The Bad Life – Chapter 5.2 – Sweet Submission

Author: nicotine

There were a few things written down about the vacation, as well as transportation and the transportation schedule, and a warning to be careful because a storm might be coming this weekend. It seemed that after a terrible drought, rain was finally on its way. But this morning, just a day before the weekend, the sky was nothing but clear. It was welcome weather for the students leaving on their trips, but it was a brightness that had nothing to do with me. I silently ate only the tomato soup that Simon had brought for me. When I found myself staring at the students at the next table chatting excitedly, Simon, who was sitting across from me, asked.

<No, I don’t.>

Just as I had acted coy from the very beginning, it was not so difficult to put on a pathetic display of affection for Simon.

Simon’s hand came to stroke the back of my hand.

Of course, Julia was not a kind person, but she was also not so unkind as to rape me while I was sleeping or arrange for me to be gang-raped by people I had never seen before. Instead of pointing that out to Simon, I answered sweetly.

<Uh-huh. Simon…>

I did not look at Simon carelessly. I lowered my eyes and spoke in a low voice.

The tips of his fingers, stroking the back of my hand, trembled. I glanced down indifferently and then picked up my spoon. When the spoon was halfway to my mouth, someone suddenly lunged at me from behind with a thud. I almost stuck my nose in the soup bowl. The person who had rushed me from behind wrapped an arm around my neck and playfully ruffled my hair.

<Hey, Raymond! You’re eating breakfast now? When are you planning to leave?>

It was Carl.

I turned to look at him, feeling displeased. Why is this kid here again, unable to take a hint?

<Oh, ah… Hi.>

<Hi.>

With his arm still around my neck, Carl greeted Simon, who was sitting across from us. I looked at Simon as well. Simon replied with an expression so cold it looked like he wouldn’t bleed a single drop even if he were stabbed.

<Hello.>

Carl suddenly grabbed my arm and pulled me up.

<Anyway, hey, you don’t have time for this. Teacher Joel is calling for you.>

<Joel…? Why would he?>

When I dumbly asked back, Carl said, <How would I know? He told me to bring you, so I came,> and began pulling my arm to make me stand up without any warning.

I got up awkwardly and looked at Simon. Simon, his mouth shut, just watched me with a silent face. There was no time to do anything. Carl, with a surprisingly strong grip, started walking with long strides, dragging my arm and saying, <The teacher said to hurry because he’s leaving for Gorun soon!>

Because of the hand pulling me so forcefully, I had no choice but to turn towards Carl. Carl walked on, pushing his way through the crowd indiscriminately. When I looked back, Simon was already gone from the table. All that was left there were the bowls from the meal we had left unfinished.

<You’re out of your mind.>

I stared blankly at the back of Carl’s head as he dragged me along, then blurted it out.

Carl replied without turning around. His voice seemed feignedly calm, but his hand was so slick with cold sweat.

<You’re the one who’s out of your mind.>

After that brief exchange, we both fell silent. We both knew it was not wise to have a conversation in a place with so many listening ears. We left the dining hall and approached the dormitory entrance. The entrance was bustling with students sitting on top of their trunks and chatting, and students lined up in a long queue in front of the telephones set up on one side to make calls. The dorm supervisor, sitting at the desk, spotted me being led away by Carl, who had a hold of my arm, even amid that chaos.

<…….>

Unlike the boys on the top floor, the dorm supervisor had never once shown a smiling face. He watched us as if he were monitoring us with his sharp eyes. His gaze followed us persistently until we were out of the entrance.

There were quite a few students gathered in the garden in front of the dormitory as well, so we had to keep pushing through the crowd. It was only when we finally reached the path leading to the school that the people disappeared. I watched the back of Carl’s head and walked silently, letting him lead the way. Surprisingly, Carl took me to the tennis court stands.

It made sense. The area was wide open on all sides, so there could be no eavesdropping ears. He strode up to a seat in the very middle of the stands before he finally let go of my arm. Carl leaned back against the stand, almost lying down, and breathed out. He muttered.

I sat down, turning my body halfway towards Carl. I looked at Carl’s face and spoke calmly.

<Yes. It is a scary situation. That’s why I pushed you away, but you crawl right back on your own two feet?>

<Raymond.>

Carl called my name, still not looking at my face.

<Raymond.>

<What.>

<I’m sorry.>

<Why?>

<I’m sorry…>

Suddenly, Carl’s voice became soaked with tears. He covered his eyes with his arm and sobbed softly.

<I’m sorry, please forgive me…>

Not knowing what was going on, I looked at Carl, bewildered. Carl continued to sob, unable to finish his sentence. What’s wrong with him? The fine hairs on the back of my ear stood on end with anxiety. What are you sorry for? What do you have to be sorry to me for? Why are you acting so suspiciously? Suddenly, my legs felt as if they were about to give out. Could Carl be one of them? No, that couldn’t be. But what if he was…? How did I manage to fool them until now… If Carl was on their side, then… All of a sudden, Carl stopped crying.

Once suspicion reared its head, I grew frantic. I roughly grabbed Carl’s arm and pulled it away from his face. Unexpectedly, Carl tried persistently to cover his face. When Carl held his head and tried to resist to the end, I knocked him down onto the floor of the stand. I sat on top of Carl’s waist and forcibly pulled his arms away. I came face to face with Carl’s tormented expression under his arms and froze for a moment.

Carl’s grief-stricken face was deathly pale, a chaotic mix of self-loathing, anger, and fear. His gaze, filled with obvious pity directed at me, did not dare to meet my eyes directly and was instead aimed somewhere diagonally past the back of my ear. Carl was not an enemy. I felt it intuitively once again. But why was Carl in such an absurd state of terror right now? I gripped Carl’s arms even tighter. Still sitting on his waist to keep him from moving an inch, I said coercively.

At my words, Carl’s face was immediately filled with deep remorse. Not missing a single one of his expressions or the look in his eyes, I watched him intently and added.

At those words, Carl completely lowered his eyes. There was something. Something… but I could not guess what it was.

I asked sharply. Carl kept his eyes lowered and gave no answer. Without hesitation, I slapped Carl’s cheek. I hit him hard, so Carl’s head snapped to the side. Tears flowed silently from Carl’s eyes. I paid it no mind and questioned him.

Carl did not answer. His lips trembled as if to open, then closed again. I slapped his face once more. Carl closed his tear-filled eyes. The boy’s thin face looked pitiful, but that was all.

I said in a domineering tone.

Carl answered in a cracked voice.

This time, I was the one who froze. The shame that rushed over me so suddenly felt like it was setting my head on fire.

Carl could not continue. Instead, he suddenly looked at me with his tear-stained face and pleaded.

<Oh, I’m sorry, Raymond! I shouldn’t have left you alone! I wanted to save you too! But… but… those kids…, they’re…>

Crying, Carl muttered under his breath.

<So… I ran away.>

A wave of relief washed over me, but this time, my body trembled with an even greater sense of shame and humiliation. Carl had seen it. He had seen those horrific moments of degradation in the stable, when I was crawling in front of the four boys, begging with snot and tears streaming down my face, and finally taking off my own pants and crawling under the horse, wiggling my hips to try and insert the beast’s cock.

My head spun. I got off of Carl’s waist and sat down on the stand. I buried my face in my hands and closed my eyes. The midsummer sun beat down on my head, its stinging light shining on my covered face. The brilliant sunlight and its warmth were difficult to bear. With my face buried in my hands, I slowly steadied my breathing. Beside me, Carl pushed himself up and placed a hand on my knee.

Through the gaps between my fingers, I looked down at Carl’s hand. There were some scars from a carving knife here and there, but his straight, white, and thin fingers were very pretty. Funnily enough, the moment I saw that hand, I thought that the four boys might quite like Carl. Carl’s crying face and the face that had begged for forgiveness also came to mind one after another.

A sudden fear struck me. If Carl really got dragged into this mess, then, he wouldn’t be able to endure it. Carl was a weak boy who was so tormented by things like the guilt of not being able to save me that he didn’t know what to do.

Carl… would make a fine dog.

That thought sent a chill down my spine. I became wide awake. I lifted my head and looked at Carl. We looked into each other’s faces. I wiped Carl’s tear-soaked cheek with the back of my hand. His cheek was red from being slapped repeatedly.

<…Tell me everything. Only about what you saw. Don’t say anything else. Just tell me what you saw.>

The story Carl confessed was this.

On Wednesday, only after finishing the evening exam, did Carl hear about Judy’s theft and the power outage at the dormitory. He intuitively realized that something had gone wrong. We had talked just half a day before, on the morning of that very day.

We had said let’s just hold on somehow until this weekend, that it would be easy, that we had endured for so long. That was excessive arrogance. Feeling a sense of foreboding, Carl had hastily tried to find me, but because of the power outage incident, he had been sent to a different dormitory building and had been powerless to do anything.

As soon as Thursday morning dawned, he started looking for me. When I didn’t show my face all day, he had finally risked coming all the way to room 401. That was when Carl first encountered the four boys. Standing at the doorway, he also noticed the way the boys were looking at me. Those persistent gazes that raked over my body, that never left my face. Even after noticing those gazes, Carl could not pretend not to see and return to his room. After being kicked out of room 401, he had secretly hidden in the 4th-floor drawing room.

However, even Carl, after seeing Jerome leave wearing a rain jacket and even boots, was seized by anxiety and fear, unable to move a muscle. It was only after midnight, when the other boys and I appeared, that Carl immediately followed us.

Thanks to the dorm supervisor opening the door for us and then leaving on his patrol without locking it again, Carl, though a step behind, was able to reach the stable anyway. Thus, Carl was able to witness everything that happened in the stable. But when I crawled under the horse’s body, he could not watch any longer and left the place.

When Carl finished his story and was about to apologize once more, I shook my head.

<Raymond, please, go to the police… yes, and there’s Judy’s case too, and if you can’t trust the police because of Jerome, then, then let’s leave today. Please, let’s do that. We can absolutely not last until the weekend. You saw what they do. No. Absolutely not…>

Carl said in a tearful voice. I just stared at him quietly.

Instead of answering, I looked tenderly into Carl’s face. The boy’s face, his cheeks wet with tears, was sorrowful, desperate, and thoroughly terrified. Perhaps anxious because I wasn’t answering, Carl gripped my hand tightly.

I did not answer.

<You… you’re going to stay here.>

Carl said, filled with despair.

There will definitely be retaliation. If I leave in Carl’s car, not only me but Carl too will be retaliated against. The Carl I had seen and judged so far would be cooked up and destroyed by them without much effort. Judy had already been a victim once. Although there was no physical torture like rape, she must have been emotionally scarred when her uniform and underwear were stolen. Still, Judy’s scars would heal with time and be forgotten someday. But Carl, you.

I recalled Simon’s face as I had seen it before leaving the dining hall today. I recalled Simon’s gaze, staring intently at Carl with a face as bloodless as a porcelain doll, showing neither hostility nor anger, just a smooth, expressionless face. Carl, you will be torn to shreds, your intestines devoured, and you will be carelessly discarded. Leaving with Carl was a stupid and foolish choice.

I could choose not to care about Carl’s well-being. Whatever happened to Carl in the future was none of my business, and I could just borrow his car and run away. But I would not do that. I still had work to do. Even if I escaped this place without wringing the necks of the boys living on the top floor, I would not be able to live properly. I had to kill them. I absolutely had to cut off the breath of those madmen.

<No, Raymond. No! They’ll kill you… This is not a joke, you’ll really, really die…>

<Don’t worry, Carl. They don’t have any intention of killing me yet.>

I finally answered tenderly. I stroked Carl’s trembling, anxious cheek and stood up. Carl looked up at me, bewildered.

I strode down the stands. The sunlight was dazzlingly bright. My body felt strangely light, as if Carl had taken all my anxiety and fear away. When I was almost all the way down the stands, I heard the sound of Carl jumping and chasing after me from behind. I stopped and turned around. Carl, who had slid down the stands in a single breath, grabbed my wrist.

Carl said urgently.

<Eric, you remember him, right? My roommate? Eric failed three subjects, so he has to stay at school during the vacation. It seems he’s going out to Gorun this weekend, but… you can just hide in the room and lock the door during the weekend.>

Carl poured out the words incoherently.

<It’s simple. We can just go to a staff member, get permission, and sign a paper, and you can change rooms in the blink of an eye.>

To be honest, I did not have the slightest intention of changing rooms. But I felt sorry for Carl’s guilt. He would be tormented by thoughts of me even after he left Bluebell this evening. It was I who had placed such a burden on Carl. I had dragged him into this. If I could alleviate his guilt even a little, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to go along with his suggestion. So that Carl could think that he had helped me. So that that thought could be his comfort during the vacation.

As soon as I nodded, Carl’s face brightened up. He took my hand and hurriedly started walking towards the school. Following behind Carl, I narrowed my eyes and glared at the magnificent old monastery building. It was an opportunity to search for another enemy hiding within those walls.

Perhaps because many procedures were being carried out ahead of the vacation, the school was bustling with students coming and going busily. Carl and I headed straight for the administrative office. The administrative office was also crowded with people. Carl asked a nearby staff member a few words. The staff member asked for my name and then told us to go find a staff member named Anna. He said that since she had been in charge when I went through the transfer process, there were a few documents I needed to get from her.

We walked to another office where Anna worked. Every office we went to was crowded and chaotic with students, so it was not easy to find someone. As I was looking around, I burst into a hollow laugh the moment I spotted a woman sitting at a desk, working busily. Beside me, Carl looked at me with a quizzical expression. Instead of explaining to him, I pushed through the people and strode forward. There was no need to ask someone else to find Anna. That woman was Anna. She was a woman I knew well.

Anna was the woman who had handed me a green scarf on my first day of transfer, saying <Unlike California, it’s cold here in Bluebell until May>, and at the same time, she was the staff member who had guarded the entrance of the girls’ dormitory in place of the dorm supervisor when Judy’s uniform was stolen. I remembered the flashy green blouse she had worn, which was unsuitable for guard duty. From the dorm supervisor to the school’s administrative staff, they were all in it together. It seemed that it would not be surprising if the teachers were in collusion as well.

A student was sitting in front of Anna. I stood behind that student and stared at her blankly. She felt my gaze and looked up. Our eyes met. Anna stared at me intently, then soon said to the student sitting in front of her.

<I’m sorry, but I don’t have a copy of the permit with me. I’ll look for it, so could you come back in thirty minutes?>

As soon as Anna had sent the student away, I plopped down in front of her. Carl, who had not noticed anything, stood next to me and said to Anna.

<We’re trying to change dormitory rooms, and we came because we were told you have the necessary documents.>

Anna answered mechanically.

<I’ve never heard of such a rule.>

Carl said, flustered.

Anna said.

<It’s a rule that was created to prevent confusion because the number of students fluctuates frequently during the vacation. I’m sorry. You can change rooms when the semester starts, so please come back then.>

It was a lie. It was so easy to tell it was a lie. But Carl seemed to have fallen for it. He said nothing and looked at me, plunged in despair. I let Carl show his emotions. Even if Anna figured out Carl’s intentions, Carl would be leaving this evening anyway.

Rather, I should be more worried about myself than Carl. She might tell the boys that I had come to change my room. No, this matter would certainly be reported to the boys. I might receive severe punishment from them when I returned to the dormitory. I could endure that much.

I looked at Anna quietly for a moment, then asked.

<Ms. Anna, will you be at school during the vacation too?>

I feigned a shy attitude as I asked.

Anna replied.

Anna’s intention in answering that way was probably to say, I gave her a weak nod, stood up listlessly, and left the office. It was only after I pushed through the waiting students and came out into the hallway that my eyes burned with fire.

I will exact my revenge on all of them equally. Not just the boys, but everyone who was involved in this.

When we came out into the hallway, Carl once again took my hand and strode off somewhere. He wore an expression that showed he had not given up yet. I did not know what other clever plan he might have besides changing the room, but to ease Carl’s guilt, I had to cooperate to some extent. Since it was already certain that I would be punished by the boys for the matter I had raised with Anna, it would be all right to watch Carl’s attempts a little longer. They would all be futile anyway.

As for me, the moment I met Anna, I immediately abandoned any hope of finding another way. I had completely uprooted a hope that had never existed in the first place. The spiderweb they had spun was dense and elaborate. Even if I flapped my wings just a tiny bit, it would be sensitively transmitted to them, who were holding their breath quietly at the end of the web.

The spiderwebs those bastards had spread everywhere were the collaborators inside the school whose faces I did not know. The dorm supervisor, Anna, and who else could there be?

It did not matter who it was. Revenge did not require anyone’s help. Underneath their spiderweb, I too was slowly unraveling my own spiderweb. The bastards would have their feet tied before they even realized they were caught in a trap. And by the time they realized they were caught in a trap, it would already be too late.

Carl’s steps stopped at an unexpected place. It was in front of the headmaster’s office. Carl, who had stopped, suddenly took out a bundle of photographs from his pocket. It was the bundle of photographs I had previously put in the bag along with Jerome’s room key. I had carelessly left it in the dining hall when the power outage occurred, and it seemed Carl had retrieved the bag.

Seeing Carl thrusting the bundle of photographs in front of the headmaster’s office, I could understand his intention. I took the bundle of photographs and stared intently at the door. Which side was the headmaster on? Absurdly, I had a strong conviction that the headmaster, too, would be on Jerome’s side. I decided to send Carl away. I pushed him away when he said he would go in with me, and in the end, I made him stand in front of the door.

<Don’t let anyone else see that you’re involved with me anymore.>

These words seemed to have frightened Carl. While Carl was frozen, I quickly opened the door to the headmaster’s office without knocking and went inside.

The headmaster was sitting at his desk, writing something diligently. Surprised by my sudden entrance, the headmaster took off his glasses and looked up. He said sternly.

I ignored the headmaster’s words and stood there without moving an inch.

The old man asked with a strict face.

Instead of answering, I slowly walked towards him. I secretly put Jerome’s room key, which had been tucked in with the bundle of photographs, into my back pocket, and placed only the bundle of photographs on the headmaster’s desk. The headmaster only lowered his eyes to glance at the bundle of photographs. The very first page showed an explicit scene of a rape. Despite that, the headmaster did not even look at the bundle of photographs properly. He looked me straight in the eye.

The headmaster asked quizzically.

No matter how hard I tried to act nonchalant, in that moment, I could not hide my astonishment. I had thought I would not be surprised even if all the teachers were in league with those bastards, but just thinking about it and facing it directly were as different as heaven and earth.

I carefully observed the headmaster. He was staring at me as if looking at something bothersome. In front of that gaze, I felt as ashamed as if I were naked. In front of the face of a stranger who knew all my secrets, I was so ashamed my body ached. It was as if my lips were glued shut, and I could not say a single word. The words I wanted to say, the ambitious schemes I had devised, swirled in my head, but they did not actually come out of my mouth.

The headmaster looked at me, who was silent, for a while, and then picked up the bundle of photographs. He put on his glasses and began to flip through the photos one by one. I flinched under the headmaster’s gaze as he stared intently at the photos. He was an old man, at least thirty years my senior, and it was difficult for me, who was just twenty, to prevent myself from shrinking in shame in front of the man’s sharp eyes.

The headmaster flipped through the photos for a long time and then suddenly clicked his tongue. Even at that simple sound, I was startled and my body flinched. The headmaster narrowed his eyes and looked at me as my body flinched.

The headmaster said, taking off his glasses.

Surprisingly, the headmaster tried to start a conversation. I can have a conversation. It was not over yet. Only then did my frozen mind start to work. I cast aside feelings of shame and humiliation. I could not get caught up in the headmaster’s pace. The headmaster’s intention was not important. I had to show him my <nuance>.

If the headmaster had a close relationship with Jerome and Hugh, he would certainly tip them off about this. I had to change the <nuance> of the purpose of my visit to the headmaster. I was trying to escape this place. The headmaster had noticed that too. But the <nuance> of that escape had to be different. It had to be that I had come to the headmaster because I was <afraid> of them, not to screw them over.

Perhaps this was a golden opportunity. A coincidental and once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to completely erase the suspicions of the boys on the top floor. Be calm. Be calm. At first, I had to speak calmly. When I opened the door and first faced the headmaster, I had foolishly shown a somewhat impertinent attitude. I hadn’t knocked, and I hadn’t answered a single word to his questions. So I have to show the headmaster a slowly crumbling appearance… properly, I have to do it properly…

I said calmly.

I feigned a quiet and composed voice.

The headmaster said leisurely. I could tell he was enjoying this situation. The filthy amusement the headmaster must be feeling was disgusting.

I maintained a cool and calm voice.

<Yes. I don’t.>

The headmaster agreed gently.

<I’m not supposed to know.>

I made my voice tremble slightly.

And then calmly again.

Instead of responding, the principal scrutinized my face carefully. I lowered my eyes meekly. For a while, there was no sound. The silence stretched on strangely long. A sudden ominous feeling crept over me. Cautiously, I raised my eyes to look at the principal’s face. Desire was blooming across his expression. The lecherous, sly eyes of an older man slid stickily over my face, my neck, and between my legs.

No matter what conclusion we reached in this room, it seemed I would end up having to spread my legs for the principal too. That was the feeling I had. But such a thing didn’t matter to me. I didn’t care if he violated me as he pleased. I didn’t even feel violated. It was nothing. Shoving a piece of flesh between my legs a few times and squirting a few drops of bodily fluid—that didn’t faze me anymore. By now, I’d taken at least ten men, maybe more than ten while I was asleep.

It didn’t matter. That’s how it was. That’s how it had to be. So, instead, I planned to use it to my advantage. If the principal demanded it, I’d gladly suck his cock. Thanks to his mind being consumed by lust, my task would be easier.

I muttered, trembling.

The principal asked, as if intrigued.

I looked at the principal, tears streaming down my face.

<Really… really… it’s like… I’m becoming… those kids’… dog…>

The principal’s eyes were openly stained with lust.

He leaned back deeply in his chair, pressed his fingertips together, and stared at me. Standing in front of his desk, I trembled and sobbed. The principal watched my crying with evident pleasure. As I began to tire myself out and slowly stopped crying, he flicked his hand. I walked around the desk and stood before him. The principal turned his chair toward me and spread his knees.

I understood exactly what he meant, but outwardly, I let my eyes tremble and stared at him for a moment. He gazed at me silently with a gentle expression for a long time. I couldn’t just drop to my knees. I hesitated just enough to seem like I was deliberating, then knelt between his legs. Sitting between the man’s knees, I looked up at him, tears falling. The principal slowly stroked my head, then suddenly grabbed the back of my neck and buried my face between his legs.

The man was already erect, and I could feel his hardened cock through his clothes. Horny bastards. If that’s what they wanted, I’d give it to them as much as they liked. Pretending my hands were trembling, I unzipped the principal’s pants and pulled out his half-erect cock. Holding it, I looked up at him, feigning uncertainty. The principal grabbed my cheeks, forcing my mouth open, and shoved his cock inside. I endured the hot, hard thing invading my mouth and poking at my throat.

I didn’t know how to please a man. After moving slowly in and out of my mouth a few times, the principal suddenly grabbed my head and thrust his cock in deep and fast. Not long after, he came in my mouth. A wave of nausea surged, and my body convulsed, but with him holding my head, I had no choice but to endure the disgusting fluid sliding down my throat.

The principal pulled out his slick, fluid-soaked cock and rubbed it all over my face. Crazy bastard. I willingly endured it. In fact, I closed my eyes and moaned as if I enjoyed it.

<Mmm… ah… Teacher…>

I clung to the principal’s thighs, moaning. With a relaxed expression, he stroked my tear- and fluid-stained cheeks.

<You’ve been well trained.>

<Urgh, sob… Please help me…>

I begged, crying. <Teacher, please help me…>

<Alright. Since you’ve gone this far, I suppose I should help you.>

The principal said, feigning kindness.

<I’ll talk to Jerome and Hugh for you.>

This crazy bastard. That’s helping? I wanted to rip off the cock dangling in front of me and shove it into his own mouth. Of course, instead, I gave him the expression he expected.

<Please, don’t tell them, Teacher, please… Those kids will get angry… I’ll be punished… Teacher, please forgive me… I won’t try to run away anymore… I swear, please…>

I begged for forgiveness, rubbing my forehead against his knees.

The principal listened to my pleas with interest. He would gladly tattle to the boys about this. In truth, that was exactly what I wanted. I almost wanted to beg him to tell them. If he spilled the beans, the boys would fall for it perfectly.

My pleas were futile. The principal burned the photos right in front of me. He looked at my despairing face with pleasure before dismissing me. As I left the principal’s office, I was startled to run into Carl, whom I’d completely forgotten about. Carl was crouching by the door and looked up at me. His face was deeply grim. I could tell he had overheard my conversation with the principal.

I looked down at the exhausted Carl, then grabbed his arm and pulled him to his feet. We walked together. As we moved along the arched corridor, I kept holding his arm. Carl, walking behind me, spoke first.

<Raymond, stop it. You’re doing this for revenge, aren’t you? That’s why you’re staying here.>

He pretended to be calm, but his voice trembled. I kept walking without looking back at him.

Carl said,

He added sadly,

<You’ll never win.>

I stopped walking. I turned to look at Carl. He met my gaze directly. Carl said,

I stood still, staring at Carl. Looking at his pale, despairing face, I felt it deeply in my chest. I had broken Carl. If he hadn’t gotten involved with me, this summer could have been the most fun he’d ever had.

The World Cup final—what a rare event, happening once every four years, and even then, only if you were incredibly lucky. I could vividly picture Carl’s face, thrilled from watching the World Cup and heading off to the beach. But now, standing before me was just a dark, depressed boy. If he hadn’t met me, Carl’s face would have been entirely different.

How could I have thought to drag him into this? How could I have so recklessly pulled others in? I knew full well that Jerome and the others wouldn’t let anyone associated with me go unscathed. I was mad too. I was consumed by madness. It wasn’t just them obsessing over me—I was just as obsessed with them. With Jerome, Simon, Hugh, and George, wasn’t I stubbornly dragging out this game with them?

Poor, innocent Carl had been dragged into this mess because of my madness. And now, Carl had realized it too. That not only were they obsessed with me, but I was also a madman obsessed with them. Yet still, Carl didn’t give up and tried to save me…

Unfortunately, Carl didn’t have the ability to save me. He didn’t know me. He couldn’t understand the revenge I was obsessed with. Even if he did, he wouldn’t comprehend it. This revenge had been simmering for a very long time. Since the moment Julia took me and locked me away, the resentment had quietly built up, and now it had erupted into flames, shooting fiery arrows at the boys. There was no stopping now. Not the boys on the top floor, nor me.

<Carl. Go home.>

I gently touched his arm.

Carl said nothing, just looked at me with a grim expression. I left him in the corridor and walked away. Leaving the monastery building, I looked up at the parched sky. The drought persisted stubbornly. There wasn’t the slightest hint of a storm coming this weekend. Crossing the dry, brittle grass, I returned to the dormitory. Now it was time to face my punishment.

There was no one in the dormitory. Not even George was there. I sat alone on the sofa and pressed on my stomach. Thanks to not eating breakfast properly, it seemed like there would not be much to come up if I were to vomit. That part was a relief. I sat quietly, calculating how I should react when they returned. Should I cry and confess? No, that was too dramatic. It would be better to quietly observe their reactions. It would be fine to act nonchalant as if nothing had happened, and then when those bastards brought it up first, I could beg and ask for forgiveness at that point.

Leaning my back against the sofa, I looked at the clock. It was past two in the afternoon. It was time for Jerome to go horse riding. My body was tired. I stared blankly at the hands of the clock. Sitting alone in the empty space, the tension slowly began to ease. The events of last night started to creep back into my mind.

I almost had a real horse cock put in me…. Its size was so unrealistic that from the beginning, I did not think they intended to actually put that monstrosity inside me. They were probably just testing whether I had truly become a dog or was only pretending to be one. However, the emotion I felt when I crawled under the horse and had the beast’s cock rubbed against my asshole was, in truth, overwhelmingly more fear than humiliation.

What if I was wrong? What if they had intended to shove the horse cock into my ass until the very end? At that thought, I almost fell into a panic for a moment under the horse’s body. The dread and fear that I had barely suppressed at that time began to revive once again in the quiet dormitory.

No…. It’s not. I shook my head. It is nothing. It was not as if I actually had intercourse with an animal. It was just a show. It was just one of the traps. Yes, it was just that, so there was no need to think about it more deeply. I should not think about it more deeply. I had to forget.

Let’s forget. I have to focus on what will happen from now on, yes, I have to… Ugh… Hnngh. I closed my eyes and pressed my eyelids hard with the back of my hand. I wanted to forget. The warmth of the beast that my hand had touched, and the feeling of its genitals being rubbed on my ass and back… But once the thoughts started to surface, they became uncontrollable.

The memory of being gang-raped on the night of the blackout by five boys whose faces I did not even know, one man, and the four boys from the top floor came flooding back. The ones who forced me into a skirt and women’s underwear and raped me in front of a mirror… The ones who trembled with pleasure while raping me… The ones who let other people gang rape me and took pleasure in it… The face of the housemaster, drenched in lust, came to mind.

The face and voice of that man who incited the ignorant boys, helping them rationalize their actions and making them rape me, were vivid. There were too many hands. Too many hands touched, rubbed, pinched, and twisted my body. They called me a male prostitute….

Yes, I was a male prostitute… How many men had I carelessly spread my legs for and taken in through my back hole… Had I not swallowed the semen they ejaculated without a word of complaint…. Jerome, Simon, Hugh and George, the headmaster, the housemaster, the five unknown boys, and even the faceless men who had raped me while I was asleep, ah, how could I not know how to please a man? So many men felt orgasms while raping me, all of them felt deep pleasure from my body, there could not be a male prostitute as excellent as me, how could I say that I did not know how to please a man….

Ding.

The sudden chime of the clock brought me to my senses. It was four in the afternoon. It was time for Jerome to arrive.

The door opened. I sat still without looking back. My vision was still blurry. It was hard to concentrate because of the panic that had suddenly overwhelmed me. I closed my eyes and slowly inhaled and exhaled. When I opened my eyes, Jerome was standing in the living room.

He was wearing a shirt with the collar removed and a few buttons undone, and riding pants that clung tightly to his legs. It seemed he had come straight up to the room after riding. He was wearing riding boots, had a hat tucked under his arm, and held a riding crop in his hand. It was that crop that I hated.

Jerome did not even glance at me. He sat down in the single-person sofa, crossing his legs, placed the riding crop on the side table, and leisurely took off his gloves. A dry gulp went down my throat. Since the side table was located diagonally between the sofa I was sitting on and Jerome’s sofa, I could grab that riding crop just by reaching out my hand.

That crop I had so eagerly awaited, the one I had so wanted to get my hands on to bring humiliation and shame to Jerome, was tossed so defenselessly right in front of me. I wanted to grab that crop right now and whip Jerome so hard that his flesh would tear.

But I held back. This was evidence. It was evidence that Jerome and the others had been completely fooled by me and were no longer on their guard. On the other hand, it could also be a clever test. He had deliberately placed the crop in plain sight and was observing me.

I held back. I took my eyes off the crop. Instead, I carefully stole a glance at Jerome. Jerome took off his gloves, placed them on the side table, and then leaned deep into the sofa, even closing his eyes.

It was the first time. The first time I had seen Jerome sit with his guard down like that in a space with just the two of us. It was the first time since I came to this school and met Jerome. As if mesmerized, I observed the boy’s closed-eyed face. I saw his temples beaded with sweat, his reddish cheeks flushed with heat from the hot summer sun, and his eyelids, so leisurely closed that no trace of suspicion or vigilance could be found.

Had Jerome really lost interest in me? Was the game with him over now? In any case, just because he had withdrawn from the game did not mean he was excluded from being a target of my revenge. As for me, there was no way back, nor was there any place I wanted to go back to. Who would even care if I killed them all and lived locked up in a mental hospital for the rest of my life or rotted in prison? I could even get revenge on Julia to some extent from prison.

My life had become irreversible anyway. No one could get out of the game. I stared blankly at Jerome, who was as still as if he were asleep. When he suddenly opened his eyes, I was startled, but not flustered. My heart pounded hard. With our eyes met, I could not even lift a single finger. Jerome stared for a while, then slowly sat up straight. He habitually picked up the riding crop and fiddled with the leather loop.

<Raymond.>

Jerome said in a low voice.

<Let’s just stop this now. It’s boring.>

My heart sank.

In an instant, my palms were slick with cold sweat. A voice that trembled slightly, though I had not intended it to, came out. <What… What are you talking about?>

At my stammering response, a wrinkle formed on Jerome’s smooth forehead.

<But… I… Jerome. What should I….>

Mumbling, I frantically studied Jerome. I was surprised for a moment, but thankfully, Jerome did not seem to have noticed anything. His words were nothing more than a meaningless probe. I rubbed my palms on my thighs and looked down at my knees. My heart was pounding so hard that my ears were ringing.

<Raymond, Raymond, Raymond! You’re so frustrating! Do you like Hugh better than me now? Why? We were pretty good together, weren’t we?>

Jerome raised his voice. I was so dumbfounded that I lifted my head. Jerome was looking at me with a surprisingly desperate and somewhat frustrated expression, full of longing.

Crazy bastard.

<Ah… Je, Jerome…, I like Jerome too…, I like, I like everyone….>

<No, that’s not it, Raymond. No.>

Jerome abruptly stood up. He knelt at my feet and grabbed my thighs. Looking up at me from below, Jerome shook his head.

<No, that’s not it, Raymond. That’s not it. Try again.>

<Ugh… Jerome, I….>

Tears welled up in my eyes. When I blinked, a tear dropped onto Jerome’s cheek.

<…….>

Jerome’s face returned to the cold expression I had witnessed in the stables. Jerome looked up at me with a cold expression, then got up.

<George, that motherfucker, ah….>

Jerome muttered in a low voice and flopped back down on the sofa. I was extremely curious about his expression, but I kept my head bowed and did not move. The tears stopped quickly.

What did Jerome just say about George? Motherfucker?

In that moment, a realization that was almost thrilling came to me. George constantly wanting Jerome dead, the strange current that flowed between George and Jerome on the night of the blackout when they were raping me, George saying of Jerome on his way to go riding, …. There was a crack in their solid alliance. It was not just a wild guess. There was a real crack. A deep, massive crack was there, one that would shatter into pieces with just the slightest shock.

I got goosebumps. But it was not pure joy. If their alliance crumbled, I would be the first one to be sacrificed. The crack between them had originated from me. In any direction, in any way, those bastards would not leave me alone, the cause of the crack. There was no time. To mend the crack, or to accelerate it, those bastards would become more and more harsh, and more and more vicious.

There really was no time. If even the slightest opportunity arose, I had to seize it. I only had one chance. A chance for revenge. If I missed it, it would be the end.

<…….>

After that, only a heavy silence continued. Jerome maintained his silence with a heavy expression, like a man plunged into despair. For a while, only the sound of my solitary sniffling could be heard. After my crying stopped, I carefully observed his reaction, but he seemed to have no interest in me. Jerome, as if lost in thought, stared blankly at the empty fireplace with his fingers on his temple.

Jerome now seemed to have lost interest in me. He had been completely fooled. It was a big gain. Not only that, but I also found out that Jerome and George were on bad terms. However, Jerome still did not know what had happened between the headmaster and me. I could not tell what kind of variable this would be. Swallowing a dry gulp due to tension, I looked at the clock.

Ding.

It was six in the evening. Jerome did not leave. He did not seem to have heard the clock’s chime. Even though it was past six, no one else returned. The two of us sat in the living room like statues, not even making a sound of breathing.

The boys returned to the dormitory after seven o’clock. It seemed they had returned after finishing their meal. Simon, Hugh, and George stormed in at the same time. I flinched and my shoulders trembled at the moment the door burst open. Jerome completely ignored me, even though he had clearly noticed my movement.

Hugh seemed to be in a good mood. He walked past where I was sitting without a glance. My blood ran cold. Jerome might not know, but Hugh would surely have known about the incident with the headmaster. Not just the headmaster. Thanks to Anna, he would have found out about Karl as well. In any case, Karl would have already left by now, so I had no worries about him. I was just afraid of the punishment to come. They had a history of throwing me into the stables. I did not even want to imagine anything beyond that.

When George sat next to me, my pulse began to quicken with anxiety and fear. Hugh perched on the armrest of the sofa where Jerome was sitting. Hugh leaned against Jerome and spoke to him in a friendly manner.

<Jerome, why didn’t you come down for dinner?>

Hugh said.

It seemed they had seen their friends off and even finished their meal before returning. The thought that only those four boys and I were in this huge dormitory building made the back of my neck grow cold.

Jerome said softly. Hugh gently stroked his black hair.

<What’s wrong? You look so down.>

My ears tingled. Feeling strange, I tilted my chin slightly. George, sitting next to me, was staring coldly at Jerome. His pale blue eyes were glistening, gleaming with cold anger. I followed George’s gaze and looked over at Hugh. Hugh was still being affectionate towards Jerome.

Jerome looked up at Hugh and said.

<It’s because of Raymond. The kid who was so lively has lost his mind.>

Hugh burst out laughing.

<Ah, so that’s why? It’s okay, Jerome. We can just get another one.>

<No. There’s no one as special as Raymond.>

Jerome said gloomily.

Author's Thoughts

There are numerous stimulating scenes involving rape, gang rape, violence, abuse, and drugs. Please practice discretion as you proceed.

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