Irresponsibility Chapter 5.4

It was dawn when he arrived in Korea, and bright morning when he arrived at the villa where Joo Yeoun was. Thinking that Joo Yeoun would be awake by now, his steps quickened as he climbed the stairs. Even if he were sleeping, he was planning to sneak open the door and take a look.

Imagining the clear face, Baek Geonhyuk lightly raised the corners of his mouth. What would Joo Yeoun say if he asked if he missed him?

Would he say, ‘What are you talking about…’?

Then should he pretend he didn’t hear and ask, ‘You missed me so much?’

Baek Geonhyuk’s eyes sparkled with mischief as he opened the front door to Lee Hyunkyu’s place. After passing through the empty house with no owner, he stood in front of the sliding door and suddenly thought that he might have an unpleasant smell on him. He flapped his shirt and clicked his tongue lowly. He should shower as soon as he got in.

And should he rest for the day? It would be nice to sit side-by-side with Joo Yeoun on the sofa and watch a movie with no loud noises or sudden jump scares.

He slid the door open to the side. With a small dureuk sound, he quietly stepped inside and his feet immediately stopped.

Joo Yeoun was standing in the hallway leading from his room.

Was he surprised to suddenly come face-to-face with the face he had thought of so often during the short time? His body froze on the spot.

Only his eyes were busy. His wet hair, the clear cheeks, the round eyes, the slender fingers hanging down, his calves, his white feet… his blinking eyes again. He frantically took in Joo Yeoun.

“I’m back.”

The unremarkable words came out of his throat with difficulty.

Joo Yeoun nodded. It was at that moment, when he met the face that was staring at him blankly. A lightning-like realization pierced his entire body.

“Ah.”

Baek Geonhyuk let out a low exclamation. Ddaegururu, as the clear eyes rolled toward him, the same sound came out again.

Ah? Ah…. He stood there, letting out only foolish sounds, and then put a hand to his forehead.

“…Fucking bastard.”

A self-deprecating mumble flowed out.

Joo Yeoun woke up early that morning.

He had slept fitfully the previous night. It was because, on the edge of his subconscious, he kept reminding himself that Baek Geonhyuk was not there. So the black dream, which was watching for an opportunity, greedily swallowed him up and pulled him into a very deep place.

When dawn broke and the long night ended, he thought. Will Baek Geonhyuk come today?

Yeoun, whose body was sticky with sweat from being tormented by nightmares all night, showered and lay back down on the bed. And he suddenly began to think.

Am I relying too much on Baek Geonhyuk?

It was only recently that Baek Geonhyuk had started waking him up, and it wasn’t like he woke him up every single time he had a nightmare. But just the fact that he wasn’t home made the dream even more vicious.

No. He had suffered more from the always similar dream. He had become weak by relying on Baek Geonhyuk.

“……”

Joo Yeoun blinked slowly and looked out the window. His body felt limp and his head was groggy, so he couldn’t think for long.

He was just staring at the cloudless blue sky. He heard the sound of a car.

Joo Yeoun consciously pressed his body against the bed. He tucked his hands tightly under the pillow and also pulled up the covers.

It might be the doctor, but it didn’t matter even if it was Baek Geonhyuk. It was strange to go out to meet him as if he had been waiting for him all this time.

But then he suddenly remembered that he hadn’t had breakfast yet. To be healthy, one shouldn’t skip meals, so he had no choice but to kick off the covers and get up.

When he opened the bedroom door, he heard the sound of the sliding door opening. As soon as he heard that sound, his feet leaped over the threshold.

Even before he had fully turned around, he knew just by seeing the large shadow. That it was Baek Geonhyuk.

But Baek Geonhyuk was a little strange. He stood still in front of the entrance, staring at him, and then spoke belatedly.

“I’m back.”

Judging by his very hoarse voice, he might be tired. Come to think of it, his appearance wasn’t very neat, and it looked like his skin had gotten a little tan in the meantime. The doctor had said it was a ‘business trip,’ but he couldn’t know exactly what kind of work he had done.

Did he have a hard time? Yeoun stood in the hallway and watched him.

“Ah.”

Baek Geonhyuk, who put his hand to his forehead as if sighing, was definitely strange. The shape of his moving lips seemed to be cursing, so Joo Yeoun discreetly stepped back.

At that, Baek Geonhyuk reflexively took a step forward. When he stared with wide eyes, he scrunched his brow and rubbed his face hard.

It was a slightly aggressive gesture, so he took another step back. He slowly moved and went into his room, but there was no sound of pursuit. Joo Yeoun, who was listening to the sounds from outside, opened the door slightly after a while. Baek Geonhyuk seemed to be in the bathroom.

“Wh-what the….”

Joo Yeoun tilted his head.

Fortunately, Baek Geonhyuk, after washing up, was no different from usual. When Joo Yeoun said he hadn’t eaten breakfast yet, he quickly prepared a meal as if something serious had happened.

“Did you eat properly?”

Baek Geonhyuk, who had opened the rice cooker, glanced back at Joo Yeoun and asked.

“I a-ate.”

The rice, which would quickly diminish when Baek Geonhyuk was around, was not finished even after several meals when Joo Yeoun ate alone. Baek Geonhyuk, as if displeased with the rice that had been in the rice cooker for a long time, stirred it and scooped it out.

“Let’s just eat a little and eat something else.”

“Okay….”

Was it just his feeling? He was as calm as if his strange behavior from a moment ago was a lie. After washing up, his appearance was neat and there was no sign of him looking tired.

“Why? Are you glad to see me?”

Baek Geonhyuk asked with a slight smile at the gaze that was staring up at him from the dining table. Joo Yeoun rolled his eyes and said.

“S-so dark….”

Watching Joo Yeoun pick up his spoon, Baek Geonhyuk lightly touched his own cheek. Is that so. He looked back and forth between his own forearm and Joo Yeoun’s arm.

His gaze, which had been going back and forth, soon became fixed on the pale white skin.

“Aren’t y-you eating?”

“…I should eat.”

Only after the clear voice was heard was his gaze finally broken. Baek Geonhyuk put all the remaining rice in a large bowl and sat down at the table.

The mealtime continued as usual.

But when Joo Yeoun suddenly lifted his head, Baek Geonhyuk was watching Joo Yeoun with his arms resting quietly on the table.

When he asked, Why? he held his gaze for a while before shaking his head.

“No,” the voice that said so was low.

He had thought Baek Geonhyuk was a little strange, but he was gradually starting to think that maybe he was the strange one. After spending a few days apart and then meeting again, he became newly aware of their daily life.

The feeling of his body leaning slightly to the right when they sat side-by-side on the sofa, the touch of the hand that ticklishly massaged his own, the fact that if he sat still, the movie and snacks would be prepared for him.

That daily life suddenly felt unfamiliar.

At the same time, his body and mind were at ease. Time flowed as it should, the house didn’t seem so large, and he didn’t keep repeating to himself what he had to do that day.

“Did Lee Hyunkyu take good care of you?”

“Yeah….”

Baek Geonhyuk, who had been looking at the TV, looked at Joo Yeoun at an angle. At the softly uttered words, How, Joo Yeoun rolled his eyes and opened his mouth.

“He b-bought me dinner.”

“You didn’t eat together?”

“Uh….”

“How heartless.”

“Eating with him is un-uncomfortable for me too….”

Joo Yeoun, who was adding to his words, noticed Baek Geonhyuk’s face, which seemed to be smiling strangely.

“Right. You’re not on terms to be sharing a table with Lee Hyunkyu.”

“What are you talking about….”

When he turned his head to the TV, a low laugh burst out from beside him. Baek Geonhyuk, who was laughing so hard the sofa shook, tilted his head and looked into his face.

“Why are you s-staring?”

Joo Yeoun slowly turned his head. Because he hadn’t deliberately left a space between them, his face appeared close. Since he didn’t say anything, Yeoun also looked at him and fell into thought.

After being together every day and then being apart for even a short while, he came to see his relationship with Baek Geonhyuk objectively.

Baek Geonhyuk is so very kind to him, and he is so very dependent on him.

Previously, he had used to confirm his safety from his cautious attitude. He was always thirsty for the feeling of being safe, so he didn’t reject his kindness. He had constantly confirmed his own safety while being cared for in every little way.

Now, he knows that being next to Baek Geonhyuk is safe even without having to confirm it. He’s not scared even when the black, large hand touches near his chin.

However….

“Did you have nightmares while I was gone?”

It seems like he’s scared of something else.

The time without Baek Geonhyuk, and a Baek Geonhyuk who is not kind to him. Just imagining it made him feel like he was sinking distantly into the cold sea.

“Yeah….”

“Did you cry?”

“Am I a… a kid?”

“You’re not a kid, but I’m worried.”

Baek Geonhyuk gently stroked his head and looked at his face. His kind eyes moved slowly, as if reading what had happened in the meantime.

Thump, an uneasy premonition came over him.

That he shouldn’t get any closer to him.

From the morning, his fingers had been throbbing and aching. On the TV, which he had turned on out of habit while applying a hot compress, there was talk of Chobok, the first of the three hottest days of summer. It seems Chobok is today or tomorrow, sometime soon.

Joo Yeoun didn’t get hot easily. He didn’t know if it was because he had lost a lot of weight, but he especially didn’t feel the heat at all this year.

On the other hand, Baek Geonhyuk seemed to have a lot of heat in his body, as he seemed to be taking two or three showers a day these days. He had the complete opposite constitution. Joo Yeoun could get through the summer with just a fan. Of course, there was also the part where he didn’t have a choice as a college student who couldn’t use the air conditioner freely.

Joo Yeoun, who was following the rotating fan, rubbed the nape of his neck with his left hand. He felt humid. Usually, he didn’t feel hot when the fan was on, but it seemed his body had gotten warm from the hot compress.

When the set time passed and he removed the heating pad, his skin immediately felt cool. The skin that had been trapped was sticky with sweat.

Joo Yeoun raised his hand as if to dry his skin in the fan’s breeze. His gaze rested on the still-throbbing hand.

He had thought about playing a game this afternoon, but he should probably quit. It was better to use his hand as little as possible when it hurt.