A Thrilling Guide Life Chapter 17

Even on days when no reservation has been made, Jin still puts herself first.

 

Ruern, tangled up in anxiety and jealousy, recklessly booked a session anyway. 

 

The moment he confirmed it was approved, he rushed over.

 

Ignoring his uncle screaming at the top of his lungs, “Where the hell are you going in that state?!”, he came flying in a frenzy.

 

The instant he stepped into Jin’s guiding room and faced her, Ruern’s entire body trembled as if electrified, and a faint, euphoric sensation washed over him.

 

It was similar to the pleasant, languid feeling that arrives after masturbating while thinking of Jin, when the peak of pleasure slowly ebbs away.

 

Yet what actually came out of his mouth was nothing but wretched, miserable words.

 

He pressed her harshly, pouring out his sorrowful heart, asking how many people she had guided before him today, whether she felt good, demanding answers.

 

Even though he knew he should stop here, Ruern ultimately vomited out the words he should never have said.

 

“Jin.”

 

Ruern’s face came so close that it almost touched hers.

 

Jin felt heartbroken seeing Ruern’s eyes completely bloodshot, the burst veins turning them entirely red.

 

And precisely because it hurt to look at him, she couldn’t quite meet his gaze.

 

Still, she couldn’t just let go of her concern. She let out a small sigh.

 

Along with that sigh, Jin shook off her emotions as best she could, then looked straight at Ruern again and slowly extended her hand.

 

“…Yeah.”

 

“I wasn’t planning to say this today. I thought we’d have plenty of time.”

 

“…”

 

“But time isn’t on my side. So I decided to say it today, in advance. That way… you can at least mentally prepare yourself.”

 

The prelude felt so heavy and meaningful that Jin’s heart began to pound uneasily.

 

“…Just say it.”

 

“Soon… I’m going to be the one who buys your first sex.”

 

Jin’s eyes, filled with shock, widened endlessly and trembled. She could hardly believe the words had come from Ruern’s mouth.

 

Still, Jin somehow managed to hold onto her composure.

 

Right now, Ruern wasn’t in his right mind. Getting swept up and excited along with him would only lead to terrible consequences.

 

“…It’s guiding, isn’t it.”

 

“No. What I want to do with you is just sex, Jin. Throw away words like ‘insertion guiding.’ What I want is filthy, instinct-only sex. The thing I’ve been dreaming about for a very long time. Shoving my cock deep into your hole.”

 

Ruern smiled brightly.

 

The madness in his eyes was so chilling that Jin instantly felt the urge to get far away from him.

 

“Ruern.”

 

“You already knew what I wanted. There’s no way you didn’t. You knew, and that’s exactly why you tried so desperately to ignore it. Pretending to be a fucking friend all this time!”

 

“…”

 

“With your level of skill, you could probably go your whole life without ever doing insertion guiding. So in the end, it only happens if you end up wanting it. That’s what it means. So let’s do it. You and me. Please, Jin.”

 

Moisture quickly pooled in his bloodshot eyes.

 

Jin felt her chest tighten so much it was hard to breathe.

 

She had always hoped a day like this would never come, yet in the end, her wish didn’t come true. She had told herself it was just adolescent confusion, that Ruern had mistaken friendship for love, that it was only a passing emotion. 

 

All those days she had turned away from it… now she regretted them deeply.

 

She should have been harsher much earlier.

 

Instead of avoiding and waiting for it to pass, she should have said cruel, cutting words that would tear the wound open.

 

Jin erased all expression from her face and met Ruern’s eyes.

 

She fought with everything she had to keep from wavering in the face of that feverish, gleaming gaze.

 

“My feelings aren’t the same as yours. You are my precious friend, and I want that relationship to stay exactly as it is. How do you think it felt for me, forcing myself to at least act like a friend?! Is this just my selfishness? Is it my fault?”

 

Ruern let out a short, scoffing laugh at Jin’s words.

 

It was a fishy, off-putting smile that didn’t suit his angelic face at all, yet it strangely harmonized with the boiling red madness in his eyes.

 

“I know. How could I not know how you feel! That’s why I… how long I’ve….”

 

Even if right now Jin’s heart didn’t match his own, Ruern believed that time would take care of it.

 

Every time he saw emeralds, the exact same color as his own eyes, adorning Jin’s ears, neck, wrists, and fingers, it felt like his own eyeballs had turned into hot tongues licking every inch of Jin’s body. 

 

That was the vicarious satisfaction he indulged in.

 

That was also why, every single time he came to see Jin, he always brought emerald jewelry as a gift.

 

That was how much time he had endured.

 

Quietly, patiently, gently, tenderly—like someone biding their time.

 

But finally, he realized.

 

If he kept going on like this, some ridiculous bastard was going to take Jin’s first.

 

He knew that for a guide, the first insertion guiding didn’t carry that much significance.

 

There were plenty of espers who awakened after becoming adults, so there were countless people who already had abundant sexual experience before their first guiding.

 

But that wasn’t the case for him and Jin.

 

They had met at their purest, and each had been the other’s one and only.

 

How could Jin possibly show that secret, profound contact, exposing every intimate part of his body, to some other guide?

 

Ruern truly believed that.

 

Of course he wasn’t unaware that Jin didn’t share the same thought; that was exactly why he had barely managed to endure this long, tunnel-like stretch of pain.

 

He had hidden his impatience and waited, convinced that someday Jin would come to feel the same way.

 

He had imagined a day when Jin would smile warmly and say he was sorry—for turning away from his feelings, for making him suffer alone all this time.

 

But Jin’s heart remained unchanged. Always the same.

 

Stubbornly, infuriatingly upright and honest.

 

And so now, he could no longer wait any longer.

 

It was time to take off the mask of the gentle friend. He had to be the one to take Jin’s first insertion guiding. 

 

And even after that, the only esper who could ever do it with her had to be himself.

 

A beautiful future where they would engrave each other while sharing their mutual purity wasn’t far away.

“Ruern. Just go back for today and come again some other time. And apologize for what you said earlier, about buying me or whatever. If you do that, we can pretend today never happened…”

 

“No! I’m not going to apologize. I’m doing my very best. I’m going crazy trying to show you how sincere I am! Your heart isn’t moving at all, but I desperately want to be the one who takes your first time having sex—so what the hell am I supposed to do? Huh? I have no idea what the answer is! That’s why I said I’d buy you. Wouldn’t that make things a little easier for you? You could at least make excuses to yourself that it’s because of money, not feelings. Right?”

 

“Haa…”

 

“How much would it take for you to bear it—for me to just hold you because I want to, regardless of what you want? How much money would make my disgusting desire something you could accept?!”

 

In the end, tears began to roll down from Ruern’s eyes.

 

“…”

 

Jin simply stared at the crying Ruern with a stubborn, unmoved expression.

 

“Tell me—money, jewels, a building, anything! You don’t like any of that? Then what do you need?! What do I have to give you for you to even look at me? What do I have to do… for you to love me? I want to have you so badly… but I don’t know how. Please, just tell me, Jin.”

 

That damn word—love.

 

Jin understood in his head that when unrequited love grows too deep, resentment can start mixing in with the unanswered feelings.

 

The only reason he could even reach that level of understanding was because the other person was Ruern.

 

If any other esper had acted the way Ruern was acting now, Jin would have called security long ago and made sure they could never approach him again.

 

Even though the burden had piled up layer after layer, the reason Jin couldn’t coldly and ruthlessly push Ruern away was because Ruern was precious to him too.

 

He didn’t want to lose the first sunlight of his life, the first dazzling brightness, in this kind of way.

 

But now he had to admit it.

 

The special friend who used to smile and say holding hands was enough, the one who would shake with happiness—he was gone.

 

The friend who had desperately reached out with trembling hands had been shaken off and sent far, far away.

 

The lover relationship Ruern so desperately wanted, the engraving of their bond—it simply didn’t exist in Jin’s life.

 

He had never even considered it, and no matter how much time he was given to think deeply, there was absolutely no room for such a decision.

 

Jin’s face, stripped of all frustration, resentment, pity, and even anger, looked like a lifeless doll.

 

The moment Ruern faced that expression, his heart sank with a heavy thud—but it was already far too late to take back the words​​ he had let slip.

 

“Ruern. Let me correct your delusion precisely. Whether it’s guiding, sex, or anything else—it’s something I decide. No one can force it, and no one should. Doing anything to me against my will? That doesn’t exist. It’s impossible. So give up even the thought of ‘buying’ me. Snap out of that delusion quickly.”

 

The deliberately cold, cutting words poured out, and shock spread across Ruern’s face as well.

 

The fact that Ruern was shocked by mere words like these left Jin dumbfounded, so she continued speaking even more harshly.

 

“Why? Were you hoping I’d gently comfort and soothe you? Did you think I’d say, ‘Yeah, you must have suffered so much suffering alone—I’ll have sex with you,’ and just obediently accept it? No, Ruern. I have no intention of doing that. I hate it! You were the one who first severed our special friendship. You were the one who made me send away my one and only precious friend. So now—you’re no different from any other esper to me. Just leave.”

 

Jin abruptly stood up and turned sharply away. 

 

The sight of her back—so cold and piercing—made Ruern bite down hard on his lip to hold back his sobs.

 

The vivid red robe embroidered with ornate patterns caught Ruern’s eye with striking intensity.

 

But even that image didn’t linger long in his vision.

 

Because Jin had already stormed out of the guiding room, slamming the door behind her.

 

Ruern slowly rose with his heavy body and roughly wiped the tears from his face with the back of his hand. He would leave for today, but he had absolutely no intention of giving up.

 

If it wasn’t him, then no other bastard would ever be allowed to touch Jin so deeply.

 

Even if it meant killing them all.