To My First Love, With Regret (Libenia) Chapter 14

The grandfather seemed to know the answer, yet chose not to say it.

“Ethan, you grew up into a good, decent man.”

Ethan had been a troublemaker as a child too, just like any other boy. But unlike Harry, the elder in his family had been strict, so he learned how to restrain himself.

Part of that was because he tried desperately not to let people say, Like father, like son.

So why was the grandfather who had always been proud of him suddenly giving him advice like this?

“But perhaps you should act like a vulgar thug in front of Baron Langdon. Your life would be easier.”

“You’re telling me to behave like Jack Fairchild’s son?”

Ethan only called that criminal “father” when his own pride wasn’t involved.

The man who had rotted away doing day labor at the harbor eventually found the talent he’d searched for all his life—in the criminal underworld.

He’d trampled over his duty as a citizen without hesitation.

Yet strangely enough, he’d desperately tried not to abandon his responsibilities as the head of a family.

He kept sending money, but Ethan’s mother either returned it or, when she couldn’t, donated every last cent.

“If you live off money soaked in other people’s blood and tears, then you’ll become accomplices too.”

Why did Mother ever fall in love with someone like Father?

She was the kind of person who would rather die than live the wrong way. And those weren’t empty words—even when she fell ill and was dying, she never accepted a single penny of her husband’s dirty money.

“My treasures… I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you until the end…”

But at the very least, their mother could proudly say in heaven that she had remained true to her principles until the end. And her children had to follow the path she left behind—that was how they honored the woman who gave them life.

So it wasn’t their father who abandoned the siblings.

They were the ones who abandoned him.

In any case, Ethan had a far better role model.

His maternal grandfather, Jeremiah Robinson.

The final lighthouse keeper of the Robinson family, who had guarded this lighthouse generation after generation for centuries.

Since Cliffhaven had always depended on fishing and maritime trade for survival, the lighthouse keeper was practically their guardian angel.

The locals affectionately called his grandfather “Captain Robinson” because for decades, day after day, he had guided them safely through the night sea.

The lighthouse keeper was a government employee and wore a uniform. The cap he wore every day resembled a captain’s hat.

Captain.

Once Ethan grew old enough to feel that calling him “Grandpa” was childish, he began calling him Captain too.

Ethan, who had nearly drowned in the storm called his father, managed to survive adolescence and sail out into open waters only because of the Captain.

Once, Ethan had admired his grandfather so deeply that he’d even dreamed of becoming a lighthouse keeper himself. He thought the Captain—who took immense pride in the family profession and lamented that it would end with him—would be pleased, but…

“You’ll do something else.”

“You know I can handle it.”

“Yes. But the day will come when machines can do it better than you.”

Kerosene. Then gas. Then electricity.

During the years his grandfather had served here, lighthouse technology had advanced at terrifying speed.

“The profession of lighthouse keeper will soon disappear. Isn’t this the kind of world we live in now? One where technology replaces people? You shouldn’t become someone chased down by technology. You should become someone who leads it.”

The lighthouse keeper who had silently remained at his post while technology overtook him looked lonely somehow.

The Captain gave no answer when Ethan muttered:

“I don’t want to become like Father.”

Lost in thought, the old man sat there until the tobacco in his pipe turned to ash. Only then did he reveal a story he’d kept hidden until now.

“Jack came about two months after Esther died.”

He had learned about it too late. He came, collapsed to his knees before her grave, and wept bitterly.

He should’ve stayed silent about this forever. Why tell me now?

So I’ll pity a criminal?

Even seeing the cold look in Ethan’s eyes, the grandfather continued.

“Jack truly loved Esther. And he loves you and Becky too.”

“Well, I hope that makes it hurt even more.”

No matter how gently the old man spoke, Ethan made it clear he had no intention of restoring broken ties.

“Ethan, every person has two sides. A devil to one person can be an angel to another. Just like Baron Langdon—he may be a devil to you, but to his father, he’s an angel.”

Only then did Ethan understand why his grandfather had changed his mind.

He wanted Ethan to use his father’s dirty hands to stop the claws of a powerful man.

He was afraid the next thing Harry aimed his madness at would be Ethan himself.

“Jack must’ve realized it too. That when he let go of the hand holding him so he could climb higher… that hand had actually been his whole life.”

The Captain’s favorite saying—that you shouldn’t only stare at the summit—had gained a strange new meaning tonight.

“If you reach out your hand to him, your father will never let go again.”

Pretending not to hear, Ethan changed the subject.

“I’m not like him. I’ll reach the top while holding onto the Captain’s hand.”

“Oh, spare me.”

“Why?”

“Where else would a lighthouse keeper go? My dream is to spend my final breath watching the sea from here.”

His peaceful gaze drifted across the calm night ocean before settling gently on Ethan.

“But if I could hold my great-grandchild before then, I’d die a happy man.”

“Becky’s the one who’ll get married first…”

“I don’t think you’ve got much time left yourself.”

“…What?”

“At first I thought you’d brought a woman with you. The footsteps on the lighthouse stairs were definitely yours, but the smell of perfume was impossible to miss.”

“…”

“And I can still smell it now.”

He already figured out there’s a woman in my life.

Please don’t figure out who she is.

The Captain patted Ethan’s stiff shoulder with a hand roughened by sea winds.

“Ethan, if you want to become a good father someday, don’t hurt the young lady who’ll become the mother.”

Ethan didn’t take those words to heart.

Because if anyone was going to get hurt in this love, then obviously—

it would be me. The weaker one.