How a Loan Shark Survives as an Actor Chapter 150

Chapter 150

 

Noh Hamrak’s love for acting dated all the way back to elementary school.

Whenever he watched actors on TV, he’d ask his mother, “Why do those people shine like that?”

Naturally, he wanted to become one of those shining people himself.

In high school, he joined the drama club.

He had some talent, and the evaluations he received were good enough that he even considered pursuing acting as a career.

But…

‘Could I really do it?’

Noh Hamrak lacked confidence.

Not confidence in acting itself, but confidence that he could endure the difficult life of an artist.

More precisely… He wasn’t confident he could continue loving acting while living that kind of life.

‘It’s better to keep the things you love as hobbies.’

So he graduated from an ordinary department, got a job at an ordinary small-to-medium-sized company, and settled into an ordinary life.

He still loved acting.

Which was why, outside of work, his family, and his girlfriend, he devoted all his free time to watching other people perform.

Movies.

Dramas.

Web dramas.

Commercials.

Stage plays.

If someone was acting in it, he watched it.

Noh Hamrak admired and envied the actors who lived the life he’d given up.

That was also why he’d genuinely hated Yoo Seulho back then.

It wasn’t simply because Yoo Seulho couldn’t act.

It was because Yoo Seulho was enjoying the very life Noh Hamrak had abandoned out of fear of an uncertain future… despite seeming to possess neither passion nor talent.

‘I think I understand now.’

The Yoo Seulho he’d somehow become friends with… was an incredibly attractive person, both as a celebrity and as a friend.

Even without cameras rolling, he shone brightly.

It was easy to understand why people liked him.

‘Could I have become like that too?’

Whenever such pathetic thoughts surfaced… Noh Hamrak forcefully shook his head.

He didn’t want to cling to something that had already passed.

‘Don’t become jealous.’

He knew better than anyone how difficult it was to make new friends after becoming an adult.

It had only been possible because Yoo Seulho had approached him first.

He didn’t want his own emotions to make his close younger friend uncomfortable.

So ever since meeting Yoo Seulho… Noh Hamrak had done his utmost to suppress the greed that constantly welled up inside him.

Those complicated feelings…

“Isn’t there a role that would suit Hyung Hamrak? If there’s an audition, let him know.”

… Was why Yoo Seulho’s casual remark made his heart sink.

“I… It’s just… I’m not an actor.”

When Noh Hamrak said that while shrinking into himself… Silence settled over the table.

Director Seo and Choi Myungseok, who had no idea why he was reacting so strongly, quietly closed their mouths.

Yoo Seulho fell into thought for a moment before looking toward Choi Myungseok.

“I don’t really know much about theater, but are there auditions for regular people? Not professionals?”

“Of course there are!”

After briefly glancing at Noh Hamrak’s expression, Choi Myungseok continued.

“Amateur theater groups are doing really well these days.”

“Oh?”

“Office workers form clubs, or people audition independently. Usually they practice after work on weekday evenings, then rent a small theater and put on performances.”

“That’s good. Then the pressure would be a lot lower.”

Even then… Noh Hamrak couldn’t bring himself to respond.

“…”

What he felt couldn’t simply be described as pressure.

Or a lack of confidence.

Or not wanting to do it.

Those present had already realized that acting was something beyond mere affection for Noh Hamrak… something closer to both love and pain.

No one could easily continue the conversation.

As everyone remained silent… Yoo Seulho casually spoke.

“If you don’t want to do it, then don’t.”

His tone was calm.

As though he wouldn’t ask a second time.

Noh Hamrak’s eyes weren’t the eyes of someone who truly didn’t want to.

Even so… Yoo Seulho acted as if he had no interest and smoothly changed the subject.

“You’ve been to Jinki’s house too, right? It’s incredible.”

“Oh, of course. His mother absolutely adores me.”

Picking up on Yoo Seulho’s cue, Choi Myungseok immediately went along with it.

Noh Hamrak forced himself to smile and tried to join the conversation… But it wasn’t easy.

Like ripples spreading from a stone dropped into water… His emotions refused to settle.

“Hyungs, we’re going outside for a smoke.”

“Make sure you get rid of the smell before you come back.”

“Yes, sir!”

As Choi Myungseok and Director Seo left together… Only Noh Hamrak and Yoo Seulho remained.

Noh Hamrak lowered his eyes like a student standing before a teacher after doing something wrong.

‘Why am I so conscious of what he thinks?’

He couldn’t understand it himself.

But that was how it was.

He wanted to laugh it off casually.

To say something like, “Come on, acting isn’t for just anybody.”

If it had been any other topic… He could’ve done it without difficulty.

But whenever the subject was acting… The words simply wouldn’t come.

Watching him… Yoo Seulho chuckled softly.

“Hyung. I haven’t been acting for that long, but I’ve realized something recently.”

“…You’ve been acting since you were five.”

“Let’s skip over the unimportant details.”

How is that unimportant?

Noh Hamrak stared at him in disbelief.

Yoo Seulho continued as though nothing had happened.

“People who are truly serious about something get shaken easily.”

“…”

“They get hurt easily. They’re terrified.”

“…”

“If you’re not sincere, you can just let criticism roll off your back. You can think, ‘Go ahead and insult me. I already made my money anyway.’ But people who genuinely care can’t do that.”

Yoo Seulho quietly looked at Noh Hamrak.

His gaze seemed capable of seeing straight through him.

Noh Hamrak wanted to avert his eyes.

But he couldn’t.

“Even those two guys we just met today probably know.”

“Know what?”

“That you’re serious about acting.”

“…Is it that obvious?”

“Yes. You can’t separate yourself from it.”

What Yoo Seulho meant was this: Noh Hamrak and his acting were clearly separate things.

Criticism of his acting… or disappointment in it… wasn’t criticism of Noh Hamrak as a person.

But Noh Hamrak loved acting so deeply… that he’d begun identifying himself with his acting ability.

“It’s sad when the depth of your love becomes the depth of your vulnerability. But you can’t exactly choose to love it less.”

“Can you control that?”

“Hmm.”

After hesitating for a moment… Yoo Seulho answered.

“You might be disappointed in me, Hyung, but I’m different. My goal is just to make lots of money.”

Noh Hamrak looked at him before replying.

“No.”

“…Huh?”

“I may not have any experience acting, but that doesn’t mean I can’t recognize what I’m seeing. You’re just as crazy.”

He smiled faintly.

“Maybe even crazier than I am.”

“…”

This time… It was Yoo Seulho who lost his words.

Ignoring his silence, Noh Hamrak sighed and finally spoke honestly.

“You’re right. I’m too serious about it, and that’s what scares me. I know nobody’s good from the start… but I don’t want to embarrass myself.”

“Nobody wants to embarrass themselves.”

“That’s why it’s comfortable being a viewer. I can sit there with dignity and say, ‘That part was bad. That was strange,’ and criticize all I want.”

“Exactly. And if that’s enough for you, then there’s no problem.”

Taking another sip of alcohol… Yoo Seulho quietly asked,

“So… is it enough for you?”

Noh Hamrak remained silent.

Yoo Seulho read the answer from that silence.

He smiled.

“Don’t take it so seriously. Who told you to quit your job and bet everything on acting? Just try it a little after work.”

“Ugh…”

“Just make sure you don’t neglect your girlfriend. Spend more time dating her too.”

“Listen to you. A guy without a girlfriend giving relationship advice.”

“It’s because I don’t have one.” 

Romance was exactly like acting.

Because it wasn’t his own situation… He could separate himself from it.

He could see things that people caught up in it couldn’t.

The two of them laughed together.

Draining his glass… Noh Hamrak quietly muttered,

“Then… I’ll give it a try.”

“Good decision. If it doesn’t work out, then it doesn’t.”

“Thanks. But there’s something I’m curious about.”

“What is it?”

“Why are you so nice to me?”

Grinning mischievously, Noh Hamrak added,

“You’re not after my organs or something, are you?”

Yoo Seulho smiled quietly.

Seeing that gentle smile… Noh Hamrak smiled too… before abruptly freezing.

“Hey. Say you’re not.”

“…”

“Seulho.”

“Hyung… watch out for delivery vans soon.”

“You…!”

 

***

 

The moment Choi Myungseok heard Noh Hamrak had decided to give it a try… He was visibly delighted.

“Actually, I already know a role that would suit you perfectly, Hyung. It isn’t a particularly large production, but–”

There was still plenty of time before the audition.

When Noh Hamrak hesitantly asked whether I could help him practice… I scratched my head.

“I can… but I don’t think I’ll be much help. I don’t have any experience on a theater stage.”

“Don’t worry. If you’re no help, I’ll just throw you away.”

“…You’re becoming more and more ruthless too, Hyung.”

Noh Hamrak chuckled.

He already looked much more relaxed.

Before we wrapped up the drinking session… I also talked with Choi Myungseok about drama PDs.

Even though I didn’t explain my circumstances in detail… He picked up on things and recommended several PDs who would suit Crown.

‘That was a productive night.’

My already packed schedule had now gained two more items.

Helping Noh Hamrak practice.

Finding a replacement PD for the drama.

‘I wish I had multiple bodies.’

Two days later, I’d be meeting the martial arts director at action school.

I also had to prepare for the press conference scheduled for the end of January.

Somewhere in between… I needed to keep visiting Wooju as well.

Having only one body felt genuinely unfortunate.

Amidst all this… The very first thing I did was…

Knock. Knock.

“Excuse me.”

“Mr. Seulho. Come in.”

Writer Koo welcomed me with an endlessly bright smile.

Her office was more luxurious than the homes of most celebrities.

“You have a wonderful workspace. Here’s a small gift.”

“Oh dear, I told you to come empty-handed. You really didn’t have to… Oh my, it’s wine? How did you know it’s my favorite? Hahaha!”

Writer Koo beamed.

We sat across from each other at the large table and chatted casually.

Once the atmosphere had relaxed with lighthearted conversation… Writer Koo asked,

“So what’s the real reason you came?”

Though she was smiling… The corners of her eyes sharpened.

She’d apparently realized from the very beginning that I hadn’t come just for idle conversation.

“Haha, I guess I really can’t fool you, Writer. Well…”

Smiling… I deliberately paused for a moment.

“What is it? Just say it.”

“Writer Koo… how well do you know PD Kim Sungjin?”

“Hm?”

Writer Koo tilted her head.

Although surprised by the sudden question… She answered readily.

“I met him for the first time this time around. The production company recommended him. Honestly, he isn’t really my type. But he’s had several successful projects… so he seemed acceptable. Why?”

“I’m not saying this with any ulterior motive today. I simply thought you should know beforehand.”

I absolutely couldn’t come across as whining,

“PD Kim is terrible, so please replace him.”

No matter what… The decision belonged to Writer Koo.

I merely wanted to emphasize that my role was to provide the information she needed so she wouldn’t regret her decision later.

‘Someone watching might say PD Kim and I aren’t so different.’

In the end… Both of us were trying to curry favor with Writer Koo.

The difference was that PD Kim blindly obeyed her.

Whereas I deliberately walked the fine line between a loyal retainer… and a flattering schemer.

For example…

“I’m worried PD Kim Sungjin might ruin your work.”

“What do you mean?”

“Someone reported something to me. After looking into it more closely, I realized there’s more than enough here to become a serious scandal later.”

I began recounting everything I’d uncovered through the private investigation agency.

The incident on his previous production where so many staff members had resigned because of him.

The allegations that he’d even made sexually harassing remarks toward a young staff member.

The longer I spoke… The darker Writer Koo’s expression became.

“Are you sure? Where did this information come from?”

“There are witnesses. I can’t explain everything in detail, but… if this project becomes the success everyone expects, there’s a real possibility the victims will make everything public. And there’s no way your drama won’t be successful, is there?”

I carefully controlled my tone.

The goal wasn’t to sow discord.

It was to save Writer Koo’s project.

At the same time… If I sounded too virtuous, I’d seem like nothing more than a sycophant.

So I allowed a little of my own selfishness to show.

“I’m working on this project too. I don’t want us to work hard filming everything, only for it to become impossible to air later or end up being boycotted because of some scandal.”

“That’s true.”

“If people criticize the work because it’s bad, that’s one thing. But if we’re attacked over a controversy that has nothing to do with us… I think that would be incredibly frustrating.”

Wearing my polite mask… I spoke to Writer Koo.

If you don’t take action now… The one who’s going to end up buried under all that filth… is you.

After my relentless explanation… Writer Koo remained silent.

She sat there deep in thought for quite a long time.

Finally… She opened her mouth.

“…Do you have an alternative?”

At those words… I struggled to suppress the smile rising to my lips.

‘Okay… I’ve got her.’