Dirty Sweet Baby Chapter 67

“Haa.”

After he finished, he slowly swept Heeheon’s hair back. He gently rubbed his round forehead with his thumb, then finally took his penis out of his mouth. Heeheon, looking dazed, held onto his thigh and panted. The taste of him lingered strongly in his mouth, all the way down his throat.

Cha Moogyul adjusted Heeheon’s position, who was curled up on the floor, so he could rest against his lap.

“…”

Heeheon raised his bloodshot eyes and stared at him.

His features, as elaborate and perfect as a work of art, looked up at him blurrily. His large frame, accompanied by an air of dominance and charisma, seemed to be ensnaring and crushing Heeheon.

Cha Moogyul.

Detestable, fucking, Baek Heeheon’s Cha Moogyul…

Now that he had heard all of Cha Moogyul’s past, he could finally understand him. Why he acted in such an extreme manner, and why, of all people, he had ended up harboring such a dark obsession with Baek Heeheon. The questions were answered, and the gaps from before were filled.

However, understanding him didn’t mean the problems that had piled up between them would magically be resolved, nor would the emotional chasm be bridged. The countless, innumerable scars left on Heeheon’s heart, the knot that had formed as hard as metal because of them, and the endless repetition of the same failures and frustrations.

Baek Heeheon had to confront that before he could confront Cha Moogyul.

Meaning, he had to confront himself.

“…I understand.”

Heeheon made a decision.

And, with lips all ravaged, swollen, and puffy, he spoke.

“I won’t ever, run away again.”

Even though he had been caught by Cha Moogyul and failed, he honestly still felt like he wanted to end his own life. There was simply no place, anywhere, for Heeheon to live.

“I won’t ever try to run from you again… Instead.”

It was as if the world had turned to black and white. It was painted only in shades of gray, without blue, red, yellow, or any vibrant colors or warmth.

“In exchange for that, you let me go.”

There was nothing left of Baek Heeheon himself anymore, and he didn’t know what he was supposed to look at to continue living. If he just kept breathing and living like this, wouldn’t it just end up being a mess?

Even now, all Heeheon was doing was crying out this desperate, hopeless plea to Cha Moogyul.

“The truth is, I… I didn’t avoid you just because I disliked you, like you claim. Every moment, I did the best I could, and I just chose the option I thought was the best.”

Exhausted, tormented, and broken, Heeheon poured out his miserable inner thoughts to him.

“I thought that was the only way you, Cha Moogyul, and I, euk, could have a proper relationship… In the past, I thought that by avoiding you, we could at least remain as brothers, as family. And now, as your guide, I wanted to be acknowledged by you, seriously, as a comrade-in-arms…”

He wanted to put an end to it now.

“I heard you out, and I can now accept why you became like this and became obsessed with me. I even felt a little pity. But, that’s all there is to it. In the end, I’m nothing more than prey you’re chasing. You have no intention of treating me like a human being, you’re just focused on pinning me down, crushing me, and relieving your desires. From one to a hundred, everything is whatever the fuck you want…”

By Cha Moogyul’s side, Baek Heeheon couldn’t find a reason for his existence as a human being.

Falling into a deep abyss with no escape, he couldn’t achieve any salvation or self-reflection.

“Thanks to you, I’ve become no different than a toilet you use.”

He realized it desperately only now.

What Heeheon had wanted from Cha Moogyul was his respect, and what he had tried to protect was his own dignity.

“I feel guilty toward my mother, I can’t be proud as a guide, and if I keep living this pathetic, nose-diving life, what meaning is left for me, huh…? You son of a bitch, what the hell do I become…”

Looking up at the sky, he could in no way be proud.

If he kept living like this, he could never say it was a proper relationship, even if his mouth were torn open. He was ashamed of himself, and of course, he couldn’t face his mother. He was ashamed, humiliated, and really, just wanted to drop dead.

“So, Cha Moogyul, you throw me away.”

Heeheon shot his eyes upward. His grayish-brown irises screamed with an intensity as if they were being burned at the stake.

“This kind of relationship, you and I… just admit it was a mistake from the start and let it go.”

“…”

“Please throw away your fucking toilet…!”

Right.

In the end, Cha Moogyul held the leash.

As long as his obsession didn’t fade, nothing would change. If Cha Moogyul truly intended to, he could make that horrifying revelation to his mother not just now, but anytime. Whether he was dragged to the special residential district and restrained, or confined, or stripped naked and fucked—it was all up to his will.

Therefore, the one who had to give up was not Baek Heeheon, but Cha Moogyul.

Cha Moogyul had to be the one to abandon Baek Heeheon.

Heeheon stared at Cha Moogyul with broken, crushed eyes. In a world that had lost its color and light, he held his breath precariously and let out his last remaining wish to him. He desperately prayed that Cha Moogyul would cast Baek Heeheon aside, even if he were to stomp on his head or pierce his chest, it would be fine.

He didn’t know if this feeling, this desperate and earnest wish that Heeheon harbored, would reach Cha Moogyul, whom he had always considered an eternally unreachable being, and still did. Even though he was this close to him. Close enough to touch if he reached out his hand, close enough to meet his gaze if he just lifted his head…

“…Hyung.”

Cha Moogyul let out a low, heavy exhale.

And he looked down into Heeheon’s eyes, which were covered in sorrow and resentment, from up close.

“When did I ever say you were a toilet.”

His voice, sinking distantly, was utterly chilling.

“On the contrary, I told you to pour it out on me, that I’d take it. Does that make me the toilet then…?”

He rubbed Heeheon’s face with his wide palm. He slowly stroked his cheek and wiped the corner of his mouth, which was glistening with saliva. Perhaps because Heeheon’s head was feverishly hot, his low body temperature felt even colder than usual. His touch also felt stiff.

“I’m the one doing my best. Why can’t you recognize that this, right now, is the best I can do.”

“What…?”

“That pathetic excuse, that you avoided me to try and have a proper relationship, is hard for me to even believe, but in context, it’s the same for me. You know…? In my entire life, I have never tried so hard to be good.”

Cha Moogyul furrowed his brow deeply. He glared at Heeheon fiercely with savage eyes, then let out a violent breath through his clenched teeth.

“I laid myself bare and taught you one by one, didn’t I. I told you everything you were curious about, I did everything you asked, I treasured you dearly, telling myself dozens of times not to hurt you, and look now. Right now… I’m so angry my blood is boiling, yet I’m still checking your expression first, and I’m even sitting here meekly answering your questions…”

He roughly grabbed Heeheon’s arm, who was curled up. As if he had no time to control his strength, he pushed Heeheon face down onto the sofa and pressed down on his shoulder blade.

“Just having you in front of me, I can’t control my emotions and my stomach churns. I get desperate, wanting to monopolize you somehow.”

Cha Moogyul buried his head in Heeheon’s completely stiff, frozen chest. And he pressed his lips and kissed the spot above his heart, where the flesh had perfectly healed and grown new.

“Impatience, haste, clumsiness, those kinds of emotions are completely foreign to me, but you make me stumble like that every single time.”

“Eut.”

“This kind of vulgar, crude carnal desire, I… haha, I’ve never experienced it, never been broken by it…”

He licked his skin and left a mark. Since the Healing Factor’s effect had cleanly erased even the bruises that had densely covered his entire body, the new marks he was leaving were even more noticeable.

“I don’t know if I should have to tell you even this, but, hmm? You’re my first, for sex too.”

“…What, what did you say was your first?”

“It’s filthy, isn’t it. I’m reluctant to even put my mouth on food that other people’s hands have touched, let alone biting and sucking someone else’s body and spraying bodily fluids… Even when I got to the bedroom, I’d repeatedly stop because I just didn’t feel like it.”

Heeheon flinched his back. The chest he was kissing felt dizzy and confused.

‘What is he saying? Cha Moogyul, what…?’

A lie.

Isn’t it a lie?

‘That’s ridiculous. What…?’

“You probably remember, right? I mentioned that there are times I really want to kill you. But as you can see, you’re still alive and kicking just fine… So please, try using that annoying little head I want to smash.”

His body, sprawled on the sofa, was heavy. He was terrified by his words, engulfed in shock, bewilderment, and agitation. For some reason, a fear that felt like the world was about to be turned upside down washed over him from just a few of his words.

“Try to deduce what the life you still possess signifies.”

Even if a gate burst open in this space right now and hundreds of billions of creatures poured out, he wouldn’t feel as terrified as he did now.

“Wait a minute…”

Heeheon shook his head. If he could, he felt like he wanted to cover his mouth.

“No. Should I just reveal the answer right away?”