Irresponsibility Chapter 7.2

“A lot, I was late.”

Correcting himself, Baek Geonhyuk patted Joo Yeoun’s back.

Joo Yeoun let out a comfortable breath and pressed his body a little closer to him. Their chests and stomachs were pressed firmly together, and he could clearly feel the high body temperature and a heartbeat that seemed a little fast. Still, feeling that it wasn’t enough, he burrowed into his nape and rubbed his cheek against it.

“Ah…”

Just then, Baek Geonhyuk let out a sigh. Joo Yeoun stopped his movements trying to get closer to him and rolled his eyes.

After embracing him tightly, he came to his senses a little. He might be putting him in an awkward position right now. Just because he wasn’t in his right mind didn’t mean he should cause him trouble.

Joo Yeoun slowly unwound his arms from around his neck and lowered his heels, which he had been standing on tiptoe with, to the ground.

But it was difficult to remove the hands gripping his shoulders, so he left them there. I wish he would tell me it’s okay to keep holding him. Sniffling, Joo Yeoun turned his head.

Because he was standing there holding onto his shoulders, Baek Geonhyuk’s face was very close.

The light coming through the window was dim, so his eyes weren’t clearly visible. Was it out of stubbornness? A sudden desire to see them welled up, and Yeoun gazed into his eyes.

It felt as though they were the only two awake in a world descended into rain and darkness. It would have been frightening if he were alone, but right now, he wasn’t the least bit scared. It felt as if he wouldn’t be afraid even if time continued on like this for a very long time.

“…”

Baek Geonhyuk, who had been looking at him quietly, furrowed his brow slightly. Then, as if avoiding his eyes, he pulled the back of his head and made him lean his face against his shoulder.

With his cheek squashed against the firm shoulder, Joo Yeoun slowly blinked.

He felt sorrowful. It was the height of audacity. He was the one who had been avoiding him all this time, yet now he was the one questioning him.

“Why are you a-avoiding me?”

Joo Yeoun placed his hands on his shoulders and quickly lifted his head.

A small collision followed soon after. The tips of their noses had bumped into each other. Surprised, he opened his eyes wide and stumbled backward, and Baek Geonhyuk wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him in firmly.

The tip of his nose and the tip of his were precariously pressed together. Their gazes were even closer than before. They were so close that their exhaled breaths mingled.

A large palm cupped his cheek, and rough-tipped fingers slowly threaded through his hair. A light shiver ran down his spine.

“Yeoun.”

The low, cracked voice, the close distance, and the dark, sunken gaze were all unfamiliar.

But he had no desire to avoid it. He, too, found it difficult to tear his eyes away from him. He wanted to be more entangled with him. Today was a day he had finally surrendered, feeling extremely weak, so he needed Baek Geonhyuk more, and for longer.

Joo Yeoun lifted his head and looked up at Baek Geonhyuk quietly. His body was completely entrusted to him. It was a distance where their lips would touch if he turned his chin, but he didn’t move an inch. He only panted, breathing against his skin.

“I’d be trash if I get greedy.”

At the cracked voice, Joo Yeoun blinked his wet eyelashes and slightly averted his gaze. But it quickly returned, and he looked up at Baek Geonhyuk intently.

At that innocent and harmless gaze, Baek Geonhyuk let out a sigh. A voice, so low it was unfamiliar even to himself, rushed out.

“I’ll just be trash.”

Baek Geonhyuk tilted his head. The precariously maintained distance was closed in an instant, and their lips met.

Joo Yeoun’s eyes widened. His eyes wavered aimlessly as he confirmed the person kissing him. The dark eyebrows, the furrowed brow, the downcast eyes. He had once thought these parts of him were delicate.

The large hand cupping his cheek delved into his hair and held his face. It was a gentle touch, so gentle that he could have easily pulled away if he pushed. The kiss that followed was just as careful.

“…”

Joo Yeoun slowly closed his eyes. The sound of the rain grew distant.

Yeoun, sitting on the sofa with his legs up, directed his gaze toward the kitchen in the distance. He couldn’t see well because it was hidden by a corner, but whenever Baek Geonhyuk came into view, he followed him obsessively.

His memory of eating a late dinner was faint. The memory of kissing Baek Geonhyuk under the eaves was so intense that it wouldn’t leave his mind or his sight.

“Yeoun, aren’t you going to wash up?”

Baek Geonhyuk peeked his head out and looked at him. Joo Yeoun flinched in surprise but tried his best to act nonchalant. I should wash up, he thought, and went into his room to get a change of clothes. On his way to the bathroom, he glanced toward the kitchen again. He was in the middle of washing the dishes.

He stared blankly at the shoulders and back he had clung to for so long that his head couldn’t keep up with his steps. Only when his neck, turned to the side, started to hurt did Yeoun manage to tear his gaze away.

Kissing Baek Geonhyuk.

…What’s going to happen now?

After kissing for a long time, Baek Geonhyuk had let out a languid breath and pulled his head back. He had stroked his cheek, and when he had unconsciously licked his lips, he had frowned. Then he had said in a low voice.

‘Let’s go inside.’

His heart had raced when the large hand grabbed his wrist and led him. What do I do. What am I supposed to do. This is a bit, it’s still a bit…. He hadn’t known what to do in the face of the sudden crisis, but the place he had let go of his wrist was the kitchen.

‘We have to eat.’

Does he think I’ll die if I miss a single meal? The thought had surged up in a fit of anger.

Sitting at the dining table, he had glared at his broad back before finally coming to his senses. That’s right. It was late, so they had to eat, and, well… they had to sleep in their own beds.

The memory was hazy, but it seemed to have been the quietest dinner in recent memory. Baek Geonhyuk was clearly conscious of what had happened, too.

But since he didn’t say anything else, it was frustrating. He had to tell him exactly what he was thinking when he kissed him and what he planned to do from now on, so that he could also decide how to act.

…Rejection, that is.

When he came out of the bathroom after finishing his shower, sighing deeply, Baek Geonhyuk was gone. He walked around, but he couldn’t see him in the living room or the kitchen.

Joo Yeoun stood still in the middle of the silent living room. He blinked and thought. Baek Geonhyuk hadn’t gone anywhere; he was in this house, probably upstairs on the second floor.

But even when he strained his ears, he couldn’t hear any sign of him. Thump. A wave of anxiety hit him, but he forced himself to turn away. He had that much presence of mind right now.

It’s late, so he probably went up to sleep. He couldn’t tell me he was going to bed because I was in the bathroom, and it’s not like he had to.

Biting his lip firmly, Joo Yeoun walked to his room. It was only when he collapsed onto the bed that he realized he hadn’t turned off the living room light. The light reflected in the dark window overlapped with the memory from a few hours ago when he had been waiting for Baek Geonhyuk.

He was staring blankly at it when it happened.

“Should we leave the living room light on?”

Joo Yeoun snapped his head up and looked toward the doorway. Baek Geonhyuk, his hair slightly damp, was approaching him. As he watched him quietly from his prone position on the bed, he stopped.

His steps often paused. It was a kindness that made him approach with a wider stride only after confirming that he hadn’t been startled.

“Too big, too dark. At night, it feels like I’m not here.”

Baek Geonhyuk sat on the floor, his voice loose. He then propped his elbows on the bed and gazed at Joo Yeoun.

“What else don’t you like.”

“…”

Joo Yeoun pressed his lips firmly together. He looked at the pillow as if avoiding his gaze, then glanced back at Baek Geonhyuk. His lips parted hesitantly.

“You come home a little l-later.”

“The distance is only about a 15-minute difference.”

Was I late? Watching Baek Geonhyuk tilt his head, Joo Yeoun opened his mouth again. A dissatisfied voice came out.

“You used to come home a little after four, but these days you d-d-don’t come until after five.”

Joo Yeoun pressed his lips into a firm line. Meeting his sullen eyes, Baek Geonhyuk let out a long breath. He barely managed to relax his hands, which wanted to clench onto something.

“You’re right. I’ll come home early starting tomorrow.”

“Y-you could have come home early?”

Joo Yeoun retorted sharply. Baek Geonhyuk finally collapsed, burying his face in the bed. He was only able to lift his head after grabbing the blanket and letting out a laugh that sounded like a sigh.

“It means I’ll try.”

“…Try h-hard.”

“Okay,” he said with a laugh.

“What else, Yeoun.”

Baek Geonhyuk asked, his eyes crinkling. With a look that seemed like he would grant anything, Joo Yeoun’s mouth opened on its own.

The house is too big so you can’t see the kitchen from the living room, you can’t hear the car, the soundproofing is so good you don’t know if anyone is on the second floor, and that’s why a little while ago it felt like you weren’t here…. The complaints poured out.

It was the kind of talk that could have hurt his feelings. He had gone out of his way to move for his sake, and here he was, just saying he hated the house.

But Baek Geonhyuk smiled faintly, as if he were listening to good news. When the lips that had been chattering for a while stopped, he summed up the long list of complaints in one sentence.

“You’re saying you missed me.”

Was that what it was? Joo Yeoun blinked blankly. At that, Baek Geonhyuk let out a low laugh and ruffled his hair.

“Lie on your back.”

At his words, gesturing with his chin toward the pillow, Yeoun, who had been lying on his stomach, turned his head to the side. As he stared at him in that position, he frowned and laughed.

“You have to close your eyes.”

“Are you st-staying here?”

“Yes.”

The cool reply brought a sense of relief.

But apart from that feeling, he didn’t want him to sit on the floor and stay up all night again. Now that he had escaped from that narrow cot, he hoped he would be comfortable every night.

“I left the living room light on, so it’s f-fine. Go to your room and sleep.”

But Baek Geonhyuk had no intention of listening. After bickering for a while, he finally said with a playful look on his face.

“Well then, there’s no choice. We’ll have to sleep together in my bed.”

Joo Yeoun’s eyes widened, then he slowly closed his mouth. He glanced to the side and silently fidgeted with the blanket.

At that, the playfulness gradually faded from Baek Geonhyuk’s face. He looked at the face that was just blinking meekly and opened his mouth.

“…You’re not saying no.”

“…”

This time, too, he doesn’t deny it. Baek Geonhyuk, who was staring at the small face, asked quietly.

“Want to sleep together?”

“…”

Joo Yeoun had certainly never thought about sleeping with Baek Geonhyuk. It was something he used to avoid very much before.

But now, he sat up and clumsily hugged his pillow. Then, avoiding the large frame blocking the side of the bed, he crawled on his knees for a bit, then lowered his feet to the floor and stood up.

Baek Geonhyuk was still sitting on the floor. When he looked down at him, he made a low sound, “Ah,” and got up.

He touched his nape for a moment, then started walking. Yeoun hugged his pillow a little tighter and followed him.

He didn’t have much memory of being on the second floor. Because Baek Geonhyuk had told him not to even clean the second floor, he thought of it as his personal space.

“Watch the stairs, Yeoun.”

But was there another reason he’d told him not to clean? Baek Geonhyuk went up a few steps and then looked back. There was a look of disbelief in his eyes as he glanced at his feet. It was absurd.

“Should I hold your pillow?”

But he didn’t dislike the gentle voice, so Yeoun just shook his head.

His whole body had been melting from his kindness, from entering Baek Geonhyuk’s room, which was much larger than his own but strangely felt cozy, to climbing onto the bed, to having a large hand pull the blanket over him.

But when Baek Geonhyuk, who had dimmed the lights and returned, lay down next to him, his arms and legs went completely stiff.

It was strange to lie in the same bed with someone you had kissed. And the fact that he had readily accepted the joke-like suggestion to sleep together was an act that could be misunderstood.

With belated realization, Joo Yeoun squeezed his eyes shut. But getting up now would be weird too, and also… he didn’t want to, so he stealthily moved toward the edge of the bed. It was a king-sized bed, so there was quite a bit of space between him and Baek Geonhyuk, but he intended to create a little more.

But when he actually lay at the very edge of the bed, he felt that he was too far from him. He could hear the rain a lot from the window, and it was dark when he closed his eyes….

Yeoun cautiously glanced over and carefully moved closer to him. He was inching closer, pulling his pillow along bit by bit, when suddenly there was a loud exhale.

Startled, he lifted his head, but Baek Geonhyuk’s eyes were closed. Seeing that he wasn’t moving at all, it seemed he had already fallen into a deep sleep.

…Sleeping. Joo Yeoun stared at Baek Geonhyuk. His gaze, which had held a complaint he himself hadn’t even noticed, gradually changed.

The closed eyes and lashes that looked like shadows, the high bridge of his nose, the neat line of his mouth. As he looked at him slowly, he realized it was the first time he had seen Baek Geonhyuk sleeping.

It was a little fascinating how strong his face looked even when he was asleep. He was quietly tracing the distinct line that ran from his forehead, past his nose and chin, to his Adam’s apple, when Joo Yeoun turned his head and lay flat on his back.

Actually, he was physically tired from standing for so long today. As he kept his eyes tightly shut, sleep slowly came for him. Though one side of his face was tinglingly aware of the person lying next to him, his head sank heavily into the pillow.

Even when he heard the sigh, he only thought slowly, ‘Is his breathing a little on the loud side?’ Then, at some point, he dozed off.

He slept deeply, just like on the other nights when Baek Geonhyuk had watched over him. When he opened his eyes, he was disoriented by the unfamiliar surroundings, but he soon remembered the previous night’s events and gently turned his head.

The spot next to him was empty.

Strangely, he felt a little disappointed. Baek Geonhyuk always woke up early, so it was only natural that the spot next to him was empty. Joo Yeoun sighed and rubbed his eyes.

Rustle.

“…Huh.”

A yellow sticky note was attached to the back of his hand. As he dazedly turned his hand over, he saw scrawled handwriting.

Making breakfast

It was handwriting he had seen before, but even if he hadn’t, he would have known right away. Whose kindness was contained in the indifferent words.

Joo Yeoun raised his hand and stared at the sticky note. The paper, penetrated by the faint sunlight, looked bright.

He looked at the piece of paper with its few words for a long time, as if observing it from all angles, before getting up. The corners of his mouth were turned up in a small smile.

When he got out of bed and stood up, his calves and thighs throbbed. It was a pain earned from standing for several hours yesterday. It was another act that could have brought on body aches, but aside from his sore legs, his body was fine.

Is it because I slept with Baek Geonhyuk? Thinking this unconsciously, Joo Yeoun straightened the blanket and left the room.

Going down the stairs was a bit of a challenge. His legs were trembling, so he had to hold onto the railing tightly.