Struggle Chapter 68

Taerok leaned his body heavily beside Nanyoung and sat down.

“Even if they don’t report it, you know now, so you could report it to His Majesty, your brother. I suppose I should be worried.”

“…”

“What? Won’t you report it?”

The answer was already determined. But why couldn’t those words come out easily?

It was the same confusion he had felt in the bathhouse. Am I afraid? Or am I angry?

…In truth, I’m angry.

Coming out of the humid bathhouse, his head cleared, and he was able to admit it. He had been jealous. When Taerok said something about sleeping with the Crown Prince, he had felt an unbearable mix of insult and rage—jealousy.

He found himself horrifying. As if being blood-related weren’t enough, now he was jealous of his own brother. Over nothing more than a single assumption.

“…How far do you intend to make me fall?”

“Quite the opposite. It’s you who’s making me fall.”

“I…!”

“You offered your body to stop treason? You know perfectly well how absurd that sounds. If you truly wanted to stop treason, go. Go to His Majesty and report me. That would be the act of a true loyal subject.”

Nanyoung was struck speechless. Taerok caught him as he unconsciously pushed his hips back, trying to retreat. He grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him close.

“You just needed an excuse to sleep with me. You wanted to dress up your lust for your uncle with some plausible justification.”

“Don’t…!”

His innermost thoughts were being laid bare. Nanyoung thrashed wildly. Taerok took several hits to the face from Nanyoung’s flailing hands, wincing at each one. Only when a fingernail scratched his eye did he finally catch those hands.

“Huff, huff…”

Nanyoung’s ragged breathing filled the space between them. Only then did Nanyoung see the wound he had left on Taerok. A red scratch mark ran by his eye.

“Go and tell them.”

“No…!”

“Why? Afraid your uncle might die?”

“You promised…! You promised that if I made you feel something other than treasonous intent, you wouldn’t do it…!”

“So. Are you saying I should harbor affectionate feelings for you instead of treasonous ones? Is that it, nephew?”

At those words, Nanyoung’s eyes went hollow with panic. His lips trembled, and soon tears welled up in his eyes. Seeing him on the verge of tears, Taerok thought, Ah, perhaps I went too far.

“Wh-why…”

“Nanyoung.”

“Why do you have to speak so cruelly?”

“…Then shall I harbor affectionate feelings? For you?”

Taerok’s tone grew noticeably gentler. He acted as if he were trying to guide Nanyoung toward the right answer from among the wrong ones, but Nanyoung’s mind was no longer working properly.

Seeing Nanyoung’s chest heave violently, Taerok thought, Oh dear, and pulled him into an embrace.

In truth, he had known ever since pressing his cheek against Nanyoung’s that his fever was rising. That was also why he had been holding the back of his neck. Nanyoung, now cradled in his arms, carried a sweet scent—the smell of fever rising. Taerok pressed his lips to Nanyoung’s fevered cheeks and neck, repeatedly touching and releasing.

“Don’t do it. Don’t do anything dangerous…”

“…”

“We did it. We already did it…”

It was a tantrum as if sleeping together once meant they should be wed. Taerok found it absurd, yet he couldn’t bring himself to push away this foolishly babbling Nanyoung. Perhaps the truly absurd one wasn’t Nanyoung, but himself.

“You promised…”

“Once is enough?”

Nanyoung nodded.

Though he felt pity for Nanyoung, who was beginning to ache, Taerok was by nature a selfish man. In his calculations, giving up something like treason—which he was fully capable of executing—just because he had lain with Nanyoung once simply didn’t add up.

“I’m afraid… once won’t be enough for me.”

Yet why, when he was clearly in the advantageous position, did he keep getting angry at Nanyoung for insisting once should be enough?

“Nanyoung, you need to relearn your arithmetic. Would you like your uncle to teach you?”

“No. No… You’re the worst, Uncle. The absolute worst…”

“If you were afraid of being the worst, you wouldn’t have harbored treasonous thoughts in the first place.”

“Whyyy…”

With a wailing cry, Nanyoung beat weakly against Taerok with his fists, asking over and over—why, why.

Just then, there was a presence outside. Taerok reached out and cracked the door open. It was the tight-lipped servant, Choi. With a slightly flustered air, he hesitated, holding the meal tray. Taerok tilted his chin—a gesture to set it down.

Choi set down the tray, followed by a bowl of medicinal decoction. Taerok could have spent all day indulging Nanyoung’s tantrums and provoking him further, but with the medicine brought out, the situation changed. Taerok gently pulled Nanyoung off him.

“Let’s eat first.”

“…You can eat at a time like this?”

“What, should I leave it? It was grown with the blood and sweat of the people.”

At those words, Nanyoung couldn’t remain still. Even with lingering sobs and sniffles, he wiped his face briskly and took his seat. Moreover, he waited for Taerok to pick up his spoon first. Taerok let out a wry laugh at Nanyoung, who sat staring at him, waiting. Being treated like an elder, even a thick-skinned man like himself felt a touch of embarrassment.

“…Let’s eat.”

He muttered and took the first bite.

Nanyoung, properly educated, ate in silence without a single unnecessary word. If anything, it was Taerok who felt like striking up a conversation.

After finishing his meal, Taerok gazed quietly at Nanyoung as he wiped his lips, then pushed the slightly cooled medicine bowl toward him.

“What is this?”

“Medicine.”

His mouth was already parched from the fever, and he hadn’t even finished a single bowl of rice. His eyelids, heavy, had drooped halfway.

“…”

Aware of his own condition, Nanyoung couldn’t argue. Taerok watched as Nanyoung took the medicine bowl without asking what was in it, without a shred of suspicion, and reached out.

“What is it?”

As the bowl he was about to bring to his lips was intercepted by Taerok’s fingers, Nanyoung asked in puzzlement.

“You should at least suspect what’s in it.”

At that, Nanyoung’s expression became even more bewildered.

“You would never harm me, Uncle.”

“…”

As if stating an eternal and unchanging truth, the answer came without hesitation—and Taerok found himself at a loss for words. His gaze was pure and full of trust. Even if he pressed him, saying, Have you already forgotten that the man sitting before you harbors both treasonous and lustful intentions?

“Do you want to harm me?”

…Yes, he would surely answer back like that.

Taerok paused to steady his breath, then replied.

“Well…”

If he had to think about it, there were indeed times when he wanted to.

But that didn’t mean he would poison the medicine. What Taerok meant by “wanting to harm” was something more along the lines of wanting to press lightly on Nanyoung’s throat while thrusting inside him, or wanting to bury himself to the very root.

“Still, you should learn to be suspicious. With everyone except me.”

Nanyoung was stubborn. He let Taerok’s advice go in one ear and out the other, and downed the familiar bitter medicine in one gulp.

Seeing the empty bowl, Taerok, pleased, offered him the clear rice water. Nanyoung, without a single frown, rinsed his mouth with it.

“…Even if you won’t harm me, please don’t poison His Majesty.”

“Do I seem that cowardly to you?”

“Only cowards plot treason.”

“My, my. So I’ve gone from a man you once wanted to become to a cowardly wretch.”

Taerok let out a hearty laugh.

“And so, was your nephew’s sneaky search through an empty room justified?”

“…It came from a loyal heart.”

“Now, I too act from a loyal heart. Loyalty to the nation.”

Nanyoung glared at Taerok with all his might—or so he thought. Coward. It was written in his eyes. But Taerok only felt excitement at that gaze. Now that he looked closely, the corners of his eyes, which he had thought were gently sloped, actually rose sharply at the ends. They were alluring eyes.

“Indeed, once won’t be enough.”

He muttered impulsively.

Knowing full well what that “once” meant, Nanyoung turned ashen.

“Once…!”

“That’s because you don’t understand. Which is the greater sin—treason or incest?”

“Liar…!”

Nanyoung cried out, his face flushing red and pale by turns. Taerok pulled him close. From his nape came the scent of the fragrance Taerok used; from his lips, a mix of the nutty rice water and the bitter medicine.

“Yes, that’s right—the liar’s nephew. The liar will send you a new sachet, so use that instead. Your current fragrance simply doesn’t suit you at all.”