Struggle Chapter 32

He was simply spouting extremely childish and absurd obstinance. Nanyoung bit his lip. He considered that his uncle would neither give a detailed explanation nor relent from his words because he still saw him as the ten-year-old Lee Nanyoung.

Nanyoung clenched his fists and lowered his head. For some reason, he felt mortified. After breathing heavily for a moment, Nanyoung raised his head and discovered it. Taerok in his socks.

“Uncle, your shoes right now….”

“Ah.”

Taerok lifted his foot slightly. The socks were already completely ruined. He thought, they’re not even bare feet, what does it matter, but to Nanyoung, who had grown up only in the palace, it seemed to have been quite a shock. Taerok gave a derisive laugh. On the contrary, Taerok found it more fascinating that Nanyoung had no scent. Every person naturally has a unique individual scent, but Nanyoung lacked that.

“Never mind this.”

He casually diverted Nanyoung’s attention from his feet to elsewhere.

“What you just heard as well, pay it no mind.”

“How can I do that…! You deceived His Majesty, did you not!”

How is it that the one younger than me has a more upright character? Taerok clicked his tongue.

“Then for my sake, consider it unheard.”

“For your sake, Uncle…?”

Nanyoung’s expression asked where and how this was for his sake. Seeing his face frozen in astonishment mixed with fear, Taerok softened his whispering voice considerably toward Nanyoung.

“I merely made a certain promise with my wife so that I might finally become free. And as for blocking my nephew’s marriage….”

As for blocking it….

Taerok, who had momentarily been at a loss for words, soon continued speaking.

“It is, literally, because I thought you are still too young. And what if my nephew also ends up having an unhappy married life like this uncle of yours? It would be different from what you imagine.”

“Uncle… are you unhappy right now?”

Nanyoung asked in a trembling voice.

Taerok had never contemplated his own happiness, but for now, he nodded.

“I do not believe my nephew would report this matter and place this uncle in a predicament or tarnish his honor.”

This was a gentle threat. Not even realizing he was being threatened, Nanyoung turned pale and nodded. I don’t want my uncle to be hurt….

Taerok smiled as he watched the dejected, drooping head that swayed listlessly with all energy drained.

“Thank you for keeping it a secret. Since I am grateful, I shall send a gift befitting and needed by my nephew who has grown up so much, through that eunuch, Kim Ung or Gwi Ung, whatever his name is.”

Not a single syllable is correct, Uncle….

Nanyoung’s lips jutted out sharply in sorrow. The events he had experienced in an instant were simply overwhelming for the grand prince who had grown up like an orchid within the palace walls. Taerok firmly grasped Nanyoung’s sagging shoulders.

“Do not leave an opening so loosely like this.”

“…”

“What if someone slips their hand in? Like I do.”

Having said that, Taerok turned around as if nothing had happened.

With each step he took, the soiled soles of his socks were visible.

The one who received the insult, the one who devised some plan and carried it out in secret, and the one still trying to accomplish something—all of it was his uncle and his uncle’s spouse. So why was that person’s stride so light, while his own was this heavy? Had their share of burden all come to him? Nanyoung pressed persistently upon his chest.

∞ ∞ ∞

Sim Eung opened the door and entered. In his arms, he held a small basket. A unique fragrance wafted from inside the basket. It was enough to make Nanyoung, who had been lying down exhausted, rise without realizing and reach out his hand.

The eunuch showed the basket to the master he served. It was called a basket, but what was inside were all high-quality incense pouches, made of thinly woven silk so light and airy that the inside could be seen. Cedarwood, sandalwood, a thing called jaryeon said to grow in this land, and even something like sand that gave off a unique scent Sim Eung had neither seen nor smelled before.

“It is said to be a gift from your uncle. He said you may burn it to create smoke and perfume your clothes, or dissolve it when you wash to let it seep into your body. He said there are also those who burn incense before the break of dawn to compose their body and mind….”

Why was it? Sim Eung was going on at length about things he did not need to say. Nanyoung already knew all of this to this extent. And yet, perhaps he wanted to convince himself that giving this incense as a gift truly held no meaning and was perfectly ordinary.

Sim Eung recalled the face of the cold-blooded man who had given this.

Contrary to his nickname, Taerok had worn a smile. His attire was perfect without a single disarray, except his socks were dirty. Muddy water had soaked up them, leaving the white socks a complete mess. It was as if he were a person standing in the middle of a filthy sewer.

‘From now on, I intend to give incense pouches to my nephew. See that he receives them well.’

‘If it is incense pouches, you could have the Office of Royal Attire prepare them separately….’

‘Why do I go out of my way to do it? Well, it must be because I want to go out of my way to do something that can be done out of one’s way.’

Taerok waved his hand. Sim Eung was an excellent eunuch. Although he had become unable to serve His Highness the Crown Prince and rise to the rank of Chief Eunuch, was he not still serving a grand prince, not a mere prince? However, in this moment, he could not help but cross the line. Even knowing it.

‘Perhaps, is there something else you take care of personally for the young master, besides incense?’

Even as he spoke, he knew it was an absurd question. Lee Taerok was in this far-off foreign land, and Nanyoung had been in the palace.

But then, why was it that upon receiving the incense, embracing an incense he had never even smelled once within the palace, he could not bear it without asking?

Taerok did not look back at Sim Eung. The head that easily turned at the presence of his nephew did not do so for others. He looked upon others as if they were inanimate objects. There was no affection, only occasional forbearance granted according to his own standards.

‘My nephew is taking his decoction daily, is he not?’

That was enough.

Taerok, in his forbearance, left the eunuch who had crossed the line alone. Sim Eung dared to realize that the reason was because, without him, there would be no one to immediately look after Nanyoung. Just as he had noticed that the ingredients of the decoction Nanyoung had been taking were, in truth, being replaced with ones sent by Taerok.

“The scent is lovely.”

Nanyoung’s eyes grew round, and he leaned his head toward the basket. The bridge of his sniffing nose twitched. It was a nose as straight as a sock seam. Sim Eung gazed at Nanyoung with a troubled expression. He should feel proud that the cold grand prince lavished care only upon his nephew, and perhaps feel a very childish vanity, yet he did not know why he felt only this uneasy and ominous.

The young grand prince he served would not know such feelings, but would that cold-blooded man know the reason? Would the cold-blooded man know why his affection seemed gloomy in the eyes of others?

∞ ∞ ∞

Taerok sent Nanyoung off. In the procession departing first, the joy of leaving the unfamiliar foreign land and going to a familiar and longed-for hometown shimmered. Yet, there were always those who simply could not lift their feet.

Nanyoung thought alternately of his aunt, who remained unseen until the end, and of the wife of the grand prince, whom he had never once met. Taerok, dressed more lightly than when he was at the palace or his own residence, tapped Nanyoung’s cheek lightly.

“It is a long journey even if you hurry. Travel safely.”

“…You are in a place that far, and do you not miss your family? Grandmother is also aged now….”

“Am I not returning soon as well? I shall settle things here and then come, so let us meet at the palace.”

What are you trying to settle? Will you return with my aunt? Just how are you doing this?

Just what… are you thinking, Uncle?

Nanyoung’s large pupils swirled with countless anxieties and unanswerable curiosities. Even while witnessing this, Taerok pretended not to know and feigned indifference.

Even if Nanyoung had asked him outright what he was thinking, he would have done the same. Well, now…. He would have trailed off and mumbled evasively.

Thoughts, he had them. Thoughts about the meritorious officials who believed all the brilliant achievements in founding this nation belonged to them and that the king and his bloodline were indebted to them; about his faint-hearted elder brother who, knowing this, still did not destroy them to avoid chaos; about his first nephew who resembled his brother and was merely optimistic…. He had clear thoughts about all those things, yet on just one matter—Nanyoung—he could not answer immediately. No, even with time, it seemed he would not be able to answer.

At times he thought he regarded him as a child he had raised, one who did not actually exist, yet he