Meeting the Pope wasn’t difficult. The matter was so urgent that most of the tedious procedures were skipped, and I was quickly escorted into the Pope’s chamber—lavishly decorated in white and gold.
Inside the opulent room, the Pope waited for me, seated as arrogantly as an emperor upon a throne.
“Welcome, Lady Kitton.”
“It is an honor to meet you for the first time, Your Holiness. I am Elizabeth of House Kitton.”
I wanted to shout We don’t have time for this—just hand over the holy water already, but I held myself back.
Holy water comes from holy power, after all.
And the one who possesses the highest amount of holy power becomes the Pope, gaining the authority to manage the sacred spring.
So I had to coax him into giving me the holy water. It would become an invaluable weapon in the coming fight against the zombies.
‘Zero… as long as we get that holy water, humans will stand a fighting chance against the zombies, right?’
「Of course. Holy-water-soaked weapons, or weapons blessed by a high priest, can strike zombies with real power.」
Zero, after being pestered endlessly by me, answered confidently.
Good. Let’s do this.
I wrung out every drop of acting talent within me and donned the mask of a resolute noble lady, gravely concerned for the fate of the nation.
“I have reviewed the horrifying footage you brought. ‘Zombies,’ you called them? A new form of undead, it seems.”
“Yes. That is correct, Your Holiness. To kill them, we absolutely require holy water—specifically, the holy water from the sacred spring that only you control.”
Naturally, I didn’t forget to add the line about this being for the future of the Empire. People at the top of power structures usually eat that up.
‘Please just say yes already!’
I was practically begging in my mind, but the Pope frowned slightly.
“…How does the Lady know this?”
A sudden question. But I am a proud citizen of a country famous for its brutal job interviews. I stayed calm and switched into presentation mode.
“During the Crown Prince’s wedding at the palace, I encountered the zombies firsthand. As I escaped, I used holy water I had on me. It proved effective.”
“Oh?”
“My late mother left me a vial of holy water, which I have always treasured. I never imagined that it would serve such a purpose. Truly, this must be divine grace.”
“What a touching story.”
“It is all thanks to my late mother and the blessings of the great God Ardel.”
“Heh heh heh.”
“Ha ha ha.”
All of it was complete bullshit.
I killed the zombie Crown Princess by stabbing her forehead with a high heel. I did not have any holy water. Divine grace? Well, Zero is something like a deputy administrator of this world, so I guess that’s vaguely divine… but I’m an atheist, so no thanks.
‘Just a tactical lie to smooth things over.’
And in a sense, it wasn’t technically a lie. Zero got the information from this world’s administrator—so you could argue it was divine guidance.
“I had no idea Lady Kitton possessed such strong faith.”
I literally skip weekend services because they’re inconvenient, sir.
My throat was getting dry from all the smooth lies.
“If I had known, I would have sought more opportunities to build a stronger relationship with House Kitton.”
The Pope seemed pleased. Even in a moment when people were probably dying somewhere because of the zombie outbreak, he cared more about his church’s influence. I kept my polite smile plastered on.
“Your praise honors me, Your Holiness. So, if you would kindly grant us permission to use the holy water…”
“But I cannot give you the holy water.”
…Crack.
I swear I heard something in my brain break.
“…Why not?”
“If what you claim is true, then all who hold power in the Empire are effectively dead, are they not?”
…What?
“So if holy water—holy power—is indeed effective against these… zombies, then should not the temple be the one to take the lead? Imagine it: the Holy Church, rescuing the suffering citizens of a dying Empire.”
“….”
“In that case, even unbelievers would return to the faith. This may well be a divine opportunity—Saint Anaïs herself may have granted us this moment so the Church can prove its power once more.”
Crisis is opportunity.
His voice was gentle, melodic—like he was asking what I wanted for lunch. With his saintly handsome face, he looked like he could have been a successful MLM leader or cult founder back on Earth.
‘…This bastard is insane.’
I had forgotten something important.
People at the top are the greediest of all.
A cesspool of corruption like him sitting on the papal throne. What a joke.
Wow. What a wonderful country I’ve landed in.
Even with the nation in crisis—zombies running rampant—he calmly calculated what benefits he could secure for himself. His serene smile made it worse.
I prayed—prayed—that he might still have a shred of common sense.
“…You’re joking, right?”
“Does it sound like a joke, my Lady?”
You’re smiling? At a time like this?
He’s serious. Completely out of his mind.
It made me want to drive a high heel right into his face.
But then I’d be impaled by the Holy Knights for murdering the Pope.
Ha. Ha. Ha.
‘This is such utter bullshit…’
A dread worse than facing the zombies washed over me.
The Pope clearly had no intention of solving this crisis. If anything, he planned to use it.
I broke into a cold sweat. The Pope watched me kindly—infuriatingly kindly—and spoke:
“Do not worry for your safety, Lady Kitton. Since you brought us news of the holy water’s effect, the Church will protect you.”
“…And what about the mages and soldiers who came here with me?”
“If they swear loyalty to the Church, we shall take them in. They would become our children of faith and fight for the Lord. If they refuse… I have no obligation to shelter them.”
Wow…
A devil wearing holy robes. A cunning old fox disguised as a saint.
How did a person like this become Pope? Selected purely by holy power, with none of the humanity, I suppose.
He made it clear: anyone not useful to him would be discarded. With the Imperial Family wiped out, he wanted to step into the power vacuum as the savior.
“Ha… haha. I see.”
‘Zero. What do we do? Is holy water strong enough to kill them all?’
Maintaining my social-smile face, I kept screaming internally.
「Not quite! Holy water contains holy power, so it can paralyze them, weaken them—but to kill them, you still need to destroy the head. Holy power alone isn’t enough.」
‘Meaning… I need the holy water. Zero, can you help me steal it?’
「Sure.」
‘Wait—really?’
「Yeah. You have what I call the Possessor’s Buff. So it’s fine.」
When the hell did that get installed? I’ve been faithfully reenacting the original plot instead of using any cool perks, so I didn’t even know I had a buff.
‘What buff!? And couldn’t you have told me earlier, you little—’
「I’ll explain later! It only activated a few hours ago—I need time to break it down!」
As Zero finished speaking, the Pope addressed me.
“So, Lady Kitton… do you wish to become a blessed servant of the Lord?”
His fake-kind smile clearly expected me to respond “Yes.”
I glanced at the sacred spring bubbling beside him and answered with the same false sweetness:
“Oh my, of course, Your Holiness. I do have one request, however.”
“And what is that?”
“Since I have brought you valuable information… could you grant me an exclusive supply of holy water?”
I dropped the righteous-lady act and put on the expression of a greedy noblewoman. The Pope seemed satisfied. Apparently he knew all about the villainous reputation of Lady Kitton.
“Very well. I shall prepare a full supply of holy water just for you.”
“Your generosity humbles me, Your Holiness.”
“We are partners now, after all.”
The Pope smiled warmly and called someone from outside.
“You summoned me, Your Holiness.”
The person who answered was Michael—the Holy Knight and one of the story’s male leads.
‘I expected the priest from earlier, not him.’
There was no reason for the strongest Holy Knight in the land to wander around in hallways.
He must have been watching me because I looked suspicious.
He truly had no idea that the real monster was sitting right next to him.
I clicked my tongue inwardly as the Pope gave Michael an order.
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