The Bad Life – Chapter 1.2 – Chapter 1: The Boys on the Top Floor

Author: nicotine

Following the course, it led deep into the forest, reaching the swamp <Kelly>. I liked Simon’s jogging course because it was quiet and secluded, with few people. After the walk, Simon and Hugh played a few games of tennis. I did not know how to play tennis, so I sat in the stands and watched.

It was surprisingly peaceful. But I did not do the foolish thing of letting my guard down. I also did not forget about a proper <revenge>. If <Jerome> thought that just because he was not approaching me, I would also leave him alone, he was gravely mistaken. I always pay back what I have received. It was the same with the matter concerning <Jerome>.

If possible, I wanted to get revenge with his own riding crop. It would be a very satisfying and pleasant thing. For <Jerome>, there could be no greater humiliation. I wanted to see if he could keep smiling like that even after being hit with his own riding crop.

Just like that, somehow, another new week began. Watching <Jerome> riding his horse through the school window, I finally found a clue for my revenge.

On Tuesday, it rained. The weather was a perfect match for the plan I had devised. I was in a good mood from the morning. When I came out after washing up, Simon was waiting in the room. Ever since witnessing my injuries, Simon had been applying patches to my bruises every morning after I bathed. He seemed suspicious of my unusually excited mood, but as always, he did not ask. That day, time passed unbearably slowly and frustratingly.

As soon as the last class, a boring math class, ended, I immediately ran to the stables. The inside of the stables was damp and filled with humidity due to the rain, which was somewhat unpleasant. I did not mind the humidity. I found a sharp stick and hid myself behind the pile of hay stacked at the entrance of the stable.

<Jerome> always rode his horse, even if it was raining and he had to wear a raincoat. The fellow would definitely come. It was only one in the afternoon. He usually started riding around two o’clock. My plan was to poke the horse’s rump with the stick when he rode out. And if <Jerome> falls off the horse and gets trampled to death? That would not happen, but if such an unfortunate event were to occur, I would apologize in advance. In any case, my plan was not to kill <Jerome>.

As a result of carefully observing <Jerome>’s riding, I had discovered one of his habits. Even if <Jerome> did not use the riding crop, he always held it in one hand when he rode. When he fell, he would surely drop the crop. And rather than picking up the crop first, he would either run away from the agitated horse or try to calm it down. That was when I planned to snatch the crop. And thanks to the thick fog on the school grounds due to the rain, I would be able to humiliate <Jerome> to my heart’s content with the crop.

The plan proceeded smoothly. Waiting for <Jerome> was not a problem at all. As soon as the bell signaling two o’clock rang, <Jerome> appeared at the stable. As expected, no one else came to the stable because of the rain, so he was alone. I held my breath and watched <Jerome> from behind the hay pile. <Jerome> put on hard leather gaiters, a vinyl jacket, and a hat. As he brought out his horse and mounted it, my neck grew stiff with tension.

<Jerome>’s horse slowly walked towards the entrance. My heart seemed to pound in time with the clattering sound of the horse’s hooves. The horse brushed past the hay pile as if nothing was wrong. The opportunity was too easy to miss. Without hesitation, I jabbed the stick hard into the firm, large rump of the horse passing in front of me.

The horse whinnied in pain and reared up on its hind legs. Caught off guard, <Jerome> slipped from the saddle and fell. While the horse whinnied and bolted into the rainy school grounds, I too lunged at <Jerome> who was stuck in the mud. That was when it happened.

<Jerome> whipped me hard across the chest.

As I fell into the mud from the outrageous pain, <Jerome>’s cheerful laughter rang out more clearly than the pain. How on earth!

The previous whipping was nothing compared to this. <Jerome>, while sitting in the mud, mercilessly lashed my chest with the riding crop. I felt my skin tear. Unable to even scream, as I fell into the mud, only one question filled my mind. How— how did <Jerome> know? No one knew about the relationship between <Jerome> and me. No one knew about the plan I had devised to get revenge on <Jerome> either. I had never even said it out loud!

I thrashed in the mud with pain and questions. My chest felt like it was on fire. I looked down at my school uniform shirt, but I could not see any blood. It seemed my skin had not been torn, but it was a pain I had never imagined. It felt as if not only my vision but also my mind was flickering to black from the pain. But cruelly, the whipping did not end with just one blow.

The damn riding crop struck precisely three times, across my chest, my lower abdomen, and between my legs. When it struck between my legs, I thought he was aiming for my genitals and almost fainted. The whip struck the inside of my thigh, very close to my genitals. Naturally, I trembled in the mud, unable to even breathe properly from the pain. Unlike my plan, <Jerome> stood tall before me without having suffered any damage.

I glared at <Jerome>, my face streaming with tears and filled with hatred. <Jerome> slowly bent down and scrutinized my face. Ah, <Jerome> was smiling again.

<Jerome> said in a tone that was not the least bit angry.

<Raymond. Keep this in mind. You must not touch my horse. Understand?>

I had no strength to answer. It felt as if the pain had stolen my voice.

<Jerome> continued.

<Jerome> brushed my cheek with the leather loop at the end of the crop.

With those last words, <Jerome> turned and disappeared. It took a long time to get up again. But more than the pain, my body ached as if it were dying from the humiliation and shame.

My whole body was covered in mud. I was so cold my teeth were chattering. I entered the dormitory, hugging my arms and shivering, and the stern housemaster spotted me and raised an eyebrow. Fortunately, he did not call out to me or anything. I walked upstairs, dripping mud and rainwater onto the thick, expensive carpet. Dragging my feet, I opened the door to my room and went in, and there were all three boys gathered in front of the fireplace.

George was tapping away at his laptop as usual, and Simon and Hugh were reading books. Both George and Hugh, who spotted me, had their eyes wide with surprise. But Simon, as always, just sat there with an inscrutable expression and watched me quietly.

George was the first to ask.

Hugh shot up and came over. He found my state amusing but asked kindly.

<No. I’m going to wash up right away.>

As I shook my head, Hugh, who could not have imagined I had been hit with a riding crop, smiled brightly and quickly moved out of the way.

I tried to be careful, but I left a messy trail of mud and rainwater behind me. The fire was lit in the fireplace, making the air warm, but my plummeted body temperature would not rise. When I entered the bathroom and sat huddled in the bathtub without even taking off my clothes, I heard a knock.

Before I could answer, the door opened and Simon came in. We faced each other. Simon stubbornly closed the door and latched it.

Simon said steadfastly.

<…….>

Simon came closer. Looking like a drowned rat, still shivering from the cold, I looked at Simon without a word. Simon brushed back the hair that was wet and stuck to my forehead. His touch was surprisingly warm.

<That’s not true. You need help.>

I was too weak at the moment to refuse Simon’s help. A sense of helplessness regarding <Jerome> was weighing down my entire body. How on earth did <Jerome> find out? Is <Jerome> really an opponent I cannot win against? That could not be true. <Jerome> was just a boy who had just turned twenty, like me. There must have been some mistake this time. I must have touched something wrong while hiding in the hay pile, and <Jerome>, who was more familiar with the stables than anyone, must have sensitively noticed the change.

The stables were, in a sense, like <Jerome>’s home ground. Since I had started a fight there, I should have been much more careful than usual. I had been too confident in myself because of the ambush. Thanks to that, I was beaten by <Jerome>. New wounds had formed. On my chest, my lower abdomen, and between my legs. Especially between my legs was humiliating.

I quietly watched as Simon undid the buttons of my soaking wet uniform shirt one by one. Soon, Simon’s mouth fell open in shock upon seeing my bare upper body.

As much as Simon was shocked, I too was shocked by my own body. The wounds from being hit with the crop on my chest and lower abdomen were vivid. I took off my pants with a trembling hand. It was the same between my thighs. The bright red, inflamed skin was slightly abraded, forming reddish, thin scabs. But <Jerome>, what a meticulous fellow, he had struck me in a way that not a single drop of blood was shed.

Simon shook his head firmly.

<That’s it. This is something we can’t handle on our own. I’m going to tell the headmaster right away. This kind of violence… this is… this should not be happening.>

I ground my teeth and looked down at my bruised body. All of these were wounds from the past two weeks. My shoulder was hit with a curtain rod, my solar plexus and side were kicked, and my lower abdomen, the space between my legs, and my thighs were hit with a riding crop. Every part where <Jerome> had inflicted violence was left with bruises that had turned a disgusting color. But I did not lose my composure. The humiliation and shame I had received were too intense to lose my composure.

I glared at Simon in front of me.

Simon nodded his head.

Those words hurt my pride, but Simon was right. Since I had not been able to properly fight back against <Jerome> so far, it was not wrong to say that I had been subjected to his one sided assault.

Simon’s voice, as he summarized the situation, was also trembling slightly. He seemed extremely shocked. I could even see a glimpse of shock and a kind of fear in Simon’s usually composed black eyes. That was how shocking and intense the marks of violence left on my body were.

But I had cast off that fear Simon was showing a few weeks ago. I got out of the bathtub, stood straight in front of Simon, and said coldly.

<Fine. If you want to help me, then do so.>

Simon flinched at my cold voice.

The bathroom became quiet. Simon looked at me with a confused expression before finally dropping his head. Uncharacteristically, he stood there silently with his shoulders slumped, his face buried in his hands. Among us who stood there as if in a standoff for a while, it was Simon who moved first.

Simon, with his lips firmly shut, began to fill the bathtub with hot water. Warm steam quickly filled the inside of the bathroom. Thanks to that, my frozen body seemed to warm up a little. After filling the tub, Simon looked back at me. There was no way I would not understand what he meant.

I poured some water over my body and got into the bathtub. A warm heat suddenly rose up through my whole body, and I shivered involuntarily. The water stung where it touched the new wounds. Simon perched himself on the edge of the bathtub and watched me quietly.

Simon said in a low voice.

Simon remained in the bathroom and helped me bathe. I was a little worried about what Hugh and George outside might think, but Simon’s assistance was so excellent and comfortable that I decided to set aside such minor concerns. His touch was as skillful as a real caregiver’s. Unable to overcome my curiosity, I asked, <How are you so skilled?>, but Simon did not answer.

When I came out after finishing my bath, George and Hugh looked back at us. Hugh asked playfully.

Surprisingly, Simon answered.

Simon, who had replied curtly, went into the room first. Having nothing to add, I just shrugged my shoulders at Hugh. Hugh seemed a bit flustered but did not press the matter. George did not even join the conversation.

When I followed Simon into the room, he had already taken out the first aid kit. Following his gesture, I took off my bathrobe and awkwardly lay down on the bed. The new wounds had formed scabs, so instead of applying patches, Simon applied medicine. The awkward and uncomfortable moment was brief. I quickly got used to his gentle and soft touch and just gazed leisurely at the ceiling.

Simon was skilled at bathing others and at treating wounds. Even when I asked why, he would not answer. Perhaps Simon, like the other students attending this school, also had a complicated past. Just then, Simon abruptly thrust his face into my line of sight.

<Raymond. For a moment… your leg.>

<Oh. Right. Sorry.>

The new wound <Jerome> had made between my thighs was dangerously close to my genitals. If things had gone slightly differently, I might have been whipped on my genitals. The thought of that dangerous moment gave me a chill. Shuddering, I spread my legs for Simon. A careful touch reached between my thighs. He gently applied medicine to the wound and put on a piece of gauze. After finishing the treatment, Simon packed up the first aid kit and got up. I said as I listened to the sound of him opening and closing a drawer.

<Thanks.>

Instead of answering, Simon gave me a blunt look and then quietly left the room. A moment later, it sounded like there was conversation in the living room, but it soon fell silent.

I put on fresh clothes and stood in front of the window. The window faced the forest, so all that could be seen were trees and a forest path. As I stared at the forest with cold eyes, I mulled over the wounds on my chest, lower abdomen, and between my legs that were throbbing with pain. <Jerome>. <Jerome>. <Jerome>!

Ding.

The clock in the living room chimed, signaling the hour. I looked at my watch. It was four in the afternoon. I heard a knock, and then Hugh’s voice welcoming someone, all from beyond the door.

I tore my gaze from the window. When I opened the door and went out into the living room, <Jerome>, who had been walking towards the fireplace with Hugh, stopped. His black hair was wet, he had changed out of his riding clothes into casual wear, and the riding crop was not in his hand. <Jerome> saw me and smiled brightly.

<Hello, Raymond?>

<Hello, <Jerome>.>

I returned his greeting and strode towards him.

This time, even <Jerome> could not have predicted it. In front of Simon, Hugh, and George, I threw a punch at <Jerome> without hesitation. Thanks to punching him in the cheek with all my might, <Jerome>’s head snapped back, and he even tumbled onto the carpeted floor.

I approached the fallen fellow and kicked him in the solar plexus with the tip of my shoe. As <Jerome> let out a groan and curled up, I brought my heel down on his side with all my might. Hugh, who had come to his senses late, wrapped his arms around my waist and held me back.

Hugh shouted in alarm.

<Raymond, for God’s sake, what’s with you all of a sudden? Are you in your right mind?>

I did not resist as he held me back and let myself be held. <Jerome> would never have dreamed that I would attack him here. We had never revealed our feelings for each other in front of other people. But what reason was there not to?

What Simon had said about telling the headmaster had given me a hint. There was no reason to hide it in front of others. <Jerome> surely had not expected this. Was this not an excellent surprise attack as well? <Jerome>, who had been kicked in the solar plexus, coughed violently and barely managed to raise his upper body. Still held by Hugh, I looked at <Jerome> with the most vicious smile possible. When <Jerome> finally raised his head, he was, again, smiling.

The one who is not in his right mind is not me, but that guy. It was nothing to be surprised about. I knew better than anyone that he was crazy.

While everyone was frozen, Simon moved. He helped <Jerome> up and sat him on the sofa. <Jerome> was gasping for breath in pain, yet he burst out laughing. Simon glanced at me. He looked surprised, but at the same time, his demeanor was calm. In that moment, Simon had realized where the wounds he had been treating for several weeks had come from.

Hugh, seeing that I was standing calmly, loosened his tight grip on me a little. But, worried that I might rush at <Jerome> again, he still had his arms wrapped around my waist.

George, the only one in this mess who had not lifted a finger, broke the silence.

<Wow.>

After a short exclamation, George asked.

<Raymond. Did <Jerome> push you into the mud or something?>

I turned my head towards George. I looked into his pale blue eyes and shook my head.

<No. That was my mistake.>

Hugh, stuck in the middle, asked with a still bewildered expression.

Instead of answering, I turned my words to <Jerome>, who was catching his breath.

Everyone’s gaze turned to <Jerome>. <Jerome>’s cheeks were flushed reddish, and his wet hair was disheveled and stuck to his forehead. He smiled shyly. It was absurd. <Jerome> had a shyly smiling face! For <Jerome>, there was no expression more ridiculous than that. With that shy face, <Jerome> said nonchalantly.

<It’s a secret between us.>

Even George looked at <Jerome> and me alternately with a dumbfounded expression. After glaring at Jerome in disbelief, I removed Hugh’s arms from my waist. Hugh, perhaps frightened, held onto my waist tightly for a moment, but when he realized I was just trying to get away, he let go. I left them all in the living room and walked right out of the room.

That night, as I lay in bed. I was blinking my eyes in the darkness. I waited for Simon to say something first. Simon seemed to be waiting for me to speak first. What was clear was that the silence that filled the room now was different from the usual one before falling asleep. It was a breathing pattern that suggested a conversation was about to start any moment. Simon could not break my stubbornness.

At the sudden words, I asked as if I had been waiting.

<I’m sorry to hear that.>

<It’s okay. We weren’t close friends. Just… he was just a friend.>

The question Simon threw was different from my expectation that it would be about <Jerome>.

<…I didn’t expect you to ask that. It’s just as I said. My mother locked me up for five years.>

<Why?>

<…….>

<That’s all.>

<I’m sorry.>

<Right. Thanks. Anything else?>

<No.>

In the end, Simon did not ask about <Jerome>. The conversation ended like that. We exchanged goodnight greetings and fell asleep.

But it seemed Simon had not forgotten about <Jerome>. The next day at four in the afternoon, <Jerome> came with his usual impudent face. We had left the door open, so <Jerome> entered the room briskly without even needing to knock. He was not in his riding clothes but in a neat school uniform with his hair slicked back with pomade.

As <Jerome> appeared, Hugh looked at me with a tense face. A brief, awkward silence fell. Simon, who had been reading a book, got up from the sofa. He looked at <Jerome> with his calm eyes and said.

<I’m sorry, but <Jerome>. If you haven’t made up with Raymond yet, I’d appreciate it if you would refrain from visiting here.>

Simon added a word in a quiet tone.

<Jerome> stared intently at Simon without answering, and then soon turned and left the room.

At that moment, I realized that <Jerome> was not intimate with anyone in this room. <Jerome> was simply lording over this room like some kind of authority figure. He was not particularly close with any of the boys living in this room, and he was an uncomfortable presence to all of them to some extent.

As proof, no one stopped <Jerome> as he left the room. As soon as <Jerome> turned, Simon sat back down on the sofa and started reading his book again. Only George cast a meaningful glance over his laptop. Hugh let out a sigh and looked back at me playfully.

I shrugged my shoulders. I was about to turn my gaze back to the paper I was writing, but then I looked at Simon. Simon, feeling my gaze, briefly lifted his head. With a blunt expression, without a glance or a word, he turned his gaze back to the bookshelf. It was a lazy afternoon. A moment later, I heard the sound of <Jerome>, who had returned to the right corridor, closing his door.

A peaceful daily routine continued until Friday. Since I had landed a blow on <Jerome>, I also stayed quiet for the time being. It would be fine to make a move after my wounds had healed to some extent. More than anything, I felt a sense of relief in having someone on my side. For the five years since my father’s death, there had been no one I felt was on my side. But Simon was an exception. I felt it was okay to say he was on my side.

The rain that had started on Tuesday finally stopped on Friday morning. The sky after the rain was very clear, and as we entered June, the days had become considerably longer. Simon and I finished dinner and went out for a walk wearing boots.

We walked along Simon’s jogging course in the forest. Simon, who was walking with his usual upright posture, turned to look at me with a blunt face. A look of unconcealable worry appeared in his eyes, which surprised me a little.

Simon began to speak with difficulty.

<I’m planning on going out this weekend.>

When he said such a thing with a terribly worried expression, I was absurdly relieved. I answered nonchalantly as I crossed the slippery and muddy lawn from the rain.

Simon did not seem to like that answer.

<Raymond. Be careful.>

When I answered playfully, Simon shut his mouth. He started walking faster, which made me burst out laughing. It was cute that Simon was worrying about me. And I quite liked it. To say it again, no one had worried about me or taken my side since my father died. It had been a long time since I felt this way. I felt so good that my anger towards <Jerome> was momentarily forgotten. I leisurely followed behind Simon who was walking ahead.

The weather, having entered June, was not only sunny and clear but also somewhat muggy. The summer that had finally arrived in Bluebell, which suffered from cold weather for about nine months of the year, drove everyone out of the school over the weekend.

The school was even quieter than last week. Hugh went out with his friends to the hotel pool in Gorun. George did not go out, but he opened the living room window wide and sat with his legs stretched out by the window, reading a book. As he had said on Friday, Simon also went out. I did not ask where he was going, so I did not know his destination.

Thanks to that, Saturday afternoon was quieter than ever. I too was sitting by another window in the living room, reading Brontë. It was two in the afternoon. Through the window, I spotted <Jerome> riding out on his horse to go riding. He was dressed much more lightly than usual. He was wearing a loose shirt with three or four buttons undone, sitting leisurely on the saddle, stroking the horse’s mane as he entered the forest. I watched <Jerome> like that until he was out of sight.

It seemed George had been watching me closely.

I turned my gaze to George. With his unusually pale blue eyes and pale skin, he always looked cynical. It was the same right now.

George answered dryly. I looked at his skinny legs stretched out on the carpet and said slowly.

<That’s right. There isn’t. And you also said that the kids who gather at this school are all more or less the same.>

George showed no reaction to my words. He just stared at me quietly, his pale blue eyes shining strangely. At first, I sometimes found his gaze uncomfortable and suspicious, but now I knew. That George, too, was a flawed human being just like me. That we were all in the same boat, abandoned not only by our parents but by the whole world, exiled and confined here.

That would be no exception for <Jerome> either.

My relationship with George could not be described as bad. We were on casual terms, but we talked a lot, and we especially had dinner together most of the time. George was not someone who controlled his emotions like Simon. Nor did he reveal all his emotions completely like Hugh. When he was angry or in a bad mood, he had a somewhat sullen attitude, but he was the type to quickly find his own point of compromise. When he was in a good mood, although it did not show on the surface, the atmosphere of the conversation became gentle.

He was not the type to step forward and reveal everything, but he also never avoided questions or intentionally created secrets. Conversations with George were unrestrained, fast paced, and direct. I could ask him anything.

But questions always had to be careful. A question revealed what I was curious about. What I was curious about, why I was curious about it, and therefore, what I was thinking at the moment could also be inferred from the question.

Conversations with George often consisted of questions and answers. There was a fast paced and honest aspect, but the conversations could not continue for long. Because both George and I were wary of each other. We did not want to reveal more to the other person.

Today, we engaged in conversation more combatively than ever before. George and I had an early dinner and were slowly strolling through the school grounds where the heat had subsided. The words George threw at me were almost aggressive.

<If you’re thinking of making an enemy of <Jerome>, you should first know that you have no allies in this school.>

George said as he broke off a branch with thumbnail sized leaves growing all along its sides. I also broke a branch next to him and asked.

<Why? Because of <Jerome>’s status?>

<That’s not not a reason. You’re well aware of how much special treatment <Jerome> gets. You’ve probably figured out the real reason he has a room to himself by now.>

<Right. The story about a shortage of students was an obvious lie, George.>

When I replied teasingly, George shrugged his shoulders.

<In any case, that room was really used by royalty. It’s the largest and most ornate. According to <Jerome>, there’s even a hidden room or something, so the school probably didn’t want to give it to commoners like us. But that’s not what I mean.>

<Then?>

George plucked the leaves one by one.

I said shortly.

In that moment, George was strange. He held the plucked leaves in his hand and looked at me with great interest. It was a peculiar expression. George looked at me like that for a while and then continued.

There was a contradiction in those words. The opponent I am fighting is only <Jerome>, so how could everyone become my enemy? Simply because they do not help me? I rebutted.

<Just because they don’t help me, I can’t call them my enemy. My only enemy is <Jerome>, and the opponent I am fighting is also just one person, <Jerome>. Anyone who doesn’t fight me is not my enemy.>

<You’re wrong.>

George replied curtly.

I too answered firmly.

George said, shaking the branch from which he had plucked all the leaves. He tossed the shabby branch towards the forest.

I still did not agree with George’s words. George, too, saw my face and realized that. But we did not argue with each other anymore. Instead, we walked a few steps in silence. The sun was setting beyond the forest. The burning red sunset was almost dazzling. George looked at the sunset and then stopped.

George said dryly. Instead of answering, I just quietly looked at him, who was about half a hand’s span taller than me. The silence was not long.

<I’m going in now.>

George said, looking at his watch.

I also looked at my watch. The time was just approaching seven in the evening.

<I’ll walk a little more.>

George, who had nodded, turned towards the dormitory. I watched his back for a moment and then started walking in the opposite direction. It had rained during the week, but now that it was the weekend, the lawn was crisply dry. I took the path to his jogging course, which I often walked with Simon. If I walked straight this way, I would reach the swamp <Kelly>.

I had been to <Kelly> a few times while walking with Simon or Hugh. <Kelly> was about a thirty minute walk from the entrance of the forest. The path to <Kelly> was flat and laid with grass, so it was easy to get to, but very few people walked to <Kelly>. I found out the reason after I had been to <Kelly>.

The swamp <Kelly> was bigger than I thought and was a more gloomy and somber place than I thought. Not a single water bird sat on the aquatic plants that grew tangled in the muddy water, and the swamp was covered with fallen leaves and decaying foliage, making it hard to tell where the swamp began and ended.

The trees surrounding the swamp all had long, limp branches hanging down towards the swamp, and it was so eerie that it sometimes felt like a ghost might pop out from between them. Especially, if one were to fall into the water, it would be absolutely impossible to get out alone. Simon and Hugh had also warned me a few times to be careful of the wet ground.

Despite all that, I liked <Kelly>. To be precise, I liked the path to <Kelly>. Above all, it was quiet and deserted, so it was extremely rare to have to fear or feel uncomfortable with someone. Simon, with whom I often walked to <Kelly>, was also the only person I liked at this school.

As I walked slowly, I thought of Simon. Simon was a good fellow. I would have to honestly admit now that I liked him. At first, I thought Simon was an eccentric. That was because of his somewhat cold impression, not that his appearance was strange.

Simon was handsome. His eyebrows were distinct, his black eyes were deep, and his physique was good. His clothes were always neatly arranged, he paid attention to his demeanor, and he was well versed in manners, but if there was a flaw, it was that his personality was extremely blunt and he was extremely un-talkative.

He was perfect in every consideration he could show to someone living in the same room, but he was far from being a chatterbox. The fact that he never forgot his good morning and goodnight greetings and even brought me breakfast, yet had no private conversations, was truly eccentric. I was confused whether he wanted to keep his distance from me or wanted to close it. But now we were friends. Ironically, <Jerome> had done a pretty good job.

Come to think of it, there was one thing George did not know. That Simon and I were much closer than he thought, and that not everyone at this school would just stand by and watch me. Thinking about Simon while walking to <Kelly> made me feel better. However, I had completely forgotten the advice of my close friend Simon.

I was careless.

Since the path to the swamp was quiet, I was able to react quickly to the sound that suddenly came. At first, I could not tell what that sound was. It seemed to continue regularly, but it was not a familiar sound that could be heard in the forest. The sound got closer and closer. I did not have a very good feeling. Around that time, <Kelly> began to come into view, so I first started walking quickly in that direction.

<Kelly> was overgrown with trees and aquatic plants, so it was easy to hide. I started to walk faster, but that unknown sound came closer and closer at an even faster pace. Before I even reached <Kelly>, the sound grew rapidly as if it was about to pounce, and it felt like the ground was shaking from the sound. In that moment, I realized like a lightning strike.

It was the sound of a horse running.

As soon as I realized that, I started running towards <Kelly> with all my might. The sun had almost set, and the forest had become dark. If I hid among the messy aquatic plants of <Kelly>, they would never be able to find me. But I was wearing neatly tied Oxford shoes, so I could not run as fast as I wanted. The sound got closer and closer. Cold sweat ran down my back. My thighs became so tight they felt like they would burst. My mouth went dry.

I wanted to turn around. Instead, I ran forward. I ran with all my might. My head was ringing. <Kelly> was getting closer. It felt like my lungs were tearing, but it was not painful. The only thought in my head was that I had to throw myself into the swamp of <Kelly> if I had to. The sound of horse hooves grew rapidly closer. It felt like it was right behind my head, but at the same time, I also thought there was still quite a distance left—.

<Hahahaha, this feels like hunting!>

I heard <Jerome> shout with a loud burst of laughter. Unable to resist the impulse in the end, I looked back. <Jerome> was riding his horse, getting closer, and closer to me. The distance between us closed rapidly. I ran towards <Kelly>, harder, harder, even harder, to the point of breathlessness, to the point where my lungs would burst, with all my might.

Just then, I saw the horse brush past me. At the same moment the horse’s sleek black body brushed past, I felt a searing pain on my back as if I had been branded with a hot iron. <Jerome> had lashed my back with the riding crop. I completely lost my strength and tumbled onto the grass.

I rolled on the grass, screaming in pain. I did not even know I was screaming. After screaming for a while, I realized at some point that I was squealing like a pig. I instinctively fumbled at my back, but there was no feeling of wetness at all. Not a single drop of blood had been shed. The spot on my back that had been hit was the same spot <Jerome> had hit me in the past.

My mind was contorted and crushed into a mess from the pain. Hot tears welled up. <Jerome> turned his horse’s head and slowly approached me as I lay on the grass. I could barely turn my head to look up at <Jerome>. <Jerome> looked down at me, resting his cheek on the riding crop.

<Let’s do this kind of thing more often. A hunting game.>

<Jerome> said.

I barely managed to wipe the drool running down my mouth with my sleeve. I had no energy to answer. <Jerome> paid me no mind and dismounted from his horse. He knelt down in front of me as I lay sprawled on the ground. I had no strength to attack him. It felt like even my fingertips were curling up from the pain.

<Jerome> wiped my tear stained cheeks with his soft, gloved hand. The touch was so gentle that it felt as if we were friends, no, brothers who had grown up together since childhood. <Jerome> stroked me as if he knew me better than anyone…

<Raymond. How far can you endure?>

<Jerome> asked as he caressed my cheek.

Finally, my voice came out. But the pain was still vivid.

Funnily enough, I did not know the reason why <Jerome> was doing this. Why we had started to snarl at each other — no, that was wrong. I was the only one snarling. To <Jerome>, all of this was like a form of entertainment. He was enjoying the hunting game with me just as he enjoyed horseback riding. <Jerome> found my desire for revenge, the unexpected variables that appeared, all the more enjoyable.

Is his reason just for entertainment? If so, why me of all people? Why did I have to be his opponent?

But before I could ask that, <Jerome> burst into cheerful laughter. Suddenly, a rough, coarse hand grabbed my shirt and tore it. All the buttons popped off and the shirt flew open. <Jerome> turned me over, twisted my arms, and tied my wrists tightly with the shirt. And then, with a surprisingly strong force, the fellow lifted me up and placed me on the horse’s saddle.

I stared at <Jerome> with a bewildered expression. <Jerome> brushed my hair back and said, as if he was having the time of his life.

<I’ll show you just how far I can go.>

I asked for the first time in a trembling voice.

Instead of answering, <Jerome> took the horse’s reins and approached the swamp <Kelly>. The pain in my back seemed to evaporate in an instant. The forest had already become pitch dark, with no light to be found. There was no wind, no sound of insects, just an eerie silence. Goosebumps broke out all over my body. For the first time, there was no time to calculate or think. The swamp, shrouded in darkness, drew closer with each passing moment. I could no longer pretend not to know what <Jerome> was about to do.

<No. I can.>

<Jerome> looked back at me with a frighteningly detached face. His smooth, pale face floated in the darkness like a ghost.

<I’ve done it before.>

<What… what does that mean…>

An undisguisable desperation revealed itself in my voice. My body, covered in goosebumps, began to tremble violently.

<Usually, this is the last step. After trying everything you can, when there’s nothing more you can do, then you throw it away. Here.>

I could not understand what he was saying at all. Trying everything I can? What on earth does he mean by there’s nothing more I can do? Throw it away? What?

But even if I could not understand the words, I could grasp the context perfectly. The subject <Jerome> was talking about was human. What he was about to throw away now was a human. <Me>.

The moment I realized that fact, it felt like my hair was standing on end. I began to struggle on the saddle. My arms were tied behind my back, so I could not move properly, but I had to buy time somehow. That crazy bastard was trying to throw me into the swamp. He’s trying to kill me! As I struggled and thrashed on the saddle, the horse whinnied in displeasure. <Jerome> grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and threw me to the ground. The ground was wet. We were right in front of the swamp.

<Raymond. Did you know that alligators live in <Kelly>?>

<Jerome> said in a light tone. My tongue had already frozen with fear. If he really threw me into the swamp, in this darkness, the way for me to get out… there was not a single one. <Jerome> did not scare me more than necessary. On the contrary, if he had, I would have been relieved. When a threat is exaggerated, it is easy to realize that the act is nothing more than simple intimidation. But <Jerome>… everything <Jerome> did was real. He was sincere.

<Jerome> gripped my ankle tightly. Goosebumps broke out at the touch of <Jerome>’s cold hand on my ankle. <Jerome> then began to drag me. Since I was being dragged on my stomach, it was useless to struggle. When <Jerome> took a few steps back, ah, I felt the cold, wet mud on the bare skin of my upper body.

<No! <Jerome>!>

<Don’t worry. It’s difficult to take you all the way to where the alligators are. I’d be in danger too.>

A clump of mud entered my cursing mouth. Even my face had entered the swamp. I tilted my head back as far as I could, but I could not prevent my face from going underwater. If <Jerome> had not turned my body, I would have suffocated and died right then.

<Jerome> turned my body and struggled out of the swamp. I barely managed to turn my head and glared at him as he was getting out of the swamp. I struggled to twist my arms free, but the shirt tied my wrists tightly, so it was useless. My hips were the first to sink. After my hips, my waist and thighs sank, and even my arms, which were bent back, sank up to the shoulders. The cold mud was swallowing my body deeper, and deeper into it.

This could not be happening! Not like this, it cannot be like this!

<<Jerome>! <Jerome>!>

<I’m still here, Raymond.>

I heard <Jerome>’s gentle voice from somewhere over there.

For a moment, there was no answer. <Jerome> asked after a beat.

Of course not. Right now, I was more filled with a desire for revenge against <Jerome> than ever before. But if it was to survive, I was willing to endure any submission or shame. After surviving, there would always be a chance to get revenge somehow. I had to live. Right now, I had to live. I could not die like this.

<Yes, I give up! Help me, <Jerome>. <Jerome>!>

By then, my chest and knees were all submerged in the swamp. I tried to move, but I was firmly stuck in the mud, and the more I struggled, the faster I sank. <Jerome>, outside the swamp, let out a short laugh at my words. A moment later, his answer came back.

<No.>

<Jerome>’s words were sincere.

When more than half of my body had sunk into the swamp, the weight caused my entire body to be buried in the mud in the blink of an eye. I somehow desperately stuck out only my neck and pleaded desperately with <Jerome>.

<Help me! <Jerome>! <Jerome>! I was wrong! I’ll apologize! Please! Get me out, get me out right now, you son of a fucking bitch!>

<Raymond, that’s not how you ask for a favor.>

When <Jerome> answered leisurely, I could no longer retort to his words. No matter how much I twisted my head and tried to pull it out, I was submerged up to the bridge of my nose. I had taken a deep breath before going under, but due to fear and urgency, it already felt like I was suffocating. I struggled once more, but I could not stop sinking. The last scene I saw was the gloomy surface of the swamp, glittering with scattered moonlight.

I closed my eyes, and soon, my entire head was submerged in the swamp. My breath rose to my chin, and my mouth opened. A large clump of mud pushed its way down my throat. It was useless to try to spit it out by moving my tongue. Mud pushed its way even into my nostrils. I could not move my body at all. No matter how much I tried to struggle, I could not move a single fingertip…

I am suffocating.

Nothing…

I…

…

Even at the moment I coughed and inhaled convulsively, I was not aware of what had happened. It felt like all the senses in my body were wide open. Even the sensation of my lungs filling to the brim with oxygen was vivid. I felt the pain of my throat being scratched by the retching coughs, and even the feeling of the mud and saliva drooling from my mouth was clear. As I gasped for breath and curled up, my whole body suddenly began to tremble uncontrollably.

It was only then that my memory began to return. The memory recovered quickly. I belatedly realized that the mud dripping from my mouth was from the swamp. I instantly understood the reason why my whole body was soaking wet, and even the reason why I was gasping for breath at this moment. The existence of <Jerome> was the same.

A low voice was heard. I had no strength to retort. My whole body was trembling, and the coughing would not stop.

<No. You could have left him a little longer.>

In that moment, I came to my senses. The one who spoke later was <Jerome>. There was one more person! I hastily opened my eyes, but mud rushed in, and I closed them again. My eyeballs stung and burned, and I tried to wipe them by rubbing my face wildly on the grass. I heard <Jerome>’s low laugh.

Author's Thoughts

There are numerous stimulating scenes involving rape, gang rape, violence, abuse, and drugs. Please practice discretion as you proceed.

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