Black Paradise Chapter 3.3

“Yesterday, it seemed like we were similar in every single way, but now it seems our opinions differ a little. I think it is when death is right before your eyes. When you are in that situation, there is nothing left to hide. Because there is nothing left to fear. You just become faithful to your instincts. The most powerful desire right before you die… would probably be the desire to live.”

Thud, Seo Juhyeok, who had been holding a bottle of disinfectant, tossed it carelessly onto the floor and indifferently continued his rambling.

“The place I was in was the one closest to death. When I said I saw all sorts of people, that is what I meant. I saw people who were laughing and chatting right next to me just yesterday die in an instant, so many times I got sick of it.”

“……”

“One day, a colleague was brought in with his throat slit by a rebel’s sword. Another day, there was a younger brother whose stomach was pierced by a sickle, and whose death was so desecrated that he could not even return as a corpse. They were all speechless dead bodies, but would you believe me if I said they were screaming with their entire beings that they wanted to live? At that time, my father was drunk on his role as a saint, excited about appeasing the rebels, and he used their deaths as nothing more than a stepping stone for reconciliation. He dragged it out for years because of the order to focus only on the defensive battles to safely block the rebels’ retaliation. I had never felt so powerless. It was hell.”

The look in his eyes as he spoke of death was similar to the one I saw at the restaurant yesterday.

Dangerous. Ilyeong’s mind felt tightly constricted. The aura he exuded reeked of all kinds of danger. If his hand had not been held, he would have backed away long ago.

Sizzle, sizzle, the surroundings became so quiet that even the sound of bubbles bursting on the palm where the disinfectant had been poured could be heard.

“Strangely, Mr. Kwon Ilyeong, you remind me of those people. That is why it feels dissonant.”

“What… do you mean.”

“Like a person driven to the brink of death, you have eyes that are full of spite from your desire to live, yet you are not afraid to use your body. I wonder which one is the real you……”

Seo Juhyeok spoke as if letting out a sigh, but his gaze fixed on Ilyeong was as intense as ever. His cool eyes narrowed slightly.

“Why are you making that face? You heard all this at the diner earlier. Did you think I would not know that you wanted to ask me if it was real the entire way here?”

“That is……. I have no intention of talking about it carelessly.”

“It is a story everyone knows, so what does it matter. More than that, I am curious about your reaction, Mr. Kwon Ilyeong. You kept asking me to tell you the story. I am satisfying your curiosity as you wished and treating your wound, so you should at least show some response, should you not.”

Ilyeong swallowed dryly. Although he was speaking playfully, it was palpable that he was displeased. I have to say something. He calmly lowered his eyes, but he was not confident that his agitation had gone unnoticed. He barely managed to move his tongue, which felt as if it had been cursed into stiffness. Words still laced with venom escaped.

“So in the end, Mr. Seo Juhyeok, you paid them back. Exactly the same way.”

Even to his own ears, his voice sounded a bit on edge. While placing a gauze over the wound where the white foam had all subsided, Seo Juhyeok muttered.

“Yes, I did……. But, Mr. Kwon Ilyeong.”

“……”

“Why did you not just speak honestly from the beginning, like you are now.”

“What do you mean by that.”

“Then I would not feel as shitty as I do right now. Why do I keep feeling like I am being played with? In just those few times.”

The hand that subsequently wrapped the bandage was not gentle at all. A faint annoyance could be read on his smiling face.

“You tried to save me? I was going to let myself be moderately deceived, but after seeing your expression now, I cannot. Mr. Kwon Ilyeong, did you say that a person can only be honest when they have a life without any worries? Then what kind of schemes do you have, Mr. Kwon Ilyeong, that you have so much to hide?”

He, who scraped up even the words I had said without a thought and brandished them like a sword, was not unfamiliar. Ilyeong shook off the captured hand. The loosely held hand fell away. The untrimmed end of the bandage swished through the air.

Seo Juhyeok’s eyebrow cocked crookedly. Looking at that face, which had cast off the ruffian mask, my mind paradoxically grew cold and calm. Ilyeong raised his eyes and composed his voice.

“What am I hiding. There is nothing of the sort.”

“Then you are saying you really jumped in to save me.”

“……I know I am not in a position to do so, given my place.”

“I know that is not all there is to it, so try being more honest.”

Why does this man keep wondering about my inner depths? His molars ground together with a crunch.

“If you insist on hearing it, it is not something I cannot say. You are right, Mr. Seo Juhyeok. In the end, the person I saved was probably that woman from before. If I had not stepped in, that woman would have had her head bashed in by now for the crime of inflicting a wound of this extent on you, Mr. Seo Juhyeok. No, would it just be that woman? The winners from District 23, of course, but the families of traitors are all executed, so even her family remaining in the evacuation zone would have all died without knowing anything. Because sin is not something that can be shared, but something that multiplies. I suppose I did not like that. Seeing as I do not feel any particular sympathy even after hearing your story, Mr. Seo Juhyeok, I must be a person from the evacuation zone, through and through.”

“You know it well. That the families of traitors are all executed.”

Having pointed out an unexpected part, Seo Juhyeok narrowed his brow slightly.

Ilyeong’s tongue, which had been moving viciously, was suddenly tied up in an unexpected place. It felt just like tripping over his own logic. Even before he could retrace their past conversations, a headache assailed him. It was a warning not to dig any deeper. There is a reason for everything that is forgotten.

Out of habit, Ilyeong lightly tapped the side of his head a few times with his uninjured hand. When he opened his eyes, Seo Juhyeok’s expression had become even more peculiar than before. As if he had just picked up one of Ilyeong’s secrets…….

I have to say something, anything, quickly. Rolling his eyes once, Ilyeong also wrapped himself in a shamelessness as thick as armor.

“It is not a lie that I rushed in without thinking. If I had thought about it calmly, I would have known there was no way you, Mr. Seo Juhyeok, would have meekly taken that knife, and then I would not have jumped in. Are you satisfied now?”

“I have been thinking this for a while, but you have quite a temper, Mr. Kwon Ilyeong.”

“Is my personality a problem this time?”

“No. I am saying I like it. Was Colonel Jamie More as captivated as I am? If I dig into that side of things, will I be able to understand you a little, Mr. Kwon Ilyeong?”

Ilyeong clamped his mouth shut. He had expected it from the moment he realized Seo Juhyeok knew they were using rooms on the same floor, but it seemed he already knew that the changed room was assigned under Jamie’s authority. Of course, the inside story of that was a secret he had to protect even in death, so he had not the slightest intention of telling him, even if a knife were held to his throat.

Contrary to his thought that he would tenaciously cling to the subject again, Seo Juhyeok readily nodded his head.

“Right, I suppose I can find that out on my own, bit by bit.”

Although this, too, was an unwelcome answer all the same.

Seo Juhyeok pulled the loosely bandaged hand toward him again.

“Since you answered honestly, Mr. Kwon Ilyeong, I will tell you one thing as well.”

The rule to exchange stories one by one was one that none other than Ilyeong had made the last time they met. So he did not stop the words he was letting slip.

“No matter where she stabbed or swung, I was planning to take that knife. I was going to use that as a pretext to deal with that woman who had been glaring at me as if to kill me the whole time.”

“If it were you, Mr. Seo Juhyeok…… you could have framed that woman for treason without necessarily getting hurt, could you not have.”

Ilyeong read the answer in his eyes before he spoke. Ah, at the same moment a sigh escaped him, goosebumps pricked up on the back of his neck.

“There has to be something I lose for a justification to be formed. Whatever deed one plots, a certain degree of dramatic device is also necessary for it to remain in people’s memories for a long time.”

“I have thought this before, but you are quite… sentimental.”

“Is that so? In the end, the plan went awry, so you should be getting on my nerves, Mr. Kwon Ilyeong, but the fact that you are not is another misjudgment, I suppose. And even though it was a lie, hearing you say you did it to save me was quite nice to hear, enough to make me want to be deceived.”

Seo Juhyeok let out a short laugh. His tone had become much lighter, as if he genuinely found it amusing, without a trace of sarcasm. Only after applying all the securing tape did Seo Juhyeok let go of his hand. The bandage was wrapped neatly. Ilyeong awkwardly stroked over it and retorted.

“I will pretend I did not hear that last part.”

“If that makes you feel better.”

Seo Juhyeok curved his sharp eyes and smiled languidly. This time, he had completely regained his composure and his mask. His playful eyes seemed to smell of alcohol.

What an astounding person. Now that he had obtained all the answers he wanted, he was probably going to act the ruffian again as he pleased. Wanting the base, inner thoughts rather than flattering words was completely like him.

Seo Juhyeok sank his body into the back of the sofa and sat down.

“Then shall we get to our real business now.”

Business? For a moment, a flash of realization passed over Ilyeong’s face as he was about to ask back in confusion. Now that he thought about it, he remembered Seo Juhyeok saying something like that in front of the soldiers.

“I thought you were just saying that.”

“No way. If that were the case, there would be no reason to come all the way to my room instead of going to the infirmary. Come here.”

He was grabbed by the arm, dragged over, and seated on his lap. As he sat astride him with his legs spread, the fronts of their pants brushed against each other precariously. Lowering his gaze, Ilyeong scrunched up his face.

“It seems it was true that you only get hard when I act impertinent. Is this the business you had to do?”

“That is a hurtful thing to say. A few days ago, we agreed to suck each other off, but you were the one who just ate and ran, Mr. Kwon Ilyeong. That is why I waited patiently until you finished eating today. Are you postponing it again?”

He was at a loss for words. Seo Juhyeok’s words were full of errors. They had never agreed to suck each other off, nor had he ever run off. And in the first place, they had not even made any plans, yet he came to find me on his own.

“So…… you are telling me to suck you now.”

“What should I do. You know I let you off the hook at the diner.”

Seo Juhyeok’s large hand slid up Ilyeong’s waist with an explicit intention. The man’s hand that entered under the hiked-up hem of his clothes was burning with heat. A burst of defiance erupted from Ilyeong.

“I do not want to get any more entangled with you, Mr. Seo Juhyeok.”

It was something he had said just a few days ago, so he did not say it thinking it would work. At the muttered sincerity, Seo Juhyeok raised the corners of his mouth and laughed breezily.

“We will have to try it to know that.”

His lips were immediately captured. At the same time, his body was pulled in tightly. As their fully swollen fronts were languidly rubbed together, a ragged moan escaped Ilyeong’s mouth.

“Ugh……”

The moment the stubbornly clamped lips parted, Seo Juhyeok familiarly pushed his way in. A soft piece of flesh immediately slid toward the roof of his mouth, then his upper lip was gently caught between Seo Juhyeok’s teeth. At the gesture slowly rubbing against his lower body, Ilyeong’s eyelashes trembled helplessly. The tongue that freely ravaged the tender flesh inside showed no restraint. The hand that traveled up his prominent collarbone also showed no hesitation.

Seo Juhyeok, who had been squeezing Ilyeong’s pale skin hard enough to leave marks, abruptly grabbed him below the waist and turned his body over. When Ilyeong came to his senses, he was lying lengthwise on the sofa, pinned beneath his large frame.

“Spread your legs.”

“…I do not, want to.”

It was a refusal that had no chance of working this time either. Seo Juhyeok, paying it no mind, grinned and pressed down on Ilyeong’s thighs. His legs, which had been spread open as they were wrapped around a thick waist, were now lifted into the air and spread even wider.

“Getting this hard, asking me to suck you, yet you are so stubborn.”

As his waist was folded and his lower body was exposed, Seo Juhyeok unceremoniously rubbed his palm over it. While their lower bodies were pressed together, a wave of pleasure washed over him from the touch that seemed to crush the spot where heat had naturally gathered, and he clenched his teeth. While his lower half was being deliberately caressed, their bodies overlapped again and their lips met.

“What can I do to make you beg me to kiss you, just like the first time we met.”

“Hah, ah……”

His left hand snaked over his torso, and his right hand pushed its way into his pants. The voice whispering by his ear melted languidly, rendering the tension throughout his body powerless. Seo Juhyeok might not know it, but his voice was the key that could disarm everything. A tongue slowly licked its way up Ilyeong’s jawline and soon began to explore the shell of his ear.

Without him realizing it, Seo Juhyeok had skillfully used his hand to feel for and pull out Ilyeong’s member, which was trapped inside his underwear. The cool air he tasted after being confined in a hot place was chilling. A viscous liquid oozed out from the tip of his penis.

He undid his own pants as well. The tip of the flesh that pushed out from between his pants, unable to be held down even by his underwear, was thick. Presently, the penis that popped out, thump, was pressed against Ilyeong’s. The movement, which slowly thrust up from the scrotum, was so vivid it made him shudder. The heavy feeling against his most sensitive spot made his vision throb.

“You want me to suck this.”

He has no shame. Conveying that meaning, he glared with all his might, and Seo Juhyeok laughed out loud as if he was enjoying it. The light kiss that made a smack sound was the most playful one they had shared so far.

“I want to get a mouthful. Mr. Kwon Ilyeong, have you ever rubbed cocks with someone else like this and jerked off?”

At the vulgar expression he uttered so nonchalantly and the hand that firmly pinched his chest, Ilyeong’s vision flashed white. Though he asked as if he were indifferent, by now I knew this too was his way of testing me. Ilyeong answered, holding back a moan.

“No, I have not.”

“Is that so, then. This is a first for me too, so that is great. Let us lose our virginity together, then.”

As if it were the right answer, he smiled, his eyes crinkling. There was no time to scoff at the words that sounded like a rookie confessing his purity. Immediately, Seo Juhyeok’s large hand grasped their two pieces of flesh together with a ferocious strength.

The sticky fluid each had secreted mixed together haphazardly, becoming a lubricant. At the fast strokes of the hand that moved forcefully from tip to root, a thick moan escaped from between Ilyeong’s teeth. Never one to miss an opportunity, Seo Juhyeok began to explore the inside of his mouth once again. The fingers that had been pulling and rubbing his nipple to the fullest were now, at some point, repeatedly pressing and flicking his thoroughly heated chest. Intense pleasure began to rise from both above and below.

“Hah, eut, euk……!”

“Haaa……”

It was a pleasure so intense that the tips of his fingers trembled, so much so that he could not think of anything even as a sharp pain shot through the open wound. When was the last time he had gotten off? It was hazy. It was not that he had no sexual desire, and when he took the drug, he would often touch himself, swept up by his heightened senses, but that was all nothing more than a process to handle a given reaction.

With an unfamiliar method and touch, Seo Juhyeok used his whole body to draw out the pleasure from Ilyeong, who was pinned underneath him. Having noticed in the meantime that Ilyeong’s ears were a weak spot, he skillfully took the whole ear into his mouth and breathed his husky breath into it.

Ilyeong’s flailing arms clung to his shoulder. It was the moment when Seo Juhyeok, who had paused for a moment, bit down so hard, crunch, that it felt as if the cartilage of his ear might be crushed.

“Heuk……!”

A cloudy white fluid burst from the tip of Ilyeong’s penis, which had been rubbed to the point of being chafed. Because his waist was bent at an almost ninety degree angle, the liquid splattered, splat splat, onto his shirt, which had been pushed up to just below his chin. Seo Juhyeok wiped Ilyeong’s cheek with his fingertips, rubbing as if to gauge the viscosity.

“My, my, you were holding back so much I thought there was something wrong with you. You cum just fine.”

“Please, just do not talk……”

“You are a bit fast, though. Do you not even jerk off alone……”

He did not even listen to me, and all the words he muttered were shameful. Unlike his own, which had subsided somewhat after ejaculating once, Seo Juhyeok’s cock was still ramrod straight. He had not penetrated him, but at the movements that still bumped against his lower half, thump thump, Ilyeong’s vision trembled.

Seo Juhyeok gathered the fluid that had been messily spilled on his stomach with the side of his hand and rubbed it haphazardly on his own cock. The white semen being smeared on the crimson, erect thing was excessively obscene. It did not seem like this would end anytime soon. The light falling like a backlight along the silhouette of their bodies made Ilyeong’s eyes ache. He raised his throbbing arm and placed it over his face.

“Let us just… cum once each and finish.”

“I have no intention of counting rounds. Who calculates like that when they have sex?”

“Usually……”

Ilyeong, who had been about to answer reflexively, bit his lip hard. He had almost made a mistake. He swallowed the words that had crept up to his throat along with a dry gulp. He had a gut feeling that he should not let them out of his mouth. Thanks to that, his hazy mind snapped back to attention. It was a relief he was covering his eyes. If he had shown his face, the sense of dismay he was feeling right now would have been completely exposed.

“With an injured person… ugh, go easy.”

While he was having such chilling thoughts, the hand kneading his completely limp flesh heightened the sexual sensation.

Seo Juhyeok grabbed Ilyeong’s wrist that was covering his face and pulled it down. The throbbing pain transmitted from his palm mixed with the pleasure that was wringing out his lower half. It was a welcome sensation that pushed away the dismayed face he had wanted to hide.

Seo Juhyeok’s jet black eyes, faintly mixed with playfulness, persistently rummaged through that expression.

“I have not even been going easy, yet your calculations are quite arbitrary. I am letting you off with a handjob. You should at least satisfy me as much as I want, Mr. Kwon Ilyeong.”

“You… just want to win my favor, do you not. The price for saving you, Mr. Seo Juhyeok…… let us call it even with that.”

He heard a short laugh, ha, as if he were dumbfounded. A cool, strange light flashed and passed through the eyes looking down at Ilyeong. The scornful gaze he had given Ji Taeun and the young soldier at the diner was exactly like this one now. It was the look of someone pondering what to do with an opponent who challenged him.

That was probably the bare face Seo Juhyeok wanted to hide the most with his mask. Perhaps it was a sincerity that even Seo Juhyeok himself was not conscious of.

At that thought, another wave of defiance rose up. We are both acting out lies from moment to moment, so why does he alone act as if he has nothing to hide.

Ilyeong met Seo Juhyeok’s gaze straight on. Even though the light piercing his eyeballs was glaring, he did not blink once. He likes my eyes, the moment I become honest. Schlick, schlick, the two pieces of flesh soaked in the cloudy white fluid made a sticky noise.

Haaa……. He added a moan to it like an ornament. The smile gradually disappeared from Seo Juhyeok’s eyes. His dry eyes looked satisfied, and also hungry. It was not a strange story. Because he always harbored contradictions.

“Seeing as I want to be deceived again, I am not normal either. It seems I really need to find out your secret, Mr. Kwon Ilyeong, before something truly terrible happens.”

“……”

“Wrap your arms around my neck. If you suck my lips hard, I will let you finish quickly.”

It was the moment he licked his lips with his tongue. The tip of his finger dug into his urethral opening as if to gouge it out and rubbed. Ilyeong clung tightly to the hard neck in front of him and shut his eyes tight.

I wish Seo Juhyeok would never find out my secret, and that we could just share bodies and hearts of this weight. That was no different from a vow to himself.

It was also from that day that Seo Juhyeok disappeared.

Another five days passed after that. In the meantime, the palm that had been cut by the knife, although it throbbed occasionally, had healed enough to only need a single bandage, and the cruise ship had docked somewhere for a day before setting sail again. No one entered or left the cruise ship; it seemed it was simply scheduled as a port of call.

The land visible outside the window was desolate like an abandoned port, and in front of it was a dense forest of trees, making it look not at all like a place where people lived. And then, once again, it was all just an endless expanse of blue waves that he was sick of.

Shhhlick-. The hand that drew the curtains was, even to himself, irritable. The room instantly became dim just by blocking out the sunlight.

Ilyeong sat on the sofa with his knees drawn up, nervously chewing on his lip. In the silent room where the sound of his breathing sounded like thunder, the tick-tock sound of the clock’s second hand flowed. No matter how he thought about it, it was an unreal sound. Ilyeong lay down, collapsing sideways, and this time began to bite his fingernails.

Jamie was gone. It was a fact he had confirmed just the day before. He had heard news of his absence at the casino, which he had visited for a check, thinking it was strange that he was so quiet for someone so desperate to get the White. The casino, which used to be bustling with soldiers at every slot machine and card table, was now also enveloped in a hard to explain chilly atmosphere.

The blonde haired woman who had relayed the news about Jamie to Ilyeong told him that ‘the atmosphere is strange’. Judging by the anxiety in her eyes, he thought it must have been sincere, not an act.

The strangest thing was the timing of his disappearance. Jamie More disappeared on the evening of the day he had confronted Seo Juhyeok at the diner. It also matched the point in time when contact was lost.

The last time they met, Seo Juhyeok knew that the person who had moved his room was Jamie. On that very day, Seo Juhyeok also disappeared without a trace. He is hell bent on digging into my secret. Can all of this be called a coincidence?

The peace was insidiously eating away at his brain. He was so anxious that yesterday he could not hold back and took some Black. Afraid that someone might recognize him, he had only swallowed half a daily dose tablet in the early morning, yet it felt so good it brought tears to his eyes. The sun drove away the night, the sea, and the effect of the drug. From the moment he woke up, it was a continuous stretch of anxiety once again.

Ding.

The doorbell rang at that moment. Ilyeong sat up with a start. Holding his breath, he just rolled his eyes and focused on the sound. Since coming back from the casino, there were frequent times when he could not distinguish between tinnitus and reality. This might be one of those times. The moment he stealthily lowered his legs off the sofa, this time he heard someone knocking on the door. Knock, knock. It was quiet, but it was definitely a real sound.

Ilyeong approached the entrance without a sound. Click, the door opened, and orange light flooded into the dark interior like a wave. Ilyeong’s body stiffened as he identified the figure standing beneath it.

「Hello. Have you been well?」

What he saw under the security chain was a notepad. Beyond it, he could see the messenger’s eyes. For someone with a more serious face than the last time I saw him, it was quite a cheerful greeting.

Ilyeong did not let go of his vigilance and quickly looked around. Letting one’s guard down is always a mistake. All of this could be a bait set up by Jamie. He might be trying to make me feel secure by pretending to be absent, and then raid my room when I am off guard to steal all the White. Moving the room was a good thing, but the fact that this 8th floor had so few people, meaning there would not even be a witness if something were to happen, did not sit well with him at all.

While he was feeling for the touch of the razor blade in his pants pocket, the messenger scribbled something on his notepad again and held it out to Ilyeong.

「It is okay.」

It was absurd. So much so that all his tension dissipated. It is okay? He thought to himself how he could say such an unconvincing thing with a face like that. Come to think of it, at the diner 8 days ago, the messenger had uncannily noticed that he was anxious and had said the exact same thing as now. Now that he thought about it, maybe it was just a verbal tic. His voice rose without him realizing it.

“What is okay? As if you know what I am worried about. Mister messenger, you said the same thing to me 8 days ago. But it is not okay, is it. If you have eyes, look in a mirror. You are in a terrible state.”

The messenger’s eyes widened into circles, and he scribbled another message on his notepad.

「It doesn’t hurt much. This time, I’m really okay. The Colonel」

The notepad was small, but he wrote in large letters, so he ran out of space. Looking a bit frustrated, the messenger furrowed his brow, quickly flipped to the next page, and finished the sentence.

「disappeared.」

Even though it was a fact he already knew, his thoughts slowly became paralyzed. He ignored the other person glancing into the room and stood his ground firmly. The messenger, seeming surprised by Ilyeong’s cold reaction, blinked a few times, then gave up and dejectedly wrote a few more words.

「That night. I was at the casino with the Colonel when he came.」

The messenger looked around quickly, then opened his mouth wide to convey something.

…Seo Juhyeok.

Ilyeong slammed the door shut. Bang. Then, he quickly undid the chain and opened the door again. The messenger stood frozen in front of it, his eyes wide.

“Come in. Come in and tell me the details.”

The messenger, as if afraid Ilyeong would change his mind again, quickly scurried his small body inside. A terrible smell emanated from his body as he passed by.

Leading the messenger in front of him as if he were a shepherd herding sheep, Ilyeong keenly observed his attire.

His thin cotton shirt was grimy as if he had rolled in a dust pit, and it gave off a nauseating smell, as if some unidentifiable liquid had caked on it and dried. Ilyeong held his breath and tried not to imagine what the liquid was.

“First… would you like to wash up?”

Not sure how to phrase it without hurting the other person’s feelings, he just said what he most wanted to say. The messenger’s pale face turned bright red, and he pressed his lips together, only nodding his head. Thinking that his intention seemed to have been well conveyed, Ilyeong pointed to the bathroom attached to the bedroom.

“I will bring some clean clothes and leave them in front.”

The messenger disappeared in a flash with a face like a tomato.

Only after confirming that the messenger had safely disappeared behind the bathroom door did Ilyeong start to move busily. Having let an outsider in, he first checked to make sure the duffel bag was securely inside the safe, and then swept the floor to remove any traces of drugs that might be left. He opened the window to fill the room with fresh sea breeze. Whatever it was, he did everything he could to erase the fact that this place was a drug addict’s hideout.

In the place where everything had been washed away, questions about the messenger began to sprout. How did he come here. Why did he come here. And what does it mean that Seo Juhyeok went to see Colonel Jamie. Where are the two of them now that they have disappeared without a trace.

And… how did the messenger end up in such a state.

There were so many things to ask. And one person held all the keys. Ilyeong, out of habit, started chewing on his fingernails again.

Around the time he tasted blood on the flesh right next to his nail, the doorbell rang once more. Ilyeong quickly ran to the entrance.

“Mr. Kwon Ilyeong! I brought some food, let’s eat together!”

It was an uninvited guest, exactly as he had expected.

Haoran seemed to think of Ilyeong as a comrade-in-arms after the incident at the diner. He would grind his teeth in a fit, calling Jun and Yuuto, who were not there, vicious traitors. And yet, he himself had been so intimidated by Seo Juhyeok’s presence that he had been speechless twice already. He was a very funny bastard.

In my eyes, he was just annoying, but Haoran was persistent. Ever since he found out that Ilyeong had moved rooms, he had been frequenting this place as if it were some hideout. Telling him to get lost a hundred times would only hurt my own mouth. Haoran was just that kind of brazen kid.

The reason Ilyeong tolerated him without saying much was because Haoran was quite faithfully playing the role of his lackey. If Haoran heard this, he would throw a fit, but to Ilyeong, he was not a comrade-in-arms, nor an old colleague, but just a lackey. The lackey was carrying bags in both hands. He knew that Ilyeong only came out of his room during dinner time and was thus making an effort to procure every meal like this.

“Give me this. And go get some first-aid medicine.”

“Are you hurt somewhere? What kind of medicine?”

“Explain that it is for an abrasion and get whatever they give you.”

Ilyeong snatched only the plastic bags from Haoran’s hands and slammed the door shut. Bang. Behind the door, it sounded like Haoran was squawking, but then he felt him move away.

Ilyeong laid out the contents of the bags on the home bar table. Today’s menu was a porridge with seafood. It was a suitable meal for his picky stomach that threw up everything he ate. For the past few days, the only thing he had eaten properly enough to feel full was the two bowls of soup he had with Seo Juhyeok, and his body was withering away. And yet, it was quite ironic that he did not feel hungry.

Around the time he had taken out all the food, he felt a presence in the room. When he turned around, he saw the messenger standing there in clean clothes. Due to their difference in physique, the pants dragged on the floor and the sleeves were much too long. The messenger was seriously writing something in his notepad.

「I feel refreshed.」

Of course you do. The messenger had shed the stench and was reborn with a new body. Ilyeong thought that he still had enough humanity left in him to show this much generosity. He still had not escaped the habit of taking care of the field mice.

Ilyeong gestured with a nod of his head for the messenger to sit on the stool in front of the table. The messenger, upon seeing the warm food that was still steaming, was on the verge of his eyes rolling back.

“I need to get some confirmation before you eat.”

The messenger stopped the hand that was stealthily picking up a spoon and looked at Ilyeong pleadingly. He had the eyes of a calf that had been starved for several days. Unfortunately, Ilyeong had not the slightest intention of messing things up out of pity. As he stared blankly, ignoring the pleading gaze, the messenger put down his utensil.

Only then did Ilyeong continue speaking. The messenger also quickly presented his notepad by his side.

“First, there should be no repeat of what happened with the banana last time. There is nothing you can take out of here. I lent you clothes for now because I had no choice, but when you go back, you have to change back into those smelly… anyway, you have to change back into them.”

「The Colonel is gone anyway, so…….」

“Who knows if that is a bait. I still do not fully trust you.”

The pen in the messenger’s hand fell limply before standing up again.

「I am on your side, Mr. Kwon Ilyeong. The banana you gave me last time, I didn’t get caught on purpose. I had tucked it into the waistband of my pants, but it happened to fall out in front of the Colonel. I’m sorry about that.」

Ilyeong glared at the messenger’s face. It was also a form of self-contempt. He and the messenger were in a similar situation, with him carrying the duffel bag around because he had no proper place to hide the drugs. To think that the safest place in this vast cruise ship was his own body, he felt a strange sense of kinship.

“Anyway, no. We do not know when the Colonel will return. Come to think of it, I am a bit concerned about you having washed up as well……”

「It is okay. The Colonel hates dirty things too, so I used to wash every single day. No one will think it is strange. I only stopped washing after the Colonel disappeared.」

“Why?”

「Because it hurts when water touches it….」

A gloomy silence pressed down on Ilyeong’s brain. To think that despite that, he had run to the bathroom without hesitation when he suggested he wash up, was both absurd and dumbfounding. It even poked at his own guilt, which he had not known existed. Is he doing this on purpose, he suspected, but quickly abandoned the crooked thought. It seemed his nerves were on edge. Even without him, nothing in the messenger’s life was of his own choosing.

Ilyeong stared blankly at the man in front of him. The man, who was better described as a boy than a man, looked much neater and younger than he had thought once the grime was washed off. Perhaps it was even more so because of his small build. Once again, he was disgusted by Colonel Jamie’s tastes, and he barely suppressed the nausea that was crawling up his throat like a bug.

“I have a lot to ask you, Mister messenger, but the longer you stay here, the worse it will be for all of us.”

The messenger’s face reflected his inner emotions like glass. His shadowed face resembled that of a sinner awaiting judgment. Even as he stole glances at the food with eyes dripping with longing, he was preparing to be kicked out at any moment. He had seen all sorts of field mice in the garbage village, but this was the first time he had seen a field mouse that gave up so quickly.

Ilyeong let out a low sigh.

“Let’s talk while we eat. It might be a bit chaotic, but……”

The face, like a glass light bulb, once again shone with a bright light. He nodded his head vigorously. Ilyeong brought a memo pad from the room.

“Just in case, tear up all the notepads you have used so far, and from now on, write whatever you have to say here.”

「Yes.」

“Now, eat.”

Taking that as a signal, the messenger held a pen in his right hand and a spoon in his left, and began to devour the porridge greedily.

Even though he held the spoon loosely, the speed at which he shoveled food into his mouth was comparable to any runner. Ilyeong also pulled his own bowl forward. Instead of eating, he spat out a list of questions he had thought of.

“First, explain where Colonel Jamie disappeared to, and also… Seo Juhyeok, what business he came for.”

As the pen scratched away, scratch, scratch, picking up speed, Ilyeong’s palms began to grow damp.

「It was the day of the dinner, 8 days ago. That night, the Colonel dragged me to the back room of the casino. The Colonel is always either in his room or at the casino.」

The back room of the casino probably referred to the space secretly located behind the currency exchange. Ilyeong nodded slightly.

「I stayed there with the Colonel for a few days… About five days ago, I was so exhausted that day that I passed out, so I don’t really remember well. But I woke up for a moment in the middle of the night because I heard voices, and someone was there. It was Lieutenant Colonel Seo Juhyeok.」

Five days ago. It was the day Ilyeong had gone up to Seo Juhyeok’s room.

The messenger mumbled and swallowed what was in his mouth, then turned over the memo pad and readjusted his grip on the pen.

「After talking for a while, the two of them left the room together. I fell asleep again just like that, and when I woke up, it was morning, and I have not seen the Colonel since then. Just in case, I went to the Colonel’s room, but no matter how many times I rang the doorbell, there was no sign of anyone.」

“……Do you not remember what they talked about?”

The messenger opened and closed his lips repeatedly as if he were about to say something, pondering, then he quickly wrote something down.

「Drugs.」

“Drugs?”

「’Black’? I think it was a name like that, but I’m not sure. I think they kept repeating a word like that, but I don’t remember well. I’m sorry….」

“……”

Ilyeong froze stiff on the spot. It was a shock so great it felt as if his brain would crack open. In that moment, even the headache and tinnitus that had been eating away at Ilyeong faltered.

Black? Seo Juhyeok? Colonel Jamie? Why?

The suspicion that had been floating around in his head like smoke for several days finally began to take shape. Ilyeong’s eyes darted around, and the next moment, he clamped a hand over his mouth to stifle a scream as a realization struck him like lightning.

“No. I am saying I like it. Was Colonel Jamie More as captivated as I am? If I dig into that side of things, will I be able to understand you a little, Mr. Kwon Ilyeong?”

“Right, I suppose I can find that out on my own, bit by bit.”

It was just as he had warned.

Seo Juhyeok had figured it all out…! The story he had told last time had remained in Ilyeong’s mind for several days and created quite a concrete delusion.

Having cunningly driven his prey to the edge of a cliff, he finally smiles elegantly. The hand that caressed his opponent as if to save him, in the next moment, becomes a sharp blue blade and pushes him down the thousand-fathom precipice.

The jet-black eyes that watch the falling body are glossy with the effects of drugs. The entire process is like a play.

Did Seo Juhyeok finally find out the secret of White and Black? Is that why he talked to the Colonel about Black?

As expected, it could not have all been a coincidence. The fact that he had smelled something fishy in their absence was not a baseless anxiety either. Seo Juhyeok would soon come to kill me, with Colonel Jamie by his side. As an executioner, and as the next leader.

“Huck……”

The chain of reasoning that followed lodged itself in his lungs like a cork. His breathing quickened as the trapped breaths struggled to escape. He heard the sound of the messenger dropping his spoon beside him. He wanted to say it was just hyperventilation and not to make a fuss, but unfortunately, the situation was not that good.

Ilyeong fumbled for the plastic bag that had held the food on the table and brought it to his mouth. He gathered the breaths he had exhaled like a bowel movement and inhaled them again, repeating this several times. The tips of his fingers tingled, and his eyeballs ached. The desire to run into the room right now and inhale the drug grew and grew. In the end, what made him endure that desire was the presence of eyes watching him as if to test him. In that moment, the messenger’s eyes were those of a vicious judge.

Ilyeong violently hit his head. A shock followed, as if his entire brain was shaking. The messenger’s eyes instantly returned to those of a field mouse.

…How much of it was reality, and how much was delusion?

「Doctor, are you hurt somewhere? Shall I bring you some medicine?」

The messenger hurriedly pushed a piece of paper toward him. The hastily written words were a mess, impossible to make out. Ilyeong buried his face in his hands and tried to calm his breathing. His eyeballs throbbed.

“It happens sometimes, just, just a moment……”

As he fumbled for the table with his hands, the messenger, as if he knew instantly, placed a water cup in his hand. Even as he drank the water, his hands trembled so much that a stream of water flowed down his chin. As if that was not enough, he ended up dropping the cup from his hand at the end.

Crash! As the sharp sound of shattering rang out, the messenger let out a low scream.

Seo Juhyeok is coming to kill you…. The voice living inside his head did not miss the opportunity to cackle and mock him.

Curses ran rampant on the tip of his tongue. His overheated mind went wild. It is an auditory hallucination. It is just an auditory hallucination. Ilyeong, with his bloodshot eyes wide open, pressed his ears hard. He tried hard not to think about the relationship between Seo Juhyeok and Black.

It was after a considerable amount of time had passed that he came to his senses. Only when the auditory hallucination subsided did Ilyeong lift his pale face.

The messenger had even given up on the food he loved so much and was looking at Ilyeong with a tearful gaze. It was not a very welcome composition. He had always been the one to take responsibility for the field mice, not the one to be pitied. It was better to be hated or envied without concealment. Ilyeong gathered the last of his dying strength and opened his eyes wide.

“Write down anything else you can remember.”

「But.」

“Do not look at me, just write.”

The messenger, with an anxious face, bit the tender membrane below his lip and reluctantly picked up the pen.

「I really cannot remember.」

“Then just focus on what I am asking and try to think again. Did those people, by any chance, talk about me?”

「I do not think they did….」

The unclear end of his sentence was not refreshing. Ilyeong wiped the cold sweat that had formed on his forehead and nodded his head roughly.

“Then that drug… who was the first to talk about something called Black?”

「I think it was Mr. Seo Juhyeok…. I heard his voice a lot.」

Ilyeong inconspicuously chewed on his tongue. Feeling suffocated as if a rope were wrapped around his neck, he neurotically dug his nails into it. He scratched it hard until the skin went numb, then shook his head before the auditory hallucination could go wild again.

The messenger’s face was now so pale it looked transparent.

“You probably do not know where the two of them went……”

「No, no.」

Just as the two letters were being hastily written on the notepad, a nervous doorbell sound rang. Ilyeong stood up from his seat, whispering to the frozen messenger in a low voice.

“It is someone I know. Do not worry and finish your food.”

The messenger picked up the spoon again with sluggish fingers but could not easily resume his meal. Ilyeeong quickly walked to the entrance.

“Damn it, if I ask for some medicine, they should just give it to me, what is with all the talking. They said they could not give me medicine and to just get treated and leave, so I just grabbed it and ran. They are not going to chase me, are they? Anyway, all the people in Paradise are total assholes. They looked at me like I was some beggar, you know. Just wait until I get to Paradise. I will not let them get away with it.”

As expected, it was Haoran. Haoran, who entered the hallway with the proud demeanor of a thief, shouted in a booming voice.

From the day he boarded the cruise ship, Haoran had thought of winning the lottery as some great honor. The title of the reckless young master of the garbage village was not something just anyone could grasp, after all.

He had briefly considered telling him about the terrifying secret of Paradise, but he had given up on it long ago. Haoran’s mouth had been famous for being loose ever since his days at the research institute. He hated that type of person.

Ilyeong silently checked the medicine boxes and gauze in his arms. He had said he had stolen whatever he could get his hands on, but it had everything from antibiotic ointment and gauze to hydrocolloid bandages.

“I am not someone who should be treated like this…… Huh!”

Haoran, who had been grumbling endlessly, stopped when he spotted the person sitting idly in the kitchen. Ilyeong also stopped. The messenger looked at Ilyeong pleadingly with the face of a frightened squirrel.

“……Isn’t that the person we saw at the diner last time?”

“Keep your voice down. He is my guest.”

“What, that person is definitely……”

Haoran hid behind Ilyeong and whispered.

“He is one of Colonel Jamie’s subordinates! Isn’t he dangerous?”

“It is not like that. Speak from a little further away.”

Ilyeong calmly walked over to the messenger’s side. As he poured the medicine out onto the empty space on the table, the messenger’s eyes widened.

Ilyeong gestured with a jerk of his chin and sat down. As if nothing had happened, he pulled his own bowl back in front of him.

“Eat your food and then apply the ointment.”

“……”

The messenger’s gaze seemed to ask if it was really okay. Ilyeong pretended not to notice. The fact that he had run to the bathroom in a hurry at his words that he smelled bad, even though he could not even wash himself because it hurt when water touched him, kept bothering him. The messenger had yielded once, so he had to yield once too to keep the balance.

In the meantime, Haoran stealthily approached the kitchen. He let out a shriek upon seeing the feast spread out on the table. In an instant, Haoran occupied the stool opposite the messenger and snatched his bowl. He pulled it so forcefully that half of the porridge spilled onto the table.

“Why is this person eating the food I brought. I brought two bowls to eat with you, Mr. Kwon Ilyeong!”

“Was that yours? Then give that back. I am not eating, so you can eat mine if you want.”

“Playing dumb and acting so shamelessly! I brought it for you to eat, Mr. Kwon Ilyeong, so what is the point if you do not eat it?”

This time, Haoran lifted his chin towards the messenger.

“Tell me. You are one of Colonel Jamie’s lackeys, right?”

The messenger, who had been unable to move even when his food was snatched away from right in front of him, was just holding his spoon blankly, then he hurriedly picked up the memo pad.

「No, it is not like that. I would never do anything to harm the Doctor.」

“Why do you not speak? Are you a Paradise person too, so you do not even want to talk to me, who is from the evacuation zone, is that it?”

That shameless inferiority complex. Just as Ilyeong, who was sitting in the middle, was about to cover his right ear and open his mouth.

The messenger quickly wrote something and held it out to Haoran. The sound of Haoran’s huffing and puffing died down in an instant.

「My tongue was cut out, so I cannot speak. I am sorry.」

“Wh-what.”

Haoran, who had been so arrogant, stared blankly at the paper with a look of bewilderment and shock. The way his eyes darted to the messenger’s lips was uncomfortably blatant. Haoran lifted his chin even more stiffly, as if to hide his intimidation.

“So-so what if you look at me like that…. No matter what, you are still suspicious. I saw you next to Colonel Jamie with my own two eyes. Tell me. What suddenly made you come all the way here?”

The messenger, unlike before, fidgeted a little as if embarrassed, then pressed a short phrase into the corner of the memo pad.

「Because I was hungry….」

It was a complete knockout for Haoran. He huffed and puffed and quietly returned the porridge bowl to the messenger.

“Anyway, the ones who have more are always worse. I thought all the people in Paradise were well off, but they are even more annoying. Even I never went hungry in the evacuation zone, you know. Come to think of it, how old are you? You look younger than me.”

Haoran’s complaints were so full of errors that he did not even know where to start pointing them out.

First, only a very small number of people in the evacuation zone did not go hungry, and the messenger was not from Paradise either. However, both Ilyeong and the messenger kept their mouths tightly shut. Ilyeong surmised that the messenger had probably also recognized Haoran’s loose lips.