I’m Not Doing This With A Friend Chapter 69

 

Familiarly, I put a wedge between them.

 

“We didn’t have the conversation you think we did, Fjord, so calm down.”

 

“Do you know what I was thinking?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

Fjord’s brow furrowed in response to my shrug.

 

“Leen. This is important to me, and I don’t want you messing with me right now.”

 

But when I said I didn’t know what he was thinking, I meant it.

 

I started to say something, but when I saw his expression harden, I decided to start with reassurance.

 

“Relax, I’m sure we weren’t talking about anything you’d be worried about, right, Caon?”

 

“Yep. It was nice of Leen to talk so straight.”

 

“…You’re getting off-topic again.”

 

I shook my head and returned my gaze to Fjord.

He looked stunned, as if Carson’s words had struck a nerve.

 

“…You tell me straight, did Leen argue with my brother?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“No.”

 

Fjord’s question was met with both Carson’s affirmation and my denial.

 

I glared at Carson like I didn’t know what he was talking about.

 

“That’s how we fought, I said what I had to say.”

 

“If it was anyone other than you, Leen, I wouldn’t have said a word.”

 

“…Maybe the difference in status makes it easier for me.”

 

I had gotten into the habit of not thinking about my status at the Academy.

 

Fjord frowned, impatient at the continued change of subject.

 

“Don’t change the subject. So what was that conversation you had with my brother? You’re not going to tell me, are you?”

 

“I’ll tell you if you’ll answer my questions, too.”

 

“To the extent that I can…”

 

“Okay. Then I’ll ask the questions.”

 

One of Fjord’s brows raised as if he didn’t like the idea of me asking first.

 

But he’s the one in a rush, so he nods, “Do it.”

 

I smile, as if I knew he would.

 

Then without saying no…

 

“Do you hate your brother?”

 

“You call that a question?”

 

Fjord’s face crumpled like a piece of paper.

 

“I think I can tell by the look in your eyes. Next question. Do you remember how you and your brother fell out?“

 

“He would argue with me about everything, and would never leave me alone.”

 

Fjord paused, trying to calm his rising anger.

 

“Would you believe me if I told you that it was one thing to point out your gait and manners, but another to treat you like a thug with an empty head and nothing better to do than beat people up?”

 

If what Carson said was true, it sounds like he’s got a point…?

 

“He even tried to lecture me on friendship issues. I still remember him sternly warning me not to hang out with Carson.”

 

Wow, that was some sincere advice from your brother.

 

Fjord, oblivious to my thoughts, chuckled weakly, “He just hated everything about me.”

 

“At first? When we first met?”

 

Fjord’s laughter deepened. It felt like he was laughing at someone.

 

“If I remember correctly, the only time he changed was when they told me he was going to inherit the Marquis’s seat.”

 

It was exactly what his brother had told him.

 

“As soon as he gained power, he started treating me differently. Can’t you see it? At first, he was too busy keeping an eye on me here and there…”

 

Listening to Lou’s words, I wondered how Fjord hadn’t realized his true feelings until now.

 

But now that I heard it like this, I realized how it must have felt from Fjord’s point of view.

 

“Fjord. I know you’ve had a lot on your plate. I know that’s why you’ve been running so hard.”

 

“…What are you trying to say?”

 

“I don’t want you to do anything half-hearted.”

 

Fjord chewed his lip, “Leen. You know I can’t afford it.”

 

“You like hanging out in the clubroom with us. Didn’t you want to graduate with us?”

 

“You can’t always do what you love in life.”

 

“Are you just going to leave swordsmanship as a hobby? Is that what you want?”

 

At the mention of swordsmanship, Fjord’s eyes rippled.

 

He jerked his head away, as if trying to control his emotions.

 

“Fjord. You know that if you keep up your grades, you’ll be able to join the Imperial Knights when you graduate.”

 

Each year, the imperial court selected twenty of the academy’s graduates to become imperial knights.

 

He had always been at the top of the rankings, so as long as he graduated, he should have no problem joining the Imperial Knights.

 

“Leen, I’m….”

 

Fjord started to speak, but something caught in his throat and he couldn’t get the words out.

 

Leen placed a hand on Fjord’s shoulder, looking him in the eye and squeezing it firmly.

 

“You’re going to spend the rest of your life getting revenge? Even if you win against your brother, what do you have to gain?”

 

“…”

 

“Yes. Your pride, I suppose. But Fjord, there’s nothing more miserable than winning and having nothing left.”

 

“…Leen. Then what am I to do?”

 

Fjord’s eyes slowly clouded over.

 

Eventually, it wasn’t long before his pupils filled with tears.

 

“It’s too much of a waste to let it go like this, after everything I’ve worked for, isn’t it?”

 

Plop—

 

When he blinked, the tears that had been building up in his eyes fell freely.

 

I pulled a handkerchief from my pocket and pressed it nonchalantly into his hand.

 

It was the handkerchief I’d always carried with me in case one day Carson should shed a tear in my presence.

 

“Of course it’s a waste, though, considering how many years you’ve worked on it.”

 

At my mild affirmation, he looked up from staring at the handkerchief to look at me.

 

“And all the things you’ve built up will be lost just because you give up your title?”

 

Fjord looked dazed, as if he’d been hit hard by something.

 

“Ah…”

 

I smiled bitterly.

 

The words were spoken, but if I were in his shoes, I wouldn’t have been able to let go so readily.

 

“I don’t think it’s my place to tell you what to do, so I’ll just leave you with this.”

 

I pulled a recording pen out of my pocket. I pulled the pen and the tiny crystal ball containing the recording apart.

 

“You be the judge.”

 

I handed the crystal to Fjord, and his look of confusion grew.

 

“This is…”

 

“The price I pay for giving this to you is that you won’t have to do an advanced semester.”

 

“… Where is that? You were supposed to give it to me if I answered your question.”

“I’m not forcing you.”

 

I added with a smirk, “If you insist on taking this, there’s nothing I can do to stop you, and the only thing I can do is try to sabotage your graduation exams.”

 

Fjord, who had been standing at a distance and looking at me, spoke in a dubious tone.

 

“…Isn’t that blackmail?”

 

“Strictly speaking, it’s not, unless you consider it a threat.”

 

Fjord’s face broke out into a wry smile at the stiff answer.

 

“Whatever.”

 

I grinned at Fjord and said, “It’s just that I’m a little selfish, and I get jealous when someone else graduates faster than me.”

 

So, graduate with us, Fjord.

 

🍃

 

Fjord wandered around the empty club room.

 

He didn’t think about anything when it was noisy and crowded around him.

 

Just living his life as he always did, unconcerned.

 

But the moment he was alone, the thoughts he had buried in the back of his mind rose to the surface.

 

It had been a week since he had returned to the club after giving up on studying under Leen’s threats.

 

Although the matter of the class had been settled, he still hadn’t resolved his grudge with his brother.

 

The crystal orb Leen handed him was filled with things he’d never imagined.

 

In disbelief, he replayed the conversation over and over again, but nothing changed.

 

A tangle of emotions ran through his head.

 

Trying to force myself to fit in by playing down my personality.

 

I stayed up all night studying, cutting back on my favorite swordsmanship to get good grades.

 

All with the sole intention of not letting my brother take the title from me.

 

“But that was unnecessary in the first place.”

 

Despair washed over him.

 

“Who have I been fighting all this time?”

 

I desperately needed someone to blame. But after learning the whole story, I couldn’t hate my brother.

 

It wasn’t that I wasn’t angry. How could he have deceived me for nearly a decade, no matter how much he wanted to raise me right?

 

But strangely, I felt more relieved than angry.

 

Maybe all along, deep down, he had hoped that he and his brother would get along, even after all these years.

 

“In retrospect, I can forgive myself for not noticing until now.”

 

Whenever he returned to the Marquisate with a good report card, the table was filled with his favorite foods.

 

My parents loved me, but they weren’t the kind of people who could care about such details.

 

That leaves only one person.

 

“I want to… make peace.”

 

I don’t know how to put this.

 

Fjord’s muffled voice echoed hollowly in the clubhouse, “I don’t know.”

 

Running a hand through his hair, Fjord sighed and flopped down on the couch.

 

He wished either Carson or Leen would come to the clubroom sooner instead of later.

 

I was so sick of overthinking things. The last thing I needed was to get my major classes over with.

 

“Maybe I should’ve just relaxed and hung out with the other kids like I usually do.”

 

But now that I don’t have to force myself to socialize, why bother?

 

Maybe I hated having to maintain a fake demeanor, not that I didn’t want to fit in.

 

“…Well, since we don’t know what’s going to happen, I guess we’d better play it safe.”

 

Fjord closed his eyes, not wanting to think about it anymore. He wondered how much time had passed.

 

The door to the clubroom opened and someone entered.

 

It wasn’t Carson, he realized, judging by the careful footsteps that seemed to consider his sleeping position.

 

Fjord considered getting up to greet him, but the mischievous nature of the situation made him decide to continue pretending to sleep.

 

Timing it right, he would wake up and surprise it.

 

A small rustling sound came from a short distance away from him. It sounded like someone rummaging through a bag.

 

Then he felt a figure moving toward him. The footsteps were much more cautious than before.

 

When it was right in front of him, there was a pause.

 

It seemed to be staring back at him.

 

‘Why is Leen watching me sleep…?’