How to Avoid the Monday Blues Chapter 8

Han Jaehee confirmed Sewon’s guess, which he had inwardly hoped was wrong. Sewon answered, praying his voice wouldn’t tremble.

“…It’s just, kind of rough.”

— Really?

“Jaehee, do you remember when we learned about the Blue Mosque and Hagia Sophia in our Turkish Culture and Arts class?”

It sounded like he was moving somewhere while on the phone, footsteps echoing. Han Jaehee, who had briefly gone quiet, spoke in a cheerful voice.

— Of course I do. Even if I took the exam now, I could recite the answers I wrote back then word for word. Remember when we pulled an all-nighter and went to eat at 2 a.m.? I ordered kimchi udon and you ordered tonkatsu.

“How do you even remember stuff like that.”

Sewon said with a laugh. He had thought all those trivial memories between them were something only he kept, but apparently that wasn’t quite the case.

— I thought I was doomed because I hadn’t even covered half the exam material, but the food at dawn was so good.

“Right… that’s how it was.”

— Did you enjoy sightseeing in Istanbul? Is today your second day?

“Yeah. There are so many people. I waited over an hour in line to get into Hagia Sophia. Tomorrow should be better, though…”

— Yeah? You must be tired.

A kind and gentle voice came through. Unlike peers who mistook a rough way of speaking for being cool, Han Jaehee had always spoken softly, even as a child. Because of that, many women had misunderstood his heart.

If he was this tender even with just a friend, how would he be with a lover? Sewon’s mouth watered for a place he could neither covet nor have.

“Yeah, I’m tired.”

— You should’ve gone with me.

“Maybe…”

Sewon replied in a slightly subdued voice.

What if he had come here with Han Jaehee? No matter how hard he tried to imagine it, it wouldn’t picture well in his mind.

He and Han Jaehee had been friends for a very long time, but they had never traveled together except for the school trip. Unlike Sewon, who wouldn’t have even dreamed of traveling abroad if not for his mother’s dying wish, Han Jaehee traveled all over the world with his family or other friends during long holidays and breaks.

That was the unbridgeable difference in circumstances and leisure. Sewon could pull all-nighters studying with Han Jaehee and go eat tonkatsu, but he was not someone who could cast aside the worries of reality and just up and leave with him.

The sound of Seoul’s wind, which was surely far colder than Istanbul’s, came through the receiver. Unlike the chilly background noise, Han Jaehee’s voice was more drawn out than usual. It was impossible to tell whether he had been drinking or was still drunk.

— Is it fun traveling alone? You seem like you’d be bored.

“I’m not traveling alone, though?”

Not wanting to look pitiful, Sewon deliberately answered cheerfully.

— What? Then?

“I picked up a companion, and we decided to travel together.”

— A companion?

Han Jaehee asked back in a slightly surprised voice. The Sewon he knew was the type to slowly broaden his relationships, not someone who actively approached others from the start.

“Isn’t it early morning in Korea right now?”

As Sewon tried to change the subject and wrap up the conversation, Han Jaehee spoke in a drawling, coaxing voice.

— I can’t sleep anyway, so let’s talk a little longer.

“I’m tired.”

— You’re coming straight to my place when your trip ends, right?

At Han Jaehee’s question, Sewon hesitated before answering.

“We’ll see.”

— I wasn’t joking when I said to come to my place. My mom’s already gearing up to feed you something good.

“Okay. Let me know the time. I’ll match it.”

— …After we eat, I think you can talk to my father.

Han Jaehee, who had been silent for a moment after Sewon’s words, spoke this time in a slightly heavier voice. At his words, Sewon was pulled from his escape back into reality.

“Ah…”

— Looks like the paperwork wrapped up faster than expected. They said they just need your signature.

“Okay. I’ll do that.”

— Um… it seems things went well with that Mister, too. He signed without saying much.

“Really?”

How unusual. Sewon added in a small voice.

— He said he wanted to have a meal with you once and asked for your number. My father said he told him he didn’t know for now, since it seemed like something you should decide.

“Thank you, Jaehee.”

Even with his mother’s death, the world didn’t stop. For Sewon, who had been steeped in grief, there were things that had to be clearly sorted out.

Namely, the restaurant—the foundation of life his mother had built. Even if it meant inheriting his mother’s remaining debts, Sewon didn’t want to hand over to someone else the restaurant tangled with joys and sorrows.

But the name on the deed was the problem. His mother and father had divorced long ago, but the restaurant remained in a partnership arrangement. In order to inherit the restaurant entirely—not as co-owner with his father—legal help was needed. The one who gladly lent a hand was Han Jaehee’s father, a former judge turned lawyer.

— Between us, why bring up something like this. Well, it’s funny for me to take credit for what my dad did, but.

“…Sorry.”

The apology Sewon offered was mixed with many meanings.

In asking Han Jaehee for help with this matter, Sewon now had nothing left he could hide from him. He had to lay bare everything—his financial situation and complicated family matters, which Han Jaehee might have vaguely known but not in detail, and the shameful parts tangled up in it all.

That made Sewon feel ashamed all over again.

Han Jaehee’s good heart, wanting to help as much as he could because they were close friends, made Sewon feel even more ashamed and sorry.

— Your companion. He’s not a strange person, is he?

Han Jaehee’s question woke Sewon from his reverie.

Companion…

The moment he thought of the man, the conversation they had shared in the elevator earlier came to mind.

[If you don’t mind, I’d like to travel together tomorrow as well.]

The man, holding a bent cigarette in his hand, saying in a serious voice that he wanted to accompany him again tomorrow.

The moment he recalled the man’s voice, his body tensed up slightly this time. It was a very unfamiliar kind of tension, one he had never experienced with others.

“…He’s not a strange person, I think?”

— How would you know? Is it a woman? How old?

“A man. Age… early thirties, I think. Probably.”

— I see…?

Perhaps he had been hoping for a romance, because a slightly disappointed sound escaped Han Jaehee’s lips at the answer that it was a man. In truth, for Sewon, the possibility of the companionship with the man developing into romance was greater—but Han Jaehee had no way of knowing that.

And he never needed to know.

“He’s really handsome. His body is… good too.”

— Oh, if you’re saying that, he must be really handsome?

“I guess.”

At Han Jaehee’s words, Sewon clenched and unclenched his hands. Seeing the sweat seeping out, it seemed he had showered with water that was too hot after all. It had been a while since he finished showering, but Sewon rationalized his reaction that way.

— Have a good trip. Don’t do anything reckless. You always stay quiet and then do something reckless.

“What reckless thing would I do…”

After soothing Han Jaehee, who was coaxing him to talk a little longer, Sewon hung up. The moment Han Jaehee’s voice disappeared, silence rushed in.

That silence brought loneliness with it.

Sewon, who had been moving between dormitories and rented rooms since high school, had spent a lot of time alone. He visited his mother during holidays or when he occasionally made time, but usually he was always alone. So this silence and loneliness shouldn’t have been unfamiliar.

At the funeral home, where he had felt as though half the world that made up his life had collapsed, Sewon realized he liked Han Jaehee.

Once he had the realization, it became logically clear why he had never taken an interest in the opposite sex until now. He had put off blind dates and arranged meetings under all sorts of excuses, but it wasn’t because he was busy or had no room in his life.

He hadn’t postponed his interest in the opposite sex for some appropriate time later—he simply liked men. To be precise, he liked Han Jaehee, a man.

Even if he were to give up his feelings for Han Jaehee, he had no intention of stepping out of the closet and seeking a different connection. Which meant he would probably always be alone in the future as well.

If that were the case, then all the more, he should get used to this loneliness that felt like a corner of his heart had been cut out…