How a Loan Shark Survives as an Actor – Chapter 116

Author: Cireng

Chapter 116

Knock. Knock.

The sound of someone knocking at the front door made my heart sink.

The fact that she was knocking cautiously instead of entering the password like usual already told me everything I needed to know.

‘The code’s still the same….’

I wanted to shout for her to just come in like she always did.

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out, and I shut it again.

Knock. Knock.

Yeonhee knocked once more.

She probably knew exactly what I was thinking right now, yet she simply knocked in silence.

There was a firmness to it.

And somehow, even now, she was so unmistakably Yeonhee that a small laugh escaped me.

‘You really… know how to make a person miserable.’

Creak.

I moved my troublesome legs and opened the door.

Our eyes met, and I smiled.

“You’re here?”

“…Yeah.”

Yeonhee avoided my gaze and stepped inside carefully.

Seeing her walk around cautiously, as though she were in someone else’s house, made me uncomfortable.

As if all those years of casually coming and going had been a lie.

“Have you eaten?”

It wasn’t funny at all, but I forced the corners of my mouth upward.

“You must be hungry. Hold on, I’ll get something ready right away. There’s food in the fridge–”

“No, Dogeon. I…”

Yeonhee, who hadn’t even sat down on the sofa and was just standing there, spoke.

“Sorry for contacting you so suddenly today. You must’ve been really caught off guard.”

Her calm words made me laugh bitterly.

“No, Yeonhee. I was caught off guard two weeks ago when you suddenly told me you wanted to break up.”

“……”

“I know there’s never a good time to break up. But we spent years together. You should’ve given me time to accept it.”

Yeonhee nodded as if she wouldn’t deny that.

Then she apologized, saying she had been selfish and was sorry for making me suffer these past two weeks.

A calm voice devoid of emotional turbulence.

Seeing that left me speechless.

‘Why… why are you apologizing?’

The expression on your face should be one of disbelief.

I should see that and get angry again, and then you should get angry too.

We should raise our voices at each other, fight, and then make up.

You can’t be this calm.

“So that’s it? An apology fixes everything? Does it erase the fact that I couldn’t sleep or eat for days? How can you be so shameless?”

I deliberately picked a childish fight because I didn’t want to hear what was coming next.

I wanted Yeonhee to get angry.

But she simply kept apologizing with a detached expression.

“You really want to break up with me that badly?”

The words I least wanted to say eventually left my mouth.

I wanted to sew my lips shut.

“Why? Is there another guy?”

The ugly words wouldn’t stop.

Like needles, they kept stabbing at Yeonhee’s heart.

“Why, do you think he’ll be different? Everyone ends up the same. Things get dull, boring, and tiresome. You can’t just replace people every time that happens.”

“Dogeon.”

“Do you know how deeply what you’ve done has hurt our relationship? If we’re going to overcome this, it’ll take so much time.”

“Dogeon, I…”

“You said you don’t even know if you love me anymore. But does it make sense that you don’t love me? Or that I don’t love you? You’re just exhausted–”

“Kim Dogeon!”

Something like a scream burst from Yeonhee’s lips.

She had called my name, but it felt like she was calling someone else’s.

The emotion in her voice was that unfamiliar.

“If I hurt you… I’m sorry.”

Yeonhee spoke with a weary expression.

“I never wanted to hurt you. That’s why I held on this whole time. There’s no way to break up without hurting someone. I couldn’t bear hurting you, so I hurt myself instead.”

“……”

“But I can’t do it anymore. It’s too hard now, Dogeon. I’m… so tired.”

Somewhere in her calm voice, something cracked.

And through that crack, tears slowly began to spread.

“It’s true someone else caught my eye. But I swear, I swear that’s not why I’m breaking up with you. I’m just… just too exhausted.”

“……”

“I’ve never done anything shameful to you. I loved you honestly for ten years. But now… it’s too much. My heart itself doesn’t feel honest anymore.”

Seeing Yeonhee crying and sobbing, my throat tightened.

‘What should I say?’

There were so many things I wanted to say.

That I couldn’t live without her.

That I’d do better from now on.

That she should just give me one more chance.

The cliché lyrics from breakup songs suddenly felt like sincere truths.

But seeing this side of Yeonhee for the first time made every word difficult.

“So you wouldn’t care if I died?”

In the end, after agonizing over it, I chose the worst possible words.

“Even if I died, would you still want to break up?”

“……”

Yeonhee, who had been crying like a child, froze.

Only after seeing the vacant look on her face, like someone who had just been struck on the back of the head, did I come to my senses.

“No. I’m sorry, Yeonhee. I’m sorry. I messed up.”

“……”

“I’m sorry. What I just said… I really messed up. I spoke without thinking. I’m sorry.”

But despite my hurried apology, Yeonhee remained frozen.

It took far too long for me to truly understand just how horrible my words had been.

After a long while, Yeonhee finally opened her mouth.

“Of course I’d care. What are you even saying…?”

“Yeah. I know. I said something ridiculous.”

It felt like I’d crossed a river I could never come back from.

Actually, I’d been feeling that way for a long time.

“I was wrong. Please forgive me.”

Like a student being punished, I trembled as I begged for forgiveness.

Yeonhee wiped away her dried tears and spoke slowly.

“Dogeon, you’re all of my twenties. You mean so much to me.”

“You’re everything to me too.”

“But…”

She cut me off before I could continue.

No longer letting tears fall, pressing them back with her hands, Yeonhee said,

“My thirties are precious to me too.”

“……”

“I don’t want to spend the rest of my life hating you and hating myself. I don’t want to turn you into someone meaningless.”

Her wavering voice slowly found its footing.

At some point, the trembling stopped.

And the eyes looking at me became clear.

‘Ah….’

Those were the eyes I had fallen in love with ten years ago.

Not the exhausted and lifeless Yeonhee who had spent the last few years by my side.

The woman before me shone so brightly that I finally realized how much I had dimmed her light.

“Please break up with me, Dogeon. I’m begging you.”

“……”

And at that moment, I knew.

No matter what I said, I could never change her mind.

“I… I don’t want to break up, Yeonhee.”

“…I know.”

As my ugly sobs spilled out, Yeonhee embraced me without hesitation.

Wrapped in that small embrace, I cried endlessly.

I was terrified of the changes and future waiting for me from this moment onward.

‘I wish this were a nightmare.’

If it was a dream, then even if it became a nightmare that choked me for the rest of my life, I wouldn’t care.

Even so, I wanted to stay trapped in it forever.

‘I’m sorry.’

Even until the very end, I’m thinking thoughts that don’t help you.

I desperately clung to the warmth against my body.

I wanted to hold onto it forever.

But in the end, my hands grasped nothing.

***

“Cut!”

Director Baek’s voice reached me faintly through the haze.

I heard it, but my emotions didn’t break apart instantly.

“It’s okay, Seulho.”

Bae Dain held onto me as I struggled to calm down and gently patted my back.

Even though she herself had cried as though she couldn’t breathe just moments ago, she comforted me with the ease of an experienced mother.

‘Unbelievable.’

At my age, crying in the arms of a young woman gave me a strange sense of shame.

My mind was gradually returning to normal, but my voice was still damp.

“Noona, wait a second…”

“Okay. Take your time.”

Hearing Bae Dain’s gentle voice only made me more embarrassed.

Unlike my reason, which cooled quickly, my body reacted much more slowly.

‘Maybe it’s because I’m not really an actor.’

Whenever I watched other actors, they seemed to snap out of their roles like flipping a switch.

My body’s refusal to return to normal left me uncomfortable.

“…Okay.”

Only after quite some time was I finally able to pull away from Bae Dain.

My face was covered in tears and snot, and I hastily wiped them away with tissues someone handed me.

‘Ah, I’m exhausted.’

What do I do? I already spent this much energy on the first take.

Maybe because I’d cried so much in such a short time, my temples throbbed.

“My head hurts…”

“Huh? It hurts? Where?”

At my quiet murmur, Bae Dain hurried over.

Then she suggested postponing filming until tomorrow, and I was dumbfounded.

“You ignored me when I told you to rest earlier, but now you want to delay filming because I said my head hurts?”

“Well…”

Bae Dain laughed awkwardly.

Her nose was still red from all the crying she’d done earlier.

“You think watching you cry right in front of me is easy? My heart nearly broke.”

“What nonsense.”

“I wish I were joking. Try crying while looking in a mirror. You’ll feel sorry for yourself and won’t even be able to keep crying.”

Bae Dain sighed, saying I had no idea how serious she was.

As we chatted, Director Baek approached after checking the footage.

“Seulho, Dain. Are you okay?”

“Yes. I’ve calmed down now.”

“The emotional line from both of you was excellent. This scene is basically the climax of the movie, so of course it’s overwhelming.”

Director Baek spoke honestly.

Even if the scene came out perfectly today, he had no intention of giving an easy okay.

“I want to see how you two perform at your best. But I’m also curious about what you’ll look like when you’re completely exhausted, on the verge of collapsing. I won’t know which suits the movie better until I see it.”

“So that means…”

“I’d like to keep repeating it until your eyes swell so much that filming becomes impossible. Is that okay?”

“……”

Even Director Baek had enough conscience to avoid our eyes while saying it.

Bae Dain and I both fell silent before finally answering with a sigh.

‘What can we do?’

Artists are like this.

If we cared about work-life balance, we wouldn’t have become actors.

“Okay. But thank you for not saying it proudly, Director.”

“Yeah. The fact that you feel guilty at least gives me some strength…”

Director Baek scratched his head awkwardly.

Some insane directors used real glass instead of sugar glass just to capture realistic reactions.