and a riding stable on a small scale, so there were not many customers using each area, making it look quiet and peaceful from the outside.

In the distance, a team that was still playing a round of golf was faintly visible. At some point, seeing this peaceful scenery had become a part of his daily life.

It was similar to when he worked at Haengbok Dabang, but the impression was a little different. When he lived at the teahouse, it was closer to an unrealistic kind of peacefulness. It was a small village that had not been tainted by the individualism and pessimism of the city. To think that he had ended up there after walking aimlessly and getting on a random bus. He had been overly lucky. It was a cozy and warm neighborhood no matter when he thought of it. Especially the teahouse owner and Lee Yeonsu.

On the other hand, life at the resort was closer to a realistic kind of peacefulness. Here, he had to keep a household ledger, and the regular living expenses were substantial. The medical bills, medicine costs, and transportation fees for going to the hospital in Seoul every week alone exceeded half of his salary.

Yeonjo was sending all the money left over from that to Boss Gu’s account. It was a small amount compared to the money he had borrowed from him, but he intended to pay it back slowly, month by month.

For the past 4 months, he had been consistently sending him money on his payday, but there had been no contact from him.

Seeing him so quiet for this long made him wonder if the bottomless obsession he had shown him had worn down through the series of events. If not that, it could be that the amount he was sending was too small for him to even bother with.

Yeonjo recalled the day he left the hospital room, leaving the sleeping boy behind. He could not be sure at the time, but as he occasionally reflected on that moment, he would come to the conclusion that it was right to part ways right then and there. It was because they were in a state where they could not help but be hurt by each other.

‘I will never hurt you again. So please do not hate me.’

His voice, pleading like a child, remained like a lump somewhere in his chest. Why did that boy’s words remain so deeply, for so long, without being erased?

He did not want to think about him, but recently, when he saw the flowers blooming in the fields around the resort, he would habitually think of the wildflowers that boy had given him. And once that boy started to fill his mind, the days Yeonjo had gone through would follow one after another.

In the end, his thoughts would trail off into questions like how Boss Gu was doing now, and whether he had been hurt further by Hong Gihyeok since then. In fact, seeing as he was still working at the resort just fine, it was safe to say that there was no chance Hong Gihyeok was safe.

“The sun…”

The sun had completely set. He had been lost in thought for a while, and when he casually raised his head, it was already dark outside the window. He had let too much time slip by just sitting still.

Before his worries could deepen, Yeonjo pointlessly fiddled with his phone to refresh his gloomy mood. While doing so, he entered the message box he had not yet checked. An alert had come in that his salary had been deposited, as it was payday.

After checking his salary, Yeonjo habitually went into his banking app and transferred a certain amount of money to Boss Gu’s account. Then, while opening the other accumulated notifications one by one, he happened to find a familiar name in his phone book.

—Lee Hanwook

Yeonjo’s busy hand stopped for a moment.

He had definitely changed his phone and number, so how was his name still here? Had he saved it unconsciously? But he did not even have Lee Hanwook’s number memorized.

“Ah.”

Yeonjo, who had been puzzled, realized that on the day he bought his new phone, he had logged in with the account from his old phone. It seemed the numbers he had saved then had been synced.

Lee Hanwook. Just seeing his name still made his stomach ache. He was about to delete the contact, since he would never be in touch with him again anyway, when a few scenes from the funeral hall suddenly flashed through his mind.

At the time, he had been too out of it to think much of it, but looking back, Lee Hanwook had approached him several times, giving him looks as if he had something to say to him privately.

Of course, Yeonjo did not want to face him alone and have a conversation, so he had pretended not to notice.

What was Lee Hanwook trying to say back then?

A belated curiosity raised its head.

Perhaps he simply wanted to talk about the funeral expenses or the mourners. In reality, since it was nothing special, was that not why there had been no word until now?

But for some reason, the expression on Lee Hanwook’s face as he watched him that day rose with particular clarity, making it difficult to shake off easily.

After some thought, Yeonjo called him.

—Hello.

Fortunately, he must not have changed his number, as he answered the phone right away.

“Mr. Lee Hanwook.”

—Who is this?

“It is Cha Yeonjo. …You remember me, right?”

Yeonjo carefully said his name.

—Ah.

“…”

—What is this, all of a sudden?

His tone was somewhat crooked. Of course, considering Lee Hanwook’s situation, he did not expect him to ask about his well-being in a friendly manner, but his reaction was even colder than he had anticipated.

“Excuse me?”

—I mean. You have not contacted me once all this time, and then you call out of the blue, so I am just wondering what this is about.

“Ah. I am sorry. I meant to contact you once after the funeral… but it got too late.”

—Ha, honestly.

He laughed with a sound like air escaping. Once he confirmed that Lee Hanwook was not just unwelcoming of his call but displeased by it, the thought that he should end the call now took precedence.

It seemed that Lee Hanwook’s strange attitude he had seen back then was a distortion created by his memory.

“I must have disturbed you. It must be awkward for you anyway…”

—…

“I was so out of it back then that I could not even say goodbye properly at the end, and it was weighing on my mind, so I contacted you. If you are uncomfortable, I will not contact you again. I am sorry and thank you for many things.”

—No, that is not it… Just a moment.

The sound of bustling movement could be heard over the receiver, and soon the noise of furniture clattering spread.

—Ah, shit. Sorry. I fell while getting up.

“What?”

—It is nothing. Pretend you did not hear it. Anyway, I remembered something I wanted to say to Mr. Cha Yeonjo.

As soon as he heard the words ‘something I wanted to say,’ Yeonjo’s heart began to pound. Was there really something?

—Actually, I tried to contact you a few times to tell you this, but it said your number had changed and you did not answer, so I had forgotten about it.

“What did you want to say?”

—The day grandmother passed away. In the intensive care unit…

“…”

The end of Lee Hanwook’s sentence gradually faded. At the same time, Yeonjo’s grip on the phone tightened.

—You remember, right?

Of course, he remembered. It was a moment he could not forget even if he wanted to. A moment later, Yeonjo opened his mouth heavily.

“Yes.”

—I do not know if you know. …No, you probably do not, right? At the end, grandmother was looking for Mr. Cha Yeonjo.

“She was looking for me?”

—Yes. When I went in for the last time, she told me to bring Mr. Cha Yeonjo, and even though she had no strength, she pushed my hand away.

“…”

At the unexpected words, Yeonjo swallowed his dry saliva. It was a painful memory, but that moment was still painfully vivid to Yeonjo.

‘My only grandson, I cannot see him. I think I have lost him again. What if that is the case… What… am I to do.’

Grandmother had clearly looked for Lee Hanwook. That was why he, Lee Hanwook, and not him, had stayed to watch over her until the very end.

There was no way his memory was wrong. What in the world was he talking about right now?

“Are you lying because you feel sorry for me?”

Thorns grew on Yeonjo’s voice. As of right now, it could only be interpreted as a lie.

—No. No, this is absurd. Am I a psycho? To lie about something like this.

Lee Hanwook let out a hollow laugh and explained in as calm a voice as possible. But to Yeonjo, it grated on his ears like a sneer.

“But grandmother, she definitely. She was looking for Mr. Lee Hanwook. I heard it all…”

Grandmother’s anxious face and every single wrinkle on her chapped lips were so детально etched in his mind that it was agonizing. His stomach ached to the point where he felt it would be better not to remember.

—Did she call my name, Lee Hanwook, correctly?

“What?”

—I am asking if grandmother said my name properly.

Did she? Yeonjo once again forcibly dug through the painful memory.

For a moment, Yeonjo frowned at the feeling of his chest tightening. Perhaps due to the excitement, his breathing gradually became ragged, and a tiresome, familiar pain washed over him.

“Huck, cough! Cough cough cough…!”

Unable to hold it in, Yeonjo coughed and hurriedly opened his desk drawer, took out the inhaler, and shook it.

—What is it. Hey, Mr. Cha Yeonjo?

He heard Lee Hanwook calling his name repeatedly, but he had no time to answer. After inhaling the medication deeply several times, the pain that felt like it would tear him apart stopped, and the coughing gradually subsided.

“Haah, haah. Ha.”

—Hey. What happened?

“…”

—Mr. Cha Yeonjo? Hello.

“…”

—You did not hang up, did you? I am not a person filled with enough compassion and sense of justice to even tell a white lie about something like this, you know?

“It is nothing. I just felt unwell for a moment…”

His vision, which had blurred and collapsed due to the shortness of breath, began to clear up again.

For some reason, among the mementos grandmother had, the old and faded bankbook came to mind belatedly. The words ‘Yeonjo’s Hospital Bills,’ faintly written on the first page of the bankbook, whose paper surface was so worn that it was peeling.

Yeonjo bit his lip gently.

—Do you not have a red scarf, by any chance?

“A red scarf.”

—Grandmother said that Mr. Yeonjo would be sitting at the market wearing a red scarf.

“…”

—On the day grandmother passed away.

“Grandmother said that?”

—Yes. While looking for Mr. Cha Yeonjo. She said the market would be very cold because it was winter, and asked me to find you.

“…I-I see.”

An intense emotion welled up from the center of his solar plexus. Yeonjo clenched his fist and pressed down on his chest, trying to swallow the emotion.

“Was this what you were trying to say at the funeral?”

—That is right. But you seemed so out of it every time, so I let it pass, and it got delayed like this.

“…Thank you for telling me.”

—So I hope you do not have any misunderstandings. Grandmother, in any case, sincerely thought of you as family.

“…”

It felt strange. Was he happy? To express it as purely that, he was happy, but at the same time, he was also very sad.

Whenever he thought of his memories with grandmother, his heart would still instantly become damp. And it takes too long for it to dry again.

Even after finishing his call with Lee Hanwook, Yeonjo could not escape from that damp emotion for a long time.

🚬

Yeonjo was writing up a list in the break and office space used by the employees. This place had a wide-open view of the river, so he could see people water-skiing. The sounds of people’s laughter and the engine of a boat occasionally mixed in from beyond the window.

After watching for a moment as the artificial waves created by the passing boat drew parabolas, Yeonjo soon turned his gaze back to the list.

He needed to look at the list of equestrian club members and assign suitable horses, but that was not easy. Members with some riding experience could control fast and hot-tempered horses to some extent, but for beginners, it was important to match them with endlessly patient and gentle horses.

The problem was that such gentle horses were currently unavailable due to colds and injuries a while ago. Even if a horse had a calm disposition, if it entered a lesson when its condition was not good, it could behave unpredictably, which was dangerous for both the client and the horse.

Should I postpone the lesson dates? He felt frustrated because he did not know how to make a schedule in times like these. To make matters worse, the experienced instructor and Manager Im, whom he could consult, were away until this week, so Yeonjo had to bear the burden of the problem alone.

“Manager.”

“…”

“Manager Cha.”

“Yes? Me?”

Belatedly realizing someone had called him, Yeonjo turned around. One of the staff members who managed the stables was close by, though he did not know when he had come in.

“The rookie who came in last week got hit by horse manure and said he is going to the shower room for a bit.”

“Then he should go. But if he got hit by manure, he will have to hand-wash his clothes…”

“He got hit pretty badly, so I think he will have to throw them away altogether.”

“Oh dear.”

“He said he is leaving his post for a bit because of that, so I am just passing on the message for him.”

“He could have just told me on the walkie-talkie.”

“Ah, I was on my break, so I came by to tell you since I was here anyway.”

The employee smiled affably and picked up a snack from the break room. The conversation naturally died down, and just as Yeonjo was about to start looking at the list again, the employee started talking again while making coffee.

“Manager. Did you hear that the company is giving out ham sets this time?”

“Yes. They will be given out this evening. If you want to send it to your family home, you just need to submit the address separately.”

“Ah, but is it not a bit cliché? A ham set. Who cooks and eats here? I am going to send it to my parents.”

“It is a bit of a hassle to cook and eat in the dormitory.”

“Are you sending it to your family home too, manager?”

“I… have not thought about it yet.”

He had no family home to send it to, and it was even less likely that he would grill and eat it alone in the dormitory. He had been thinking that he should either give it to someone who needed it or not receive it at all, when, as if he had remembered something, Yeonjo’s hand holding the pen tightened.

And he began to try to remember exactly which days were his days off this month.