Irresponsibility Chapter 5.6

He dropped out of school. It was an excuse that he couldn’t be tied down by school because of the messages that came without warning; in truth, there was another reason.

He felt like he would end up telling a friend who asked if anything was wrong these days. That he might grab anyone and ask for help. Yeoun chose to be alone.

He rarely went down to his family’s home either. He avoided them, afraid that he would break down if he saw his parents’ affectionate faces.

Still, he thought he would be able to escape someday. He believed that since he had reached the bottom of misfortune, only hope remained.

But.

‘Who did you get the bag from?’

There was no such thing as a bottom.

He was sinking, into the deep sea. All alone in the abyss, with nothing to grab, no one to cling to, no one at all.

“Hhhhp, heok…”

Suddenly, his breath came in ragged gasps. Joo Yeoun clutched his own throat and curled his body into a ball. He struggled in agony, but his surroundings were only silent darkness.

Everyone might die because of me.

A formless fear dominated his mind. It would have been better if I had just died back then, then my family would have been safe.

They don’t think I blabbed to someone, do they? I really didn’t say anything. It’s true.

“Yeoun-ah. Yeoun-ah.”

How long had he been curled up? A hand touched his shoulder.

“Uwaaah…!”

As he thrashed in terror, a familiar voice reached him.

“It’s okay. It’s me.”

“Heok… euk.”

“Breathe.”

The hand on his shoulder moved slowly to his back, patting his rounded back.

“Hngh, eugh…”

Joo Yeoun exhaled a shaky breath and lifted his head. He could tell who the large figure standing by the bed was, even in the darkness.

When he tried to sit up, his arms trembled violently. Joo Yeoun managed to sit up on his knees and looked up at Baek Geonhyuk. A frantic voice burst out.

“Ge-Geonhyuk-ah. Wh-what happened to my family?”

Faced with the desperate expression, Baek Geonhyuk’s mouth hardened.

“…Your parents think you’re alive. Same for your younger sibling.”

“Are they safe… safe?”

Baek Geonhyuk found the question that immediately came out surprising. He had thought it would be sad news, but Joo Yeoun was pressing for a different answer.

“No one… no one got hurt, everyone… is everyone s-safe?”

“Yes. No one was hurt, and they’re all safe.”

Really? There wasn’t an accident or anything? Someone… someone didn’t hit them in the head? Or something like that. There was nothing like that? To each of his fumbling questions, Baek Geonhyuk answered in a low voice. Yes. There wasn’t. I’ll make sure nothing like that happens.

“Haaah…”

Only then did Joo Yeoun let out a sigh and slump down onto the bed. The tears that had welled at the tips of his eyelashes fell, plop, below.

Just then, a shadow brushed the edge of his vision. Joo Yeoun slowly raised his head. Baek Geonhyuk was looking at him with his arms spread open.

He knew he wouldn’t sink in those arms.

His knees, which had been on the bed, moved, scraping against the sheet. But he didn’t get far before stopping abruptly.

Joo Yeoun looked up at Baek Geonhyuk’s face. It was hard to see in the darkness, but he could guess his expression. He would be waiting for him, carefully and affectionately.

He really is, affectionate.

Until when?

At the question that popped up out of nowhere, Joo Yeoun came to his senses as if doused with cold water.

This affection is only until the end of this year. After that, he has to endure on his own again. Relying on him like this will only weaken his heart, and it will do him no good. Think about the three days he was gone.

Besides, he shouldn’t wish for his affection. Isn’t he hiding something important? He had been more on edge at first because of that fact, but now he believes Baek Geonhyuk will protect him even without that. Even if he learns the truth and is disappointed in him, even if he regrets disobeying the order, he will protect him. Because it’s his responsibility.

A cool expression formed on his face, hidden by the darkness. He could also picture a cold gaze and a frigid voice. The tips of his fingers grew cold.

Let’s keep our distance.

He had acted selfishly out of a weak heart. Didn’t he say that it was a wrongful interrogation of a civilian, regardless of whether he had information or not? In the first place, their group was also an organization that kidnaps and tortures, so maybe his criminal status wouldn’t matter to Baek Geonhyuk. Drunk on his affection, he had pretended not to see reality.

But now, he could no longer turn away.

Baek Geonhyuk might have saved him even if he had known the truth, but he would not have cherished him as he did now. The reason he cared for him and treated him with affection was because he was a complete victim.

He had come to know it after spending several months together. Baek Geonhyuk was a good person.

He doesn’t want to hurt someone like that. The closer their relationship gets, the greater the sense of betrayal he will feel. So, it would be good to become distant enough that even if he were to find out the truth, he could just brush it off with a sense of futility.

In the darkness, Joo Yeoun made a decision. Not to be selfish.

Yeoun resolutely cut off his gaze, which was heading toward the wide embrace, and placed his feet on the floor below the bed. He felt Baek Geonhyuk, standing with his arms open, watching him, but he did not look back. When he stood up, his arms also slowly lowered.

“W-wash my face…”

Without looking at him, he headed for the bathroom. The back of his head, where his gaze followed, seemed to tingle.