The Espers Who Regretted Losing Me Chapter 46

If I hadn’t chosen to stay inside the gate in the first place, maybe they wouldn’t have felt any regret at all.

I’d come too far to go back now.

If I said something like “I’ll live just fine on my own, so please disappear from my life,” they’d probably lose their minds again.

I recalled the slightly deranged faces I’d seen the moment I opened my eyes and forced myself to calm down.

Now that a real gate had connected, they were going to drag me out no matter what.

They seem to believe I lost my memories, at least…

Watching the espers sneak glances at me with pitiful expressions, a nasty thought crept in.

I wanted payback.
To return what I’d suffered.

If they’d never shown up, fine—but no, they just had to, just had to, just had to come looking for me and repent like they were the villains in some tragedy.

They were even pouring their hearts out.

I had zero intention of accepting any of it, but since things had turned out this way, I suddenly wanted to vent.

There was too much resentment built up to let things end nicely.

Especially Yeon Dogyeong, that butcher of a bastard…

Right now he was crying like a lost baby duckling, but I hadn’t forgotten how he used to sneer and mock me every single day.

To be fair, Lee Shinra and Cha Eunhwi weren’t much better.

Still—if I had to rank them, Yeon Dogyeong had driven me the most insane this year.

Talking about buying me a leash and all that crap…

I stared at them with all the warmth of a desert, then frowned.

And pointed straight at Yeon Dogyeong.

“A leash…”

“…Huh?”

“A leash. I think you said you were going to put one on me… didn’t you? Or am I wrong…? That’s strange. Why would someone put a leash on a person? I’m not a dog…”

I pressed my fingers to my temple, pretending my head hurt, my voice trembling on purpose.

Yeon Dogyeong’s face went even paler.

Let’s see how you try to explain your way out of this.

Would he play dumb and laugh it off?
Or would his short, shallow patience snap and he’d say something like, “Why are you acting so cheeky, Yoon Hyeya?”

Either way, I was ready to snap back coldly.

I remembered his face perfectly—so why lie?

But Yeon Dogyeong, eyes darting anxiously, suddenly blurted out—

“I—I’ll do it when we get out! When we get out, I’ll buy something pretty and wear it! On my neck!”

He started offering up his own neck.

“Oh, and I’m good at barking too.”

That part checks out.

“Woof.”

…That part does not.

“…You can treat me like a dog if you want. Just please—don’t disappear again.”

What… what is he even saying…?

I stared at Yeon Dogyeong with unfocused eyes, completely failing to keep up.

Had it really only been his eyes that’d gone bad over the past year?

No matter how I looked at it, he seemed genuinely insane.
No—he was insane.

What do I do…? You never know what crazy people might pull…

I swallowed dryly over and over, and when Yeon Dogyeong barked again, I recoiled and shook my head.

“P-Please don’t. I just—your face made me remember something, so I asked…”

Why was it that he was the one doing insane things, yet I was more flustered?

As cold sweat kept pouring down my back, Lee Shinra hesitantly cut in.

“H-Hyeya noona. Um. Me too. I said I’d walk around with handcuffs on you.”

“Oh. Handcuffs…”

…You’re really saying that out loud?

“Yes! If—if you want, noona, I’ll wear them instead!”

“No, that’s not necessary—”

“Th-then I won’t use my hands without permission! A-And me too! I’m good at barking! Woof.”

“……”

“I can meow too. Meow.”

Please stop. I’m begging you.

At this point I’d rather they go back to being rude like before—what even is this?

In some ways, this was more exhausting than when they’d been tormenting me.

This wasn’t how I’d imagined getting payback.
The direction was completely wrong.

While I was carefully choosing my next words, Cha Eunhwi called my name.

“Hyeya.”

“…Yes?”

“You may not remember, but Dogyeong, Shinra, and I—we’ve wronged you countless times. So…”

Countless times.

Just hearing Cha Eunhwi say that shocked me.

This wasn’t about responsibility. It was something else entirely.

They say even mountains take ten years to change…

But the more unfamiliar they became, the more bitter I felt.

Cha Eunhwi kept pausing, dragging things out.

He was never the type to hesitate—he always said exactly what he wanted, without pause—so my tension only grew.

What now?

After a long moment of frowning deeply, he wet his dry lips and finally spoke.

“I wanted to atone to you somehow.”

“…Atone?”

“Yes. I’m not asking for forgiveness. And I’m not saying this just to ease my conscience. I just—”

He trailed off again.

This time, I didn’t rush him. I simply mulled over his words with a scowl.

If you don’t want forgiveness and you’re not saying it for your own peace of mind, then maybe don’t say anything at all.

As the silence stretched, my thoughts grew messier.

Seeing espers—who’d always believed they were the ‘superiors’ while guides were beneath them—act like this was shocking.

But it didn’t stir sympathy.

Any fondness I’d had had been ground down so thoroughly that even if I were reborn five times, I’d still see them as enemies.

Sometimes I wondered if they were doing this just to make me their enemy.

Weakness, regret, repentance—who cares?

That was their problem. I didn’t need to understand it, and I didn’t want to.

I almost want to spell it out for them: our relationship is like glass that’s been shattered, crushed, and vacuumed up. There’s nothing left.

Meaning—there was nothing left to fix.

Nothing except some leftover emotional residue I would’ve forgotten entirely if we’d never met again.

And really—people don’t change that easily.

Even I—despite pretending to have amnesia—can’t bring myself to properly get angry at them.

Part of it was knowing it wouldn’t change anything.

Part of it was my own personality—always wanting things to end quietly.

As I let out a heavy sigh, Cha Eunhwi—who’d been darting his eyes around—finally spoke.

“If there’s anything you want from us, we’ll do it. If you want to recover your memories… we’ll help with that too. You can look at us like we’re human garbage—filth. That’s fine. But please… please don’t look at me like you want me erased from your life…”

His gaze dropped.

I thought I’d hidden it well, but apparently my eyes had been too honest.

Old habits die hard—I flinched and replied without thinking.

“Ah, I’m sorr—”

“No, no! There’s no need. You can look. As much as you want. Hyeya, you did nothing wrong.”

“That’s right, Yoon Hyeya. Don’t apologize. I was always the one spewing bullshit. You really didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I—I also… always called you… bird-brained, noona. Someone told me that if someone’s stupid you should call them chicken-brained, not bird-brained. But birds are cute and chickens aren’t… how could I ever call you a chicken…”

“……”

The frantic confessions made my head spin.

This was bad. I’d started this, but if I didn’t change the subject fast, I was going to scream.

I glanced at the baby snake, now fast asleep, then spoke bluntly.

“Like I said—I don’t remember who you are or who I used to be. And I don’t really want to recover my memories. Nothing that comes to mind feels pleasant, and while living here, I kept having nightmares. From what I can tell… we didn’t get along very well.”