Struggle Chapter 75

“Nanyoung, if there is anything at all that disturbs your heart, do not hesitate to set it aside and confide in me….”

He had to speak. He had to say it. That was his duty. That was his obligation….

“…It is nothing at all. Merely the change of seasons.”

But Nanyoung, as though he had swallowed a bundle of needles, was in such agony that he ultimately could not reveal the truth.

∞ ∞ ∞

Nanyoung, ashamed and tormented, drank with me. After ordering that no one should enter, he alone filled his cup and filled himself with that cup.

How many cups had he downed? It could not have been a great amount. Still, it was the most he had ever drunk in his life.

Staggering in zigzags, Nanyoung bumped into things this way and that, reeled, and then picked himself up again.

“Ah…. The moon… the moon is so bright.”

It was as bright as the sun.

He had fallen just moments before as well, so Nanyoung sat down ungracefully with a thud and was looking up at the sky.

He wanted to lie back just like that, but the dignity of being a Grand Prince held him fast. This was why his uncle had so often said what a cursed thing it was to be a Grand Prince. An awkward dignity, an awkward position, yet too heavy a burden.

“I’m afraid it might pour down on me just like this….”

Nanyoung giggled. Then, feeling dizzy as if the moon truly came rushing toward him, he lightly rested his head against the wall.

After a moment like that, Nanyoung finally grasped his composure, took hold of the wall, and stood up.

At every unsteady step, the person who had been Taerok’s ice-cold jailer, his sister-in-law who had been Taerok’s wife, His Majesty the King who was his elder brother, his father, Taerok’s secrets, and Lee Taerok, Lee Taerok…. …Uncle.

When he returned home, it was Kangmu who opened the door.

“Sim Eung?”

Thinking he had already gone back to his own residence, Nanyoung blinked and asked.

As the Grand Prince was trying to step over the main gate but caught his chin and was about to pitch forward, Kangmu caught him in his arms and whispered in report.

“Grand Prince Baegan himself has come to visit.”

“…What?”

Nanyoung’s drunken haze cleared in an instant, then surged back even stronger like a wave. His efforts to stand came to nothing, dissolving like foam, and instead he ended up leaning even more into Kangmu.

Supporting his master, who was dragging his feet, Kangmu spoke quickly but in a clear tone.

“He is still… in the main guest quarters. He said he would see Your Highness before leaving, so….”

Oh, no, that won’t do….

His lips, slack and softened by drink, and his swollen tongue would not pronounce properly, slurring everything.

Kangmu thought he would have to carry him on his back to move him. After bringing him to his room, he would call the eunuch elder and explain the circumstances to Grand Prince Baegan….

“I thought you were staying out overnight.”

Just as Kangmu was bending down to hoist Nanyoung onto his back, the nape of his neck prickled with a chill.

“Should I say it’s fortunate that you returned, even if late….”

Though he could hear footsteps approaching, Kangmu simply could not move easily.

Soon, the tips of shoes came into view. Black leather boots. The white socks beneath shone so pale in the moonlight.

“Grand Prince Heonui. Have you, as a Grand Prince, been rolling around in the marketplace?”

Completely ignoring Kangmu as if he did not exist, Taerok brushed off the knees of Nanyoung, who was being carried on someone’s back.

“What is this disgraceful state? Shameful to show to your elders….”

Yet his voice did not sound ashamed—rather, it seemed twisted with ill temper, and at the same time, amused.

“Grand Prince— Grand Prince Heonui is excessively drunk, so….”

“That kind of judgment is not for underlings to make freely.”

Kangmu’s back suddenly felt light. When he raised his head, Taerok was already carrying Nanyoung on his back. It had happened in an instant.

“I thought I’d never carry my nephew on my back again since he was little.”

Though he was clearly whispering, he made sure it was fully audible to Kangmu’s ears.

“Carrying a nephew who’s fully grown isn’t so bad, actually.”

Nanyoung squirmed and mumbled something. Kangmu could not hear it. Only Taerok seemed to have heard, letting out a low laugh. The fact that he did not answer was frightening.

It was merely a close uncle-nephew relationship, yet Kangmu could only move again long after Taerok had headed toward the main guest quarters.

As he creakingly took a step, he felt mired in mud with every stride. As if he had been struck by a baleful spirit for seeing what he should not have, a chill ran down his spine.

∞ ∞ ∞

“You drunkard.”

Taerok frowned and smiled. Then he dropped Nanyoung, whom he had been carrying on his shoulder, onto the floor. Suddenly falling on his backside, Nanyoung rubbed his butt and looked up. Having dozed off during the short time he was carried, he could not gather his wits at all. His dazed, blinking gaze was unfocused.

“Where did you get so drunk and come from?”

Taerok crouched in front of Nanyoung and tapped his hat. The hat, which had been barely perched crookedly on his head, tilted completely sideways at that touch and eventually fell with a thud beside his shoulder.

“Lee Nanyoung.”

Nanyoung, at the touch patting his cheek, instead closed his eyes and leaned into it. Taerok laughed in disbelief and rubbed that cheek thoroughly.

“Grand Prince Heonui.”

When called by his name, he would blankly close his eyes, but when his cheek was rubbed, he finally opened them.

Watching Nanyoung’s fluttering eyelids, Taerok quietly kept kneading his palm.

“…”

Perhaps because he had never been threatened by anyone, he seemed about to sink entirely into sleep.

“Even if I were someone else instead of me, would you still doze off like this?”

Taerok asked in a deep, resonant voice.

Nanyoung did not answer. He was too dazed with drink. Just how much had he guzzled? Every exhalation carried the sweet scent of alcohol.

Taerok let out a soft hiss through his teeth. He removed Nanyoung’s hat and tried to make him stand. Unable to stand properly, he collapsed, managing only to rise onto his knees. In that state, he was half-held by Taerok. Taerok removed Nanyoung’s garments one by one.

“Only not collapsing on the roadside—otherwise, you’re completely dead drunk, and the dignity of a Grand Prince is absolutely nowhere to be seen.”

Only the inner jacket remained. Taerok kicked away the precious gourd-shaped ornament that had fallen to the floor, pushing it far off with his foot.

“I came today to talk about something important, and you’re going to sleep like this?”

He lifted Nanyoung upright and asked. His eyes, drifting between sleep and waking, were utterly muddled, and he seemed impossible to reason with.

Taerok laid Nanyoung down on the cushion. Only when a shadow fell across his face did Nanyoung open his eyes.

“…Again.”

His muttering voice—whether it was glad or sorrowful, Taerok could not tell.

“Why again.”

Taerok asked softly.

“Again, Uncle… dream….”

As Nanyoung tried to turn over and shift his body, Taerok gripped his cheek and made him look at himself.

Whether it hurt or not, Nanyoung whined. Taerok did not waver in the slightest at his struggling; rather, he held on tighter, as if he might leave bruises.

“Are you dreaming, nephew?”

Taerok asked with a smile.

Nanyoung flinched and then stopped squirming. And with his lips slightly parted, he looked up at Taerok.

“Nephew.”

At the quiet and affectionate call, Nanyoung murmured, “Dream…?”

Taerok did not answer.

So he had dreamed of me. And quite often, it seemed.

From the end of Heat Retreat to the arrival of White Dew, Taerok, too, had dreamed of Nanyoung. But unlike Nanyoung, he did not struggle against that dream—rather, he welcomed it.

“Grand Prince Heonui.”

Taerok tilted his head and called his nephew.

“It seems we have been meeting in dreams all this time.”

Taerok brought his lips to Nanyoung’s neck and traced over it. It was terribly ticklish. Shivering, Nanyoung twitched as if nodding his head.

Taerok lowered his hand and kneaded the area around his own waistband above his trousers. Something thickly tangible was there. His own erect member. Then he lowered his hand and slipped it into Nanyoung’s trousers to feel. The flesh he grasped was still merely soft.

“You are far too drunk.”

With a low chuckle, Taerok kept kneading Nanyoung’s member. Yet it did not easily become erect. He was excessively drunk.

At his slightly parted lips, clear saliva pooled. It was because Taerok had kept holding him. Beside the corner of his mouth, like dimples, finger marks remained as well.

Taerok withdrew his hand from Nanyoung’s trousers. Then he lay down beside him, propping his head on his hand. Slowly, he patted Nanyoung’s breathing chest.

“…Next time, I will not just let it pass because he is unconscious.”

He murmured with his eyes closed. Nanyoung’s panting breaths sounded like a lullaby to him as well.