Yang’s Master Chapter 10.2 - The Man of Rumors

“Ah, that’s only for ladies and children.”

The golden eyes twinkled as if amused.

“It’s not allowed for adult men. Here, have this instead.”

As he said that, the handsome man handed Yang Euijoo a candy wrapped in shiny silver foil. The candy was colorful. Zhang Xuan let out a disappointed sound at the sight of her confiscated ice cream, but she kept her mouth shut, perhaps worried that she and her friends would be kicked out together if she was stubborn. The girls soon sat down at a pretty table and quietly ate their respective ice creams.

Yang Euijoo’s mouth fell open as he watched the man bring the chocolate ice cream he had taken a bite of to his own mouth.

“…You said eating was forbidden?”

“It’s fine for me since I’m the owner of this shop.”

Yosef replied nonchalantly and finished off the chocolate ice cream. The man, despite his picky appearance, surprisingly finished the food in a straightforward manner. The terribly sweet and thick ice cream disappeared in a few bites.

“It’s incredibly sweet.”

He said a word to Yang Euijoo as if seeking his agreement, and then stared at the cone crumbs on his glove.

“I need to change my gloves.”

With that, he swiftly went into the space behind the display case. Yang Euijoo reached out to grab the man but failed by a hair’s breadth. Yosef, who had flexibly turned his shoulder, smiled with his eyes as he saw the fingertips reaching for him.

“Please sit comfortably and enjoy your candy.”

“That’s right. Oppa, sit here and talk with us.”

Zhang Xuan said, stamping her feet. She didn’t seem to mind at all that the shop owner had gobbled up Yang Euijoo’s ice cream. Her beautiful face, glowing with a blush, was wreathed in a broad smile as she and her friends exchanged joyful screams, talking about how wonderful and well-mannered the ‘gentleman’s’ voice and attitude were. Yang Euijoo, in the midst of the fourteen-year-old girls completely immersed in pink thoughts, blankly opened the candy wrapper.

The candy, despite its colorful appearance, was not that sweet. It was a pleasant, moderate sweetness. Yang Euijoo blankly rolled it around in his mouth.

“Yang oppa, Yang oppa? Are you listening?”

“Huh?”

Yang Euijoo belatedly came to his senses and looked at Zhang Xuan. Zhang Xuan glared at Yang Euijoo for not listening properly to her story and grumbled.

“I said it so many times! I asked if you were close with the gentleman.”

“No, we’re not close.”

Close? He didn’t want to get close to a face like that, not even a little bit. Yang Euijoo unknowingly frowned. Zhang Xuan and her friends’ eyes widened.

“You really knew each other? What a surprise.”

“We don’t know each other. It’s just…”

Yang Euijoo hastily denied it before the girls could misunderstand and held his head. It felt like a terrible nuisance had come to live inside his head.

“It’s just, I mistook him for someone I know.”

Is it really a mistake? It can’t be a mistake. Yang Euijoo tried hard to remember Cheon Yeomyung’s voice. Cheon Yeomyung had used Cantonese or English in front of him, so he couldn’t remember his Mandarin pronunciation well. Cheon Yeomyung’s tone of voice changed slightly when he spoke foreign languages. So.

Yang Euijoo forcibly suppressed the urge to scream and run out of the shop. Zhang Xuan, oblivious to Yang Euijoo’s chaotic emotions, chattered with an ecstatic face.

“There’s another person like that in the world? How wonderful. You have no idea how much of a commotion we made outside when we saw the two of you standing together earlier.”

“That’s right! Honestly, my heart was pounding. What were you two doing standing so close together?”

And they even saw that. Yang Euijoo didn’t want to be dragged out onto the streets of Shanghai and beaten with clubs because of rumors of being a homosexual. He pondered what kind of excuse would be moderately effective on the girls, but he couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

“Um, we were talking about perfume…”

Yang Euijoo’s words trailed off, and his face, after floundering in a poverty of knowledge, turned frosty. His chilly face was holding an out-of-place piece of candy, making his cheek bulge. The girls left the quiet Yang Euijoo alone and once again spread their wings of imagination, as cold and sweet as ice cream, among themselves.

Kids these days. Yang Euijoo didn’t like the girls’ frivolous talk, but he deliberately kept his mouth shut and pretended to enjoy the taste of the candy slowly melting in his mouth. Complex and confused emotions could be read in his downcast eyes. The girls were too young to notice the chaos etched on Yang Euijoo’s face, and just whispered that his appearance and even his clothes had a very romantic atmosphere. Yang Euijoo, unable to adapt to their conversation, awkwardly looked around the shop and flinched when his eyes met the man who had come out to the front of the counter.

The blond beauty gave Yang Euijoo a light wink. He was acting like a playboy, just like when he was dealing with customers. His smiling face was gentle and mild.

Even though he knew it was impossible, he wanted to believe he was a different person.

But the old man and mother who had taught him on the ship, who believed in fate and God, had whispered that God exists in this world, and that people cannot escape the path of destiny that God has set.

Yang Euijoo bit down on the candy to forget his learned fear. The candy, which seemed hard, crumbled helplessly. I want to run away, but where to? It was a powerless worry.

“Now, little ladies. If you’ve all finished eating, would you like to come here and look at the products?”

Yosef, who had waited long enough for the ice cream to disappear from the girls’ hands, called out, arranging very small perfume bottles, about the size of two finger joints, on a silver tray with a sparkling butterfly decoration. As if they had been waiting, they all ran to the tray with small coin purses in their hands. Yang Euijoo saw Zhang Xuan grin broadly as she held a toy-like perfume bottle in the shape of a light green color that Yosef recommended.

The girls were completely taken in by the perfume shop owner’s explanations and fancy sweet talk and emptied out all their allowance. Yang Euijoo looked disapprovingly at the man who was cleaning out the children’s allowance without leaving anything behind, but his lips twitched when he saw him return some of the money, making the excuse of a special discount.

Was Cheon Yeomyung like that? He could recall that he was a kind and generous person to his subordinates, but he couldn’t remember how he treated others he didn’t know. The Cheon Yeomyung that Yang Euijoo remembered was the one who pressed him down in the basement, threatened him brutally, tied his hands when he said no, made him get on all fours like a dog, and raped him.

And, he hated Christmas.

Yang Euijoo, still sitting in his chair, looked up at the man slowly walking towards him. The man who looked like he would rush at him at any moment, choke him, slap him, and angrily ask, ‘How dare you betray me?’, still had a gentle expression. His very bright and sparkling blond hair looked as if it were originally his, without any sense of incongruity. A lie… Yang Euijoo muttered weakly to himself.

“I heard you work as an assistant at a pharmacy on Nanjing West Road?”

The girls must have been talking. In any case, his workplace was a rather loud rumor on the street along the Huangpu River. Yang Euijoo did not reply. The man smiled calmly and held out his hand.

“It suits you well.”

Was he saying that because he was called a pharmacist teacher in Yirang? Yang Euijoo looked at the man’s face again. He couldn’t see any ominous feelings in his eyes. There was no violence, no dangerously precarious emotions.

“Would you like to go on a date with me? This is a formal request.”

Yosef carefully lowered his voice so the girls couldn’t hear. From the man’s lips, which were getting closer to his ear, came a low breath, and from his body, the pungent, unfamiliar scent of grass and citrus still emanated strongly. More important to Yang Euijoo than the absurd date request was something else.

“Your name… is it really Yosef?”

The golden eyes looked at Yang Euijoo, who spoke haltingly. For a moment, his breath caught.

“You’re cautious. Well, in a world like this these days, being cautious isn’t a bad thing. Shall I show you my identification card?”

Yosef, without any sign of displeasure, reached into his jacket, took out a small certificate, and held it out. It was a residence permit issued by the British Embassy in Shanghai.

On the permit with a clear seal, the name written was not Cheon Yeomyung, but Joseph O’Neill.

Yang Euijoo couldn’t properly remember what he had said to him or how he had left the shop. He was back at the pharmacy when he came to his senses, as if his memory had temporarily been wiped out by a huge shock.

Zhang Jun, who had heard the very subjective story from his daughter that the handsome gentleman and Yang Euijoo seemed very close, kept glancing at him with a suspicious face.

Yang Euijoo, who had no energy to reply to whatever Zhang Jun said, left work early with a headache as an excuse and went home. He groaned, burying his face in the cheap mattress and blanket, but he couldn’t resolve the subtle gap between Cheon Yeomyung and Yosef. The kind way he bent his knees and smiled, making eye contact with the chattering little girl. The way he ate the overly sweet ice cream himself when he saw him struggling with it…

Yang Euijoo thought that Cheon Yeomyung could not be like that, but then he also remembered something else. The man’s brief moments of tenderness. His tenacious patience. He took three painkillers for his throbbing headache, but it was no use. He scrubbed his body for a long, long time to erase the scent of perfume left on his wrist and under his earlobe. But that couldn’t erase the hallucination of the man that seemed like it wouldn’t come off even after falling into hell. Yang Euijoo let out a long sigh in the Shanghai winter that felt like he was freezing solid no matter how much he hid his face in his scarf.

And that sigh followed him faithfully even after he went to work.

Yang Euijoo, who was unusually unable to concentrate today, repeated big and small mistakes, such as giving out the wrong medicine that a customer was looking for, or making a miscalculation. Zhang Jun scolded Yang Euijoo harshly for giving out the wrong medicine, but a strange incident occurred where the customer, with a completely bewitched expression, said it was okay and stopped him instead. He was only able to come to his senses after Wei Lan, unable to watch any longer, told him to sit down and rest for a bit.

Yang Euijoo, whose concentration returned only as it was getting close to closing time, chewed on his tattered lips and took care of the overdue chores. The pharmacist furtively looked at his assistant, who was standing next to him and silently wiping the dispensing tools with a cloth.

“Hey, I heard you and the owner of the perfume shop have a thing going on?”

“What are you talking about… No, we don’t.”

Yang Euijoo stopped wiping the tools and threw the cloth down in annoyance. Zhang Jun scratched the area above his upper lip and then shrugged. His assistant still had a pale complexion, as if possessed by a ghost. But it seemed his temper had come back a little. Zhang Jun slyly poked at Yang Euijoo’s sore spot again.

“Really not?”

“Mr. Zhang, I may have said something like that, but it’s troublesome if you misunderstand every time.”

“But, it doesn’t seem like a misunderstanding. Look over there.”

Zhang Jun pointed somewhere. Yang Euijoo looked out the window as he was told, and his expression hardened menacingly when he spotted a man loitering near the small smoking area by the back door.

“How did that man get here…!”

“Oh my, you’re being awfully harsh to your lover.”

“I told you he’s not my lover.”

Yang Euijoo slammed the cloth he was holding onto the shelf and quickly rolled down his rolled-up sleeves. Looking at Yang Euijoo who was grabbing his jacket, Zhang Jun muttered.

“Anyone would think you are either lovers or were deeply entangled in the past……”

A fierce gaze shot down at Jang Jwin’s face for his useless remark. Jang Jwin waved his hands and said.

“You could kill a person with that look.”

“Ha.”

Without a shred of gratitude for his employer who was accepting Yang Euijoo quite open-mindedly, Yang Euijoo greeted Jang Jwin with a completely crumpled face.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t finish up. I’ll be leaving first.”

“Uh huh, go have a good time.”

A good time, my foot. Yang Euijoo bit his lip hard and kicked the back door open. The blond beauty, Yosef, who had been lingering, smiled brightly as soon as he saw Yang Euijoo. It was a radiant smile. The moment Yang Euijoo saw that smile, he felt a temporary wave of dizziness. It was the kind of smile he had only seen when Cheon Yeomyung had come to the chimney house. A smile like a flame that would willingly kill a bug. That benevolent face…….

Yang Euijoo was an uneducated man. He was a person who had never even stepped through the threshold of a school. But that did not prove he was a fool. Shit, Yang Euijoo glared at the man and asked.

“Why did you come here?”

“I asked you to go on a date, didn’t I?”

The man held out his hand to Yang Euijoo. He was wearing gloves. Yang Euijoo instinctively reached out to take off those gloves, but the man, interpreting his intention differently, took his hand and intertwined their fingers.

“What the—!”

“Holding hands is nice, but the atmosphere in Shanghai isn’t great these days, so let’s do it when we are alone. Is that okay?”

Yosef spoke as he pleased and pulled Yang Euijoo a little closer. The man was very tall and had a good build. Unlike an ordinary Shanghainese man, he wore a long wool trench coat. An outfit like that would make him stand out excessively, but it seemed he was safe from collective violence because he was a foreigner.

“I asked how you knew to come here.”

Yang Euijoo quickly swatted Yosef’s hand away and glared at him. Hmm. Yosef smiled faintly.

“The assistant at the pharmacy on Nanjing Xi Lu. When I asked around, he was such a celebrity that there was no one who didn’t know him. I heard it hasn’t been long since you came to Shanghai?”

With that, Yosef urged Yang Euijoo on. It was a purely self-serving suggestion.

“Let’s have a meal together.”

Yang Euijoo was led away by the man just like that. All sorts of gazes poured onto the tall and exceptionally handsome man. A public security officer patrolling the streets approached Yosef and, with gestures and fumbling bits of English, asked for his nationality. The blond man produced a residence permit from his coat, and that was the end of it. Yang Euijoo’s identity check was even smoother than that. Yosef introduced Yang Euijoo as his driver. The public security officer did not even ask for Yang Euijoo’s residence permit. He just smiled with a very respectful face and went on his way.

“You said I was your driver?”

Yosef replied nonchalantly, as if it was nothing.

“It’s a bit awkward to make up another excuse, isn’t it? This is more convenient.”

He wasn’t wrong. Although Yang Euijoo had been going around pretending to be Jang Jwin’s distant nephew, it could become a big problem if his identity ever needed to be properly verified. He looked at Yosef, who had handled the situation as if he knew that being a stateless person was a difficult position for him to be in.

Yosef looked back at him. He was smiling. The Cheon Yeomyung in his last memory had rarely ever smiled at him, so the smile, at least, felt very unfamiliar.

Did Cheon Yeomyung use to smile like that? As Yang Euijoo stood blankly, pondering, Yosef pushed his shoulder and they went down into the basement of a certain building. He had expected the basement to be dark and damp, but it was very warm and cozy. Christmas decorations were still up. Yang Euijoo’s body stiffened from the ominous memories that the space of a basement brought up, but he slowly relaxed at the sound of Christmas carols flowing softly, the sparkling lights, and the glow of the fireplace burning in the wall.

“It’s been a while, Master.”

“Yosef!”

Yosef, who seemed to know the owner of the restaurant, exchanged a handshake and a friendly hug. The owner was a stately woman, and she brought the menus herself. Yang Euijoo could not understand most of the menu. The man said he would order for Yang Euijoo, and then he ordered a very perplexing and difficult-sounding dish with the word “schwein” in it.

What soon came out was a pig’s leg.

“Roasted jokbal?”

Yang Euijoo asked immediately. Yosef snickered and then laughed, his shoulders shaking.

“Well, it’s a similar dish. Eat up.”

Along with the roasted pig’s trotter, many other things came out. Yang Euijoo ate the meat little by little. It was absolutely not a comfortable or enjoyable meal. Yang Euijoo moved his fork slowly, tormented by the fear that the man could turn on him at any moment and run him through.

Cheon Yeomyung had always been fussy. He had intentionally starved him when he was in the basement, and forced him to eat after they returned to the mansion. When they sat opposite each other and ate together, they usually fought, or else spent the time in cold silence without saying a single word.

In comparison, Yosef enjoyed his meal with a very relaxed attitude. For someone with such a pretty face, he ate a terrifying amount. He eats more than Cheon Yeomyung. For some reason, that gluttony reminded him of Linlin.

“You eat a lot.”

Yang Euijoo said without thinking. Yosef, who was moving his fork, widened his eyes.

“Are you saying it’s a bit unpleasant to watch or something?”

“……It’s not that.”

Eating well was not a bad thing to see. Under the assumption that Yosef was not Cheon Yeomyung. Yang Euijoo no longer knew why he was even going along with this nonsense.

“I haven’t been able to eat much lately, but it’s going down well today.”

Seeming to realize it was not a negative reaction, Yosef said as he picked up food with his fork again. Is that so. Yang Euijoo turned his head and looked around the restaurant. They were the only customers. Carols were still flowing in the warm space. There was nothing left to celebrate about a Christmas that had passed a month ago; it was tedious.

“This is on the house.”

The restaurant owner brought two slices of thin bread heavily coated in white powder on the surface. The bread looked hard in texture. When Yang Euijoo looked at the bread, the owner smiled kindly and explained.

“It’s stollen. It’s a food we eat in my country to celebrate Christmas.”

Christmas. Yang Euijoo looked at the restaurant, which was still exuding a strong Christmas atmosphere, and said.

“Christmas was over a long time ago.”

“You have to celebrate for a month for it to feel like Christmas. Just a few days is too stifling.”

The owner argued, her eyes sparkling as if she were a Christmas fanatic. She soon turned to the man eating the pig’s trotter, seeking his agreement.

“You think so too, don’t you, Yosef?”

Yosef immediately put down his fork and nodded.

“Of course.”

He recalled Cheon Yeomyung confessing that he hated Christmas. And what had happened on Christmas Day.

“Christmas should be enjoyed for a long time. It’s the most romantic day in the world, isn’t it?”

The golden eyes sparkled softly. It was accompanied by a dreamy, sweet smile, as if he truly loved Christmas. It was such an innocent smile that even Yang Euijoo was almost deceived by it.

Right. He could like Christmas. Yang Euijoo thought a very pathetic thought.

“Do you like Christmas?”

At Yang Euijoo’s question, Yosef smiled. The flawlessly smooth curve of his lips, the beautiful red lips. That much, at least, was identical to his memory.

“Because it’s my birthday.”

His birthday is on Christmas. Thinking that the birthday suited the man’s appearance quite well, Yang Euijoo picked up the stollen. The stollen was sweet and dry. Every time Yang Euijoo took a small bite of the bread slice, white powdered sugar fell onto the table with a patter. The man used his own napkin to brush off the powder that had fallen onto the back of Yang Euijoo’s hand. Yang Euijoo looked at the back of the man’s hand holding the napkin. He was wearing white gloves. The smooth cotton gloves were the same ones he had been wearing when they first met at the store. He might have just forgotten and worn them as he left work. Yang Euijoo made a poor assumption.

“What about you?”

“January 1st.”

Yang Euijoo didn’t have a birthday, but he said it shamelessly. At the randomly spouted birthday, Yosef’s expression wavered slightly. But the wavering did not last long. The man overcame the silence and spoke.

“Both of our birthdays are unusual.”

“Is that so.”

“Ah, just a moment.”

The man, who had set down his napkin, hastily got up from his seat. He walked over to where the owner was standing. Seeing that the owner had her hand raised, it seemed she had called for Yosef. “Yosef,” the owner who called the man crossed her arms and whispered something. Yang Euijoo swallowed the lukewarm water and watched the man’s expression. His face was very cold. It was a familiar sight. Then, he soon disappeared somewhere with the owner. Funnily enough, it looked like a scene of someone going off to have an affair with another person, leaving their lover behind.

Yang Euijoo wanted to run away while his companion was away, but he couldn’t. He knew his workplace, so he would surely come to find him. I really shouldn’t have listened to Jang Jwin’s request. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have run into him. Yang Euijoo pressed down on his throbbing head and curled up. The headache did not subside easily. A stabbing pain was felt in his shoulder and abdomen. A nauseating chill seeped into his body. Just as Cheon Yeomyung had said, nothing had changed. It had merely been a short period of respite.

“Are you in pain somewhere?”

The man, having finished his conversation, had come closer. He seemed surprised to see Yang Euijoo curled up and groaning. Seeing the man’s wide eyes, Yang Euijoo turned his head to the side. Yang Euijoo muttered in a voice that was about to die out.

“My head hurts.”

“Your head?”

The man asked back. Since his head really did hurt, Yang Euijoo nodded weakly. Yosef, with an expression that seemed to be faintly smiling and also worried, reached his hand out to him. It was to feel his forehead. The moment the man’s hand reached for him, Yang Euijoo grabbed his wrist in return. Unlike leather, the soft cotton glove was slipped off in an instant, even with Yang Euijoo’s clumsy dexterity.

Yang Euijoo looked at the hand he was holding tightly, as if clinging on with all his might. The hand was still beautiful, to the point of feeling malformed. Long, straight fingers. White, soft skin…….

And the stark scar piercing through the very center of the palm.

The short play ended with that. The disguised gentleness and affection shattered into pieces, and the smile slowly faded from the man’s beautiful face. He sighed, having noticed his mistake too late.

“Ah.”

The lips that had been drawing a curve slowly went down. The memorable face gradually turned cold. The man tilted his head slightly. His cold eyes briefly scanned the empty air before turning to Yang Euijoo.

“I’ve been caught……”

On the face that had been acting the part of a kind and gentle man, laziness instantly settled in.

A headache so terrible it felt like his vision was shaking screamed a high-pitched beeeep all at once. Yang Euijoo raised his voice without even realizing it.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“What am I doing? Are you asking because you don’t know?”

A voice drenched in cold fury echoed through the restaurant, where only the two of them remained. The carols had suddenly been cut off. Cheon Yeomyung twisted his hand to pull it free, then strongly gripped Yang Euijoo’s hand. Yang Euijoo felt nauseous from the body heat he could feel vividly in his palm. It was an anxious lurching, as if his entire body was burning up.

Right. It was an absurd idea that there could be two men like this in the world. Yosef? How utterly shameless. Yang Euijoo belatedly got goosebumps at the gentle and soft demeanor and voice he had shown so deceptively. He wanted to shave off the parts he had touched with a plane and scrub them with salt to wash them away. He was a man that hateful.

It was an unbelievable act, but he himself, who had followed along to the tune of a “date” to a basement restaurant in who knows where, was not in his right mind either. Did he want to turn a blind eye to the truth that much?

When he thought about it, it was a city just a few hours away, just across a sea. The persistent man who had personally shown up all the way in Leningrad to find one girl had no reason not to come to a place like Shanghai. It was Yang Euijoo who, even knowing the truth, had made excuses and settled down, with no intention of moving any further. He was repeating his mistakes again. But, it was also true that he no longer had the will to move. Just like how he had pretended to believe the unstable lies of the man named Yosef.

“You were quite good at acting. Why don’t you just become an actor? It would be a waste of your talent.”

As soon as Yang Euijoo spoke, the man who had been putting on a ridiculous pretense couldn’t hold back his irritation and twisted his lips. The kind and gentle demeanor was gone without a trace. Cheon Yeomyung acted precisely as if he were matching everything Yang Euijoo remembered. The fingers nervously scratching the table, the high-handed gaze that looked down on people.

“And if I had acted like I knew? You would have just run away again.”

Cheon Yeomyung said sharply. He couldn’t suppress a momentary murderous intent and spat out a harsh curse. Cheon Yeomyung, who had muttered a curse that was hard to understand, lifted his head. The man with messy blond hair cornered Yang Euijoo.

“Where are you planning to go this time? Hainan? Beijing? To this goddamn vast land where you don’t know when some crazy bastards will rush in and burn you along with your books? Or overseas? Russia? North Korea? Japan? Vietnam, Thailand……, fuck, just how far do I have to chase you?”

He seemed to be extremely angry. Yang Euijoo realized he was trembling, but the man still showed no intention of letting him go. His wrist throbbed. Cheon Yeomyung looked so frantic it was a wonder he hadn’t strangled Yang Euijoo the moment they met.

“Prostitutes, drug offenders, petty thieves, pickpockets. If it was any newly arrived son of a bitch who died, I looked for them all. Did you know I even dug up a grave because I heard some guy was buried alive? But I didn’t expect you to be working as a pharmacist here too.”

“……”

“For me to be in this shithole Shanghai……”

“……”

“……in Shanghai, to find you.”

Ha, Cheon Yeomyung stopped muttering and looked at Yang Euijoo’s wrist. The faintly trembling hand was purple from the lack of blood flow. Only then did Cheon Yeomyung let go of his hand as if pushing away something dirty. Yang Euijoo immediately shoved his hand into his jumper pocket. Seeing the quick movement, Cheon Yeomyung said just one thing.

“Don’t take out the knife.”

“……”

“I’m not threatening you. Just put the knife down.”

Cheon Yeomyung placed a hand on his forehead and muttered with difficulty. Yang Euijoo, who was about to grab the knife he had kept in his pocket, flinched. The cold metal touched his fingertips. Yang Euijoo glared at Cheon Yeomyung and asked.

“Do you think I would trust you?”

“I’m not telling you to trust me, so put the knife down.”

Cheon Yeomyung, who had lightly dismissed the idea of trust, let out a long sigh. He threw away the smile of ‘Yosef’ and slumped down into a chair, sweeping his blond hair up. There was tension in the man’s lips. They were subtly stiff, as if he were holding back a tremor. Seeing that sight, Yang Euijoo felt a complicated emotion that he couldn’t quite explain.

“What’s with your hair?”

“Does it not suit me?”

He naturally ignored the childish question back. It wasn’t that it didn’t suit him. It was a blond that shone elegantly, as if it had originally been his own. Because of it, the man concealed within his palm a mysterious appearance that looked a little more docile, and less human, than when he had black hair. Cheon Yeomyung’s shoulders rose and fell slowly, as if he were taking a deep breath. Yang Euijoo suddenly found it ridiculous that he was alive. To be alive, and to have crossed over to Shanghai just to repeat this spectacle.

“And what’s with the name?”

“It’s an English name.”

Cheon Yeomyung answered obediently. Then, perhaps feeling his explanation was insufficient, he added more.

“Yosef O’Neill. O’Neill is my mother’s surname……, and I was also famous in Hong Kong by the name Yosef, so it’s not like I was particularly hiding it. It’s just that you had too little interest in me.”

“Is that what you want to say?”

At Yang Euijoo’s question, Cheon Yeomyung closed his mouth again. In the restaurant adorned with unpleasant Christmas decorations, he curled the fingers that had been scratching the table. The man looked tired.

“……The wound?”

It was a quiet question. It was also the same question as on Christmas Day. Yang Euijoo belatedly put down the soft glove he had been clutching and answered.

“It healed.”

“Your shoulder?”

“You saw, didn’t you? It moves.”

“……”

“Did you come all this way just to ask things like that?”

Cheon Yeomyung opened his lips, but said nothing. It was a pathetic attitude, as if that were really the case.

Yang Euijoo gave up on trying to interpret Cheon Yeomyung’s attitude. There was nothing that could be understood with common sense. He himself wasn’t much different. They were not in a relationship where they could sit in a restaurant with beautiful Christmas decorations and go on a date. The stupid play didn’t suit them either. Yang Euijoo asked with his head lowered.

“……You said you hate Christmas?”

The man who had been holding his forehead slightly lifted his head. As if it were a different time when he had kindly replied to the restaurant owner’s words with pretense, Cheon Yeomyung affirmed with his eyes full of unpleasant irritation.

“Yes, I hate it.”

“You said it’s the most romantic day in the world?”

“It probably is in some idiot’s head.”

The man sneered, full of disgust, as if he really hated Christmas. Yang Euijoo asked one more time.

“You said it’s your birthday?”

“I hate it because it’s my birthday.”

Cheon Yeomyung retorted and got up from his seat.

“What are you doing? Not getting up?”

The yellow eyes asked, looking at Yang Euijoo who was sitting frozen in his seat. Yang Euijoo frowned, looking at Cheon Yeomyung who was acting as if he had another appointment.

“What are you planning to do?”

“I said it was a date. I should at least see you off.”

It was a statement that did not even sound like a joke.

“Don’t you think we are not in a relationship to be going on a date?”

“As of today, we most certainly are.”

Cheon Yeomyung’s words were shameless. In all the time he had met and known him, today might be the most shameless. Yang Euijoo shot a glare at Cheon Yeomyung, but he showed no signs of backing down. Should he consider it a miracle that a bloody incident didn’t break out as soon as they reunited? Or, is this also part of the amusement of a man skilled in lying?

Yang Euijoo dropped his gaze. Cheon Yeomyung, while waiting for his answer, took out gloves from his pocket and changed into them. Cheon Yeomyung, wearing black leather gloves, finally seemed a bit more like the person Yang Euijoo knew.

Only the angelically bright blond hair remained as the final sense of incongruity about Cheon Yeomyung.

“Do you think I will tell you where I live?”

“I already know your workplace, and I’ve figured out what you consider important, so would knowing where you live be a problem at this point?”

Cheon Yeomyung sneered, having read Yang Euijoo’s unease. There was nothing wrong with what he said. If Cheon Yeomyung were to touch Jang Jwin’s family, Yang Euijoo might go mad. Or Yang Euijoo might die before that happened. Yang Euijoo saw Cheon Yeomyung’s hand suddenly come up right in front of his nose. Is he going to strangle me? Or my cheek?

He naturally thought of violence, but Cheon Yeomyung surprisingly only grabbed Yang Euijoo and pulled him up from the chair.

“And you think I don’t know where you live?”

He was not wrong. Yang Euijoo looked at Cheon Yeomyung. He was suddenly reminded of the man who sold perfume, the one who sweet-talked noble ladies with his well-oiled tongue.

“Why are you laughing?”

When Yang Euijoo suddenly laughed, Cheon Yeomyung raised an eyebrow slightly. He seemed offended, even without knowing what he was thinking about to make him laugh. Yang Euijoo looked at Cheon Yeomyung’s face and answered quietly.

“Because I didn’t know you were so good at customer service.”

“I was always good. You just didn’t know.”

Cheon Yeomyung replied with displeasure as he straightened his jacket and coat. The man, with his neck coolly exposed, leaned slightly towards Yang Euijoo and met his eyes.

“It would be a waste to let this face go to ruin, wouldn’t it?”

He spoke with the expression and voice from the moment he had said Christmas was a romantic day. Then he looked at Yang Euijoo’s face and snorted. The short laugh died out like a match flame after a few seconds. Cheon Yeomyung once again ran his fingers through his hair with a stiffly hardened face. The light hair flowed through his fingers, winding around them like grains of sand.

“Let’s go back. Sara needs to rest too.”

“Sara?”

“The name of the owner here.”

When Yang Euijoo just stood there with no intention of moving, Cheon Yeomyung, as if frustrated, grabbed his hand and pulled him along. Yang Euijoo walked slowly, as the man led him.

“She’s closing up shop soon and going back to Germany. Because Shanghai is a mess right now.”

Shanghai, once very glamorous and bustling, had recently become drastically closed off due to the domestic situation. Foreign companies that had been established in Shanghai for a long time were unable to withstand the government’s tyranny or exorbitant taxes and were in the trend of packing up and returning to Hong Kong or their home countries. Yang Euijoo was not unaware of the bizarre and anxiously shrinking state of Shanghai. Everyone wore the same style of clothing, and they were not allowed to wear their hair long and loose.

“Then why did you come?”

While still holding his hand, Cheon Yeomyung stared at Yang Euijoo in silence. The man, surprisingly, wore an expression as if his pride had been deeply wounded.

“Are you asking because you don’t know?”

“……”

“Forget it, let’s go back.”

After that, Cheon Yeomyung said nothing more to Yang Euijoo. The man chose not the car, but the stuffy tram. As if the words he had said to Yang Euijoo were no exaggeration, he boarded a familiar tram line first. Gazes momentarily poured onto them but were soon withdrawn as if to look away. The tram, at an ambiguous time of day, was packed with people with nowhere to sit. Cheon Yeomyung moderately pushed Yang Euijoo into a corner and isolated him from the crowd as if trapping him with his own body. Occasionally, whenever the tram stopped and started, the tightly packed crowd swayed, but Cheon Yeomyung did not budge. In Cheon Yeomyung’s arms, though it was unbelievable, Yang Euijoo was able to go all the way to the outskirts safely, as if being protected.

From the station where the tram stopped, there was some more time to walk. Cheon Yeomyung, even without Yang Euijoo telling him where to go, moved accurately towards the outskirts neighborhood where his home was located. After walking like that for about 30 minutes, Yang Euijoo spotted a familiar building and stopped walking. Only then did Cheon Yeomyung’s steps also stop.

“We’re here.”

Cheon Yeomyung, who had maintained his silence the entire way back, glanced once at the shabby rented room where Yang Euijoo lived with displeasure, then turned his back without a reply. Yang Euijoo watched the man who was truly just dropping him off in front of his house and leaving, then pushed his warm fingers into his jumper pocket. Normally, they should have been frozen solid during the whole walk home, but the hand that Cheon Yeomyung had held tightly as if enveloping it was warm, having absorbed the man’s body heat.

A few times, feeling a disgusting urge to vomit, he had tried to shake the man’s hand off, but Cheon Yeomyung did not allow it, so he could not even pull his hand away. They had to hold hands the entire time, hidden from the eyes of others. Even when they got off the tram and walked the streets, Cheon Yeomyung had pushed Yang Euijoo’s hand into his own coat pocket and said nothing.

Are you asking because you don’t know……. Then what more is there supposed to be between us?

Yang Euijoo let out a deep sigh. White breath rushed through the gap his scarf failed to cover. The jumper was still thin, and Yang Euijoo was very sensitive to the cold. Once again, his lungs began to ache as if being stabbed. But he stood motionlessly outside where the darkness had fallen deep, relentlessly chewing over Cheon Yeomyung’s question.

Living like that, it really felt like he would die. He could not forgive Cheon Yeomyung. He had wished to be separated from Cheon Yeomyung, even if it meant stabbing his own stomach, and it had happened that way. However, before the man’s shadow had even lifted from his nightmares, they ended up meeting again. Should he have gone farther away? Like Mei, to Russia, to Germany, if he had gone anywhere and lived even in a country where not a single word could be understood, could they have been separated?

It was a wound he had been able to live with after getting on the boat to Shanghai. But Yang Euijoo thought that rather than meeting Cheon Yeomyung again, it would have been better to have become an unlucky person who died on the boat, and had his corpse buried at sea.

He swore he never thought this would be the end. He had never thought about what he should do if they met again. When that time came, he would surely die, or be dragged away like a dog and crawl around the basement again to do what Cheon Yeomyung wanted. It was only vague speculation like that, but the man he met again was excessively different from his imagination. He wore an unfamiliar perfume, changed his hair color, and even his way of speaking…….

Isn’t it funny?

Yang Euijoo let out a soft laugh. It was a state that was good enough to be reported and dragged away as a madman, but he did not care.

Yang Euijoo did not want to interpret what the man, who had pushed him to the brink as if to kill him, wanted now. In order to escape the Hong Kong mansion, a clear judgment had been necessary. The conviction that Cheon Yeomyung would never be able to kill Yang Euijoo with his own hands. The conviction that he would not be able to drag him away like a dog and use him, as he blustered with his mouth.

But even if such a conviction existed, would anything be different now? Yang Euijoo recalled the goddess who had been glaring at someone with malicious eyes from below his feet. Should he get revenge? Since Cheon Yeomyung was showing a soft side to him, revenge did not seem like a bad idea. But even if Yang Euijoo were to stab Cheon Yeomyung with a knife, he did not think that would be revenge.

It’s revenge only if it deals a blow to the opponent, isn’t it? When he thought of the man’s shameless face, who at times had openly incited him to stab him, it was obvious that doing such a thing would only make him feel crummy. Just like in his childhood when he had thought the fall, which was an accident, was a murder.

“Ha……”

A surge of displeasure welled up at the situation where he could do neither this nor that. The once warm hand grew colder and colder as his thoughts lengthened. I really hate this. It’s so annoying. I wish there would just be a clear ending.

“Fuck.”

Yang Euijoo was startled and turned around when a sudden, distorted low voice sounded behind his back.

“……!”

Cheon Yeomyung, who he thought had left, was glaring at Yang Euijoo with a crumpled face. The man’s shoulders heaved as if he had run. Cheon Yeomyung came closer to him. It was a menacing gaze. As soon as his eyes met the distorted eyes that were suppressing curses and anger, Yang Euijoo took a step back, but the man was faster.

Yang Euijoo squeezed his eyes shut and hunched his body to prevent the violence that would touch him. But there was no pain. Yang Euijoo’s eyes shot open at the warm heat enveloping his shoulders. From the fingers gripping his arm, he somehow felt a faint tremor. A face, distorted as faintly as that tremor, was visible before him.

“Did you run away like that just to live so wretchedly?”

White breath billowed out between Cheon Yeomyung’s lips. It looked as if he were spitting out a ghost from his mouth.

The gray eyes, barely recovered from the shock, stared at the man’s face, which was stained with white rage. Cheon Yeomyung barely managed to take his hands off the coat that he had draped over Yang Euijoo’s shoulders. In the middle of winter, the man, wearing only a black turtleneck without an outer coat, breathed heavily.

“For just this?”

Just this. In the end, was this what Cheon Yeomyung wanted to say? Yang Euijoo, wearing the coat that was a little big for him like a hut, looked at the man and answered.

“For this?”

He wasn’t being petulant. His head hurt, and he was still afraid of violence. Just because Cheon Yeomyung was now acting sweet like a madman, it did not mean the past had not happened, and Yang Euijoo was terrified.

“Listen carefully.”

He saw the man, stiff as if frozen by the winter wind, move his purplish, pale lips.

“I came all the way here because living there was worse than death.”

He still couldn’t get used to the golden hair. Perhaps because the usual high-handed atmosphere was gone, he seemed like a solitary boat floating in the void. Maybe it was because this place was not Hong Kong. Just as the streets of Shanghai were silent, they too fell silent along with them.

“……So?”

Cheon Yeomyung still asked for Yang Euijoo’s intention as if he did not know what he had done wrong. Yang Euijoo coldly laid out a story that had nothing to do with his own intentions. With every word he uttered, his breath spread out. He was not the only one who was cold.

“Go.”

“……”

“Go back, and you alone, cooped up, can go through that shit and worry. Wonder if I might be dead tomorrow, what if I go and die today in a fit of anger, or if I might die tomorrow morning. I hope you also wonder if I might jump in front of a car on the street. I don’t know why you care about such things. But since you searched so hard, I suppose I should tell you, as a courtesy.”

After reuniting with Cheon Yeomyung, Yang Euijoo had started carrying the knife with dried red blood on it. He knew that even with that dull thing, he could kill a person. Sometimes, death is the most excellent escape. Yang Euijoo had a strong will to live for over twenty years, but if he could not live as he wanted, it was only right that he should die.

The yellow eyes plummeted lower, and lower, each time Yang Euijoo’s words fell. He had a face that looked as if he could not have even imagined that Yang Euijoo was still prepared to die.

“Isn’t that the kind of sight you came to see?”

It was a frost-like question. Cheon Yeomyung, with a wavering face, could not say anything. He did not answer whether he had really come to see that sight, or if he had really come to harbor some stupid delusion about Yang Euijoo. Instead, the man spoke cautiously with an expression similar to one from some time ago.

“……Go inside.”

Because it’s cold. Though the following words were definitely not there, it felt as if he had heard them clearly. Yang Euijoo belatedly wanted to ask.

Did you come all this way to find me, for just this?

🐑

He was tired. Yang Euijoo stared at the clear winter sky and smoked a cigarette blankly. Jang Jwin stealthily poked Yang Euijoo’s side. Of all places, it was the area that had been stabbed with a knife, so it hurt immensely. Yang Euijoo barely swallowed a curse by chewing on the end of his cigarette. Jang Jwin scratched his head and said.

“Did you decide to go on a date today too?”

“That is an insulting remark.”

“The pharmacy customers should be the ones feeling insulted by you……, if they find out the two most popular men on the street have fallen for each other, you’ll get stabbed about twenty more times.”

Yang Euijoo wondered if it was okay for Jang Jwin to say such things. Jang Jwin, who had saved a guy who was dying from a knife wound only to offer the blessing that he would be stabbed to death, flicked his cigarette ash into the ashtray and leaned back in his chair as if collapsing.

“And, if you’re not on a date, then what is that?”

There was no need to follow Jang Jwin’s gaze. There was only one person he could be talking about.

“I don’t know that person.”

He said it quickly, but it was just an excuse that had already been found out through and through. Jang Jwin coughed dryly with an uncomfortable face.

“I feel uncomfortable when someone that handsome is near my pharmacy.”

“But you said you liked me?”

“I can win against one of you with my charm, but two guys is a bit burdensome.”

“Why don’t you try saying the exact same thing in front of your wife later.”

Replying to Jang Jwin who was speaking out of both sides of his mouth, Yang Euijoo got up from his seat. Beyond his reluctance, he did not want to cause trouble for Jang Jwin. Yang Euijoo pressed his finished cigarette into the ashtray to put it out and put on his old jumper. Jang Jwin glanced at Yang Euijoo’s attire and said.

“What happened to the clothes you brought last time, why are you only wearing that?”