It’s Sunny But I’m Depressed Chapter 30

Chapter 30: Overcoming Depression (3) 

 

Iago, looking quite dejected, hunched his massive frame and apologized.

 

“Oh! Well… sorry, Ilena.”

 

His violet eyes had softened once more. Ilena, resting her chin in her hand, narrowed her eyes and asked seriously, “Just now, it seemed like you were someone else. Do you often switch like that?”

 

“Well… sometimes when I’m angry, in battle, or when I see the blood of someone dear to me, it feels like I’ve become a different person.”

 

‘The blood of someone dear.’

 

Ilena recalled the thin line of blood trickling down her ankle. Could he really lose his mind over something like that?

 

“Since when has this been happening?”

 

Iago’s expression darkened as he seemed to recall something in response to Ilena’s curious question.

 

“That was ten years ago… I think it started after the war.”

 

***

 

At seventeen, going to war for the first time, he had to abandon himself to stay sane. He discarded his former self and thought and acted solely as the Black King. Though he had lived as the second prince, far from the throne, transforming into the ruthless Black King was not difficult.

 

The reason he went to war was the death of his father and brother. It would be a lie to say he didn’t want revenge on the enemies who took his family. He made such a significant impact in the war that the North couldn’t think of invading for the next ten years.

 

In battle, he was entirely the ‘Black King.’ Only after returning to the camp and washing the blood from his hands did his senses return. Then, tears would flow. Those lonely days when he could only be himself when alone in his room.

 

‘But… I’ve never felt such an impulse before.’

 

Iago recalled the incident in the garden as he watched Ilena, expressionless, kneading dough. Yes. Just moments ago, he certainly wasn’t his usual self. It felt like his reason had vanished, leaving only instinct. His blood boiled, and he wanted to possess everything about the trembling woman before him.

 

To hide her in the deepest part of the palace, where only he could see her…

 

“Iago?”

 

“Huh, what?”

 

The lemon-colored eyes gazing intently at him brought him back to his senses.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Ilena asked with concern.

 

“Huh? Oh, yeah.”

 

‘What was I thinking?’

 

Iago’s face turned crimson.

 

‘What is this feeling?’

 

He felt confused by this emotion he had never experienced before. Baking, stuffed plush toys, crispy sunlight, puppies and kittens rolling on the floor. Those were the things he had always liked. Because of that, Iago couldn’t easily connect negative emotions like obsession or jealousy with love.

 

‘When I lose my reason, do I become violent and possessive like that…?’

 

Disappointed in himself, Iago mumbled, looking quite downcast.

 

“Sorry, Ilena…”

 

***

 

“I’ve never acted like that even when I lost my reason, but just now, I…”

 

“You?”

 

Ilena’s question made Iago’s face turn red as he stammered.

 

“B-because I was touching you, Ilena.”

 

“Hmm.”

 

Ilena pondered, looking at the large figure groaning before her. Surely, such a cute and innocent creature wouldn’t do it on purpose.

 

‘He says it happens during battle or physical contact.’

 

Ilena tilted her head and said, “Maybe you lose your reason and act on instinct when you’re overly stimulated?”

 

“R-really…?”

 

‘Just from that much contact?’

 

Ilena tried to recall her now-fuzzy memories of past relationships. Iago seemed to have no experience with the opposite sex. For someone so full of energy, being completely inexperienced might lead to this. Having reasoned it out, Ilena nodded.

 

But there was still a problem.

 

“If this happens every time we pretend to flirt, it could be troublesome…”

 

Should she adjust her strategy? She didn’t want to deal with Otter’s annoying behavior… Seeing Ilena deep in thought, Iago, feeling restless, quickly spoke up.

 

“Oh! Then, you know, Ilena.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Maybe we should practice in advance? They say practice makes perfect.”

 

“Huh?”

 

Practice? Ilena’s eyes widened at the unexpected suggestion.

 

“It’s because I’m not used to it. If we practice a little when we’re alone, I can act without losing my reason. Right?”

 

Iago explained eagerly. Even if he lost his reason or saw blood, he wanted to treat her kindly. Surely, with a little practice, he would become perfect. Though his deep instincts longed to be closer to her, Iago was too afraid of losing his reason to realize it.

 

“Oh? Y-yeah, but…”

 

‘Something… feels off.’

 

But with Iago’s innocent, bright eyes, she couldn’t bring herself to refuse. The dough was already in the oven, surprisingly quickly and skillfully prepared.

 

“You think so too, Ilena, right? Then, should we hold hands when we’re alone?”

 

Iago smiled brightly and grabbed Ilena’s hand. He then rubbed his cheek against her hand, looking pleased.

 

“Oh? Uh-huh.”

 

Ilena awkwardly agreed, fidgeting with her other hand.

 

‘Something feels strange… no, don’t think of it that way. The pervert is in my mind.’

 

Ilena recalled Regulus, who had misunderstood her invitation to dinner. How embarrassed he had been.

 

‘Look at him. He’s so innocent and pure. He doesn’t know anything.’

 

“Ilena’s hand… it’s soft.”

 

Iago murmured, pressing his lips to her small palm with a silly grin. The oven wafted the savory smell of baking bread.

 

“Then, since we need to practice, let’s hold hands and eat bread together, Ilena. I’ll spread the jam for you.”

 

He said naturally. Though he was acting on instinct, Iago fully believed he was behaving rationally for practice.

 

“Y-yeah.”

 

It must be innocence… right?

 

‘It feels like we’re skipping something important and just going with the flow.’

 

The strange feeling passed, but the tempting aroma of the bread was too irresistible. Ilena decided not to think further, partly because she lacked the romantic instincts to interpret the situation.

 

‘In this complicated world I’ve entered, let’s just live comfortably!’

 

So, they sat across from each other at the table, spreading raspberry jam thickly on the freshly baked bread. The taste of the warm bread was simply exquisite. It couldn’t be compared to the baguettes in Paris or any high-end pastries.

 

‘If this is what baking is, it might be a bit of happiness.’

 

Ilena thought as she diligently cut the bread into small pieces and popped them into her mouth. Today’s ‘Happiness Operation!’ was a great success. Even though it was inconvenient to eat with one hand, she kept her hand tightly clasped with Iago’s.

 

Though no one was watching, they already appeared like a perfect couple, or even newlyweds, but neither of them realized it.

 

***

 

Ilena lay in bed early in the evening for the first time in a while. She felt unusually tired today.

 

‘Could it be that just acting and baking wore me out?’

 

Ilena lay there, lost in thought. The usual cute rabbit-like appearance was gone, replaced by the unfamiliar sight of him today. A decadent yet beautiful appearance that could melt even a stone statue… probably. To others, at least.

 

Ilena touched her chest, which remained still. Her frozen heart neither raced nor fluttered. She was too tired to even decipher his actions.

 

‘What if I become someone who can neither cry nor love, forever?’

 

Like her parents, who were always cold even to their children. Like the people from her past life who always lived in suspicion of others.

 

‘Will I have nightmares again tonight?’

 

Ilena tossed and turned uncomfortably in bed. Then it happened.

 

“I’ll come find you tomorrow around 3 PM.”

 

A small smile unknowingly formed at the corner of Ilena’s mouth. After sharing warm bread, Iago had said that. Let’s meet tomorrow and do something happy together. Recalling the violet eyes that had looked at her so earnestly and the warmth she felt while briefly embraced, blood began to circulate through her cold hands and feet.

 

‘Tomorrow at 3 PM. What will we do then? …Ah.’

 

Ilena finally understood Iago’s words about how it might be difficult to be happy every day, but you can create one happy thing each day.

 

“With that one expectation, you can live through the rest of the day.”

 

Muttering to herself, Ilena gazed at the round moon outside the window and quietly closed her eyes. A peaceful and serene sleep, which seemed unlikely to come, finally arrived.

 

***

 

“What kind of priestess… What kind of savior is she?”

 

Under the pale moonlight. Alone, perched on the railing of his mansion, Ilro muttered. In his hand was a white bottle filled with strong liquor. Gazing resentfully at the white moon, he gulped down the drink and coughed harshly.

 

He had never touched alcohol before. Not until ten years ago. Not until his son, whom he had finally gained at fifty, returned from the battlefield as a cold corpse. The grief that surged, as vivid as if it happened yesterday, made Ilro take another swig of the potent drink.

 

Without drinking, he couldn’t endure the nights. Filled with resentment, suffering, and rising anger.

 

“A priestess? That northerner? I, Ilro, will never believe it…”

 

His yellow eyes, soaked in alcohol, glowed ominously in the moonlight.

 

“If she’s truly a priestess, why has she watched this disaster for ten years? Why doesn’t a single drop of rain fall on this desert?”