In This Life I Will Die as an Actress Not a Villainess Chapter 150

At the office early in the morning.

Kkotbyeol, who I hadn’t seen in a while, came running and threw her arms around me.

“Kkotbyeol! It’s been forever!”

I hugged Kkotbyeol tightly.

Kkotbyeol, now twenty-three, was gradually showing signs of maturing.

I examined every detail of Kkotbyeol’s face as the baby fat melted away.

It somehow felt like watching a younger sister grow up.

Having grown up as an only child, this was my first time experiencing something like this.

“Your movie’s coming out soon too, right?”

“Yes. We filmed so hard. Ugh, I’m so nervous.”

I’d heard that the period action film where Kkotbyeol played a supporting role had taken first place in pre-sales while receiving considerable anticipation.

I felt so proud that I stroked her head affectionately.

Minyeong unnie also watched Kkotbyeol with a warm smile.

“Why does she still feel like a high school senior to me?”

“Right?”

“This movie isn’t the only one. Kkotbyeol has two more releases left after this. Plus she’s filming a drama.”

Kkotbyeol had been participating in youth films and school dramas—the kind only filmable at that age—as both lead and supporting roles.

Kkotbyeol’s distinctive look was generating quite the sensation both among young people and within the industry.

“I think my next project will be with Yuseok oppa too.”

Kkotbyeol shared some interesting news.

“With Yuseok? Another school drama?”

“Yes. It’s a campus romcom. Looks like we’ll be the main couple together.”

Hearing that made me gasp.

Why do I feel so embarrassed when I’m not even the one filming it?

Minyeong unnie also seemed to find it funny and laughed.

“Come to think of it, you should’ve done something like that too.”

Unnie looked at Kkotbyeol, then glanced at me.

“Something like that?”

“A youth drama. You know, filming in a pretty school uniform.”

“A school uniform?!”

When I answered like she was being ridiculous, unnie shrugged as if asking what was so strange about it.

Kkotbyeol also nodded casually beside her.

“Unnie, you’re still in your twenties! Well-managed actors film those even in their thirties.”

Hearing those words made me shiver.

During my long acting career, I’d never been able to dream of even a simple romcom, so school dramas had never even crossed my mind.

A bright youth drama female lead…

Just thinking about it gives me goosebumps.

“At my age now, wouldn’t an office drama suit me better than a school drama?”

I changed the subject with a laugh.

“True. Office dramas are trending these days too.”

“Right? I think it’s worth considering for later.”

Various office dramas with different atmospheres were actually doing quite well on broadcast stations these days.

There are still so many genres I haven’t tried yet.

While realizing that, I happily chatted away with Kkotbyeol again.

* * *

The aftershocks of <Say Your Name> lasted a long time.

Even after the finale and special episode ended, it showed no signs of settling down.

Today, I visited an internet broadcast studio run by a streamer alongside Lee Seonho and Shin Jaejun.

Dr. K, the streamer, was a former psychiatrist who’d become famous for broadcasting to spread useful information widely.

“Wow, I have 800,000 subscribers, but this is the first time over 30,000 people have joined a live stream.”

Except for Shin Jaejun, Lee Seonho and I looked at the studio and live broadcast screen with fascinated expressions.

This was truly my first time on an internet broadcast.

Since news of our appearance had already gone out as articles, people had gathered in greater numbers than expected.

The streamer smiled warmly.

So 30,000 viewers is a lot.

I hadn’t really done any significant activity on the InTheBazookaFo channel since <Desert Island>.

Even during Desert Island, we’d never had the nerve to try real-time streaming, so I didn’t really know.

Seeing us looking dazed, the streamer seemed to read our thoughts and explained.

“Even accounts with more subscribers than me—like channels with a million—consider it a lot if 10 to 20 thousand people join their streams.”

“Whoa, really?”

“Wow, but 30,000 people. Thank you for the star balloons!”

Lee Seonho threw out a random joke.

That one line turned the studio upside down.

“What are you even saying?”

“Are you crazy?”

-Lololol

-Want to throw star balloons. Can’t because it’s blocked.

-Lolololololol Are you asking for star balloons?

-Lee Seonho’s secretly got comedy chops.

-Han Sena’s so pretty.

-Shin Jaejun’s handsome!!

Today’s broadcast theme was <Say Your Name> analysis time.

We planned to compare the dissociative identity disorder in the drama with actual patients.

The streamer opened.

“Sena-ssi, how did you approach playing Yu Dayang and the four personalities?”

“Um… To put it simply, I acted while thinking of each one as a different person.”

“Oh, that’s exactly the right approach?”

“Is that so? While acting, I tried to shift into completely different people, and sometimes I’d actually forget what the previous personality had done. When I had to deal with something another personality had done, it was even unpleasant.”

“Wow, amazing. That’s spot-on.”

The streamer was genuinely impressed.

“So that’s the secret behind your possessed performance. You’re a total brain-sexy woman.”

Hearing that made me laugh bashfully.

“That’s exactly right. The personality itself means a different person. Even small habits, behaviors, and mannerisms all change when the personality switches. There’s no overlap whatsoever.”

“Yes, yes.”

While listening to that explanation, I recalled what I’d experienced inside the script world.

They’d truly treated each other as independent beings and thought of each other as strangers.

Their personalities, speech patterns, and behaviors were all completely different.

As the analysis continued, comments from patients with the same condition exploded.

-Watching Say Your Name, I really related so much. Of course, if you nitpick small details, there were a few medically incorrect parts. But I don’t think that’s what matters.

-I agree with the comment above. I’m grateful they covered this mental illness on a public broadcast drama.

-Everyone, mental pain is the same as physical pain. People find it unfamiliar and avoid it just because they’re not used to these symptoms… You go to the hospital, take medicine, get treatment. We’re the same as any other patients.

-I also received personality integration treatment. I’ve never talked about my condition anywhere because of how society views it. I’ve moved over ten times. But seeing it addressed openly in the drama felt cathartic;;

-For a while, I cried just seeing Sena-ssi’s face playing Yu Dayang. Because she felt so much like me. Kang Jio also felt like watching my husband… He endured my illness by my side. Of course, he doesn’t look like Kang Jio… but I love my husband♥

Reading the comments made my heart swell.

Beside me, Shin Jaejun wiped tears from his eyes with the back of his hand, looking moved.

“Everyone, you’ll all be able to overcome this. Stay strong.”

“Thank you for empathizing, everyone. I don’t know your faces, but I feel close to you.”

“Let’s all stay strong!”

The streamer, Lee Seonho, and Shin Jaejun each shouted encouragements.

Watching that warmly, I also made an announcement.

“After today’s broadcast ends, I’ll donate 50 million won to the mental illness patient association in the name of Dr. K-nim and the subscribers.”

“Whoa.”

Everyone looked at me in surprise.

I smiled at their faces.

Lee Seonho also smiled and spoke.

“Then I’ll add another 50 million to that.”

Shin Jaejun stepped up as if he couldn’t lose either.

“Plus another 50 million more!”

The streamer’s eyes went wide with shock.

“Then, then I’ll do 10 million!”

The chatroom caught fire.

-Open a donation account.

-We want to donate too.

-Hurry up and accept money. Open it, come on.

-Please let us donate together. I want to participate in this good cause!

-The actors are seriously so cool! I hope dramas like this keep coming out!!

* * *

[Han Sena Donates 50 Million Won to Mental Illness Patient Association]

[<Say Your Name> Calls Out the Names of Patients]

[Dr. K Streaming Donations Break Korean Record]

Thanks to everyone uniting with one heart, a total of 300 million won was collected.

When we donated the 300 million won toward research into patients’ illnesses, articles poured out once again.

-Right, mental illness really is an illness in the end. Both being scared of it and mocking it are discrimination.

-I hope a world comes where people don’t have to hide anymore.

-I didn’t know so many people in our country lived with various mental health conditions. It must have been so hard for them, unable to show it. Let’s all stay strong together.

-Are there any more dramas like this? Ones dealing with mental illness. I want to watch them.

Reading the heartwarming comments made me feel proud.

Several days passed after that.

Today, I sat holding my dress hem and looked up at the stage.

It was the Hanho Arts Awards ceremony.

Seo Jaeyeon, seated at the neighboring table, smiled at me.

I also grinned at Seo Jaeyeon.

“Now then, finally announcing it. The Hanho Arts Awards Best Actress! The winner is!”

The screen showed the faces of five actresses including myself and Seo Jaeyeon.

Lee Seonho, Shin Jaejun, and the rest of our team all held hands together and gulped.

Everyone looked even more nervous than I was.

“Congratulations! <Say Your Name> Han Sena-ssi!”

“Waaah! Jackpot!!”

“You worked so hard, congratulations!!”

“Sena-ssi, congratulations!!!”

When my name was called, our entire team cheered.

Watching them made me burst into laughter.

After exchanging greetings, I approached Seo Jaeyeon.

Seo Jaeyeon and I simultaneously pulled each other into a hug.

Seo Jaeyeon smiled happily.

“Congratulations. I knew you’d win.”

“Thank you.”

“Hurry up and go.”

Seo Jaeyeon pushed me toward the stage.

I carefully held my dress and climbed onto the stage step by step.

It felt like just yesterday I’d received the Rookie Award here.

This felt like a dream.

I received the trophy and bouquet from the host and stood before the microphone.

“I received the Rookie Award here before, so I’m incredibly happy to receive the Best Actress Award like this.”

People watched me with warm faces.

Meeting those eyes, I smiled brightly too.

“I’m so happy to be here on such a wonderful night with people I love and care for so much. Greeting everyone like this, receiving congratulations, reflecting once more on the projects we’ve worked on together…”

Seo Jaeyeon held up her phone, filming me.

Seeing that made me smile again.

“Award ceremonies are occasions to honor those who’ve distinguished themselves that year. But they’re also occasions to remember the projects and people who’ve passed through the year. That’s what I love about award ceremonies.”

The director was hugging Shin Jaejun and crying.

When their image appeared on screen, the entire audience burst into laughter.

I also chuckled watching them.

“Thank you so much to everyone who worked on projects with me and everyone who watched my work. I’ll always be a Han Sena who keeps striving forward. Thank you.”