The Bad Life – Chapter 6.2 – Justifiable Murder

Author: nicotine

I went back to the refrigerator. Besides the water bottle I had just drunk from, there was one more bottle full of water. I took out both bottles. For one bottle, I poured all the water down the sink, and for the other bottle, I left only about half of it. I went into the room, rummaged through Simon’s trash can, and took out the powdered medicine I had hidden. I poured all of the medicine into the water bottle.

The water with the dissolved medicine showed no difference from usual. The amount of water was just right for the three boys to each have one cup. I quickly put the items back in their places and returned to the living room to sit down.

Although the wind was blowing hard, the sun was still hot, and it would take time for the room to cool down because of the fireplace, so they would surely be thirsty. No, even without such a reason, water was something they could easily drink! However, a slight problem might arise if they did not drink exactly one cup each… but it did not matter. Even if only two of them fell asleep, I still had one syringe left, so I had a good chance of winning.

Moreover, they did not think at all that I would fight back. They were completely off their guard… I could win. If the medicine worked properly, if they drank that water, I could win. I would win by returning the same dirty methods they used on me!

Excitement swept through my entire body. The clock had just passed three in the afternoon. The boys would not return until the midday heat subsided. Jerome would also likely come around four o’clock, and even then, he might not come at all…

I lay down naked, curled up on the living room rug. My chest felt like it would burst from the tension, but I had absolutely no energy in my body. I was dead tired. I stared blankly at the curtains dancing as they flapped in the wind, then slowly blinked my eyes. At some point, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

I woke up because of a warm touch on my ear. It was a familiar, very warm hand. I tossed and turned before finally opening my eyes. The first thing that came into view was the sky, which had become pitch black with darkness. Even though the window was closed, the room was not as hot as before. In fact, it even felt a little chilly. I blinked my eyes blankly, then suddenly realized I was using someone’s leg as a pillow. I turned my head slightly.

It was Simon. Simon was sitting on the floor with my head resting on his thigh, stroking my hair. When he noticed I was awake, he gazed at me quietly with his black, gentle eyes. I gradually became fully awake. Pretending to rub my eyes, I slyly checked the clock. I had slept for a solid six hours. The clock pointed to nine in the evening. Only then did I hear the sound of a murmuring conversation. It was Hugh and George.

Hugh said. George asked back.

<It’s the round of 16 now… They said there’s one ticket left.>

<Yeah. The dorm supervisor is here too, so there should be nothing to worry about.>

Hugh suddenly spoke from over Simon’s shoulder. I obediently lowered my eyes and just nodded my head slightly. Simon was still stroking my hair. My ears were aching from the tension and anxiety. Did they drink the water?

Simon asked in his usual calm and somewhat blunt tone. Instead of answering, I just stared up at him blankly. Simon’s large, warm hand gently swept down my neck and chest.

It seemed that was why he had closed the window. It also seemed to be the reason why the room felt chilly. Shaking my head, I rubbed my nose against Simon’s thigh as if to act cute. Simon said no more and just affectionately stroked the back of my head and the nape of my neck.

<Raymond. You lost your dog collar, didn’t you?>

At the voice that flew in just then, the fine hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Simon, noticing I was tense, gently stroked the back of my neck as if to say not to worry. Nevertheless, I raised my body and cautiously looked up at George.

George was looking at me with a book resting on his thigh.

George leaned down, bringing his body closer, and gripped my chin hard.

<Don’t you ever lose it again.>

I nodded my head frantically. A new dog collar and leash were already fastened around my neck. The leash was tied to the leg of the sofa.

George, who had been staring at me intently, let go of my chin. As soon as he did, Simon pulled me into his arms and continued to stroke my head. It seemed he wanted me to close my eyes. But I could not close my eyes.

Whether someone drank the water, how much they drank if they did, or if no one drank it at all… all of it was spinning around in my head. At some point, all of them would drink the water from the refrigerator. It could have been while I was asleep, or it could be tonight, or tomorrow morning. But it had to be tonight. It had to be before Jerome left. With an anxious gaze, I glanced over at the kitchen. …For now, there was no way to check.

I closed my eyes and leaned into Simon’s embrace. At least as long as this lunatic was stroking my head, Hugh and George would leave me alone. It was far more advantageous to obediently close my eyes and play the part of Simon’s doll. Instead, I listened intently.

Time passed without anything happening. I heard the sound of a yawn. I almost tensed up but managed to relax. I was in Simon’s arms. If I showed any strange reaction, he would notice. Pretending to be cautious, I stealthily opened my eyes. The one who yawned was George. He was rubbing the corners of his teary eyes with his finger. George leaned over to Hugh and kissed him affectionately.

<I’m tired today. Maybe it’s because I couldn’t take a nap. I’m going to bed first.>

<No, I’m sleepy too. Let’s sleep together.>

Hugh said as he put down the magazine he was reading. I pricked up my ears. Hugh got up from his seat and went to the kitchen. Opening the refrigerator, he said.

George said.

<It’s only half a cup.>

Hugh muttered and opened the bottle. Leaning my cheek against Simon’s shoulder, I watched from beginning to end as he drank the water straight from the bottle. Now, there was not a single drop of water left in the bottle. Someone had drunk the water. George, or Simon. And now Hugh had drunk it too. My heart pounded like crazy.

George must have been the one who drank the water. He was noticeably drowsy. Since both George and Hugh had drunk it, it would be much easier to finish them. However, after George and Hugh went into their room, there was the sound of the door locking. The door was locked.

The door was locked? Did they usually lock their door when they slept?

Perhaps because I was overly tense, suspicion arose. As I was making all sorts of conjectures in my head, Simon untied the leash from the sofa leg. He took my hand and pulled me up.

Simon did not make me crawl on the floor. I obediently walked with him into the room. After obediently sitting on the bed as he led me, I continued to rack my brain. How long would I have to wait for Hugh and George to be soundly asleep enough? Even if they were asleep, how could I open the locked door? How would I deal with Simon? This guy had not drunk the water…

Just then, Simon, who had been rustling around by the desk, turned around. He was holding a pair of handcuffs.

For a moment, my mind went completely blank. Simon knelt in front of me, brought my two wrists together, and cuffed them. There was no way I could beat Simon like this…

He said in a low voice.

<…>

At those words, my mind snapped back. The handcuffs were one thing, but it would be a huge problem if Simon tried to give me an injection. That syringe was filled with water. I shook my head and let out a faint yawn. Simon studied my face as if observing me, but in the end, he laid me down on the bed.

I could see the key to the handcuffs in the front pocket of Simon’s pajamas as he bent over. I swallowed dryly. First, I lay obediently in bed. When Simon tried to get up, I quickly grabbed the hem of his pajamas. Simon looked down at me bluntly.

I whispered, barely audible.

As expected, Simon fell for it.

He got into bed without a word of reply. We shared a pillow and lay facing each other. Our foreheads were so close they could touch. I could feel every breath Simon exhaled.

I tried to even out my breathing. Simon would never fall asleep until I did. Only after confirming that I was asleep would he close his eyes as well. I had taken a nap, but thanks to the chase with Jerome, I was still so tired that if I closed my eyes and fell asleep like this, I would miss my chance tonight. I had to be able to pretend to be properly asleep. I had to calm my breathing…

Something was strange.

Something…

I opened my eyes.

<Ha.>

An empty laugh escaped me. Simon, right in front of my nose, was asleep.

George and Simon had shared the water, and Hugh had drunk what was left… My head felt numb from the absurdly lucky break. I stared at Simon with wide-open eyes. He was motionless with his eyes closed. I could feel the regular rhythm unique to a sleeping person in his faint breaths.

In an instant, my whole body was drenched in sweat. I felt it was a relief that I was naked. Now that the opportunity had arrived, my mind became unbelievably sharp and clear. I swallowed and stared at Simon’s face without blinking. So that he could feel my gaze, so that he would open his eyes at any moment from feeling my gaze… But Simon was asleep.

<Simon.>

I called him.

<Simon…>

No answer came back.

<Simon, I can’t sleep…>

I grabbed Simon’s arm.

<Simon.>

I shook his arm.

He did not answer.

Finally…

Finally!

I quickly put my hand in Simon’s pocket. At my movement, Simon turned slightly to his side. For a moment, I nearly stopped breathing, but that was all. With a trembling hand, I pulled the key out of his pocket. In that short time, my hand became soaked with sweat. I barely managed to unlock the handcuffs. I could not believe my hands were free. There was no time to hesitate. Leaving Simon on the bed, I quickly but carefully got out of bed.

I was naked. I started by searching Simon’s closet. I took out whatever clothes I could find and put them on. I also packed underwear and socks. For shoes, I took out and wore Simon’s sneakers. Perhaps because he was the same height as me, the sneakers thankfully fit my feet perfectly. After moving about busily, I was about to open the door and leave when I stopped. I rummaged through Simon’s trash can and took out the syringe. Just in case.

When I opened the door and came out, in that moment, my whole body froze. Someone was sitting in the darkened living room. Only the light from the lamp on the side table was on. It was the back of Hugh’s head. It gave me goosebumps.

Hugh turned around and asked.

<Simon? Did you put Raymond to bed in the room?>

I rushed at him like a demon.

Hugh could not react immediately. I leaped over the back of the sofa and pounced on Hugh. We fell and tumbled together onto the living room rug. There was no commotion. Thanks to the rug, there was only a dull thud.

In the darkness, we struggled for a moment. Hugh, though bewildered, threw a punch. It was useless. Before he could, I had already stabbed the syringe needle firmly into his thigh. I pressed down on the piston and injected all of the drug. By the time Hugh realized the existence of the syringe, it was already too late. The effect when I was injected by Simon last night was almost within a minute, so Hugh too would quickly crumble.

Hugh still had a look of astonishment on his face. I smiled triumphantly at his wide-open blue eyes. Hugh tried to pull out the syringe and throw it away, but he no longer had the strength to do so. Perhaps because he was agitated, the drug seemed to take effect rapidly. He tried to scream, but I rushed at him and pressed his face down with a cushion from the sofa. Hugh struggled a few times before quickly becoming quiet.

I threw the cushion aside. He seemed to have fainted. When I put my ear to his chest, I could feel his heart pounding. I went back to the room and brought the handcuffs I had left on the bed. I cuffed one of the unconscious Hugh’s wrists and the armrest of the sofa, respectively, and threw the key out the window. A strong wind blew in from the open window, washing over my sweat-drenched face.

My heart was beating as if it would burst. I turned around and checked the clock. It was only about halfway past nine in the evening. Hugh was unconscious, and George and Simon were asleep. Now I had to deal with Jerome. What should I do?

Standing tall in front of the window, I looked out at the old monastery building far in the distance. The school was shrouded in silence in the darkness. When I looked toward the staff quarters, I could see that the lights there were on sporadically. My mind was surprisingly clear, yet I could not think of anything, and my body felt lighter than ever, yet my hands were trembling. Standing by the window, I looked down at the windy outside, and my gaze suddenly stopped at the stables.

Ah, that’s right. It would be a shame to forget you.

With light steps, I opened the door. The top floor was quiet. I stared blankly toward room 402 for a moment before going down the stairs. I stopped on the second floor and peered at the entrance hall through the gap in the staircase. The empty entrance hall had only a small light on in front of the entrance door, and all other lights were off. Since it was just the four boys and me in the dormitory, the dorm supervisor seemed to have retired early. How could things be going so well? With steps so light I felt I could fly, I left the dormitory.

My steps were so light, and my head was clearer than ever. Outside, the wind was blowing like crazy, as if a storm would come at any moment. The night sky was now covered with clouds, and even the moonlight could not properly shine through. The entire school was submerged in darkness as if it had fallen into a swamp. Only the sound of the strong wind and the eerie sound of leaves rubbing against each other in the wind could be heard. In one sense, I felt like I was out of my mind. In another sense, I felt more clear-headed than ever before.

I entered the stables and lit the interior with a small electric lamp. I was able to find that horse right away. The horse that Jerome cherished. The horse from which I almost received its penis. The horse looked at me with the same black, gentle eyes as it had in the afternoon and snorted as if in greeting. I was happy to see it too.

Calmly, I led the horse out of its stall. Surprisingly, it listened to me well. After tying up the horse that had come out of the stall obediently, I passed by the shovel, pickaxe, and scythe leaning against the stable wall and picked up the axe. I gripped the axe handle firmly and returned to the horse.

With all my might, I slammed the axe blade head-on into the horse’s head. The axe blade split its forehead and embedded itself halfway. The horse screamed. Mixed with the eerie sound of the wind raging madly outside, the horse’s cry echoed in my head, grotesque and chilling. It’s okay. I stared at the horse calmly. It will die soon.

And it did. The horse died quickly. A heavy thud sounded as the horse’s huge body collapsed onto the stable floor. I pulled the axe blade out of the dead horse’s head and began to chop at its neck as if splitting firewood. Among the horses filling the stable, not a single one snorted or screamed. Only the sound of the strong wind blowing outside the stable and the sound of the animal’s bones shattering as I brought down the axe could be heard.

After cutting off the horse’s head, I left the stable with it in my arms. Now I was going to meet Jerome.

The dormitory was as silent as when I had left. Before going up the stairs, I stared intently down the hallway. Opposite the dining hall kitchen was the dorm supervisor’s room. The door was firmly closed, and the entire dormitory was steeped in a quiet silence. I looked at it for a moment before moving on. I went up the stairs, tightly clutching the still-warm horse’s head, from which blood was dripping.

Come to think of it, I did not bring the axe. How should I kill those boys?

Deep in thought, I went up the stairs one step at a time, when I heard a strange sound from the second floor. It was a sound like the rustling of clothes. I stopped on the second floor and stared into the darkness. Like a stone statue, I held my breath and listened intently. There was only silence. Then, there was another rustling sound.

My eyes shot open. The second-floor drawing room was empty. Without hesitation, I went to room 201 and opened the door. I also went into the room where Carl had lived. The room was not properly tidied up, as if he had left in a hurry. I checked room 202 as well, but there was no one anywhere.

Standing tall in the drawing room, I listened intently and finally figured out the source of the sound. It was a tree branch touching the glass window of the drawing room balcony. Every time the wind blew, the tree branch hit the window. I started climbing the stairs again.

The blood that soaked my chest dripped onto the floor. I should change my clothes. This won’t do. But I don’t have any clothes to change into. They burned them all. They threw them all into the fireplace and poured gasoline on them and burned them… with gasoline… with gasoline…

Fire.

Burn them to death. It could not have been clearer. It even felt as if they had prepared the gasoline with their own hands for this very moment. Yes, let’s set fire to everything, this entire dormitory. Outside, everything was dry and brittle from the long drought, and the wind was blowing strongly. Isn’t this the perfect weather for burning things to death? The situation was guiding me as if it were a revelation.

When I reached the top floor, I did not even look at room 402 and returned to my room. Hugh was still lying as if dead, with his arm tied to the sofa. I checked on Simon. He was sleeping soundly in the same position I had left him in. I checked on George. He too was fast asleep.

I put the horse’s head down by the doorway and approached the fireplace. I shoved the lighter from the hearth into my pocket and picked up the can of gasoline. It was heavy. I was careful not to spill a single drop on their bodies. Instead, I poured gasoline in front of the window, at the doorway of the room, and in Hugh’s case, in a circle around the living room. So that it would look like there was an escape route, but they could never escape.

What should I do about Jerome? His door would be locked, and if I tried to force it open, he would wake up… Ah… ha! I had forgotten about the key to Jerome’s room that George had given me. That key was with the bundle of photos, but I had put it in my back pocket in the principal’s office and forgotten about it… I ran to the fireplace and frantically searched inside. In a corner of the fireplace where the ashes had not been completely scraped away, there was the cold key. I clutched the key and swallowed a scream of joy.

Oh, George, tonight I will finally grant his little wish!

I went to room 402 with the horse’s head in my arms and the <cute> pocketknife that Jerome had once sneered at.

I inserted the key into the keyhole and turned it.

I turned it very carefully. There was almost no sound of the lock turning. However, the entire top floor was so terribly quiet that if someone had been awake, they might have heard the sound. Even after turning the key, I waited quietly. The silence continued for a long time. Finally, I stealthily turned the doorknob and opened the door.

The living room lights were off. The interior of room 402, which I had only entered once, was also submerged in the ominous and strange silence that enveloped the entire top floor. I walked through the empty living room to the bedroom. I was gripping the unfolded pocketknife tightly. It was a very small knife that Jerome had ridiculed as <cute>, but it was enough to gouge out his <cute> eyeballs. The tip was sharp, so if I stabbed with it, it would go in anywhere. The bedroom door was also open.

The moment I entered the bedroom, I almost burst out laughing. Jerome was sleeping soundly, breathing softly like a very cute and good boy. Jerome, you look like an angel when you’re asleep too. I quietly approached his side. I placed the horse’s head, which was split in two at the forehead, on the bedside table and looked down at Jerome intently. Will he open his eyes?

He did not. Strangely, I felt the urge to brush his hair back. Instead of doing that, I folded the blade of the pocketknife and left the room. If he was not awake, there was no need to take the risk and fight. The ending of him dying in agony while desperately trying to escape from the flames was not bad either. I poured a lot of gasoline at the doorway of Jerome’s room and in the living room. About half of the gasoline was left.

My body was drenched in sweat. I do not know when my pounding heart calmed down. My hands were not trembling either. I calmly returned to room 401, turned on the bathroom light, and looked in the mirror. When I took off my shirt, my upper body was covered in the animal’s blood. There was no time to wash off the bloodstains. I wiped it off roughly with a towel, returned to the room, and calmly changed into Simon’s clothes. I was about to leave the room as it was, but then I happened to see Simon’s desk.

On the desk were my wallet and passport. It seemed he had set them aside when he was rummaging through the closet to burn the clothes. I packed both the wallet and passport and went outside. I even felt like I was going on a trip. With light steps, I left the room.

I went downstairs, slowly pouring gasoline on the stairs. The carpet on the stairs soaked up the gasoline and gave off a foul smell. When I came down the stairs, I headed toward the dining hall. I poured enough gasoline in front of the dorm supervisor’s door, and then went into the dining hall kitchen opposite it.

After pouring most of the gasoline on the gas canisters stacked in the kitchen pantry, I slowly backed up to the entrance hall, pouring gasoline as I went. When I came outside, the wind was blowing like crazy. The grass was dry and brittle, and the gasoline quickly seeped into the grass and the ground. I threw the empty gasoline can inside the dormitory entrance.

I stood up straight and looked up at the unlit dormitory. It was quiet. The sound of the wind blowing filled my ears. My hair was flying about like crazy. A laugh escaped me.

<Haha.>

Once the laughter came out, it burst forth like a fit.

<Hahahahat! Ha… haa…>

I crouched down and cupped my hands. I lit the lighter. The fire on the grass seemed to spread sideways for a moment, but then it quickly began to burn along the path where I had poured the gasoline. In that moment, something cold dropped on my cheek. I looked up at the sky. It was a raindrop. Large raindrops fell, plop, plop-plop, one or two at a time, and then suddenly began to pour down furiously.

The rain poured down as if screaming. The fast-burning fire flickered for a moment at the dormitory entrance and then gradually died down. I stood tall on the grass, watching the fire in the dormitory go out in the pouring rain. And I waited. Just a little. Just a little more… just a little… and…

Boom.

An explosion deafened my ears. The gas canisters in the kitchen had exploded. In the midst of the pouring rain, the dormitory began to burst into flames. Even though it was a stone building, the kitchen side was already half-demolished. However, since it was a sturdy building that had stood for hundreds of years, it barely avoided collapsing. Of course, that too would be a matter of time.

My whole body trembled uncontrollably with elation. Thunder clapped right above my head. As the light that had momentarily illuminated the old monastery submerged in darkness faded, thunder clapped again with a roar like thunder. The flames spread greedily. Unable to withstand the fierce flames, the glass windows shattered with popping sounds.

I quietly watched as the conflagration spread to the upper floors one by one. Finally, and finally, the windows on the top floor exploded. Once again, thunder clapped right above my head. My whole body was wet with rainwater. The animal blood that I had not been able to wipe away was washed away in an instant. The raindrops painfully hit my skin.

Everything… it was all over now. I had killed them all. I was out of breath. It was not that I was out of breath, I could not breathe at all. I had just, with my own two hands, taken care of them. My whole body grew hot as if the flames had spread to me as well. My body trembled like crazy.

I killed them all! Finally!

Elation broke me. I fell to my knees on the grass. Hidden by the rain and the sound of thunder, I shouted. It was not words. It was just a sound. It seemed there had been a sound imprisoned inside me for a long time. No, it seemed my voice itself had been imprisoned for a long time. It felt like I had lived trapped in silence. I buried my face in the wet grass and screamed like a madman.

Then, someone… another someone’s voice was mixed in. It was not my shout, nor the sound of rain, nor the sound of thunder, nor the sound of wind, but the shout of another <person> was heard. I blankly raised my head.

It was the top floor.

<Raymond! Raymond-ddd! Raymoooond-dddd!>

It was Jerome.

Jerome was leaning far out of the window, shouting at me. Thunder flashed. The thunder illuminated Jerome’s face. His face, wet with rain, was smiling. Filled with elation, happier than ever before, he was, truly… smiling.

<Let’s meet again, Raymond!>

Thunder clapped once more. Jerome, revealed at the window at that moment, was tightly clutching the horse’s head with its forehead split in two as if it were a teddy bear, and smiling ecstatically at me.

<Quick, report it, report it first…>

<Hey, are you okay over there? It’s dangerous, so come over here!>

Suddenly, I heard the murmuring sounds of people. Screams also erupted. The last words were shouted by someone who had found me.

I looked back. People were rushing over from the direction of the staff quarters. A few of them were really close to me. I staggered toward them and then, my strength gave out, and I collapsed onto the grass. The sound of people running to help me up and screaming as they looked at the dormitory building engulfed in flames filled my ears chaotically.

I barely managed to stand up with someone’s help. I inadvertently looked back at the dormitory. Jerome was still leaning out of the window, but I could not see him well. The wind was stronger than the rain. Every time the wind blew, the flames blazed even more fiercely. I moved further and further away from the violently burning conflagration. People surrounded me.

The person supporting me asked disjointedly. I pretended to be out of my mind.

I did not finish my sentence and wailed. Someone hugged and comforted me. Over that person’s shoulder, I could see a very familiar face. The one who had thrown me onto the top floor of the dormitory. The one who had handed me the scarf. It was Anna.

I gave her a wide grin. Because I could not get revenge on everyone. Still, if I had had the chance, I would have burned you to death just the same, you fucking bitch. Anna, her face deathly pale, flinched and stepped back. As if I had never smiled, I buried my face in the shoulder of the person hugging me.

Soon after, people started to suppress the fire with fire extinguishers. Someone brought a car to go to Bluebell to request a rescue. When I was trembling with fear, that person decided to take me to the hospital first. I lay in the back seat of the car, covered with a blanket, and left the school with the flames at my back.

At the last moment, I glanced back. Under the dark sky where rain poured and thunder flashed, crimson flames billowed, swallowing the solid years the old monastery building had accumulated. Along with my memories that remained there.

I had escaped.

I traveled on a night train through the night and finally managed to transfer to a bus at dawn. Until then, I had not heard any news.

I was just starving to death. I would have been fine with even cold, hard bread. I was so terribly hungry that I wanted to shove anything into my stomach. By the time I got off the bus, I was on the verge of dry-heaving from hunger.

After buying a ticket, since there was still some time before departure, I went straight to the station cafe. At the cafe, I bought a sugar-coated donut, a scone with chocolate chips, and a coffee, and without even sitting down, I devoured them all in an instant right where I stood. The waitress stared at my shabby clothes and pale face, then, without a word, handed me a mug full of hot chocolate. Mumbling my thanks, I drank it greedily, not even realizing it was hot.

Since the departure time was not far off, the station was bustling with people. I was curled up in a chair. A news flash came on the television hanging on the wall. A special report on the Bluebell St. Bartholomew’s boarding school fire was being broadcast. From the air, a cameraman in a helicopter was filming the ruin-like dormitory after the fire had been suppressed. The old building had not collapsed after all. But it looked like it had been completely burned down, without even a single sock remaining. The cause of the fire was a gas explosion in the kitchen.

An announcement was made.

I got up. The moment I turned around, holding my passport and ticket, the voice of the announcer on the television caught my feet.

I turned to look at the screen. At the bottom of the screen, a list of the deceased appeared as a subtitle.

Robert Anderson (36)
Jerome White (20)
Hugh Donwell (20)
Carl Firth (20)

I could not breathe. The list of the deceased remained on the screen for a while. Carl? Carl? How…? Why…? My legs gave out. I staggered but managed to stay on my feet. How could Carl…!

Author's Thoughts

There are numerous stimulating scenes involving rape, gang rape, violence, abuse, and drugs. Please practice discretion as you proceed.

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