I Have An Unrequited Love For A Murderer Chapter 4
Translated by: 𝓕𝓵𝓸
When I woke up, I was somewhere other than the basement. After being hit twice by Ki Junghoo, my head ached.
“Ugh. Bad guy.”
It would have been nice to say so, but it was too much to hit the same place again to make him faint. I decided to add hand habits following his personality as a reason for not liking Ki Jungoo. I reached out to touch it, expecting the bump to be the size of a fist, but my arm stopped in the middle with a clicking sound.
My right hand was tied to the bed. Not only that, but all the windows were nailed with boards, and there was no furniture in the room except a bed and a chair. Panting, I pulled to untie the handcuffs that were bound to my hands, but I gave up quickly because my bruised wrist was sore from being tied to a rope yesterday.
There was not even a blanket in the bed. Lying naked on the bed, waiting for Ki Junghoo, the main culprit of this situation, to come, I naturally reached out to the center. I closed my eyes and imagined Ki Junghoo’s genitals from the day before, recalling how I had sucked on it and placed my fingers behind him.
“Ha, haa, Junghoo-ya….”
“Even in this situation, my name appears, so I guess I was used as a side dish once or twice.”
As I was about to get closer to ejaculation, I opened my eyes that I had closed due to the sudden voice and raised myself up. Ki Junghoo, whom I didn’t know when he had come in, was leaning obliquely against the door and looking in this direction. I crossed my legs to hide the pathetically standing genitals, and curled up as much as I could.
“Woah, at least show your presence if you’re here.”
Ki Junghoo sat at the end of the bed and grinned. There was a problem with his character, but his face was innocent. Ki Junghoo jutted as I stared blankly at his face.
“Didn’t I say to keep on calling my name and try to masturbate?”
“…I’m sorry. I won’t do that again….”
I couldn’t tell if it was a joke or if he really wanted me to masturbate, but I apologised first. I knew how shabby and detached I looked in Ki Junghoo’s eyes, kneeling naked in front of him, but it was all useless with my life at stake. Ki Junghoo, who didn’t say anything, threw a convenience store plastic bag in his hand at me.
There was a triangular kimbap in the bag thrown by Ki Junghoo, and I looked at Ki Junghoo once. Ki Junghoo took a cigarette out of his arms and lit it. I had been starving since yesterday, so I hurriedly stuffed the triangular kimbap he had given me into my mouth.
Seeing me pathetically choking and thumping my heart, Ki Junghoo threw a water bottle at me. The bottle hit me on the shoulder and fell to the floor, and I crawled in creeping to pick it up and gulped it down at once.
After finishing eating, I cleaned up the trash and looked at Ki Junghoo. Ki Junghoo was sitting in a chair and touching his cell phone. For a moment, I thought I would steal that cell phone and report it to 112, but I gave up because it seemed like I was going to die because my limbs would be cut off before the police came.
“What are you looking at?”
Ki Junghoo, who was looking at his cell phone, asked without raising his head. I wondered if the side of the head also had eyes. I said anything because I was afraid that I might get caught looking at his cell phone.
“I, I want to brush my teeth!”
I really said anything.
“There’s a bathroom.”
When I raised my right hand and showed him the handcuffs, he seemed to be thinking for a moment, and then gently released them.
“Go wash up and come out.”
I went into the shower booth and turned on the water hard. As I was being hit by water falling over my head, tears poured out without realizing it.
The thought that I could die here did not stop the tears easily.
“Gasp. Gasp. Cough! Cough!”
After crying uncontrollably for about five minutes, I finally calmed down and looked at the shower while sniffling. Would you rather hang yourself on that shower line and die than be locked up like this? I thought. But just thinking about it made me feel sick. I blew my nose while contemplating whether it would be a better choice to ask Ki Junghoo to kill me so that I would not get sick.
‘What can I do in order to survive here?’
I rolled my head over and over again. Ki Junghoo is a student at Korea University. At least it was proof that he wasn’t stupid. And I, who took a Liberal Arts class with him, is also a Korea University student. Yet I seemed stupid.
I spat out an awkward curse and hit my stupid head with my fist. Then, I hit the place where I was beaten twice by Ki Junghoo and sat down with a silent scream.
“It’s so annoying….”
This situation itself and me was really stupid and annoying. But the most annoying thing was Ki Junghoo, who I was madly in love with until yesterday. That annoying human being had my lifeline.
Now that I came to think about it, it felt like I had found a direction on how to act. I turned on the shower again and kept myself as clean as possible. The word ‘smelly boy’ I heard from him yesterday was such a shock.
I came out of the shower booth and practiced smiling while looking in the mirror. Isn’t there an old saying that you can’t spit on a smiling face? I wondered if the old saying also applies to psychopath killers, but I laughed for now.
“Hmm, ah-ah. Frog hind legs.”
I smiled awkwardly in the mirror. I thought it would be better if I had a dimple on my cheek like Ki Junghoo. I washed my face with cold water about 10 times and came out of the bathroom to calm my red eyes. And as soon as I came out, I faced Ki Junghoo, who was smoking in bed with a bored face.
“Hey, white dick.”
I never imagined that a nickname from my high school would come out of Ki Junghoo’s mouth. With fair skin and almost no body hair, I was nicknamed white dick  after taking a shower with my classmates in the shower room once. It wasn’t a very pleasant nickname. Ki Junghoo laughed sarcastically, probably thinking that I felt shame at being called white dick.
“It looks better when you take it off like that.”
Without saying a word, I quietly covered the center with my hand. Ki Junghoo put out his cigarette on an ashtray and sat up.
“If you’re not going to pay the water bill, wash moderately.”
“And no matter how bad it is here, frogs won’t come out, so stop looking for frogs.”
I wish the ground would swallow me up. 
“Since you ate and washed up, don’t you need to work now?”
- 1. 백자지 is a slang that means having a clean dick, or a dick that looks nice. I translated it as white dick since clean dick looks weird (weirder than white dick) as a nickname. And since he has a fair skin, why not?
- 2. The raws used 쥐구멍이라도 들어가고 싶어졌다 which would mean ‘I wish I can hide even in a mouse hole’ but I decided to use the English version: ‘I wish the ground would swallow me up’ as it would flow better.
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