Debuting by Riding the Returnee’s Bus Chapter 91
An indescribable, bewildering emotion surged up inside me.
“…….”
Of course I was bewildered. Lee Unha wasn’t used to these kinds of feelings. In fact, the uncomfortable truth that had suddenly confronted me made me want to run away. I tried to distance myself from these thoughts as much as possible, but that wasn’t easy. The words Kim Haejun said to me had somehow become a heavy, black shackle rooted in my mind.
‘It’s okay to be a little more honest with yourself, Unha.’
I looked up and took a good look at them. Kim Haejun was cooking another pot of ramen, while Joo Wooyoung was helping him. Baek Suhyeon, who had once declared that he wouldn’t touch anything but Shin Ramyun Black, was now greedily slurping down ramen alongside Kim Taeyeol. And the rest of the trainees, excluding Jeon Hocheol, were each sitting in their own spots chatting about trivial things.
Unbelievably… this sight had become familiar.
The chaotic, fluctuating emotions inside me settled down once more. Once again, I realized just how comfortable I had become with my current situation.
Just what kind of change of heart had I gone through? Was it really possible that simply hanging around together, talking about ridiculous things, practicing together, and talking about the future had been enough to create this strange sense of camaraderie?
Was it because my environment had changed? Or had I simply become weak?
Even as countless questions passed through my mind, one thing was certain. I didn’t exactly hate the current situation. Convincing myself otherwise seemed impossible, and in truth, it was, but at least in this moment, a desire began to grow within me to simply follow what my heart wanted.
The trigger for that resolve was probably… their conversation.
‘Seriously, these bastards are making me so mad.’
“…….”
“How did you make the ramen this good, Haejun?”
“Pass me a pair of chopsticks too…”
“Hyung, didn’t you say you weren’t going to eat? You said you were managing your weight.”
“How can I not eat when everyone else is? Besides, we’ve made it pretty far, haven’t we? Phew, we’ve come a long way. If I’m at 29th now, I think I can survive until the end… Phew….”
“Ah, that’s true. At first, I didn’t even think I’d make it to the semi-finals. But somehow I survived this far… and I’ve made an impression on the fans. I think that’s a good thing.”
“Me too. Honestly, it feels like a miracle that I got this far. It’s amazing to even have fans. I turned the ridicule of people saying I’d be edited out into cheers. Now my friends are pestering me for autographs.”
“Even if it might be hard to debut this time… maybe….”
Every single word grated on my nerves.
“Unha. Don’t forget us if you really debut.”
“…….”
“That goes for you too, Haejun and Wooyoung.”
Maybe it was because I’d finally acknowledged what I was truly feeling, but honestly, rage began boiling up from the pit of my stomach.
‘I’m so close to losing it right now. Seriously.’
“Still, thanks to you guys, we got this far….”
I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Before I even realized it, my mouth had already opened.
“…….”
“…….”
“Younghun hyung, stop eating that ramen.”
“Huh? Why… did I eat too much? It’s okay, Haejun made more—”
“Hyung, do you realize you’ve gained weight since we left the dorms? I swear you’ve put on at least three kilos by yourself.”
“What?”
“What are you doing? If you said you were going to manage yourself, you should be doing it. Didn’t your agency tell you to diet? Is it right to be eating ramen here right now? If your contract gets terminated by that agency, do you have anywhere else to go?”
“Uh….”
“If you were just having one bite, I wouldn’t say anything. You’re sitting there eating two or three bowls by yourself… Hyung, you aren’t planning to enter a competitive eating contest, are you? Or are you switching careers to become a Mukbang NewTuber? Do you even realize we’re still filming?”
“Uh… ah… of course….”
“It’s not just Younghun hyung. Number 45—no, Yohan hyung, what the hell are you doing?”
“Huh? Why am I catching strays? I’ve been taking care of myself just fine….”
“Aren’t you frustrated?”
“What?”
“From what I remember, you looked dissatisfied with your rank last week. I remember everyone else walking on eggshells because of you then, but now, I don’t see a trace of that.”
“Huh? Uh… no. It’s not that I’m not dissatisfied… I’ve just… realized my place….”
“Hyung, what is your ‘place’? Who told you that you can’t debut? It’s not over until it’s over. Honestly, everyone here seems like they’re missing a screw.”
I took another breath and continued.
“At least last week everyone was better than this, but now it’s like you’ve all lost your souls. Just because you’ve gotten close with the staff and it feels like it’s almost over, you’re acting as listless as middle-aged men facing retirement.”
My breathing was growing heavier.
“Didn’t everyone start this program to debut? You don’t know what will happen until the very end. We still have two performances left, so why are you acting like it’s already over?”
“Uh….”
“‘This much is enough,’ ‘It’s fine now’—don’t even let those words escape your lips. It feels like you’re inviting bad luck, and honestly it’s unpleasant to hear.”
But I kept going.
“How can you already have a loser’s mindset? Don’t give up already. Think of it like you’ll die if you don’t debut. Could you act like this if that were the case? Imagine your head will literally explode if you don’t debut!”
“…….”
“And I won’t point fingers at who specifically, but there are hyungs here acting like they’ve already become celebrities. I’m watching every single one of you.”
Just as I expected, a few of them visibly flinched.
“You need to watch your behavior. Hyungs, do you remember the names of all the trainees from other survival programs? Being forgotten happens in an instant.”
It seemed like my voice had gotten louder.
“We aren’t celebrities or anything yet; we’re just trainees. Even at this very moment, we should be practicing until we spit blood.”
The anger that had gradually built up refused to die down.
“The more I think about it, the angrier I get. Even I’m sitting quietly despite being in first place, so why are you all pretending to be celebrities? Do you think the production staff kicked us out of the dorms for no reason? They’re hoping someone will screw up.”
“Uh… uh… yeah….”
“Once your environment changes and you can actually see some results, sure, it’s only natural to become complacent for a moment. But all of that shows, you know. You think I’m the only one noticing? The fans notice it even more.”
“No, but….”
In the end, the sparks were flying everywhere.
“And! It’s not just you hyungs, but the others too. Suhyeon, why did you and Taeyeol hyung even come here? Do you have time to just idle around?”
“Wait.”
“Same for you, Taehee. Actually, same for all the hyungs. Do you have time to come here, eat ramen, and slack off? Do you all really think it’s over? Everyone can debut. We can all debut together. If we throw ourselves into it with everything we’ve got, it’s possible for every one of us.”
“…….”
“Get a grip, all of you. Instead of wasting time saying it was a miracle just to make it this far, go sweat out one more drop! Seriously!!! Watching you guys… it’s so frustrating I could lose my mind!!!!”
Perhaps because the apartment was so quiet, my voice echoed loudly.
“Huff… huff… phew….”
I’d talked so much that I was actually out of breath. After my lecture ended, the atmosphere had turned so cold that nothing else needed to be said.
“…….”
Naturally….
“…….”
‘Ah… seriously.’
I realized I’d said something I probably shouldn’t have. I didn’t need to get this over-invested, but in the midst of all the confusion, they grated on my nerves, and I just exploded.
Kim Taeyeol, Han Yohan, and Woo Youngha—the former Hopeless Trio—had seen me explode once before, so they seemed to just take it in stride. However, those experiencing Lee Unha’s hysteria for the first time had expressions of pure disbelief.
Park Deokoh (No. 141), who was with me for the first Slave Group Auction mission, looked particularly shocked.
“Hyung, you too… stop building so much muscle. Are you planning to be a fitness trainer? It’s going to ruin your dance lines.”
“Uh… m-mhm….”
“It’s not that exercising is bad, no… exercise is good… anyway, build your muscles in moderation. You seem like the type who puts on muscle really easily… Ah, that was a compliment.”
“Mhm… I understand, Unha.”
“And Hocheol hyung. You….”
“Wait! Me?! Why me?!”
“No. You’re doing fine. Just keep doing what you’re doing. Don’t be swayed by what others say, just do your thing.”
“Yeah. Got it. Th… thanks, Unha….”
“And!”
“Yes?!”
“Yeah!”
“Huh?!”
Stop clutching your hands and staring at me like that.
“…….”
“…….”
“…….”
“Thank you, everyone, for coming here because of me.”
“…….”
“W-well, I’ll be going now.”
“Huh? Wait… where are you going?”
“Home. I have something important to take care of.”
“Wait, we all just gathered….”
“It really is important. I have to go now.”
“…….”
“…….”
Unfortunately, it had started raining, but I left Kim Haejun’s place without hesitation. When a voice called after me, I replied that I was fine, and no one stopped me.
After putting on my mask and pulling my hat down low, I turned my steps toward home. I felt anxious, like I’d made a stupid mistake. I didn’t care what the others thought of me, but it bothered me that Joo Wooyoung had also seen that hysterical side of me.
The same went for Kim Haejun. It was even more concerning considering the reason he came to trust the current Lee Unha was because of the similarity to JH. I could guarantee that the side I just showed was very different from JH. In fact, there wasn’t even the slightest resemblance.
Baek Suhyeon, who had known Lee Unha eight years ago, might also have sensed that something was off….
No, I didn’t think dwelling on it any further would do me any good.
Anyway….
‘I feel good.’
Because the corners of my lips kept curling upward.
“…….”
“…….”
“I’m home.”
As soon as I stepped into the empty house, I quickly wiped at my eyes. Immediately afterward, I looked around the small room.
A disgusting smell stung my nose. I thought I’d gotten used to it, but having spent so much time in a clean environment, I couldn’t adjust to it at all. There wasn’t a single place to step inside the house. As I walked into the room that looked like a trash dump without even taking off my shoes, rustling and sticky sounds echoed in my ears.
Every now and then, I stepped on broken glass. I grimaced as I looked into the mirror.
Reflected in the half-peeled mirror was Lee Unha, smiling slightly, along with the scribbles I had written when I was out of my mind right after returning.
[DIE. DISAPPEAR. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DISAPPEAR. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DISAPPEAR. DIE. DIE. DIE. DISAPPEAR. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DISAPPEAR. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DISAPPEAR. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DISAPPEAR. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DISAPPEAR. DIE.]
“…….”
I felt no particular emotion.
Just….
Little by little….
“Shouldn’t I clean this up soon?”
That was the only thought I had.
“Hmm… I guess I should clean.”
I tried to wipe away the unpleasant words written on the mirror with my hand, but they didn’t come off easily. My image, stained by the smudges, stared back, but….
“Yeah. Let’s clean.”
I still felt pretty good.
<Idol Class System> 2nd Official Voting Results
2nd Place – Trainee No. 111 Joo Wooyoung
3rd Place – Trainee No. 004 Jegal Hwi
4th Place – Trainee No. 012 Kim Haejun
5th Place – Trainee No. 027 Park Myungjin
6th Place – Trainee No. 056 Ha Yoon
7th Place – Trainee No. 123 Jung Taehee
1st Place
Trainee No. 112
Lee Unha
<Idol Class System> 2nd Official Voting Concluded
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