To You, Who Will Die Alone in Paradise Chapter 21

“Huuugh!”

Dandeleon let out another scream as if he were about to stop breathing. Kellewen trembled. Now Dandeleon was only clinging to him, but his voice alone sent blood rushing to Kellewen’s lower body, pushing him to his limit.

“Ah, more…!”

As if he had become Dandeleon’s faithful servant, Kellewen pushed his fingers deeper inside. The pleasure in Dandeleon’s voice grew thicker and thicker. As Kellewen’s fingers pressed firmly from within, Dandeleon gasped and cried out.

“Haahng, yes, like that, keep going…!”

Before he knew it, Kellewen was using his fingers to thrust into Dandeleon’s hole. Each time Kellewen’s fingers went deep inside, each time he pressed and stimulated a certain spot within, Dandeleon tightened his arms around Kellewen. His breathing grew rougher, and his nasal voice felt like it would melt his ears.

“Ah, I… I’m about to….”

Dandeleon spoke in a sob, gasping for breath. Kellewen knew he was at his limit. Following his instincts, Kellewen’s fingers pressed inside more forcefully than before. Dandeleon’s entire body tensed up.

“Hyaaang! Uwah! Haaaaah!”

Dandeleon shrieked while clinging to Kellewen. He could feel his body spasming uncontrollably. Feeling a wet sensation, Kellewen looked down and saw a white fluid spurt from the tip of Dandeleon’s penis.

Kellewen unconsciously gripped his own penis with his hand.

Though he had barely touched it a few times, Kellewen’s lower body also gushed out semen. Unlike Dandeleon’s, it was less the culmination of pleasure and more a release from long suffering.

For a moment, only the sound of their ragged breathing could be heard.

“That felt… good.”

Dandeleon’s words brought Kellewen back to his senses. Leaning his entire body against Kellewen, Dandeleon looked drained, as if he might lose consciousness at any moment.

“Mr. Kellewen….”

Kellewen’s face turned red. He held him for a moment before speaking.

“Call me Kellen.”

Dandeleon let out a small laugh. The tiny movement was transmitted to Kellewen’s chest and spread throughout his body. Like ripples spreading in a lake where a stone was thrown, it only grew, never stopping.

“Then I’m… Leon….”

Dandeleon’s words were left unfinished, disappearing into the air. When Kellewen leaned in to listen, he heard a very small, regular breathing sound.

“Haah….”

Holding the naked, semen-covered Dandeleon in his arms, Kellewen let out a deep sigh.

After tidying up the living room a bit, Kellewen carried Dandeleon into the bedroom. Dandeleon was sound asleep; he didn’t wake up, or even stir, when Kellewen wiped his body with a hot towel, nor when he was wrapped snugly in a blanket and moved to the bed.

After laying Dandeleon on the bed, Kellewen sat beside him and gazed at his face.

His face, usually pale and bloodless, was slightly flushed today. Dandeleon had always been as beautiful as a porcelain doll, but also seemed somewhat cold. Kellewen had liked that look too, but he preferred today’s Dandeleon even more. Unlike usual, he felt a pleasant vitality from him today.

“Umm….”

As if his hair was poking his eyes, Dandeleon frowned slightly and shook his head. Kellewen reached out and tidied Dandeleon’s messy hair. The blond strands that flowed through his fingers were as soft as the fine sand on a white beach.

His eyelashes were long beneath his tightly closed eyes. The room was dark, but Kellewen could perfectly picture Dandeleon’s face hidden in the shadows. The sharp, upward-slanting corners of his eyes, his small, high-bridged nose, his small lips that were redder than usual, and his neck bones and collarbones, which were clearly defined due to his thinness.

‘Beautiful.’

Kellewen thought.

‘More than anyone I’ve ever seen….’

Then he flinched. The thought he had made so casually felt unfamiliar. Kellewen covered his face with his hands. His mind was a mess.

He had never thought of another person this way before. To him, all other living beings were targets to be saved, without discrimination. A king of a nation and a child playing in the slums were equal in that they were lives he had to save. No one was special.

But the Kellewen of now was different. He could no longer treat Dandeleon the same as others. That was because Dandeleon had treated Kellewen differently from others.

‘You are livestock raised by the elven forest.’

Those words from Dandeleon were vivid in Kellewen’s mind. That day, by that fountain, Kellewen had been truly at peace. Perhaps that was why the conversation that followed had been all the more intense.

Kellewen knew. The reason he had been so shaken by Dandeleon’s words was because they contained a measure of truth.

He knew how the elven forest, how the elders had raised him. They had been desperate to make Kellewen into a certain kind of being. If one were to put a name to that being, ‘saint’ would be the most fitting.

They wanted Kellewen to be perfectly selfless. They wanted him to prioritize others over himself. They educated him to be kind yet humble, to love all life, and at the same time, to not love anyone in particular.

He followed all of it, knowing what it was. Because he knew why they were doing it.

The elves simply want to save the continent. So that Yggdrasil’s sacrifice would not be in vain, so that his will would continue on forever.

Other races might not know, but Yggdrasil was the most beloved leader in elven history. And he had sacrificed his life not only for the elves, but for all other life on the continent. His actions left a great wound on the elven forest and changed them forever.

Elves had once been considered creatures of legend. That was how closed-off and exclusive they were. The driving force that led them, who had lived only within the elven forest with absolutely no interaction with other races, to go outside was the desire to grant Yggdrasil eternal life.

The desire to let Yggdrasil, their beloved leader, live on forever, even as a guardian tree. And the desire to love the other lives on the continent that he had sought to save, regarding them as a legacy left by Yggdrasil.

Kellewen understood that sentiment. He himself respected and loved Yggdrasil, who had not shied away from sacrifice. That was why he accepted whatever the elders taught him. He ignored it even while knowing it was unfair to him, and rationalized it by telling himself it was the path he had chosen, so it was fine.

But Dandeleon had seen right through the turmoil inside Kellewen.

Livestock raised by the elven forest.

Those words had wounded Kellewen. Because they were the truth. And because, although the words were wrapped in sharpness, they were also meant for his sake.

That was why Kellewen could no longer see Dandeleon as just another living creature.

“I really have changed….”

In the dark room, Kellewen sighed quietly.

There is no way to undo what has already been experienced. Likewise, it was impossible to return something that had already changed to its perfectly original state.

That was the very reason for going on a pilgrimage in the first place.

At the final juncture of adulthood, to change while one still can.

To see, hear, and experience more things before becoming a being who can do nothing but walk slowly toward death, hardened like an old tree. And thus, to become a slightly better being.

Kellewen deeply sympathized with this purpose, which was why he had set out on a pilgrimage despite the elders’ opposition. But they said they could never send him alone, so it ended up with several guardians attached, and as a result, Kellewen’s pilgrimage became more like a politically motivated journey than a pilgrimage. He only went to the countries the elders decided on and only had the meetings they arranged. There was nothing he could decide for himself.

Then, finally, at the last juncture, Kellewen became free for a short while, and on the first and last true pilgrimage path he walked, he met Dandeleon. And he had changed him.

Kellewen’s pilgrimage was completed by meeting Dandeleon.

“I started this journey to meet you.”

Kellewen murmured, looking down at the sleeping Dandeleon.

The heart that had been in turmoil due to the sudden change had now calmed down. Kellewen willingly accepted his own change. He accepted Dandeleon’s presence, which had already grown large within him, and the uncontrollable feelings he had for him.

“Cough!”

Dandeleon’s cough broke Kellewen’s train of thought. He pulled up the disheveled blanket to cover Dandeleon’s shoulders, then stood up to close the bedroom window.

“Cough, cough!”

But the cough, which he had thought would end soon, unexpectedly continued. Kellewen, who had returned after closing the window, looked at Dandeleon with a worried expression.

Dandeleon was curled up, coughing continuously. The cough grew deeper and harsher. Eventually, Dandeleon, woken by the coughing, opened his eyes and covered his mouth.

“……!”

A look of dismay crossed his violet eyes. The next moment, blood overflowed from behind the hand covering his mouth.

“Your Highness!”

Kellewen shot up in alarm.

Dandeleon continued to cough, managing only to wave his hand. But what was flowing down below his chin was clearly blood. Coughing up blood was no ordinary matter. Kellewen hurriedly left the room, saying.

“I will go get someone. I will tell them to call a servant, no, a doctor….”

“Call Zellos, not a doctor.”

Kellewen stopped in his tracks. He looked back at Dandeleon, double-checking if he had heard correctly.

“Isn’t Zellos a servant?”

“That’s right. Can you call him quickly?”

“Before that, a doctor first….”

“It’s no use.”

Dandeleon snapped irritably.

“Do you think I’ve only been like this for a day or two? There’s nothing a doctor can do even if he comes. So bring my servant. Right now.”