Irresponsibility Chapter 3.4

“Then th, there’s only a one-year difference.”

“That’s right. If he’s twenty-four.”

Baek Geonhyuk answered with an unreadable expression.

Honestly, it wasn’t something for me to feel wronged about. Just now, I had been the one to secretly peek at his ID, and he had let it pass without any particular reprimand, hadn’t he?

It was just that it was shocking that his age, which I had thought was much older, was younger than I expected. Didn’t he usually treat me like a much younger person? He even teased me from time to time.

Recalling his face, which was playful while pretending not to be, my mouth suddenly moved.

“Then informal speech….”

After saying it, I regretted it a little. But I couldn’t show a weak side in front of Baek Geonhyuk anymore.

“I’ll use informal speech?”

“……”

“Wi, with a one-year difference, you don’t normally use honorifics.”

Baek Geonhyuk looked at Joo Yeoun blankly, and when the eyes that were looking up at him shifted slightly, he opened his mouth.

“We have something in common.”

At the words spoken calmly, the round eyes glanced at him again.

“I also can’t stand dividing people by age. I don’t know why they make such a fuss over a few years’ difference.”

When he made eye contact as if to say, “Right?,” Joo Yeoun quickly nodded his head. Seeing his face, with its flushed cheeks and darting eyes, Baek Geonhyuk smiled slightly.

“Then let’s be friends.”

“……”

His expression said that he didn’t want to be friends, but he pretended not to know and said.

“Say, Geonhyuk-ah.”

Joo Yeoun’s lips moved. Facing Baek Geonhyuk, the informal speech just wouldn’t come out. What kind of hardships did he go through to look so old? It was hard to believe he was twenty-four.

After hesitating for a long time, a voice finally came out.

“…Ge, Geonhyuk-ah.”

Baek Geonhyuk, whose eyes had widened, soon smiled softly.

“Yes, Yeoun-ah.”

A low laugh followed the end of the softly spoken words.

*

“Yeoun-ah.”

“……”

“Yeoun-ah.”

“What….”

Only after finally hearing a response did Baek Geonhyuk state his business.

“Come out.”

Seeing the large back turning away from the doorway, Joo Yeoun furrowed his brow.

Since yesterday, Baek Geonhyuk had been acting a little strange. Usually, even if he didn’t answer, he would roughly let it slide, but now he persistently speaks to him until he gets an answer.

So when Yeoun reluctantly answers, he slightly raises the corners of his mouth. He would also chuckle, looking at him with eyes full of amusement.

What’s the big deal about dropping formalities with a one-year age difference.

But it wasn’t easy for him either to drop formalities with just a one-year difference. He would think, I should use informal speech, and then speak, but when he looked at Baek Geonhyuk’s face, the ends of his sentences would keep trailing off.

‘The laundry, I, I was going to d, do it….’

‘I should do my own clothes.’

‘…….’

He wanted to argue, but only his lips moved. He didn’t want to speak in an awkward tone, but it was difficult when he was looking at Baek Geonhyuk’s face. So Joo Yeoun bowed his head deeply and said.

‘You do m, mine too.’

There was no answer, so when he raised his head, Baek Geonhyuk was looking somewhere else. His jaw and cheeks were tensed as if he were gritting his teeth. Not knowing the reason, Yeoun first took a step back.

Baek Geonhyuk opened his mouth only after closing his eyes gently and then opening them again.

‘Because they are my clothes.’

His words, spoken as he gestured with his chin at the clothes Yeoun was wearing, were mixed with something like a sigh.

‘But they are clothes I, I used to wear….’

‘Huh? What was that?’

Usually, he understood his fragmented words perfectly, but yesterday he asked back many times. After that repeated a few times, he realized it was because of the informal speech.

It seemed like he was enjoying his awkwardness, so Yeoun tried his best to speak as naturally as possible. An unknown sense of rivalry arose. He wanted to say things like ‘Hey,’ ‘Baek Geonhyuk,’ and ‘you’ nonchalantly.

‘If they’re clothes I, I used to wear, then they’re mine.’

‘You want those clothes? Alright. I’ll give them to you.’

‘…….’

Because we’re friends. Saying that, Baek Geonhyuk had raised the corners of his mouth.

Baek Geonhyuk showed an exaggerated reaction to the word ‘friend’. The informal speech, and the way he addressed him. Overall, it was an overreaction.

Anyone would think they had dropped formalities with a huge age gap.

Recalling yesterday’s events, Joo Yeoun followed Baek Geonhyuk from a distance.

“I bought some sliced raw fish to celebrate us becoming friends.”

Joo Yeoun looked blankly at the plastic bag on the dining table. Baek Geonhyuk, who was adding that he was a little late because he had gone out to the city to buy the sliced raw fish, glanced at Joo Yeoun.

“You can’t eat sliced raw fish?”

“…No.”

What’s so great about it to even celebrate…. Joo Yeoun followed the food that was filling the table one by one with his eyes.

When he moved his lips, Baek Geonhyuk looked at him again. It was an eye that seemed to contain a slight expectation.

He had actually practiced talking to himself during the day to speak nonchalantly, but this time it wasn’t because of the informal speech that he was hesitating to speak.

Joo Yeoun bit his lip firmly. At that, Baek Geonhyuk carefully examined Joo Yeoun’s face.

“Are you sick somewhere?”

“……”

Meeting the gaze that became attentive in an instant, Joo Yeoun felt a strange feeling. He had never felt that he wasn’t healthy in his life, but he often heard Baek Geonhyuk ask if he was sick.

But when he tried to argue, there were many times he had been sick in front of Baek Geonhyuk. Recalling how he had been bedridden after cleaning and doing the laundry, Joo Yeoun shook his head vigorously.

“Then.”

“I…. a, ate d, dinner….”

The hand that was putting down the styrofoam container with a rubber band wrapped around the middle stopped for a moment.

Joo Yeoun idly fiddled with the waistband of his pants. Baek Geonhyuk’s large shorts were so big that the waist would slip down, so he had to tighten the drawstring as much as possible. Winding the long string around his fingertip, Joo Yeoun glanced at Baek Geonhyuk.

These days, there were often times when he would prepare and eat meals by himself. The rice was in the rice cooker, and all he had to do was take out the side dishes from the refrigerator, so it wasn’t a difficult task.

So today too, he prepared and ate dinner by himself. It was Baek Geonhyuk who had said to eat first if he didn’t come by dinner time, but looking at the dining table, he felt uncomfortable.

“I c, can eat a, a little.”

Joo Yeoun said hesitantly.

Baek Geonhyuk, who was looking at him blankly, had a faint smile appear on his face. Then, he lightly shook his head and opened his mouth.

“No. You can’t eat.”

It was a soft but firm voice.

Perhaps because he had only been eating just enough not to die for a while, Joo Yeoun’s stomach had shrunk to the size of a bean. It meant that he couldn’t eat more food right after having eaten a meal. He could get indigestion if he forced himself to eat. Baek Geonhyuk’s eyes curved as he looked at Joo Yeoun, who was stealthily observing him.

“Do you like sliced raw fish?”

Sliced raw fish? Do I like it. Joo Yeoun blinked his eyes and thought. When he looked back on how he was, his thoughts had become longer these days. As he was lost in thought blankly, a low voice said.

“I’ll buy it again tomorrow.”

Joo Yeoun gave his gaze to the owner of the voice.

Isn’t it disheartening to be told that someone has already eaten after you went to the trouble of buying it? Although they weren’t in that kind of relationship, it could be a disappointing thing in a close relationship.

“Or. Is there something else you want to eat.”

As the time without an answer grew longer, Baek Geonhyuk tilted his head. At the gaze that looked into his face, Joo Yeoun stepped back slightly and shook his head.

“Alright.”

Baek Geonhyuk said in a low voice.

Joo Yeoun’s feet, which were heading back to his room, hesitated and stopped in the hallway. This was because the thought suddenly occurred to him that then Baek Geonhyuk would have to eat sliced raw fish today and sliced raw fish tomorrow as well.

But it felt like a gaze was looking this way, so he started walking again.

He thought he was a little lacking in social skills. Was I like that before too.

I don’t know. Since last year, he had hardly met his friends. He had also taken a leave of absence from school. Recalling the events of a year ago that felt like a long time ago, Yeoun chewed on his lip.

Actually, these days, just speaking itself was a challenge. If he resolved not to stutter, he would stutter even more terribly and his voice would tremble.

On top of that, the informal speech was also on his mind in its own way.

Click. After closing the door, Joo Yeoun moved his mouth.

‘Hey.’

As he closed his mouth, he swallowed a gulp of saliva. Yeoun cleared his throat slightly and whispered again.

‘You can eat something else.’

“……”

His gaze fell on the doorknob, but he soon turned away. Plop. Lying face down with his cheek on the bed, Yeoun let out a sigh.

*

The next evening, Baek Geonhyuk bought sliced raw fish again. This time, Joo Yeoun also waited for him without eating dinner.

Yesterday, it seemed Baek Geonhyuk had given the sliced raw fish to the doctor next door.

‘Wow! Thank you. It’s been a while since I had a shot of soju with sliced raw fish!’

‘I don’t want to with you.’

‘I don’t want to either?’

‘Then go.’

‘Yes. I will eat well.’

It was a relief that Baek Geonhyuk didn’t have to eat sliced raw fish for two days.

Come to think of it, the doctor uses polite honorifics to Baek Geonhyuk. That means he’s younger than Baek Geonhyuk…. Then at most he’s twenty-three, the same age as me.