Desires Chapter 8.6 - The Losing Game

The hair designer began to neatly trim the hair that had grown long. The delicate and elegantly crafted, picture-like features became much fresher.

Thanks to the neatly arranged, tidy, and even hair, Song Yeongin’s face looked much younger than usual. His flawless, clean face and transparent skin gave an exceptionally clear and fresh impression.

Following James Han’s instructions, the helpers moved about busily.

An elegant and beautiful body line with not a single superfluous element, possessing a sense of balance. What was put on Song Yeongin’s body was a perfectly tailored custom garment made of a dignified and luxurious material.

“Mr. Song Yeongin does not need to expose skin or be overly adorned.”

“……”

“Because the more tidy and clean he looks like this, the more beautifully he shines.”

The as-if-drawn, neat, and clear eyes were always moist around the edges like the morning dew. They were eyes with a deep story that made one’s heart ache with tenderness.

James Han appreciated Song Yeongin as if gazing intently at a work of art. However, Song Yeongin’s gaze did not rest on that man for even a single brief moment.

Punishments like these were all that Song Yeongin could give him. And the ways to make him atone were all just small and insignificant things like this.

James Han was reacting to every single one of Song Yeongin’s contemptuous gazes or cold gestures to a ridiculous degree. Now, for James Han, Song Yeongin’s meaning had long surpassed simple greed or lust. The man gave a bitter smile at the cold disregard filled with aversion and contempt.

However, James Han knew better than anyone how to unhesitatingly provoke this indifferent beauty who would not even spare him a glance.

“I plan to announce in front of Cha Woojin that I will legally marry Mr. Song Yeongin.”

The dead face finally showed a reaction. Only then did the ever-indifferent Song Yeongin stare intently at James Han for the first time.

Once again, a sharp and long darkness pierced through Song Yeongin’s chest like a longsword.

“Because there is no more certain way to confirm Cha Woojin’s true intentions than that.”

The ‘New York CEO Summit,’ held annually in New York, was a summit for top executives where world-renowned business leaders gathered to discuss global economic issues and seek international action plans. In addition, it was also the largest annual social event for fostering camaraderie between American and global CEOs.

The Charity Gala party, which immediately followed the Summit in the hotel’s banquet hall, was the embodiment of New York’s high society, where entrepreneurs, executives, and their partners attended together to grace the occasion.

Along with the splendid party, this charity fundraising event, the ‘Met Gala,’ held in close collaboration with the Metropolitan Museum of Art, is said to be the highlight of the host’s events.

The charity auction is used to raise charitable funds to support non-profit organizations that strive for disease research, environmental protection, and literacy, and the stage where the CEOs’ auction bids and donations, which break records every year, are disclosed was being broadcast live through the U.S. media, becoming a major topic of conversation.

And it was precisely at this time-honored event that Director Cha Woojin, as the representative of Woosung Group and the top executive representative of Global Woosung Electronics, had been gracing the occasion every year upon the host’s invitation.

James Han, a key figure in American high society, introduced his accompanying partner, Song Yeongin, to the entrepreneurs and prominent figures.

The fact that James Han had attended this major event with a male partner of outstanding appearance, rather than a woman, was stimulating surprising curiosity among the New York high society figures with whom he had close ties.

James Han added that this beauty attending as his partner was none other than the subject of the unconventional painting that the legendary New York critic, Karen Saltzman, had highly praised through her journal.

The dignitaries immediately let out gasps of admiration.

They could not hide their surprise at the fact that Karen Saltzman, who held sway over the art world, had wanted to acquire Song Yeongin’s painting herself. The fact that she was acquiring a painting was in itself proof of a definite investment value.

They did not spare their welcome and favor for this charming genius artist who had appeared so suddenly like a comet.

Aiden, dressed in uniform, was guarding the two of them from the side and was in charge of interpreting for Song Yeongin. His interpretation was close to a quick paraphrase.

Having accompanied him to the event with a bandage wrapped around his sore, unhealed wrist, Song Yeongin acted as James Han’s beautiful doll without saying a single word. However, he was only barely holding his place next to him with an expressionless, elegant face. Song Yeongin was merely an empty shell of a doll fulfilling a duty.

However, the delicate and pure face, like an angel in a sacred painting, was enough to captivate the gazes of the high society figures. The pale and lofty face, with its expression erased, approached people with a mysterious charm that drew their attention even in indifferent silence.

This unfamiliar artist, as seen through the eyes of others, exuded a seductive yet pure sex appeal. However, Song Yeongin, regardless of the fact that the gazes of those around him were focused on him, simply kept his eyes downcast and refused to communicate with people.

It was then. James Han, who had suddenly closed the distance, whispered softly into Song Yeongin’s ear.

“Are you ready to meet Cha Woojin?”

Song Yeongin was horrified.

He almost pushed away James Han in one swift motion, who had come up right beside him and was whispering in such an overtly suggestive way into his ear. However, as he tried to move away again, James Han tightly wrapped an arm around Song Yeongin’s waist and said.

“The time has finally come to confirm Cha Woojin’s true intentions.”

Song Yeongin, with his shoulder held in the tall James Han’s embrace, had no choice but to be led away, walking like a corpse.

“Now, from this moment on, you are to act. Like lovers about to be married….”

The left wrist, wrapped in a bandage. The deep, cross-shaped wound began to throb.

Once more, the sharp and long tip of a dark blade pierced Song Yeongin’s heart.

“I can’t do it….”

“……”

“I don’t want to do it.”

Song Yeongin wanted to run away from Cha Woojin.

What was he afraid of? This situation where he had to act as if he were about to marry this wicked man…? Or, was he afraid of confirming with his own two eyes that Cha Woojin had truly erased him completely?

‘It would have been better if I had never been born…….’

Song Yeongin was exhausted. He was incapable of proper judgment, and his mind and body had long since broken down to the point where he was not in his right mind, suffering from hallucinations and vile nightmares. The words he had buried in his heart almost slipped out of his mouth along with a sigh.

James Han’s cunning and maturely drooping eyes narrowed. He whispered as if soothing Song Yeongin, very gently and kindly.

“Mr. Song Yeongin, you are truly beautiful today. Even while I was introducing you, everyone couldn’t take their eyes off you.”

“……”

“So, you don’t have to do anything. Just endure my touch until the end. And just don’t look at me with those contemptuous eyes like you are now…. Then, I will take care of everything.”

At the banquet hall’s BAR where he was led, he was able to once again encounter the figure of that man from a distance.

However, Song Yeongin was frozen in place and could not move a single step. His heart was pounding so painfully it felt like it would explode.

The man, perfectly dressed in an evening suit from head to toe, exuded an aristocratic and gentlemanly dignity with his entire body. The man’s sensual and sharp silhouette, refined over long years like a great sword, came into his field of vision.

A tall stature exceeding 190cm. Broadly set shoulders and a sexy, sharp, and sensual frame. His unique masculine and overpowering presence, which drew exceptional attention even in this heterogeneous space where various races were mixed, monopolized not only Song Yeongin’s gaze but also the gazes of complete strangers passing by him.

He had a magical quality that strangely drew the attention of those around him wherever he was. Cha Woojin was wearing a charming and gentlemanly smile.

And, by his side was an unfamiliar woman. The sight of him laughing and chatting casually with another woman was extremely strange and unfamiliar to Song Yeongin.

Cha Woojin, who was smiling a gentlemanly and gallant smile, was speaking fluent English with an accent as proficient as a native’s.

The woman in the dress with a voluptuously low-cut neckline standing beside him was an Italian beauty with a slender, model-like figure and a glamorous impression. She was openly resting her chin on her hand towards Cha Woojin, holding a champagne glass and engaging in a pleasant conversation, responding to him with a cheerful smile.

“The heiress of the famous Agnelli family has attended here today as Cha Woojin’s partner.”

James Han explained to him about the slender beauty who was now laughing by Cha Woojin’s side.

“There’s no rule that says he must find a marriage partner only in Korea. If it’s the heiress of the world-class magnate Agnelli, not the president’s daughter… his father would be so thrilled he wouldn’t know what to do with himself.”

“……”

Song Yeongin could no longer look at Cha Woojin and turned his head as if in avoidance.

“Cha Woojin spent almost all of his school years in the United States. I understand that he has had a fairly close acquaintance with Olivia, the heiress of the Agnelli family, since their days as university alumni when he was attending an Ivy League school.”

Song Yeongin scoffed quietly.

It was certain that James Han probably knew much more about Cha Woojin than he himself did.

“They seem to be getting along quite well… don’t they.”

Song Yeongin could not give any reply and was just clutching his left wrist. His heart was now sending blood only to the deeply torn cross-shaped wound. It felt as if his wrist would once again spurt blood like a fountain, just as it had on that day.

At that moment, Song Yeongin’s eyes met with Cha Woojin’s as he looked back.

The man’s long and cool eyes, which stretched out refreshingly, were sizing up James Han and Song Yeongin, who were standing together, from a distance. The sharp tip of his straightly extended nose stared directly at Song Yeongin as if to pierce through him in an illusion that time had stopped.

Once again, the world he had barely propped up was disappearing. If it collapsed this time too, everything would blatantly rush towards ruin.

Song Yeongin could not bear it and closed his eyes. However, even in the pitch-black darkness behind his tightly squeezed eyelids, Cha Woojin’s image formed a perfectly clear picture. As if his two eyes had already drawn that man’s handsome face in his mind beforehand.

Beneath the closed, red, and pure eyes, his long eyelashes trembled with a spasm.

When Song Yeongin opened his eyes again, Cha Woojin was walking towards the two of them from nearby.

Alone, loftily and silently in this bustling banquet hall. But his overpowering body, which swam forward unhesitatingly and impetuously, was reminiscent of a top predator before a hunt.

The man’s dignified face, with its expression coldly concealed, was gradually approaching the two of them. James Han was the first to extend a hand to the man who had come right up to them.

“Welcome. Director Cha Woojin.”

The exceptionally long eyes curved in a cold-blooded manner. Cha Woojin swept his gaze over Song Yeongin with his characteristically cold and cool stare.

James Han, conscious of his gaze, grabbed Song Yeongin’s waist with his other hand.

Cha Woojin let out a frigid, cynical smile. And then he once again put on an unbreakable mask.

Cha Woojin responded to the handshake James Han had offered. Clasping his hand, Cha Woojin kept his eyes fixed stiffly on Song Yeongin and muttered in a low voice.

“You have a companion. And one whom I know very well….”

James Han smiled slyly with his drooping eyes. With a dense touch, his hand slid stickily down Song Yeongin’s slender waist.

Get a hold of yourself. This was the signal that the play had just begun.

“Thanks to Director Cha readily handing over <The Dead Mother’s Ear> to me… I have good news to share.”

Cha Woojin let out an arrogant and insolent sneer. However, James Han paid it no mind and chattered on.

“Mr. Song Yeongin has successfully completed his debut as a painter in New York.”

Cha Woojin stared at Song Yeongin with cold eyes, and Song Yeongin, who was trembling weakly, avoided that sharp gaze. Every time their eyes met, the excruciating pain that welled up to the tip of his chin tightened around his neck like a noose, constricting his breath.

“Karen Saltzman ardently praised Mr. Song Yeongin’s painting. She expressed her desire to me to acquire Mr. Song Yeongin’s work.”

James Han was shrewdly using the fact that the name Karen Saltzman made all other descriptions unnecessary to everyone.

“It seems all that is left now is for Mr. Song Yeongin to become more famous than the two of us.”

James Han was boasting to Cha Woojin. With a relaxed and haughty face mixed with ostentation and vanity, as if he had achieved something that Cha Woojin could never have done for Song Yeongin.

“The reason I accompanied Mr. Song Yeongin today was. To make his face known in high society, and… ah! Oh my….”

James Han’s act had begun. It was just that Song Yeongin had momentarily forgotten that he was an excellent actor.

“This must be the first Director Cha is hearing of this.”

Cha Woojin’s sharp, blade-like eyes narrowed, their range closing in.

“I am preparing to marry this person. We are in the process of proceeding with the legal procedures to be married in the state of New York.”

At James Han’s declaration, a suffocating silence flowed among the three of them.

Song Yeongin and James Han were both staring intently at Cha Woojin at the same time. As if they were anticipating the vicious truth that would burst from his handsome face.

The man’s sexily raised corners of his mouth twitched minutely. Nothing could be discerned from Cha Woojin’s face, which wore an unbreakable mask.

He was still cold, and just as ruthless as that day in the alley behind the gallery when he had grabbed his neck. The brilliant flame that had resided in the man’s eyes had been extinguished and had grown cold and blue. He had empty eyes, devoid of desire.

James Han broke the silence.

“Was it already ten years ago that same-sex marriage was legalized in Korea? It should be well-established by now… but still, isn’t the Korean perspective on same-sex marriage conservative?”

“……”

“In New York, it is rather the act of revealing prejudice that is criticized. It is a culture that has now settled so naturally.”

A murderous, fierce flame flickered past Cha Woojin’s eyes. However, as if he would not tolerate even a trace of it on his face, Cha Woojin once again erased its trajectory with cold and sharp composure.

Cha Woojin extended his hand not to James Han, but to Song Yeongin, offering a handshake.

Cha Woojin’s low voice rang softly by his ear.

“Congratulations on your marriage.”

The elegant eyes that had been moving slowly stopped their movement.

Song Yeongin could not blink his eyes and froze as cold as ice. Song Yeongin could not even stir.

Finally, it was the moment of being proven that Cha Woojin had given up on me… no, that he had completely erased my existence.

James Han skillfully changed the subject.

“I heard from this person that Director Cha visited my gallery last time. How was it… did you have a good look at the painting?”

Song Yeongin knew that James Han’s act was not over. At his words, Cha Woojin gave a helpless, self-deprecating laugh.

And he looked Song Yeongin, who was frozen, up and down with an unhesitating arrogance, as if to pierce through him, and spoke. A harsh and cruel gaze relentlessly clawed at Song Yeongin.

“Thanks to you…. Since I was stopping by Manhattan for a business trip, I wanted to see Mr. Song Yeongin’s debut exhibition.”

“……”

Cha Woojin curved his dark eyes and arrogantly muttered.

“What I felt after seeing the exhibition was… whatever happened in the past, it is an undeniable fact that two of Mr. Song Yeongin’s paintings were born with me as the motif, isn’t it.”

James Han could neither laugh nor continue speaking at Cha Woojin’s arrogant provocation. Because, as he said, it was an undeniable fact.

<Flame> was a painting that depicted the back of that violent and sensual man just before he was about to violate another out of lust, like Mars, the god of war, in a sacred painting, expressing it with red and brilliant flames.

His recent work, <Desires>, was a piece born from the motif of that precarious and ominous moment of silence during their first encounter, when he had first come face to face with Cha Woojin at Aschute’s gallery.

Cha Woojin remembered the small notebook Song Yeongin had left behind a very long time ago.

It was clear that that man had not forgotten and remembered the old draft of <Desires>, in which he had sketched his side profile in the notebook.

James Han did not offer any retort to Cha Woojin’s provocation. He simply wore the smile of a cunning predator, steadfast and intoxicated with victory.

“I will send an invitation. I would very much like it if Director Cha Woojin would be sure to stop by and congratulate us on our marriage.”

Cha Woojin sneered wryly.

“At your wedding… is the congratulation of an ex-lover really necessary?”

Ex-lover….

It was only surprising that he had so casually referred to himself that way.

“Of course. Director Cha’s congratulations hold a very great meaning for the two of us.”

“……”

James Han lovingly caressed Song Yeongin’s cheek and whispered affectionately.

“How about it? Is it uncomfortable for you that Mr. Cha Woojin attends our ceremony to congratulate us on our marriage?”

James Han traced Song Yeongin’s fair and plump earlobe with his fingertips as if he were cute and lovely. And he kissed his cheek. When Song Yeongin flinched and his thin body trembled, he gripped Song Yeongin’s shoulder with a rough, strong grasp so that he could not run away.

The sliding hand wrapped around his waist as explicitly as one would treat a lovely partner. In the touch that extended stealthily down to his buttocks, as if they had just finished making love, an overt carnal desire and sexual intent could be felt in its entirety. Song Yeongin was standing frozen, having lost his senses.

Cha Woojin watched the two of them with a cold gaze that had grown frigid. However, he never became crazed with jealousy and excited, nor did he fly into a rage with anger, like on that day when he had screamed.

James Han pressed his lips to the corner of his mouth affectionately, as he would to a lover. Song Yeongin did not even stir, like a dead person. Goosebumps broke out all over his body from the renewed sense of aversion and disgust.

However, he could not ruin this act.

Why am I enduring this kind of act? Song Yeongin was asking himself.

It was because James Han had threatened him.

‘Listen to me carefully. Not on Korean soil, but here in America…. I can disguise it as the work of an armed terrorist group and terrorize and kill that bastard without anyone knowing.’

That he would kill him…….

That if I went back to him again, he would obstruct and ruin his future at every turn…. It was because I had to be proven that he did not want me, only then could I return to Korea again.

“Don’t be shy and answer me.”

Song Yeongin blinked his slow eyes with detachment and looked at Cha Woojin. Song Yeongin calmly gazed at that harsh and nonchalant man who was staring intently at him.

Already, a year’s time had passed.

Time dulls everything. So, it is only that his feelings naturally cooled and he forgot me. It was only that now, everything had returned to its natural course, just as I had wanted so much. But then, what on earth is this contradictory emotion surging up inside me right now?

I know. The one who abandoned him was me. The one who ran away from him for the past year was also me.

However, Song Yeongin hated the Cha Woojin before his eyes right now so very much. It felt like he would die from hating him so much it was unbearable, to the point where he wanted to grab him by the collar and strike his body right away.

‘You bad bastard….’

The left wrist, where a piece of glass had deeply sliced across, ached so much it was unbearable. Song Yeongin wanted to cry out and scream.

‘You… you don’t know that I was almost raped by this man, do you?’

I cut my wrist in order not to be raped. Even at the last moment, I was foolishly waiting for you until the very end. That you, Cha Woojin, would definitely come to save me….

For you to tell me that all of this is not my fault.

They said that even as I was spouting blood like a fountain and losing consciousness, I called Cha Woojin’s name until the end.

I know that I, who abandoned you, should not be like this.

Still. Still… because no one else came to mind but you at that moment… because I missed you so much….

The moist, soft edges of his eyes were trembling with a spasm. In an instant, the ends of his eyes, wet with moisture, were tinged bright red.

Song Yeongin was now truly curious. James Han’s threats, returning to Korea, none of it mattered anymore.

‘Cha Woojin…. You, do you really not care even if I marry James Han?’

Song Yeongin couldn’t bear not knowing.

Whether he would really just let this man have me like this. Whether I was raped. Whether he toyed with and caressed me like a snake… Whether we became legally married, was it really of no concern to you now.

The red, thick lips parted, exhaling a beautiful breath. From Song Yeongin’s ominous and precarious red lips, a firm voice that no one had anticipated popped out.

“I would like for Mr. Cha Woojin to attend.”

The silence between the two men standing side by side deepened in an instant.

“I would like for Mr. Cha Woojin to congratulate Representative Han and me on our marriage.”

The face, pretending indifference while the edges of its eyes had become completely wet and red, was chillingly bewitching and alluring.

Both men froze at Song Yeongin’s statement, which neither had expected. James Han laughed lowly and groped Song Yeongin’s buttocks.

“See? This person also wishes for Director Cha Woojin to bless our union.”

A frigid winter wind swayed in the two pitch-black eyes.

Cha Woojin, with a face as cold as frost, raised the minutely trembling corners of his mouth and smiled. His hollow eyes, devoid of warmth, had grown chillingly cold. The embers had vanished. Everything was over.

Cha Woojin quickly put on his unbreakable mask again.

“Even if I cannot attend, I will be sure to send a wedding gift.”

It was the moment Cha Woojin officially declared a truce with James Han.

“Your marriage… I sincerely congratulate you.”

Cha Woojin nonchalantly extended his hand to Song Yeongin and offered a handshake again. Song Yeongin did not take his hand. Song Yeongin turned his head and coldly ignored him.

“I’m sorry. I’ll apologize on his behalf. Mr. Song Yeongin did not want to meet his ex-lover, Mr. Cha Woojin, here in the first place.”

Cha Woojin was overtly scanning Song Yeongin’s bandaged wrist.

It was then.

The slender Italian beauty from before approached Cha Woojin’s side, holding a glass. It was the heiress of the Agnelli family who had been waiting for him at the bar.

Cha Woojin looked down at her and exchanged a brief conversation in a low, gentle, and gentlemanly accented English.

She said she had to attend the Metropolitan’s charity auction and asked for James Han’s understanding. Olivia Agnelli, with a haughty and confident face, snatched Cha Woojin’s arm, linked her own through it, and pulled him with all her might.

“Then, if you’ll excuse us.”

She and Cha Woojin turned their backs and disappeared as if it were a lie. The sight of the two model-like figures, a man and a woman with linked arms, instantly captivated the attention and gazes of those passing by.

“That was excellent.”

The two people disappeared from view, and only then did Song Yeongin glare at James Han’s hand gripping his waist as if to kill him, and harshly shook it off.

“Do you believe my words now?”

“……”

“That Cha Woojin no longer wants me, that we are now truly over….”

James Han, too, could not help but admit it.

“Alright. I will believe it. The fact that the man you longed for so much has now become capable of ruthlessly ignoring your existence to the point of standing by and watching your marriage before my eyes….”

Song Yeongin, with the corners of his eyes and the tip of his nose wet and red, wore a desolate and dazed expression like someone who had lost their mind.

“……Then. Now, may I return to Korea.”

“Since it has come to this, how about truly marrying me?”

“……”

“I have no children or other heirs. All of my assets will go to Mr. Song Yeongin.”

Even if those words were a joke, Song Yeongin wanted to rip that man’s mouth open.

“Shall I cut my wrist again here?”

James Han’s expression turned serious again.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Song Yeongin’s acting was so superb that I was momentarily mistaken.”

Song Yeongin could not recover from the shock. Even after seeing it with his own eyes, he simply could not believe the fact that Cha Woojin had smiled at him and said he congratulated him on his marriage. In any cruel nightmare, Song Yeongin had never imagined something like this.

At the fact that he had congratulated him on his marriage right in front of him and then turned his back and disappeared with an unfamiliar woman, Song Yeongin was blinded by jealousy like a blind man.

For the first time since he was born, Song Yeongin had to shudder, seized by a desperate jealousy and resentment towards someone.

Song Yeongin, for whom giving up and resignation had always been a matter of course, was seething with a chain of turbulent emotions and a storm-like desire. To the point of forgetting that the person who had abandoned him was himself….

To that extent, he hated that man so much he couldn’t stand it. Song Yeongin, who became aware of the greed and selfishness within himself, was so disgusted with himself that waves of nausea kept rising.

Until a few days ago, it was a body with only an empty shell remaining. He had lost the will to live to the point of cutting his own wrist without hesitation, so where inside him had these gushing, hot fireballs of passion and desire been sleeping. Those fireballs were crying out to live, swallowing up his own empty body.

All because of that one man….