Cold City Romance Chapter 18.3

Cha Dokyung, who had been listening detachedly, smiled bitterly with sad eyes.

“If I understood correctly, it sounds like you have no faith in me at all, so it’s not possible.”

Hyun Jaehwi did not deny those words and agreed.

“That’s right. Separate from the fact that I like you, I absolutely do not trust the person Cha Dokyung.”

“Because there’s no trust in me…”

His delicate eyes, nose, and mouth twisted pitifully.

“I know well that I’m not a person you can trust. I know it’s all the result of my own doing.”

“…”

“But four years have passed since then. In a few years, I’ll be forty too. I don’t want to just enjoy playing with fire and have sex with you like in the past.”

“…”

“I want to become a companion who leans on each other and shares pain and suffering with you. Just as you’ve been until now, now I want to protect you by your side.”

“Sorry, but I can’t make any promises to you.”

“…”

“I also don’t want to give you useless vain expectations.”

Seeing the cold gaze of distrust he showed, Cha Dokyung smiled sadly once again with an expression as if a dagger had been stabbed into his chest.

“You really… don’t believe my words at all.”

Over the past four years, it wasn’t that he wanted him as a simple object of bodily pleasure or lust. It was the heart that wanted to build a family with him, share love, and live together here forever.

Like those two husband and wife, he wanted to live together as a resting place that covers each other’s flaws and can lean on each other affectionately. As time passed into middle age, and even older, even if all the people in the world pointed fingers or uselessly turned their backs, he hoped that only the two of us who love would lean on each other with innocent smiles unstained by time, becoming friends and spouses.

That’s why he imprinted on you. It was a pure vow to be eternally subordinate to you as a person, and to be together until the end.

Cha Dokyung bit his lips so hard that blood came out.

“You know nothing.”

Even not knowing the fact that I imprinted on you that day four years ago…

His straightforward pupils, having erased weakness, looked up at Hyun Jaehwi.

“You like me but absolutely do not trust the person Cha Dokyung?”

“…”

“You think I won’t be able to endure the adversities and pains that will come on the path of being with you?”

Cha Dokyung scanned the resentful man who absolutely did not trust him with a gaze as high-nosed and lofty as before.

“A flower in a greenhouse, a beloved prince? Don’t make me laugh… Really, do you think you know everything about me?”

“…”

“I’m stronger than you think.”

“…”

“How did I get to this position?”

“…”

“To survive as a top for over ten years in this field. In that greenhouse you mentioned, we have to become the most beautiful roses or lilies through bloody competition and effort, and at the same time become resilient weeds that can stand up smiling even if trampled. Don’t arbitrarily judge that my current self exists only because of others’ protection and love.”

He stood silently watching Cha Dokyung who uttered with a dignified voice.

“Hyun Jaehwi, you don’t know me…”

“…”

“And I don’t know you either.”

“…”

“I also don’t know at all in what way you’ve lived, who the person Hyun Jaehwi really is.”

“…”

“Why you had a crush on me from childhood, what kind of past and hidden pains of growth you have from that place you left as a child, I don’t know anything about you.”

“…”

“I didn’t even know until now what you do at that institution in America, and I didn’t know the fact that you’re a colonel in that secret military institution. You also didn’t know anything about me over the past four years, what thoughts I had while waiting for you and hiding here.”

Cha Dokyung was dropping tears silently drop by drop on both cheeks, but had a resolute face that did not bend. As if trying to prove that he is never weak. As if trying to prove that he can be stronger than the man in front of him in some adversities.

“Jaehwi-ya, we still don’t know much about each other.”

“…”

“Because, other than sex or pheromones, we had no time at all to get to know each other.”

The pitch-black pupils that had been looking piercingly shook faintly. Hyun Jaehwi had an expression as if caught off guard by those words.

Cha Dokyung desperately grabbed his arm.

“Jaehwi-ya, let’s go back to being a couple who know nothing and start over from the beginning.”

“…”

“Not a relationship that starts by sticking bodies together and devouring as you said, not as someone’s younger brother or older brother’s friend. Like the first time we met, go back to the very beginning.”

“…”

“Like ordinary lovers… From the beginning, let’s slowly get to know each other and build trust step by step.”

“…”

“If I can’t go to America with you, if I have to wait here, even if we can’t meet, I’ll just wait. Even if I can’t see your face, talking on the phone with your voice is fine.”

“…”

“Like other ordinary people, go back to that beginning where we know nothing…”

Cha Dokyung took one step first toward Hyun Jaehwi. The quiet light of the equestrian arena subtly illuminated the two standing close.

Cha Dokyung mustered courage and extended his hand to him.

“Will you start dating me again from the beginning?”

More than saying I imprinted, more than saying take responsibility for me, right now we need the process of getting to know each other.

“Not sex, not pheromones, but purely like lovers starting from the first meeting, let’s slowly get to know each other step by step.”

The man who seemed like frost, cold and heartless, who would never change his conviction, had a face as if punched by Cha Dokyung’s words.

“I’ll show you that the cowardly me can now bravely muster courage for the person I love.”

Because of the imprint, accepting me out of necessity is never what I want.

You and I from four years ago who didn’t even have time to properly get to know who the other really is. I don’t want the feelings you have to become an unavoidable forced responsibility toward me because of the word imprint on this relationship that’s nothing but a sandcastle without trust. We need to get to know each other more and become stronger before that.

“Jaehwi-ya, give me just one year.”

Cha Dokyung appealed without making a sound or sobbing. With an unyielding lofty face, dropping tears drop drop, he knelt on the sand floor of the arena.

“Like that time when you came to Korea and knelt in front of me, desperately pleading, give me just, one year…”

“…”

“Because four years ago, that time for us was too short, like a midsummer night’s dream.”

“…”

“After dating and trying a relationship with me, then you watch and decide.”

“…”

“Whether I’m really that untrustworthy weak person. Whether our relationship can continue, you judge directly then.”

Kneeling Cha Dokyung said, looking straight up at Hyun Jaehwi with honest and transparent pupils without a shred of pretense or hypocrisy.

“I’ll show you who the real Cha Dokyung is, not fake anymore.”

Cha Dokyung was kneeling and shedding tears in front of Hyun Jaehwi, but he looked more steadfast than ever.

“So you show me too who the real you is.”

Hyun Jaehwi stared at the heartbreaking face kneeling and shedding tears while looking up at him, then exhaled a regretful breath into the air.

For some reason, the one kneeling is him, but he had erased cold-bloodedness and had eyes like a boy boiling passionately like in the past.

He approached with a heavy bass voice and raised him up.

“It’s pitiful to see, so get up quickly.”

However, Cha Dokyung shook off his hand trying to raise him and stubbornly did not move at all, still kneeling.

“No, I’ll get up if you allow it.”

He let out a deep sigh once more with an embarrassed face.

“Ha…”

Hyun Jaehwi looked down for a long while at the resolute pupils and pitiful face staring up intently from between his legs, under his two legs.

The neat face with a long neckline exposed was wiping flowing tears and breathing out disordered breaths huff huff. Just looking down didn’t bring wholesome thoughts. Regardless of will, Cha Dokyung excessively stimulates sexual motives.

Even at thirty-six, from the gaze looking at others to gestures, speech, attitude, each one is prone to inviting bad misunderstandings from others. He seems to have no particular awareness, but that’s why he’s even more problematic.

“Jaehwi-ya, allow it…”

Finally, Cha Dokyung clung to Hyun Jaehwi’s long legs and thick thighs, hanging on. He shook off the arms entwining into the inside of his thigh.

“No! I won’t let go until you allow it.”

As if he couldn’t let go, Cha Dokyung tightly grabbed the man’s leg trying to leave the spot with all his strength.

“Hic…, don’t go!”

Only then did Cha Dokyung, stroking the man’s iron-like hard thigh, belatedly realize.

The fact that his hand tightly grabbing the fiercely angry muscular thigh was unintentionally stimulating his sex organ.

“…Ah! S-sorry…”

Due to the extraordinary length and volume, his heavy sex organ stored toward the right thigh was half-erect, revealing a thick outline over the suit pants.

While grabbing his thigh where the sex organ was stored and kneeling, looking up at Hyun Jaehwi and pleading for allowance, Cha Dokyung belatedly noticed that this posture of kneeling under him and the position of his hand stimulating the sex organ would feel like excessively sexual implication or intent.

“Let go of this, ha… Don’t make me have strange thoughts. Stop and get up!”

Cha Dokyung asked him back.

“…What thoughts?”

Hyun Jaehwi answered, exhaling rough breaths soaked in excitement.

“The… unhealthy and bad thoughts that come when I see your face.”