Rabbit Hole Chapter 18

Pleased with himself for acting however he wanted, Go San answered breezily. You’re the breezy one. Geumseo scrunched his eyes shut and open.

Go San pulled over Geumseo’s one and only winter blanket and wrapped Geumseo’s body up tightly.

“It’s my only blanket….”

“I don’t care.”

How could he not care. Geumseo feebly glared at Go San. That’s because it’s not your blanket, because you’ll go home and pick one of the probably five winter blankets you have there. But as usual, Go San didn’t understand his feelings at all.

The porridge had cooled down to a decent temperature. Whether that was something to be grateful for, he wasn’t sure. Even though there was no need to let it cool, Go San didn’t let Geumseo out of his arms and spoon-fed him each bite. Anyway, all the strength had drained from his hands and feet, so Geumseo was fine with it.

Being held in someone’s arms and fed by them, it was ridiculously comfortable. His body was comfortable, so his mind was, well, tired. Just.

“Eat this too.”

And strangely, Go San knew what he needed without him saying it. He didn’t understand his feelings at all, but he knew what he wanted to eat. Geumseo was chewing on pickled vegetables when he realized he was thirsty. Right then, Go San reached out his arm and brought over a glass of water. When Geumseo blinked at him with slightly surprised eyes, Go San grinned. His sharp canines and equally sharp dimples caught his eye.

“I don’t usually say things like this, but you’re pretty.”

“…”

Go San must really be in a good mood. Geumseo guessed that much. Go San’s compliments didn’t make him grateful. Then whose compliments did he need?

Normally, Geumseo would have thought of Unha, but maybe because he was completely drained today, he couldn’t think of anyone. In fact, he hadn’t been thinking about him for quite a while now. This might be the longest stretch of time that Geumseo, who used to think of Go Unha constantly, had gone without him even crossing his mind.

“Open up.”

All the while, Go San didn’t give him a moment’s break and kept urging Geumseo. Every time Geumseo opened his mouth gently, Go San’s chest heaved. His muscles swelled with excitement and his lips went dry. Fuck, he’s pretty. Go San snickered and said it again. Geumseo let the words go in one ear and out the other.

∞ ∞ ∞

Yang Geumseo lost his job. He didn’t know whether Go San had quit for him first or the boss had fired him. The boss told him not to show up anymore and to not even dream of applying for unemployment benefits. He blustered that since he was tight with all the bosses in this alley, he’d make sure Geumseo couldn’t set foot anywhere if he got a call from the labor board. Even though it was a text, he could practically hear the voice yelling furiously, so Geumseo rubbed at his ear. He wished, rather, that Go San had been the one to say he quit, and sooner. He felt like having at least that would make him feel a little better.

“Only cold water comes out. Fuck, how do you wash up in a place like this!”

“Wait a bit and it’ll come out.”

Go San’s dick was long, but his patience was short. Geumseo thought it was a bit strange that he’d gotten used to his body being a wreck, but even so, he habitually picked up Go San’s T-shirt and put it on. He went to the bathroom, which somehow looked even smaller with Go San in it, and turned the faucet as far as it would go toward the hot water side.

“I can’t even straighten my back.”

Go San, on whom being wet looked more natural than being dry, grumbled with a frown. Geumseo compared the scent of the shampoo that sold three for ten thousand won at the mart to the scent of the shampoo he’d smelled at Go San’s place. Since it was coming off Go San’s body, this one and that one looked the same to him. Thinking that made him feel a bit better.

“Then you’ll have to bend over and wash, what can you do.”

He got fired from his part-time job. He couldn’t help but be in a bad mood. So naturally, his words came out snappy too. Go San, who seemed to have taken a liking to the inside of his hot guts yesterday, looked to be in a good mood even with this crooked attitude. Was yesterday good enough that this level of irritation could be laughed off? If so, he wouldn’t mind running a fever a few more times and doing it in that state. As long as he could vent his anger all he wanted.

Geumseo stared blankly at Go San’s broad, fierce-looking back and then smacked it with his palm.

“Ah, fuck. Why suddenly?”

“Because it’s cool.”

Geumseo gave a reason that contained less sincerity than a hamster’s tears. And then he shuffled back to the ruined blanket. Winter blankets were the worst. They were hard to wash and took forever to dry. What was he supposed to cover himself with in the meantime. Geumseo sluggishly crawled between the floor mat and the blanket. Strangely, his fever had gone down. He wasn’t sure if it was thanks to the medicine, the expensive porridge, or because he’d sweated buckets. It could have been all three. But his fever going down was pointless; his body still ached dully. By now, he was even getting used to his ass stinging, bruises forming between his thighs and on his backside, and not wanting to wear pants because of the chafing.

“Let’s go out.”

Go San, looking especially refreshed, said to Geumseo, who was lying down glaring at the ceiling.

“It’s too cramped in here.”

“You’re too big. It’s just right for me.”

Geumseo retorted, still staring at the ceiling.

“Right now there’s two of us. For two people, it’s cramped.”

“You could just leave, then.”

“I can’t go alone. Our Geumseo is sick, how could I leave you and go.”

Geumseo turned his head and looked at him with eyes that said, put your hand on your conscience—or your dick, or your chest, or your head, wherever—and ask yourself if you have one. The towels in his house were pathetically small and insufficient for Go San’s body. The towel he’d gotten for his landlord grandpa’s seventieth birthday was draped over Go San’s shoulder, and the towel from the landlord grandpa’s great-grandchild’s first birthday was on top of his head. Go San hopped lightly into his pants and then came over to Geumseo, patting his cheek with a dry hand.

“Should I just carry you out? Wanna do that?”

“…I got fired.”

“Good.”

“They told me not to even dream of working in that alley again.”

“That’s good too.”

“It’s not for me. It’s not good for me. Can you not understand that?”

Geumseo, suddenly worked up, raised his voice and asked. Go San propped his chin on his fist and looked down at Geumseo, then nodded.

“Yeah. I don’t get why you insist on living your life in a dumb way.”

This, he really couldn’t stand. Geumseo turned his head and bit down hard on Go San’s instep. Go San grabbed Geumseo’s head in annoyance and yanked it back. The tilted line of his jaw was oddly alluring. The mole just below his jaw, only visible when his head was pulled back by the hair like this, looked good enough to eat. Go San laughed as if he found it fascinating. This guy never stopped getting on his nerves, but he also dissolved his anger in strange ways.

“You want more porridge?”

Geumseo tried to shake his head but, with his hair grabbed, said, “No. I’m not eating.” Go San let go of his hair and pulled on a jumper over his bare skin. Instead of taking his T-shirt back from Geumseo, he made him put a shirt on over it. And then a padded jacket.

“Put on pants. We’re going out.”

“I said I don’t want to go out….”

“You don’t have a blanket. I can’t just leave you to freeze to death.”

It was strange how yesterday he’d fucked someone running a fever, and today he was worried about them freezing to death. When Geumseo stared blankly at Go San, Go San, who had been staring back at Geumseo, suddenly pounced and kissed him. Geumseo didn’t resist. He’d learned well by now that telling him to stop was useless with this guy. He might have learned it too late.

After tangling tongues as greedily as he pleased, Go San roughly rubbed and wiped Geumseo’s lips and said,

“You don’t even have a blanket, why not just sleep at my place?”

“I pay rent, so I want to sleep here.”

“How much is your rent.”

Go San had the same reaction as when he’d heard Geumseo’s salary.

“I’ll pay it, so just come home.”

“Why would you pay my rent….”

Geumseo’s response was one of genuine incomprehension, and Go San’s response was one of incomprehension toward Geumseo.

“Just think of it as being my manager and getting paid a salary.”

“A manager who manages your lower half?”

Geumseo pressed his knee into Go San’s crotch and sneered. That sneer had absolutely no effect on Go San.

“Sounds good.”

“I don’t want to…. I’m not interested. I can just find another job. I’m good at working.”

“There’s something that suits your talents way better, so why insist on finding a job.”

Conversation with Go San just didn’t work. Geumseo shut his mouth, and Go San dropped it too. He was also terribly hungry. Go San was about to just drag Geumseo out but then clicked his tongue.

“I need to buy you clothes first.”

So why are you the one buying the clothes…. Geumseo shifted his gaze elsewhere for no reason, then looked at the big, tacky digital clock and suddenly remembered, asking,

“Where was the first place we slept together?”

“A bar.”