Dirty Sweet Baby Chapter 46

It felt like he had heard those exact same words from him before.

<That’s enough. Just give up.>

<Hyung, all you have to do is stand still next to me.>

“Don’t do anything stupid, just let me hold on to you.”

“…”

“Stay just like this.”

Heeheon was still difficult.

What did he mean by letting him hold on to him…? He was already being held captive by him, unable to do anything stupid or otherwise. It was a situation where he couldn’t possibly give up any more than he already had. So what more was there to give up?

In fact, a little while ago, Baek Heeheon had essentially given himself to Cha Moogyul.

No, to be precise, he had thrown himself at him.

Completely. All of it. Everything.

With the resolve of someone jumping off a cliff naked, he had intertwined his body with Cha Moogyul’s, and believing it to be a once-in-a-lifetime moment, he had crossed the line.

‘I don’t… regret it.’

Of course, he did not regret it.

Before the act of crossing the final line with Cha Moogyul, Heeheon had clearly consented. Though it was as good as being half-forced, unable to overcome his coercion, Heeheon had nonetheless chosen to go to the bed of his own will.

And in the actual moment of becoming one with Cha Moogyul, he had been certain that it was okay to cast everything else aside. He had wished for the moment to be an eternity, and without a single worry for the future, he had focused solely on that time, sharing his very breath with him.

It had been insanely good.

It was so good, he simply lost his reason.

He had been disarmed every time Cha Moogyul touched him, reacting easily like a fool. It seemed he had even clung to him first, and he thought he had even reached out a hand and caressed him. He couldn’t even properly remember what had happened in the latter half.

So, even now, Heeheon did not regret the choice and decision he had made back then.

‘Though… I don’t know what will happen from now on.’

Heeheon furrowed his brow, enduring the throbbing pain that flared up in his rear. After studying Moogyul’s expression for a while, he gathered all the courage he could muster and whispered softly.

“But… I don’t know what you mean. Tell me more simply…”

Cha Moogyul let out a fierce laugh, as if in disbelief.

“Ha, are you a fucking idiot?”

“…I’m not. A fucking idiot…”

“Shut up. You idiot.”

“…I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

Cha Moogyul turned his head and pressed his lips to the crown of Heeheon’s head. He was kissing him again. Or maybe he had just happened to bump into him while turning his head.

‘I think I’ve really developed a mental illness…’

Did he mistake any slight touch for a kiss? Or was it a hallucination… He didn’t know. Dazed, Heeheon was completely drained and chose to just ask Cha Moogyul a difficult question.

“Did you, by any chance… just kiss me?”

“Baek Heeheon. I told you to give up.”

“What now…”

“Give up, even if it’s fucking shitty. Stay still.”

He grabbed Heeheon’s chin and turned it to face him. He pressed his lips again onto the upturned face. Cha Moogyul’s lips pressed hard against his white, soft cheek.

“Uh…”

While Heeheon was surprised, Moogyul opened his mouth wide and took a bite of his cheek. It was bitten harder than he expected, and it hurt so much it felt like his cheek would tear off.

“Ah, ack!”

When he pulled away, a vivid, bright red bite mark in the shape of his teeth was left behind. Heeheon, submerged in the bathwater, just thrashed about uselessly.

“Why, why did you bite me?”

Of course, he didn’t give a proper answer to the question.

“Just because.”

It wasn’t… a kiss…? What in the world is he trying to do?

Cha Moogyul pressed his thumb firmly against the deep bite mark on Heeheon’s cheek. The pressed area hurt. Heeheon had no choice but to give everything up and mutter in a state of resignation, just as he was told.

“Are you really, normally into this kind of thing…? Hitting, biting, hurting people like this…?”

“Who knows. It’s not bad, though.”

“What do you mean, not bad.”

“It’s pretty good.”

He was going to die from confusion.

Why was Cha Moogyul acting like this? And why, of all people, to Baek Heeheon…?

Was he trying to torment him again? To be a fucking asshole? But for that to be the case, the proportion of his increasingly incomprehensible actions was becoming excessive. It was now at a point where it was difficult to just let it go without knowing the answer.

Among all of this, the biggest question was, more than anything…

‘Why did Cha Moogyul… why did he sleep with me?’

What did he mean when he said it felt good?

<Hyung would be the only one who doesn’t want it. I feel good when you’re panting underneath me.>

Did he really mean that it felt good…?

Did that mean Cha Moogyul wanted Baek Heeheon…?

‘No, don’t just interpret it easily in a way that suits me. If I think about it rationally, that, there’s no way that’s possible.’

If he were to pinpoint a reason, there was only one that made sense. Guiding.

<Whenever I do guiding with you, Baek Heeheon, I feel like I become a thrashing beast.>

<That’s how espers are. Primal instincts and cravings, even I get this worked up.>

…It seemed that, after all, guiding was probably the main reason.

The incident with Captain Seong might have lit the fuse, but he thought that the gunpowder in the magazine had been built up because of guiding. Guiding was absolute to espers, and no esper could defy guiding. Furthermore, Cha Moogyul was an S-class esper beyond classification whose limits could not be measured. As immense as his abilities were, it was highly likely that he craved guiding even more intensely than a typical esper.

Therefore, perhaps Cha Moogyul’s desires had been stoked without him even realizing it during all the time Heeheon had been guiding him. Due to the repeated guiding, he had unconsciously come to desire contact with Baek Heeheon, and in the end, he might have found himself in a situation where he couldn’t clearly recognize whether the source of that desire was guiding.

‘To be exact, maybe he’s confused himself.’

Considering how Cha Moogyul’s attitude toward Heeheon had always shifted back and forth, that might be the case. Sometimes he would say he wanted to kill him, and at other times he would press his lips against his like he had just now… Sucking his raw dick, then nursing him back to health—looking back, his actions were a series of incomprehensible events.

‘Is that it? Was guiding the problem after all…?’

Haaah…

‘Then again, if it’s not guiding, there’s no other reason.’

Fuck, this is so fucked up…

Heeheon raised both hands and covered his face. He pressed hard on his eyelids, putting pressure on his stinging eyeballs. A sense of emptiness washed over him, as if there was a huge hole in his chest, and it felt like something deep, deep that had filled Heeheon’s heart was draining away like an ebbing tide.

‘Guiding, why, always, until the very end.’

Waves rise in the sea, and the countless grains of sand spread on the white beach are swept away, screaming helplessly. Rolling uselessly, rolling, rolling… and getting worn away. The being, already tiny, is gradually swept away by the seawater and shrinks, until it finally disappears without a trace.

Was this what enlightenment felt like?

Like a calm and peaceful, uneventful daily life like this. Had he tried so hard just to get his lonely heart wounded?

‘It’s all so futile.’

Heeheon tensed the fingertips of the hands covering his face. He slowly pulled his hands away, scraping his forehead and brow bone like a rake. The gaze left with only misery was like that of a corpse. The eyes staring into the void were as cold and desolate as winter.

‘I want to stop. This kind of thing, I want to stop now…’

Cha Moogyul meticulously washed all of Heeheon’s limp legs and then took the foam net out of the bathtub.

“…”

He stared at Heeheon for a while. After watching him slowly blink his eyes, exhausted and with an empty expression, he clicked his tongue as if there was nothing to be done.

“Tsk, it would have been better if you just stayed asleep. Why did you have to wake up.”

“…”

“I’m going to get the semen out of your hole. Don’t make a fuss.”

His hand suddenly entered between his legs, and before he could react, his fingers were fumbling over the wrinkles and digging inside. When his fingers touched the heavily chafed and swollen inner walls, it was beyond sore; it was a stinging pain as if being sliced by a small knife.

“Ugh, it hurts…!”

“Shhh. It’ll be over soon.”

“Don’t scrape the inside… Nngh…”

“I have to scrape to get it out. Endure it. I have to get it all out and apply medicine.”

He didn’t know just how much he had been overworked. Cha Moogyul, that bastard, why was his dick so mercilessly huge… No, then again, it would probably be weirder if Cha Moogyul’s dick were small… Still, it hurt so much. It hurt so much it was despairing, and he wanted to let out a piercing scream.

In truth, it was not easy to distinguish whether it was his heart or his body that truly hurt.

“Kkeuk…”

Heeheon grabbed his arm and clung to him. Even though his insides were being gently scraped in the water, it was hard to bear. To think he had to get it removed and even have medicine applied on top of this felt like a true hell and ordeal. He wanted to throw a fit, telling him to get his hands off, to stop, but Heeheon, who had long since been exhausted, had every last bit of his energy squeezed out and was now completely discharged.

Cha Moogyul wiped Heeheon, who had collapsed and lost consciousness again, with a large towel, dressed him in a shower gown, and carried him to his bedroom to lay him down. Then, just as he had announced, he applied medicine to the buttocks of Heeheon, who had lost consciousness and fallen into a deep sleep. Heeheon couldn’t so much as lift a finger and did not open his eyes, as if he were dead.