Your Majesty, Dinner Is Ready. – Chapter 130 – I Have Friends Now

Author: Cireng

Chapter 130 — I Have Friends Now

We successfully subdued all ten outlaws from the Hyena Guild. Our expedition team suffered zero casualties. Meanwhile, every Hyena Guild member except Pierre had been knocked unconscious.

It was a crushing victory achieved entirely through tactics.

“Remarkable.”

Watching Rosalia inject each unconscious outlaw with paralysis poison one by one, Pierre spoke calmly.

“Thanks to you, I got to witness quite the spectacle. It was thoroughly entertaining.”

Throughout the battle, Pierre never once joined the fight. He had remained some distance away, simply observing. Had he been my enemy, his extraordinarily refined detection abilities born from his high Perception stat might very well have neutralized all of my tricks.

“It’s a bit of a shame.”

“Indeed, somewhat regrettable.”

Perhaps we had been thinking the same thing.

Pierre, who had uttered nearly the exact same words as I did at almost the same time, let out a dry chuckle.

“If I’d known you were capable of such fascinating tactics, I would’ve quietly joined the robbery myself. If I’d become today’s living sacrifice, I don’t think I would’ve regretted it.”

“I was secretly disappointed as well. If Mr. Pierre had actually participated in the battle, winning would’ve become much harder.”

Abel, who had been preparing dinner, froze for a moment.

“What’s wrong, Abel?”

“…After Sir Bartimir, this gentleman also seems to think far too much like you, Patron.”

I nodded before turning toward Pierre.

“Would you perhaps like to become my son?”

“I refuse. If I did, then one day, when we met again as outlaw and explorer, I’d become the scoundrel who killed his own parent.”

“Now that you mention it, you’re right. Understood. I don’t want to become the terrible parent who kills his own child either.”

It really was best to reserve that parent-child feeling for only my youngest child, Bartimir.

“…”

Rosalia, who had been lining up the unconscious outlaws, glanced back and forth between Pierre and me before shaking her head slightly.

“Then… would you at least like to be my ‘friend’?”

“Even bad friends are still friends. I can accept that.”

“Hooray.”

Now I could proudly tell Marlin.

I have friends now!

“I thought your entire expedition team would be waiting for us. I never expected only three people.”

Pierre absentmindedly looked up at the ceiling.

“And the tiger beastman boy didn’t even fight. So in reality, it was practically only two.”

“There wasn’t any reason for that child to fight.”

Before the battle began, I had hidden Abel.

Using the Mystery Illusion bestowed by Okail, I projected the illusion of a space where Abel did not exist.

Naturally, doing so consumed an enormous amount of mental energy. Fortunately, thanks to having consumed Tear Mint beforehand, I barely avoided suffering another complete mental breakdown.

“If I had participated in the battle, the first thing I would’ve done was throw my axe at where that boy had been standing. The weakest prey is always targeted first. That’s the law of predators.”

“…”

Abel flinched again. His tail had already been drooping limply for quite some time.

“Please don’t scare the child.”

“He’s not a child. He’s an explorer. Don’t coddle him so much. If he entered a labyrinth, that means he was already prepared to die.”

“You’re not wrong. But I’m that child’s guardian.”

“Oh. In that case, overprotecting him is perfectly acceptable.”

“I acknowledge that.”

Pierre obediently nodded. But that only reaffirmed the conclusion I’d reached long ago.

‘I really was right not to recruit him into the expedition team.’

Aside from the youngest, Bartimir, the rest of the Lee siblings were all children who were either too violent or too aggressive to simply be showered with affection.

Compared to them, even Ymir, the owner of the Explosive Body Trait, who foolishly got himself killed after causing trouble for others, seemed downright kind.

“My friend.”

Pierre looked at me.

“The Mystery that made my guild members cry their eyes out… That assassin’s Dream Shuriken, wasn’t it?”

“That’s correct.”

Dream Shuriken. An Assassin-class Mystery that dredged up one’s painful memories.

It was especially effective against outlaws, most of whom had grown twisted because of miserable pasts.

“So my guess was correct. But what about the darkness that engulfed everything…”

Pierre glanced at my right hand.

“Was that the power of Lumerlan’s Orb?”

“Something like that.”

The Sacred Relic Lumerlan’s Orb.

Its effect was simple: It ruled over light and darkness within a designated area.

Simply put… it was a holy relic that allowed me to summon light and darkness entirely at will. That was precisely why vampires and ghouls had coveted it so desperately.

“So the hidden reward was that Sacred Relic…!”

Greed clearly filled Pierre’s brown eyes as he admired it. I bashfully hid my right hand behind my back.

“Please don’t covet it.”

“Unless you’re a priest of Lady Solmiran, you can’t remove it from my body by force.”

In theory, priests of Selbaran, the Moon Deity, could also do it. But their church existed only on the Eastern Continent, making them exceedingly rare here in the West.

“Regardless, thank you for answering so honestly.”

Pierre looked at me with satisfaction.

“We’re allies. So we ought to learn more about each other. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“I do.”

“And if we understand each other well… then when we inevitably meet as enemies inside a labyrinth one day, we’ll be able to fight even more fiercely.”

The Copy Alliance would only end with one side dead.

Today’s events merely reminded me once again of that inevitable future.

“Patron, dinner is ready.”

As we chatted quietly, Abel finished preparing the meal.

“Shall we eat first?”

“Let’s.”

Our expedition team enjoyed Abel’s cooking together with our surprise dinner guest, Pierre.

The others, however, remained extremely wary of him, making it difficult for them to relax.

“…”

“…Patron… may I stay just a little closer to you?”

Rosalia stared at Pierre the entire time.

Abel clung tightly beside me, trembling. It seemed unlikely we’d be dining together with Pierre very often.

Still… the food was so delicious that I actually ate four bites.

“At this rate, you’ll turn me into a fatso, Abel.”

“Is that so…”

Now that we were full, it was time to fulfill my duty as a cultist.

“Truthy.”

I walked over to the outlaws Rosalia had lined up.

“Determine which Evil God each would be best offered to. And check whether any of them possess qualities that make them unsuitable. Sort them all.”

[Leave it to me and wait. :D]

Truthy immediately carried out the task. Based on the analysis, I selected the outlaw overflowing with the darkest deceit and malice.

He was a rat beastman Tracker. He was so thoroughly rotten that deceit seemed to flow through his veins instead of blood.

“Is this really the time for that?”

After putting away the cooking utensils and dishes, Abel approached leisurely.

“Which deity will you be offering him to?”

“Hmm…”

I pretended to think about it, though in truth I’d already decided.

“Lord Lidni. Please look forward to it.”

[:)]

[The Wise One pretends otherwise, but is secretly excited!]

“To the other honored deities… Please don’t feel disappointed. Once this expedition ends, I’ll present all of you with offerings made using the full extent of my strength for the very first time and fairly distribute them.”

With Odilon’s power… allowing me to obtain virtually any purchasable item or ingredient…

I planned to prepare abundant offerings for all the other Evil Gods as well.

“Abel. Shall we begin?”

First, I summoned the full-moon-shaped altar using Full Moon Executioner.

After setting up the candles, I looked over today’s offering… the rat beastman.

“So this is my first time witnessing a cultist’s living-sacrifice ritual.”

Pierre watched with interest, his tail swaying gently.

Having an audience during a sacrificial ritual was a first.

As a model cultist, I decided to display a little showmanship.

Slice. Slice.

First step. Remove the head.

With the razor-sharp Full Moon Executioner, I severed the rat beastman’s thick neck using an exaggerated, stylish flourish.

“I’ll give you the head as a present.”

Roll…

The outlaw’s head rolled toward Pierre.

“Much appreciated.”

Pierre accepted his former guildmate’s severed head with a splendid smile.

“So… What ingredients will you be adding to the offering?”

Holding the Offering Recipe Notebook, Abel asked seriously.

“You said the Pioneer of Twisted Truth always prefers offerings that are novel and unique, correct?”

“That’s right.”

Even recipes that had once satisfied Him couldn’t simply be repeated.

Once he had tasted something, it became ordinary by the Wise One’s standards.

“This time… I’ll have to use this.”

I pulled out a bundle of herbs from Radiant’s subspace.

Tear Mint.

“…I have a feeling the Evil God may dislike the scent of that herb.”

“Abel. Are you suggesting our Lord Lidni is a picky eater who rejects certain foods?”

“No…”

“Then think up a suitable recipe.”

Abel quickly came up with one.

Satisfied, I thoroughly ruffled his hair before calling Rosalia.

“Big Sis. Could you lend me Silsil for a moment?”

“…”

Rosalia released the white pseudo-slime from her shadow.

It was Silsil, the Venomous Follower, created by combining various paralysis poisons using Gourmet Thread.

“Come here. Can you separate pieces of your body a few times?”

Kiiiik!?

“Oh, come on. Just a little.”

Kii!

Silsil bounced happily before splitting itself apart little by little. I collected about ten pieces before gently stroking what appeared to be its head with my index finger.

“Hmm. My finger is gradually becoming numb.”

Kii!

“Thank you. This is a refreshing sensation.”

Next, I scattered Tear Mint all over the outlaw’s body lying upon the altar.

Today’s menu concept: Salad.

I added chunks of Silsil’s body like ricotta cheese.

“And finally…”

An offering to Lidni could never be complete without one indispensable sauce.

Blood.

This time, I wanted a pleasantly tangy flavor, so I decided to try something new.

“Big Sis. Please poison me.”

“…”

Rosalia sprayed the deadly poison of her Verdant Companion, the Crimson Death Rose, directly into my mouth.

Splash!

The moment my entire body burned with unbearable heat, I poured my own blood over the offering. That ought to produce a pleasantly sour flavor.

[It’s absurd, but it’s new, so the Wise One seems pleased nonetheless!]

Everything was finally ready.

Special Offering Recipe. Tear Mint Rat Beastman Salad.

“Lord Lidni.”

With my hand resting upon the offering, I whispered quietly.

“Dinner is served.”

Caw!

It was mealtime for the Wise One.

Crunch. Crunch.

As always, the blind crow greedily devoured the offering.

【…This is it! My child!】

At last, Lord Lidni cried out in delight.

【My mouth feels sliiightly minty… but that’s perfectly acceptable! I like it!】

“Really?”

【…You brat! Are you saying this one would lie!?】

“Of course not. I merely wished to confirm it. So I can understand the Wise One’s tastes even more accurately.”

The Pioneer of Twisted Truth, who had attained all knowledge in existence, would never react strongly with likes or dislikes toward a mere ingredient.

Wouldn’t that make Him seem like such a petty deity?

“If you enjoyed it… next time I’ll add another herb with a similar yet subtly different character.”

【…Very well.】

【Now tell me which Mystery you desire.】

I named the Mystery I wanted, and Lidni immediately granted my request without hesitation.

Sssizzle.

With a slight pain, an eye-shaped tattoo appeared upon the middle finger of my right hand.

“Has the ritual concluded?”

The instant the Wise One’s presence disappeared, Pierre spoke.

“Yes. He just departed.”

“But what do you intend to do with those friends over there?”

Pierre pointed his thumb toward the nine unconscious, paralyzed outlaws.