The Way to Love in the Place of Dead Chapter 8

Kay stared at Aran without even realizing he was holding his breath. He couldn’t tell whether the tears faintly welling at the corners of his eyes were from the arid climate… or from the emotions rising within him.

“I’m proposing just one thing. Destroy the <Mother Core> in the fortress of Sector Z and lead this war to victory.”

Aran took a step closer to Kay and continued.

“When this war ends in victory that way, I’ll let you know.”

‘Know what?’ 

He answered the eyes that posed the question.

“The location of that person’s body.”

Kay exhaled a twisted breath, visibly struggling to maintain his composure by any means.

“How do…”

“How do I know? Because I’ve seen it.”

“Liar.”

It was the denial of someone who knew all too well that Limpus’s specialty was to use you when needed and discard you ruthlessly when not. Unlike his acerbic words, that distrust was conveyed entirely through his uneven breaths and gaze, and yet only the red eyes, visible through the sandy wind, blazed bright.

“Believing or not believing is entirely your choice.”

“What exactly am I supposed to look at and believe? You can’t prove a single thing.”

Neither that El was dead, nor that he knew the location of the body.

“That I should just trust you?”

Aran saw his own reflection in those eyes and smiled faintly.

“Yes. Look at me.”

“What?”

“You said I look like her. This person called El.”

When he recited the name he had only faintly heard before, Kay’s shoulders flinched.

“Can it really be a coincidence?”

“…What… does that…”

“I guarantee it. If we fight together and this war ends in victory, I will give you the information you want.”

Just as no one lends money without collateral, it was a foolish transaction to borrow his strength while offering nothing. And yet, the very fact that Kay could not easily turn away laid his conflict bare.

“So choose. Whether you’ll naively believe my words, which can offer you nothing right now. Or whether you’ll wait here endlessly, unable to believe, for someone who will never return.”

Kay thought.

‘Unfair.’

Yes. This is an unfair deal. And a blatantly obvious one, at that.

An unfair deal recognized by both parties is more dangerous than one side simply taking a loss or accepting a sacrifice. Because it’s a testimony.

A testimony that says, ‘For this, I am willing to throw away anything.’

His counterpart didn’t seem to be in want of anything. That is why this deal is a deadly poison that will consume and kill him the moment he swallows it.

“…Can you guarantee it?”

“I swear.”

After a long silence, Kay spoke in a very small voice.

“Fine.”

Kay understood precisely all the given circumstances and conditions. Even understanding, he chose to willingly stake it. The weight of a life that, without her, was no different from a single scattering grain of sand anyway.

“However, I have conditions too.”

Listening to the voice that still scraped out as if forcing itself to breathe, Aran nodded.

“Name them.”

Dry lips, selecting words, quivered.

“One. This village stays safe.”

It was where the desert oasis lay, so it wouldn’t be strange for bandits or monsters to appear frequently.

“I’ll post guards. Next?”

“Two. Install cameras so I can watch over this place anytime.”

“You’re full of suspicion.”

“It’s not that… I made a promise.”

Kay smiled faintly, as if the old memory was still joyful, and at the same time, sad.

“If we ever got lost, or let go of each other’s hands, we promised to meet again here. Something like a lost-child prevention promise.”

Only then did Aran understand the meaning of the flame burning atop the pole, and at the same time, he noticed that Kay was suffering from a terrible self-contradiction.

Even though swallowing the contract with Aran meant accepting the fact that ‘El is dead,’ he still couldn’t abandon the belief that the person he’d been waiting for would return.

Kay, who revealed even such a glaringly obvious contradiction without filtering, was honest, and Aran decided to pretend not to notice that foolish contradiction. Only.

“I’m curious.”

“About what?”

“…Just what it feels like to be loved that much.”

If every human has a lack and yearns for it, Kay’s lack was someone who would never return. Aran found it intriguing, knowing that the self reflected in those unwavering eyes was the same as that dead person…

“Or is it that you’ve just never loved anyone that much?”

As always, Aran smiled at the opponent who caught him completely off guard this time too.

“Tomorrow, 6 p.m. I’ll come pick you up. If there’s anything you need, get it ready by then.”

To Aran, who gave no answer, Kay likewise said nothing more and leaped back up onto the pole.

The black cloth wrapped over his dark hair fluttered long behind him. Like a mourning flag.

In the very back of the second floor of the orphanage, inside a room currently used as storage, Kay pulled out an old leather bag.

“So you’ve decided to go after all.”

Beyond the door he turned to face, Lea stood.

“Yeah.”

“Do you really believe what that guy says?”

“I wonder.”

Even if the war were won, he couldn’t be sure whether Aran would keep the contract, or whether he truly possessed proof of El.

But what had tipped his heart toward choosing to believe was…

Because what he promised to give wasn’t simply information about El or her whereabouts, but ‘the fact of her death and proof of it.’ If he were merely trying to use him, there would have been no reason to approach with the proposition that ‘El is already dead.’ Above all.

—Can it really be a coincidence?

He also wanted to find the answer to that question. If that face, which was more than just a resemblance, was not a coincidence…

“You’re being deceived.”

“Maybe.”

“You’ll end up just being used and discarded! Just like every Limpus bastard has done until now!”

Lea cried out, filled with resentment, but she already knew. That even shouting like this, she couldn’t stop Kay.

“…You saw him too, didn’t you, Lea?”

The image that immediately surfaced was irritatingly vivid.

“That was the face I’ve been looking for.”

“What?”

“His face, I mean. The height and hair length are a little different… but the face alone is truly identical. To the point that it wouldn’t be strange if it were a copy. So? Wasn’t it worth searching for a lifetime?”

At his nonchalant tone, Lea shot him a glare.

“As if you were searching because of a face.”

“Still, he is pretty.”

“Don’t fall for him. I don’t like that guy.”

“Me neither. His personality wasn’t like hers at all.”

Should he call it obnoxious? Or affected?

He was a person so composed, playful, and sparkling with confidence that just looking at him seemed to make the heart flutter, but every time their eyes met, you couldn’t see inside him, and it imparted an odd tension.

“Even so, you’re going? Can’t you just not go?”

“…I’m sorry.”

“If something happens to the village, who’s going to protect it?”

“I’ll always be watching over it. And they said they’d dispatch personnel, so…”

“I don’t need it. Limpus scum like that.”

“It’ll only buy time. I promise. If anything happens to you all, I will definitely come.”

Kay embraced Lea and patted her back. He himself harbored the same suspicions she did, and somewhere in a corner of his heart, he almost wished the contract wouldn’t be kept, rather than accepting that El was dead. But in the end, he had to confirm it. Because the price Aran had laid out was, to Kay, a mirage.

Just as it doesn’t matter to a castaway in the desert whether the shimmering oasis is real or not. Until you reach it, you have no choice but to blindly walk, chasing a hope you can’t yet know.

Coming down to the first floor, Kay stroked the heads of the children who rushed to him in delight.

“Kay, Kay, they say you’re going to Limpus.”

“What are you going there for? Why are you going?”

“Are you going to meet Mister Simon?”

“You’re coming back, right?”

“When are you coming back?”

“Can’t you just not go?”

Kay took in the sight of the children clinging to his waist and legs, chattering away, and held it clearly in his eyes.

“Even if I’m not here, you have to listen to Lea well and stay healthy.”

“When? When are you coming back?”

“I wonder.”

Knowing how cruel a hope without a date could be, Kay couldn’t make a guarantee of when. He simply conveyed the greatest promise he could, gently stroking Ana’s soft cheek.

“As long as you remember me. Anytime.”

“Anytime?”