Formless Chapter 24

After finishing the meal, Gangwoo brought him clothes. The T-shirt was roughly the right length but too loose in the chest. Gangwoo, who watched him wear it, stroked Heewoon’s head and said:

“Contact your mother. Tell her you’re staying overnight.”

His tone was exceptionally gentle.

“Ung.”

It was already late at night, and his face was a mess, so it was probably better not to go home. However, the thought of sleeping with Seo Gangwoo felt overwhelming. He surely wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight.

Heewoon looked around. He couldn’t recall where he put his cell phone. Had he put it in his pants pocket before his head was smashed into the wall?

“Cell phone?”

“Ung.”

Gangwoo kindly retrieved the cell phone placed in front of the living room TV.

“…Thank you.”

Heewoon took the phone and unlocked it. A few KakaoTalk messages had arrived. Is it Mom? Thinking that, he opened the app.

However, there were no messages from his mother, and all were from the mothers of his students.

[I am quitting the tutoring.]

[Teacher. You don’t need to come starting next week.]

[Please don’t come anymore.]

Heewoon’s eyes widened. All the messages were about quitting the tutoring. The times started around 5 PM.

Another KakaoTalk message just arrived. His hand was frantic as he tapped the pop-up message.

[I almost reported you to the police, but I held back because of your unfortunate situation, Teacher. Still, please try not to cause trouble for other people next time. You don’t need to come starting tomorrow.]

He couldn’t understand the reason at all. He was confused. All the students he was tutoring were quitting at once. Heewoon put a hand to his forehead and looked at the messages he had sent to the students earlier.

One had read it but hadn’t replied, and a reply had come from another.

[Are you running away, Teacher?]

When he sent a message asking what that meant, the ‘1’ disappeared instantly.

[Thugs came to our house. They said to give them the money meant for Teacher. So Mom said we are quitting the tutoring now. My Mom is completely furious right now ㅜㅜ I don’t think I can get tutoring from Teacher anymore, what should I do ㅠㅠ]

“……”

Heewoon stared blankly at the phone screen.

Did the loan sharks go that far? But I’m repaying the money well, so why….

“Is something wrong?”

Gangwoo asked gently, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“No… I just got messages from the students’ mothers….”

Heewoon stammered and raised his head.

“And?”

Gangwoo was smiling, with the corners of his mouth loosely turned up. Heewoon stared at that face as if stunned.

At that moment, he knew.

The cause of this was not the loan sharks, but Seo Gangwoo.

“Why are you looking at me like that? Hurry up and contact your mother.”

Gangwoo smiled widely and tapped the phone. Heewoon, who nodded as if his soul had left his body, sent a message to his mother.

“Sunbae, are you cold? You have goosebumps.”

Gangwoo said nonchalantly, pressing lightly on Heewoon’s goose-pimpled arm.

Gangwoo and Heewoon lay side by side on the bed. The bed was large enough that he had to stretch his hand to reach Gangwoo, which was a relief for Heewoon.

Heewoon, lying straight, blinked. The blue light coming through the window created shapes on the ceiling. He stared at it blankly.

He had called and messaged the students’ mothers several times. However, not a single one returned the contact. The students were the same. The one student who had replied a few times might have been blocked by his mother, as the read receipt no longer showed up.

He had lost his job overnight.

It didn’t feel real.

Heewoon clasped his two hands, which were placed on his stomach. Since he witnessed the murder, the situation seemed to be getting progressively worse. He had touched something vast and dark that should not have been touched.

Or perhaps he had jumped right into it.

“Are you sleeping?”

A low voice was heard from beside him. Heewoon nervously swallowed dry saliva and answered.

“No.”

A rustling sound was heard, and Seo Gangwoo sat up. Heewoon flinched toward the edge of the bed, frightened by Gangwoo sitting with his back to the moonlight. But a dark arm followed him, and he pulled the blanket up and tightly shut his eyes.

His wrist was gently held. Heewoon opened his eyes and looked at Gangwoo. His face was obscured by shadow.

“Give me your hand.”

Gangwoo said, gently stroking the back of the hand that was clutching the blanket. As the strength slowly left Heewoon’s hand, Gangwoo brought the hand toward himself and began to rub it. He pressed firmly on the palm with his thumb and gently massaged his wrist and arm.

“Right hand.”

Gangwoo put Heewoon’s left hand, which he had just been rubbing, onto his stomach and reached out. Heewoon gave him his hand and quietly stared at Gangwoo. Gangwoo was diligently massaging his hand.

Gangwoo intertwined their fingers and lightly moved the hand back and forth, then his hand slowly slipped away. Their fingers brushed, and his thumb stroked across the palm. Gangwoo placed the hand, which had curled up from the tickle, onto his stomach.

Gangwoo stacked the right hand on top of the left and patted the back of his hand, then straightened the blanket. Heewoon watched Gangwoo return to his sleeping position for a moment longer before closing his eyes.

🧸

Heewoon opened his eyes. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, which was wet, presumably from drooling. Heewoon looked down carelessly and made a blank sound.

“Oh….”

The back of his hand was red. He felt around his mouth and looked at his hand again. It was blood. Bright red blood was soaking his hand. That’s strange. Why is this happening?

Heewoon vigorously rubbed around his mouth. Both his hands were growing redder. He flailed and barely managed to sit up. As he bent his head and looked down at his reddened hands, blood poured out of his mouth.

It must be coming from inside his mouth.

Heewoon opened his mouth and put his finger in. His soft tongue was immediately touched. He rummaged inside his mouth trying to find a wound. Only soft things touched his fingers. That’s strange. It’s strange.

Why…

Are my teeth missing?

“Haaack—.”

Heewoon quickly inhaled and opened his eyes. The ceiling, yellowish in color in places, was visible. He panted and felt his mouth.

“What’s wrong, Heewoon?”

His mother’s voice was heard beside him. His mother, who was facing the TV, looked back at him with concern.

“Ah… I had a dream.”

“Did you have a nightmare?”

“…Yes.”

Heewoon lay back down in the proper position and placed the back of his hand over his eyes. He rubbed his hands hard on his pants under the blanket. As if something was smeared on them.

His mother, flipping through TV channels, said as if it were nothing unusual:

“It’s rare for my son to sleep in so late.”

“What time is it?”

A cracked voice emerged. He couldn’t tell if his throat still hurt slightly because of the blowjob or a cold.

“Time to eat lunch soon. Get up, son.”

His whole body ached, and he wanted to lie down a little longer, but he felt like he would fall asleep if he did. Then he might have another nightmare.

So, he roused his body stiffly. Heewoon looked around. The peeled wardrobe, the old mother-of-pearl dresser, the small TV, his mother lying in the same position in front of the TV.

It was home. Our house, where his mother’s scent was ingrained, and where he could go anywhere in three steps.

He stretched to hide the sigh that abruptly escaped.

Yesterday morning, Seo Gangwoo had taken him home early. It was not surprising that he knew the address of his house, which he had never told him. And hadn’t Heewoon also secretly found out Seo Gangwoo’s address?

He still couldn’t reach the students’ mothers. Heewoon glanced at his mother and looked at his wallet placed on the dresser cluttered with miscellaneous items. He had been looking at his wallet whenever he had a moment since yesterday.

Seo Gangwoo had used an extremely aggressive method to make Heewoon lose his job. When he first found out, he was so embarrassed and bewildered, but after coming home and thinking about it, he got angry.

And he became scared.

The fact that a person died but not a single news article was published, that Lee Hyukjin’s death was cleanly disguised as a traffic accident, that he was found at the airport, that he visited the students’ homes, which he had never disclosed, and caused a disturbance.

It seemed as though there was nothing Seo Gangwoo couldn’t do.

He was afraid because he didn’t know how far he was capable of going.

The best thing to do now, he thought, was to listen closely to Seo Gangwoo.

Heewoon clenched his teeth and got up to fold the blanket without making a sound of pain. As he put the blanket in the wardrobe, his mother got up from her seat and said:

“Do you want kimchi fried rice?”

“Yes. That sounds good.”

Heewoon smiled slightly, folded his mother’s blanket, put it in the wardrobe, and went to the bathroom. After washing his face, he examined his bruised forehead. A chill ran down his spine when he recalled how unfazed Seo Gangwoo had been.

He wiped his face and carefully covered his forehead with his bangs. The cuts on his lips couldn’t be hidden, but his mother seemed to largely believe that he was like this due to exhaustion. This was because Heewoon had been so busy during the exam period.

When he opened the bathroom door, he saw his mother slicing kimchi.

“Heewoon, could you go buy some cooking oil?”

I forgot we ran out, his mother added.

Heewoon turned his head and looked at the dresser visible through the open sliding door. Clack, clack, clack. He looked at his mother making a steady cutting board sound, and then looked at the dresser again.

If he didn’t send a certain amount of money on the 5th of every month, those people would rush in mercilessly. Furthermore, he didn’t have money for daily living expenses right now. There was no other option in this situation.

Heewoon said:

“I’ll go buy it. Is there anything else you need?”

“Hmm…. Oh. Fabric softener. Buy a large one, the 3-liter size.”

“Ung.”

Heewoon tightly gripped his wallet and put on a zip-up hoodie. He stared for a moment at his mother, who was slicing the ham into small pieces at the entrance, and then put on his slightly worn sneakers.

“I’m going now.”

“Okay—.”

A creaking sound came from the front door.

The weather was already getting chilly. The wind against his cheeks felt cold. He thought he would have to take out his padded jacket soon, and walked toward the small supermarket five minutes away.

It was actually a little strange. He had held out so long, afraid to use the card, yet his steps now, going to use the card, were somewhat quick. As if he had been waiting for this all along.

🧸

Heewoon placed the cooking oil and fabric softener, which he was holding, on the checkout counter. The chocolate looked delicious, so he picked up one of those too and put it down.

“15,800 won.”