Come Looking for Flowers Chapter 7.4 - Moonlight

The strength holding him slipped away. Won Kangho sat up, and Yoonjo, clutching his stinging nose, looked up at him with resentment. As another hand reached out, Yoonjo’s eyes squeezed shut.

“There’s a lot to fix.”

What fell on his head wasn’t dull pain but a gentle touch. The hand softly stroking his hair prompted Yoonjo to cautiously open his eyes. In that brief moment, the fear that had consumed his eyes cleared.

“Get ready to go out. We have somewhere to be.”

As always, the man said only what he wanted and left the room. There was no time to ask where they were going. Yoonjo stood up and swallowed a small sigh. The man didn’t seem to realize that he wasn’t the only one with things to fix.

His body, still not fully recovered, made preparations take a long time. At some point, Won Kangho returned to the room, drying Yoonjo’s hair and personally picking out his clothes. It was one of the outfits they had tried on and bought at the department store not long ago.

Seated in the passenger seat, Yoonjo smelled of flowers. Not pheromones, but the scent of a bouquet Manager Jung had handed him just before getting into the car. Before he could be flustered by the unexpected flowers, the man ushered Yoonjo into the car, and the vehicle carrying the two men soon left the underground parking lot.

Yoonjo leaned his head against the window, taking in the passing scenery. The gray world slowly began to take on color. It was proof they were heading to the outskirts.

How long had they driven? The car’s speed gradually slowed. Yoonjo, who had been sitting in a daze, stiffened at the sight of a sign they passed. He straightened his body, which had been leaning back limply.

“Why are we here…?”

As familiar scenery began to pass by, confusion and bewilderment flickered in Yoonjo’s eyes.

“Why? Because it’s worth coming here.”

Even when the car stopped and the man opened the passenger door, Yoonjo sat there like a fool. He couldn’t even think to take Won Kangho’s outstretched hand, only blinking slowly.

Won Kangho didn’t rush him. He simply held out his hand, as if waiting for Yoonjo to take it.

The destination was a nearby memorial park. It was the place where Yoonjo’s mother rested in deep sleep, buried with wishes for peace.

Why here…? The thought broke off the moment he felt the season. A slightly urgent voice reached the man.

“What… what day is it today?”

“February 20th.”

“Ah…”

February 20th. His face twisted in pain as realization hit. Today was none other than his mother’s memorial day. The fact he had completely forgotten crashed down on Yoonjo’s heart.

“How did you know?”

“There’s nothing I don’t know about you. Except what’s in your head.”

“…….”

“You must have a lot to say. Go say it.”

The man extended his hand a little closer. After a brief hesitation, Yoonjo carefully took it. The bouquet was still cradled in his arms as he stepped out of the car.

After the funeral, Yoonjo had used all his funds to enshrine his mother’s remains in the columbarium of this memorial park. Back then, with little money, he had placed her in the cheapest spot at the very top.

How could he forget his mother’s memorial day, no matter how out of it he was? Guilt swelled, gnawing at Yoonjo. As he followed the man, his gaze was fixed on the ground.

Expecting to head to the columbarium, Yoonjo was surprised when Won Kangho led him not indoors but to an outdoor area lined with trees and tombstones, still holding his hand.

“The bastard who died gambling sure has it good. Lee Juho raised one hell of a son.”

They stopped in front of a spot with a tombstone and a small pine tree. The black tombstone bore the names of Yoonjo’s mother and father side by side, and the upright pine swayed gently in the breeze, as if greeting them.

His mother, whom he had to look up to see in the highest spot, and his father, for whom he couldn’t even hold a funeral, were resting together here. Looking at them, Yoonjo felt a lump in his throat, as if tears would burst out any moment. His trembling breaths were unsteady. The breeze brushed his wet cheeks.

“Ngh…”

Finally, tears poured out. Unrestrained tears fell, soaking the petals. Yoonjo lowered his head, shoulders shaking as he let out his sorrow.

He hated the man, yet he was grateful, and at the same time, he was horrific. A tangle of emotions festered within him, crumbling to black ashes. Resentment toward his parents also rose.

He hadn’t wanted a reunion like this. After enduring hard times, he had dreamed of a day when they could gather again, saying they had suffered enough and would live well together from now on.

But in this reunion, Yoonjo was the only one alive. Both his mother and father had passed, fallen into deep sleep. He couldn’t talk about living earnestly, couldn’t whine about missing them, couldn’t lament how hard it had been. They, in their slumber, couldn’t hear his words.

Nothing was left. What had all those grueling times been for? What had he been hoping for, living so desperately?

If he was going to end up alone like this, he shouldn’t have lived so tenaciously. He should have stopped sometimes, looked up at the sky, caught his breath, and let tears fall.

The end for someone who had put everything off was tragic. No one remained around him, and he had lost his purpose in life. Yoonjo, who had endured and endured, collapsed the moment he saw the grave of those who bore and raised him.

His legs gave out, and he sank to the ground. The bouquet he held fell, scattering petals.

“Ugh, ngh…”

He hated them. He hated them so much he wanted to pour out resentful words right then.

Why did you leave me alone like this? How am I supposed to live in this terrifying world by myself? If this was how it would be, why didn’t you take me with you? Why did you push me to keep breathing?

He wanted to resent them, but he couldn’t. Yoonjo loved his mother and father too much to say such painful words. They were so precious to him that he would willingly endure even worse pain than he had so far to save them.

He knew they felt the same about him. He knew they pushed him to live because they didn’t want their precious child to repeat their mistakes, because they wanted him to survive. That knowledge made it all the more agonizing. He couldn’t resent, thank, or apologize to them.

“What… what do I do now? I’m… ngh… alone, how… how do I live…?”

Emotions neither resentment nor longing burst out chaotically. His tears soaked the ground. Under the cloudy sky, his face quickly grew wet.

It was complete isolation. With no relatives left, Yoonjo could no longer hope for any paradise. In this abyss, he could only wish for no more pain; dreaming of anything else was a luxury, an extravagance beyond his means.

“Cry only for today.”

A low voice fell from above. A coat, heavy with the man’s scent, draped over him. Kneeling on one knee, the man met Yoonjo’s gaze.

“What’s so great about people who abandoned their kid that you’re crying?”

“Ngh, ugh…”

“I’m not like them. I won’t abandon you.”

The man who insulted the dead was shamelessly serene. A thumb wiped away the falling tears. Won Kangho licked his wet fingers, his gaze on the crying Yoonjo intense.

To Yoonjo, whose world had vanished, the only thing left was this man, a living hell. In an inescapable hell, the only way to survive was to accept it.

“And it’s time to admit it.”

“…….”

“That I’m all you have.”

The man reiterated a truth Yoonjo knew too well. It was an undeniable fact, a reality he wanted to avoid.

“You know it’ll be easier once you admit it. You’re a smart kid.”

His wet face reflected in the man’s pitch-black eyes. Soaked as if caught in rain, Yoonjo faced Won Kangho directly. Haa, his exhaled breath was heavy.

“I’m scared.”

“Of what.”

“Just… everything… I can’t trust anything.”

“You have to trust.”

“…….”

“Even if you’re scared and can’t trust, you have to. Is there anyone else you can rely on besides me?”

An arrogant, brazen man. He seemed changed, yet he was the same. He took his superiority for granted, even in this moment.

Tears rolled down his cheeks, clinging to his chin. The man didn’t wipe them. He locked eyes, as if demanding an answer. The unseasonably cool air chilled his cheeks.

“Empty this and fill it with me.”

A firm fingertip tapped Yoonjo’s head.

“That’s how you live.”

“…….”

“You can live. I’ll make sure of it.”

The confident voice stirred reassurance. The man who had plunged his life into ruin was promising to make him live, and rather than finding it absurd or ridiculous, Yoonjo felt relieved. He was relieved because he wouldn’t be abandoned, because the voice promising to stay by his side was steadfast.

Closing his eyes tightly and opening them, the pooled tears fell. In his cleared vision, the man’s face was sharper than ever. Yoonjo’s trembling lips slowly parted as he exhaled.

“Don’t abandon me.”

His breath caught, like someone who had run all day. Swallowing hard and steadying his breathing, he continued.

“If you ever want to abandon me, just kill me then.”

If you promise me that, I’ll trust you. Having crossed the threshold of death, he was so fragile that only such an extreme promise could make him trust.

The dripping tears were pitiful. The breeze passing between them carried a hint of warmth compared to earlier. The man looked at Yoonjo with unwavering eyes and nodded slightly.

“Fine.”

“…….”

“I’ll kill you, and then I’ll die too.”

His lips curved into a slight smile. Even in this moment, the man was at ease. The hands adjusting the coat were neither overly careful nor rough.

Yes. If he couldn’t hope for paradise, he had to settle in this dark hell. Seasons would come, and time would pass even here, so he would dream of a future, even in this place that consumed him.

“I brought you here to pay respects, and all you do is cry. A kid’s a kid.”

The man spread his arms. As if inviting Yoonjo to dive in, he opened the darkness wide.

“Let’s go home.”

Throwing himself into the man’s arms was inevitable.

For Yoonjo, who had nothing left, the man was all that remained.

Won Kangho. Only he could ease the pain of this life.

In the man’s embrace, Yoonjo quietly closed his eyes.

Hoping for a warm spring, he deeply inhaled the cool scent.

This place with the man was a beautiful ruin.