Struggle Chapter 30

Taerok found the sound of Nanyoung mumbling while averting his gaze irritating. By Taerok’s standards, apart from blood relatives and enemies, only close friends remained, and if someone was neither friend, nor blood, nor enemy, then the only possible relationship was one where bodies mingled for mutual benefit.

“Surely with that fellow you haven’t…”

“Pardon?”

No. It was a vain thought. That fellow was a full-grown male with a thick thatch of hair down below, while Nanyoung was young and soft. It was a filthy thought. Gulping down the strong liquor, Taerok frowned and shook his head repeatedly.

“It is nothing. I merely found it curious that you get along despite the age gap.”

“Ah, we studied under the same Master.”

“Hm. Well. I wasn’t curious about that.”

Instead, Taerok placed a pressed sweet into Nanyoung’s mouth. Chewing, Nanyoung suddenly frowned. His expression was bewildered and stunned, as if he had eaten something inedible. Then his Adam’s apple, standing out prominently, bobbed as he swallowed.

“What is it.”

When Taerok asked impatiently, Nanyoung murmured that he had bitten himself… His pronunciation leaked out loosely, as if he had bitten down quite hard.

“Tsk.”

Clicking his tongue, Taerok held Nanyoung’s chin with one hand and inserted the fingers of his other hand into his mouth.

“Uh… ah…?”

Sure enough, the inside of his cheek was torn. It must be quite painful. Taerok withdrew his hand and dipped it in the strong liquor before taking it out again.

“Ah.”

When he urged him not to close his mouth, Nanyoung, looking straight at Taerok, opened his mouth without the slightest doubt. As Taerok tapped the torn wound, Nanyoung’s fist, resting on his thigh, clenched and unclenched repeatedly, as if it stung and tingled.

I should instruct them to send food that is easy to chew and not irritating tomorrow. Just as Taerok was formulating such a plan and withdrawing his fingers, he paused. His fingertips rubbed one by one against Nanyoung’s fully grown, sturdier and sharper teeth. Then he wiped his wet fingers on the collar of Nanyoung’s outer robe. Only then did he release his chin.

“Your canines are sharp. They resemble mine.”

The comment was bland, unlike his actions. Nanyoung still wore a baffled expression. The stinging in his cheek from biting down hard was the last thing on his mind.

“Truly…?”

He seemed instead to have latched onto the fact that there was something resembling Taerok about him. The tip of his tongue, probing whether his canines were truly as sharp as Taerok said, could be seen through his lips, which had not yet fully closed. Glimpsing that sight, Taerok lifted his own upper lip—the part covering his canine—with his thumb and index finger. The exposed tooth was indeed sharp. Nanyoung, unable to help himself, broke into a soft, bashful laugh.

“When we return, take a look at His Highness the Crown Prince’s. See whether his are shaped like this or not.”

“I don’t think His Highness’s were like that. I once happened to see them while he was eating flower pancakes.”

Taerok picked up a piece of the side dish without using his hands. It was thinly boiled meat eaten cold. Coincidentally, it was the same as the accompaniment that had been on the table of the unconsummated wedding wine. Taerok bit into it. The canine part sank in more deeply. When he showed it, Nanyoung laughed, saying it truly seemed so. Taerok held out the opposite side of the remaining piece.

“…”

Nanyoung bit into the unmarred portion. A teeth mark, smaller in both size and width but clearly similar in shape, was left behind. Taerok smirked and put all that remained into his own mouth. It was a small amount, not even enough to be a snack.

“Since you cannot drink, at least eat some food. If there is anything you wish to eat, speak up. And do not bite the flesh off your own cheek as you did just now.”

“…The food here has a strange scent.”

“Still, it is not inedible. Once you acquire a taste for it, it becomes quite palatable, and you find yourself craving it now and then.”

“…You have spent enough time here to grow accustomed to it, then.”

“Was it that long a time?”

“It was a long time to me.”

Nanyoung answered rather impertinently.

The envoy, who had been hesitating, finally did what he had come to do.

“His Highness the Crown Prince is holding his wedding ceremony. It is time for you to return, Uncle.”

“I already heard that is why you came.”

Taerok filled the hat-like cup with liquor again, the liquid gurgling softly. Unlike its scent and potency, the strong liquor was clear.

“What I am curious about is whether you, Nephew, will feel as disappointed during my brother’s wedding ceremony as you did on the day of my own wedding.”

Nanyoung’s face flushed bright red. “You knew…?” he asked in a fading voice. How could he not know? Taerok feigned indifference and sipped his liquor. Nanyoung had worn such an openly dejected face. He might have been able to deceive others, but not him. He had been observing Nanyoung in minute detail, after all.

“At that time, I-I was young. That is why.”

Yet still so young he could not even drink a single drop of liquor. Taerok scoffed inwardly.

“My younger sister, the princess… you remember her, do you not?”

Taerok let out a hollow laugh.

“I remember. Even so, is Her Highness the Princess not also my niece?”

“Yes… The princess was very attached to His Highness the Crown Prince, and she was upset because of this wedding ceremony. When asked why she felt that way, she said it felt like he was going far away. That it seemed as if he was becoming a different being now, and since he was suddenly becoming a full-grown adult, he would feel distant and difficult to approach.”

Nanyoung articulated clearly, laying bare the heart he had long sorted through and tried to come to terms with.

“That was how it was for me back then, too. But now that I have reached the age of setting my mind upon learning, I no longer harbor such childish feelings. I am not disappointed.”

“…”

Therefore, missing his uncle and feeling disappointed was merely a remnant of the childish heart still left in him. Because he had not yet fully grown, these dregs of emotion remained, and because he had grown a little, he knew it was something shameful. When he grew more, when he reached the Crown Prince’s current age, it would disappear. So Nanyoung believed.

Taerok glanced at Nanyoung, who was solemn to the point of being dramatic, then averted his gaze. Holding the cup to his lips, he murmured.

“Then I think I would be a little disappointed.”

“Pardon?”

“It is nothing. If you are tired, you need not endure keeping your aging uncle company; you may go in and sleep. It must be boring, is it not.”

“Ah, no! You have not aged at all, and it is not boring…”

“I have lived thirteen years longer, so I have indeed aged.”

“…I am staying to eat the meat accompaniments.”

Still, you haven’t remained completely un-grown. You even tell lies. Only then did Taerok grant him a somewhat generous smile. He picked up an accompaniment and brought it to Nanyoung’s lips. He placed it into the slightly parted mouth and nodded his head as if to tell him to chew. Even as he chewed, Nanyoung felt a little wronged, wondering if his uncle still saw him as that very young child from when they first met, yet he did not refuse the successive spoonfuls. His cheek still stung, but he did not bite it again as he had moments before.

∞ ∞ ∞

Seeing Nanyoung emerge after straightening his attire, Suhwan greeted him familiarly.

“Did you have a peaceful night, sir!”

At the booming shout, Nanyoung flinched, squeezing his eyes shut before opening them.

“We are to depart the day after tomorrow—have you eased all your longing?”

Whether Nanyoung acknowledged his greeting or not, Suhwan spoke his mind without reserve. The day after tomorrow already? Nanyoung was startled, wondering if the dates were truly that short. After all, they had not come as a formal envoy delegation and had no role beyond being messengers delivering news.

…No. There was another matter, was there not.

“Did the acupuncture physician say he had seen the Grand Princess Consort?”

“Well, as to that, it is said she continues to refuse.”

Suhwan, too, showed a troubled expression. Nanyoung pressed his lips firmly together, sank deep into thought for a moment, then turned his steps.

“Where are you going, sir? Are you going out? If so, together…”

“I am going to see my aunt, so do not follow.”

Speaking firmly, Nanyoung wandered through the unfamiliar house. When he asked where his uncle was, the answer came back that he was likely with his wife. Nanyoung roamed about, searching not for the aunt he was not close to, but for the presence of his uncle.

And after coming in deep, further inside, Nanyoung heard the voice he had been searching for. It was his uncle’s voice.

Entering the inner quarters carelessly would be rude, so he intended to wait for his uncle and then ask permission. Nanyoung was about to lean against the wall and wait, basking in the sunlight. He had clearly intended to do just that, meaning he had no thought of listening in slyly, like a mouse.

“It has begun now. Now that I am finally about to reach my dream, I cannot turn back.”

“Does this not differ from our agreement? We are a pair bound by contract, agreeing to fulfill each other’s needs. You must know that I did not share the wedding wine that day to indulge tantrums and stubbornness.”