Irresponsibility Chapter 4.4

“I’m sorry.”

But the breezy apology made him feel awkward. Yeoun avoided his eyes slightly and muttered, “It’s fine.”

“My bed isn’t uncomfortable, Yeoun-ah.”

A soft voice burrowed into his ear. When he turned his head, Baek Geonhyuk had a very gentle expression on his face.

“I, i, it looks like it’s going to break.”

“Do I look that heavy?”

Baek Geonhyuk asked with a laugh. Joo Yeoun nodded as if asking why he was asking something so obvious, and at that, Baek Geonhyuk chuckled for a while.

After his laughter subsided, he spoke as if sighing.

“You shouldn’t be thinking of me, Yeoun-ah.”

“……”

“You should be angry, asking why I’m locking you up in a place like this. Saying it’s too old and cramped.”

“It’s not cr, cramped, though…?”

What should I do with Joo Yeoun? Muttering lowly, Baek Geonhyuk stared at him. When their eyes met for a moment, he frowned and smiled.

“It wouldn’t be enough even if I bought you a hotel bed, so you continue to use the master bedroom.”

“……”

Seeing his hesitant face, Baek Geonhyuk opened his mouth again.

“Ah. Or should we just sleep together amicably in one bed?”

“I, I’ll! Keep using it….”

The voice that burst out like a shout grew smaller and smaller toward the end. Baek Geonhyuk smiled faintly, then suddenly looked at Joo Yeoun intently.

“Yeoun-ah. Can I touch your hair just once?”

I’ll be gentle. Hearing the added words, Joo Yeoun frowned slightly. He didn’t know why he had been so obsessed with his hair since last time. Moreover, it was a little strange for him to ask for something like that as if it were a favor.

“…Yeah.”

It’s also really strange that his eyes lit up at the affirmative answer.

Yeoun glanced at the large hand approaching him. The hand, calloused and with veins bulging, slowly rose from beside his shoulder.

He knows it won’t hurt. So, while he might have been a little tense, he wasn’t scared.

The slow hand paused for a moment beside his head. Feeling a shadow fall over him, he flinched his shoulders slightly, and Baek Geonhyuk’s gaze carefully studied his face.

And a moment later, he felt a very light touch on his head. The large hand that covered the crown of his head brushed against his hair and then moved back a little. It was a touch that stroked him with what felt like an excessive amount of caution.

Joo Yeoun looked up at Baek Geonhyuk. His eyes met directly with him, who had his head tilted slightly.

“Are you scared?”

He asked in a low voice.

“No….”

As he answered, his lips curved gently. “That’s a relief.” The voice that entered his ear was gentle.

*

After that day, Baek Geonhyuk would often stroke Joo Yeoun’s hair. The action of extending his hand to reach his head was still very slow, and the touch as he stroked his hair became bolder than the first time.

That is, compared to the first time.

At the ticklish sensation, Joo Yeoun turned his head. He didn’t think they were on terms to be stroking each other’s hair, but it was hard to refuse when he had such a concentrated expression.

In fact, there was no reason to say he didn’t like it. What’s the big deal about stroking hair?

“…Is it f, fun?”

“It’s soft.”

He asked if it was fun, but the answer that came back was that it was soft. Joo Yeoun tore his gaze from the face with the loosely raised corners of its mouth and turned his head to the TV.

These days, they would watch TV together for a bit while doing a hot pack every evening. After eating and cleaning up, Baek Geonhyuk would call him to the sofa, and that had solidified into something of a routine.

At these times, Baek Geonhyuk would always place something like juice in his other hand. Joo Yeoun was drinking the sweet juice with a straw in his mouth when he suddenly winced below his eyes. At that, Baek Geonhyuk’s gaze immediately came and fixed on his face.

“Is it hot? Should I lower the temperature?”

“No. My hair is p, poking my eye.”

“Ah.”

Baek Geonhyuk looked at the long bangs for a moment, then reached out his hand as if to tidy his hair.

It was a slow movement. However, Joo Yeoun squeezed his eyes shut and held his breath for a moment. His hand approaching his field of vision brought back a bad memory.

“Hngh….”

Baek Geonhyuk’s hand, which had stopped in mid-air, moved slowly again. It lightly brushed against the area of his forehead, tidying his hair, and then quickly moved away.

Yeoun, who was breathing in short gasps, only opened his eyes a moment later. There were times when he seemed to be fine, but then he would get severely startled like this and become trapped in a memory.

Yeoun bit his lip lightly and looked at Baek Geonhyuk. He had an indifferent face.

He was mostly like that. Even when he screamed in surprise or trembled, or when he stuttered badly, he didn’t get flustered or look at him with pity.

Because of that, there were times when he himself would get over his own actions without delving too deep into them.

“Hmm, time’s up.”

Joo Yeoun watched from the corner of his eye as the large hand carefully unwrapped the hot pack and the towel inside.

Watching him do that made him feel a little strange. When he treated him as if he were handling glass art.

There was a time when he was certain Baek Geonhyuk would hit him.

Looking back on that memory, Yeoun felt as if he himself was a different person. Or it feels very distant, like a dream.

Honestly, between men, it might be an awkward and embarrassing situation. But Yeoun felt reassured every time he treated him carefully. He was reassured each time that that strong hand would not harm him, that it was protecting him.

So he let Baek Geonhyuk do as he pleased.

“Try clenching and unclenching your fist.”

At his words, Joo Yeoun stared blankly at his own hand and clenched and unclenched his fist. Then, when he said nothing, he raised his head, and Baek Geonhyuk was smiling.

“Why…?”

He asked at the touch that lightly stroked the back of his head, and he shook his head. He looked at him suspiciously, as if he were about to pull a prank, but he just said, “I’ll go put this away,” and stood up.

Since he said he was coming back, it felt like he had to wait, didn’t it? He had been planning to go to his room since the hot pack was finished.

When Baek Geonhyuk returned to the living room, Joo Yeoun was sitting in the same spot, watching TV. Seeing that, he smiled quietly.

*

The next day. Baek Geonhyuk, who had returned home, suddenly held out his fist. At the threatening shape, Joo Yeoun took a step back, and he turned his wrist and opened his fist.

On his palm lay something that didn’t suit him at all. A hairpin with a pink ribbon. It was a cute and childish design that an elementary school student might use.

“What is this?”

“Your hair. I thought it might be uncomfortable.”

His hair did get in his eyes and bother him from time to time. But was this the only thing available?

Joo Yeoun looked up at Baek Geonhyuk. He had a nonchalant face, but he quickly noticed that the corners of his eyes were slightly curved downwards.

“Y, you wear it.”

“I don’t think it will clip onto my hair.”

Baek Geonhyuk rubbed his own, slightly short hair. Then he held out his hand more, as if telling him to take it.

“N, n, no, I don’t want to.”

“Yeoun-ah. By any chance, are you prejudiced?”

I didn’t see you that way. Baek Geonhyuk clicked his tongue.

“D, don’t talk bullshit.”

After blurting it out in a fit of anger, Joo Yeoun’s eyes widened. But Baek Geonhyuk burst out laughing and stroked Joo Yeoun’s hair with his eyes crinkled up.

Joo Yeoun surreptitiously rolled his eyes. No matter what, he was his elder, so saying ‘bullshit’ seemed to have crossed a line.

“Not bullshit…. J, just nonsense…?”

The low laughter grew louder. The hand that had been stroking his hair and moved away returned to lightly press the crown of his head.

“I’ll leave it in your room.”

Joo Yeoun watched Baek Geonhyuk go to the room and lightly touched his own hair. Perhaps because he was laughing, it was the hardest he had stroked it so far, but as was to be expected, it wasn’t scary.

Feeling awkward for no reason, Yeoun blinked and headed to the kitchen. While he was opening the refrigerator door, Baek Geonhyuk returned.

“What are you doing.”

“Getting out the side dishes….”

“Yeah. Stay seated.”

A large hand grabbed the refrigerator handle. Joo Yeoun, who was naturally pushed aside, hesitantly sat down at the dining table.

While he was sitting blankly in the chair, the table was filled in a flash. He followed him with his eyes as he moved around in the small kitchen, then Yeoun suddenly opened his mouth.

“Have you a, always lived alone?”

“Hm?” Baek Geonhyuk, who was stir-frying the meat he had bought in front of the stove, turned his head.

“No. Since the year before last.”

“And before that?”

“Before that, I lived with my unit members, but I couldn’t go home often.”

I knew it. He must be a former soldier.

“Anything else. Aren’t you going to ask anything else?”

Baek Geonhyuk asked with a pleasant expression.

“Yeah….”

“Nothing else you’re curious about at all?”

“Yeah.”

At the firm answer, Baek Geonhyuk let out a laugh. He chuckled to himself even as he turned back around.

“Let’s eat.”

He placed the frying pan in the middle of the table and sat down. He looked quietly at the table set with store-bought side dishes, then frowned slightly and said.

“Is it getting old eating store-bought food every day?”

When Yeoun looked at him while holding his spoon and chopsticks, he continued.

“I can do things like grilling and cutting, but I’m not good at seasoning.”

“Yeah….”

Should I practice a bit? Joo Yeoun, who was glancing at the muttering Baek Geonhyuk, picked up his chopsticks. Since the side dishes were from the same store, they were similar every day. But they tasted good, so he had no complaints at all.

“Do you like things like stews too?”

“It’s whatever.”

“It’s whatever.” Baek Geonhyuk mimicked him for no reason. Then he fixed his gaze on Joo Yeoun’s wrist. Because the roomy sleeve had slipped all the way down to his elbow, his gaunt arm was revealed.