Irresponsibility Chapter 2.1

He could not muster the courage to die once again. Perhaps because it had surged so quickly, it disappeared in an instant, almost to the point of feeling futile.

Yesterday’s events had, on the contrary, served as a warning to him. He came to realize that his mental state was in grave danger. And that he should not trust himself.

Then who should he trust?

“One over there. One here. Two of them.”

The man had come into the room in the morning, saying he had something to show Yeoun, and called him out of the room.

He had something to show him. Wasn’t that a rather terrifying expression?

When Yeoun became utterly terrified, the man continued his explanation from inside the room. That he had installed CCTVs in the house, and that he and the doctor would be staying at the house in shifts.

It meant that he was under complete surveillance.

It wasn’t as scary as he had imagined, so he had carefully followed him out.

The man, who had gestured towards the cameras installed in the living room and kitchen, now headed for the front door. Then, he slid the sliding door open to the side.

“This way leads to Lee Hyungyu’s house. If you get bored, go over and ask to hang out.”

“……”

Fear clouded Joo Yeoun’s face as his eyes darted around in confusion.

“I… I won’t run away….”

“Hmm?”

Baek Geonhyuk, looking back at the terrified face, took a step back. It seemed it would be too much to say more right now.

“I’ll be back.”

As he raised his hand, Joo Yeoun squeezed his eyes shut.

“…I was just saying ‘bye’.”

Baek Geonhyuk slowly lowered his hand. When their eyes met with Joo Yeoun, who had cautiously opened his, he let out a chuckle.

“I’ll be back. Don’t get hurt.”

Joo Yeoun blinked blankly in front of the closed door. Don’t get hurt. It was an unfitting thing to say as a farewell.

So he tried to recall what the man was like when he said those words. The corners of his mouth, where a smile had passed, were loosely relaxed, and his eyes had lingered on his face for a long moment, as if stamping an impression.

No matter what attitude he showed, his fear had not diminished. But he had learned yesterday that it could become much, much bigger.

The man’s face, hardened as if he were angry, was truly terrifying. Even though he had not even hit him or raised his voice, he was so frightening that the memory made him tear up a little in the early morning.

Honestly, nothing had changed. He was still being held captive, his mind was unstable, and he could not trust them.

But his own actions from yesterday had been so shocking even to himself that he found himself rethinking everything.

‘Something terrible almost happened.’

The doctor’s seemingly surprised demeanor,

‘Still, don’t die.’

He found himself mulling over that man’s words.

His reason also gained a little more strength. Instead of blindly indulging in cruel and frightening imaginations, he tried to think in a way that would be helpful to him.

Since the courage to die had vanished, he needed another way to protect himself and his family, and for that, it was best to try trusting the man.

‘If you want to give up, leave it to me.’

Was he just too exhausted? Those words kept coming to mind.

Joo Yeoun, left alone in the living room, glanced at the door leading to the house next door for a moment before scurrying back to his room as if fleeing. He had a premonition that something bad would happen if he needlessly touched that door.

That premonition, which had consistently been different from reality.

He’ll hit me if I open this door. He’ll break my fingers. He’ll probably kick me. He’ll change completely if he finds out I tried to escape…. None of his premonitions had come true.

“……”

Joo Yeoun pressed a hand firmly against his chest, which was anxiously urging him as if to trust his premonition. Then he went into the space between the nightstand and the wall. He knew it was a foolish thing to do, but being like this gave him a little peace of mind.

Yeoun, sitting with his knees drawn to his chest, just blinked his eyes silently. All he could do was think.

He was in the same spot when Baek Geonhyuk returned home and opened the door to the room.

“Have you been there this whole time?”

“……”

Joo Yeoun blinked. He had gotten up when the doctor came at lunchtime, but he had been here ever since. Recalling that, his arms and legs suddenly ached terribly, but right now he could not leave this safe place.

As he looked up at the man’s face, which was close to the ceiling, his heart pounded like crazy. His mouth was dry, and his hands were sweaty. The floor he was sitting on was warm, but his body felt cold.

“To, to me….”

Yeoun closed his dry lips for a moment and swallowed.

“Why are you, you, d-doing this?”

It was a line he had been thinking about constantly, but he ended up stuttering. He felt a strange sense of unease, but Yeoun thought it was because he was nervous.

The man raised an eyebrow as if his words were unexpected. Then he stared intently at him. Just as he was about to become anxious, his mouth opened.

“May I sit down.”

When he gave a slight nod, he sat on the floor with his legs crossed. He was about a large step away from Yeoun.

“I can’t tell you the details, but I’m chasing a certain drug cartel.”

Is he a police officer? No, the police are.

“I’m not the police.”

At the answer that seemed to have read his mind, Joo Yeoun scooted further into the corner. His rounded back pressed tightly against the wall.

“In the process, I ended up bringing you in as a person of interest….”

Bringing him in. He was suddenly grabbed and dragged away. And then…. Fear surfaced on Joo Yeoun’s face as he recalled that day. Baek Geonhyuk rolled his stiff eyes towards the empty air and spoke.

“You are my responsibility.”

Joo Yeoun blinked slowly. Facing the bewildered face, Baek Geonhyuk opened his mouth again.

“The interrogation you received was wrong.”

“……”

“That kind of interrogation isn’t right for a civilian. Whether you’re hiding something or not.”

A cool light seemed to flash across his eyes for an instant.

Joo Yeoun clasped his hands together and squeezed his eyes shut then opened them. The scene before him remained exactly the same, without the slightest change. The expressionless face, the seemingly cool gaze, and the lips that calmly uttered strange words.

“It’s a mistake on our side. I’m the team leader, so it’s my responsibility.”

He was confused. Was he understanding the man’s words correctly right now? He doubted whether his own mind was in a sane state.

So he kept mulling over the few words he had just heard. Mistake, interrogation, person of interest, responsibility. His memory rapidly rewound.

The fluorescent light that had filled his vision head-on, the cloth covering his face, the stream of water, the breath he had craved, the smell of blood, the chilling gaze, the pain, the terrible scream that had scraped its way out of his throat, the grotesquely twisted fingers…. That time when death had come right up to his nose and receded, over and over again.

…A mistake?

“Heo-euh, heu, eugh….”

His breathing grew ragged.

Joo Yeoun squeezed his eyes shut then opened them, repeatedly shaking his head. His face was contorted in pain. The memory clung to him persistently, making it difficult to escape.

Baek Geonhyuk observed Joo Yeoun carefully. The labored breathing, the hands clasped so tightly they had turned white, the hunched body.

His gaze returned to his face. His glistening, moist eyes were now staring intently at him, demanding an explanation. He slowly opened his mouth.

“The higher-ups gave an order to kill you.”

The emotionless voice pierced Yeoun’s ears. It pushed out all the memories that had been chaotically filling his mind.

He remembered something he had heard once. That it was dangerous to go outside. But the person threatening him was…. Joo Yeoun stared blankly at the man.

“I filed a report that I carried out the order. If the higher-ups find out you’re alive, they’ll try to eliminate you.”

“……”

His stiffened mind thought haltingly. He said it was their mistake… so why me? It was becoming increasingly difficult to follow what he was saying.

Did he ask why. The answer came back.

“Because they are people with a lot to hide.”

The man, who had spoken in a monotone voice, met his eyes. Yeoun-ah, he said, calling his name just like yesterday, and spoke in a clear tone.

“I have to protect you. Here.”

Yeoun, who had blinked several times, haltingly opened his mouth.

“…J-just. It’s okay, so, if you could just send me ho-home.”

“Joo Yeoun. You are dead.”

Those words seemed to pierce through the top of his head.

Joo Yeoun’s watery eyes flew wide open. His lips, letting out anxious breaths, trembled.

Facing the deathly pale face, Baek Geonhyuk opened his mouth. Heavy words flowed out.

“I am sorry.”

“……”

Joo Yeoun’s eyes followed him as he got up. The way he just rolled his eyeballs without even blinking was pitiful.

It must be hard to accept. Even Baek Geonhyuk often felt that way. The feeling that he himself did not exist, only the unfolding situation.

“Think about it slowly, and if you have anything you want to ask, tell me anytime.”

Baek Geonhyuk closed the door.

And not long after, the sound of crying leaked out from inside the room. What had seemed as faint as the sound of the wind soon turned into wails. It was the sorrowful crying of someone weeping their heart out.

Baek Geonhyuk went to the living room and turned on the TV. He put down the remote as if tossing it and closed his eyes. The distant crying pierced his ears, drawing closer.

*

Joo Yeoun cried for a long time. Around three hours later, Baek Geonhyuk began to pace outside the door. Worried that he might show symptoms of dehydration, he waited, listening intently to the sounds from inside the room.

It was only when evening turned into night, and night was about to turn into dawn, that the sound of crying finally subsided.

Baek Geonhyuk quietly opened the door. Something flat caught his eye in the corner. It was Joo Yeoun, lying collapsed on the floor as if he had fallen.

He approached quickly. He grasped his thin shoulders and checked his breathing, but it seemed he had just fallen asleep from exhaustion.

Baek Geonhyuk, who had wiped his own face, carefully lifted Joo Yeoun into his arms. He was too light for a grown man. Even though he wasn’t particularly short.

It felt as if the inside of his body was being heavily crushed.

Even when morning came and the day broke, the thing that was crushing him did not disappear.

“It would be best not to wake him up right now.”

“Okay.”

Baek Geonhyuk fixed his gaze on the needle inserted in the back of Joo Yeoun’s hand. Because he did not eat well and his fluid intake was low, Joo Yeoun often received IV drips. Before the cast was removed, it had always been on the back of his left hand or his arm, so several bruises remained on his white skin.

The small bruises would fade quickly, but he did not expect other parts would be the same. Recovery would not be easy.

Besides, as of now, he could not receive help from anyone else.

Baek Geonhyuk looked at the face stained with tears and sweat and touched the collar of his shirt. It felt like the button was choking his neck.

*

That afternoon, his steps were hurried on his way back home. With Lee Hyungyu keeping watch next to him, there wouldn’t be any danger, but the sound of crying would not leave his ears.

But Joo Yeoun was still asleep.

“Are you sure he’s asleep?”

“In cases of severe stress, sleep can be prolonged.”

Baek Geonhyuk frowned slightly as he looked at Joo Yeoun, who was in the same state as he was in the morning. He glanced at the clock on the wall and then sent Lee Hyungyu away.

After that, he sat on the floor and watched the bed. As always, he kept a distance of about one step.

Joo Yeoun did not wake up even by the time night fell.

Quietly getting up, he stood by the bedside and looked down at Yeoun for a moment before leaving the room. Unlike usual, he left the door halfway open.

He planned to live in the living room for the time being. Joo Yeoun would be uncomfortable if he heard noise, but it could not be helped. He did not know what actions he might take when he woke up, so he had to be prepared for all possibilities.

He could burst into tears like a child, hide under the bed again, or perhaps try to give up on everything again.

Baek Geonhyuk lay down on the sofa. The house was quiet. When he thought he heard crying and lifted his head, he could only hear the faint sound of shallow breathing from afar.