Speak of The Devil Chapter 26

“Is it good to talk a lot?”

“You’re criticizing. Are you all experts in cunning schemes? Do you understand without saying anything? And… sometimes, it’s necessary to confide in someone.”

I had considered such things. But in the end, I couldn’t do it. It wasn’t my personality.

I don’t want someone to know about me. There was only one person I hoped would understand my feelings, but now, rejected, I hoped no one knew anything about me. Instead, I hoped everyone would just leave me alone.

I slowly began to regret that it wasn’t Randa who was coming. I should exercise or learn something. Coming to meet this nagging guy because I had nothing else to do, I didn’t know boredom could cloud a person’s judgment like this.

“…At least tell Jaeoh. Can’t you tell him? Still, among us, isn’t Jaeoh the most special to you?”

This nonsense is a disease. Don’t tell me to unblock Jaeoh and then suggest relying on Jaeoh.

“What’s so special? Is it special to maintain a relationship where you confess your liking and the other responds by saying they like someone else?”

Whether it’s in books, movies, or real life, it’s just a common relationship, nothing special. But what’s so special?

Of course, compared to the way people like Siwoo or Taehoon look at me, the way Jaeoh looks at me is a million times warmer. I know what Siwoo is pointing out now, but I wanted to provoke him.

Siwoo squinted his eyes for a moment, giving me a mocking look. I casually sipped on the nearly melted ice water. When I put the glass down so that it made a clinking sound, I suddenly felt an intense craving for cigarettes. Damn it, I didn’t even like smoking.

“… Still, be good to Jaeoh. Don’t worry him. This is a request.”

Siwoo’s words brought my thoughts back from contemplating cigarettes. And with that one sentence, the thoughts of smoking temporarily left my mind.

“You may not know this, but in our circle, Seo Jaeoh is like a complete idol.”

At the mention of the word ‘idol,’ the water that had already crossed the river overflowed, and it felt like I could hear the rushing water. Looking at Siwoo with a dumbfounded expression, he spoke without any hesitation.

“Honestly, there wasn’t a single guy among us who liked you. It’s not like I was the only one who had a falling out with you. Besides, aside from you being bisexual… No, leaving that aside, your personality is just terrible. We never thought about accommodating such a guy in our group. But… what can we do? Jaeoh keeps following you around.”

Aren’t you even more terrible for openly saying in front of someone that their personality is terrible? It became absurd, but I already knew it. These guys found me strangely awkward from the beginning.

“I’ve been to Busan to see Jaeoh several times. Taehoon, there’s nothing to say about him. When you meet and hang out, do you know what he asks? He asks how you’re doing, and that’s it. It drains your energy.”

“… Stop it. I understand your intentions, but what should I do about my relationship with him then? Everything is settled.”

“Why does that lunatic Jaeoh like a bastard like you, anyway? That’s what I’m saying.”

Facing Siwoo’s glare, I remained silent.

“He even pays for almost everything. I was so surprised when I heard that. You even slept with him again just because of that. But you’re equally shameless. Making noises, spreading your legs, getting dirty, and after doing all that, cleanly disappearing from his sight. What’s so natural for you? Don’t other people have emotions?”

No one likes to hear unpleasant things, and I knew I was a selfish individual. It was fascinating how I ended up doing secretary work. Regardless, that was my personality, and around me were people who accepted me. Whether people got tired of me and left or not, I lived without regret. Even my deceased parents and my hopeless brother had been weak to me, doing everything I asked for. I didn’t even feel the need to change my personality.

… Even if I try to be unlike myself and make an effort, there’s nothing to catch, so why bother making an effort?

“Did you call me to fight?”

“… It’s not that, it’s just damn frustrating. Stop causing Jaeoh pain.”

“I have a bigger fish to fry. I don’t have the luxury to care about anyone.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Have you heard the nonsense Jaeho, your idol, talks about in drinking sessions? I’m also suffering from unrequited love, got it? It’s so painful to see that bastard, so I even quit my job. Now that I’ve heard such a stupid story about myself, does it make you feel better?”

After venting, he closed his mouth. My chest felt tight. It wasn’t worth getting angry over such a trivial matter, but what made me burst out was the memory of my past dedication to Jung Yiyeon.

“… So, you quit your job because of that?”

Ah, should I punch this guy? In the heat of the moment.

“… Sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken without thinking.”

A word of apology came unexpectedly from Siwoo. Though he blurted out whatever he wanted and then apologized late, my heart wasn’t ready to be relieved.

For a moment, my emotions dissipated. Yeah, why bother getting upset with you? I just let out a sigh.

“Fine. It’s true that if I don’t say anything, you won’t know, since I’m the one not speaking.”

I replied, not wanting to waste emotions on unnecessary arguments. An awkward silence lingered for a moment. The silence was broken by a call on Siwoo’s phone. Siwoo answered the call and then handed me the phone.

“Jaeoh’s calling.”

Ha, did he call Siwoo to ask him to switch with me? But if I don’t answer, Siwoo might start complaining again, so I answered the phone.

“Hello.”

-Hello? What’s so good about quitting, now that you’ve quit?

“I was getting bored.”

– … Talking as if you’ve accomplished something. The whole company was buzzing about it, you know? The boss’s secretary held out for quite a while, but he quit. It’s a big deal; he did it on his own.

“If we talk about it for the sake of my honor, I’m the one who quit.”

Jaeoh fell silent at my response. He seemed to struggle with what he wanted to say, emitting a groaning sound. After a while, he asked.

– … Are you okay?

“What’s wrong? Nothing to be not okay about.”

– … Still.

“I told you it’s not like that. I just wanted to quit. It’s okay. I’m a bit bored, though.”

– I’ll arrange something for tonight. Just wait a little.

What arrangement? A gathering with your fans who consider me a bastard? I didn’t want to be indebted to him after rejecting him. I knew that false hope was the worst. So, I vehemently declined, but Jaeoh was stubborn. He would probably contact Siwoo, tell him to grab me, and threaten me to wait, that kind of guy. In the end, I had no choice but to yield.

While keeping my distance from Jung Yiyeon as if trying to sort out my feelings for her, I knew I had to keep a distance from Jaeoh as well to make him give up. Despite knowing this in my head, wounded as I was, I didn’t like being alone. I’d rather noisily drink some alcohol to forget this boredom, especially on a Friday night when everyone else was out.

After ending the call, Siwoo brought me a plate of pasta. Even if I experienced disappointment, my stomach still yearned, and the food tasted good. While eating cream pasta alone, I observed the busy restaurant during dinner time. Time was bound to pass somehow.

Apart from being a little bored, it wasn’t bad. When I looked at my phone while observing people, my mind was blank, and my heart was calm. I didn’t feel like getting drunk on a lot of alcohol. The frustration I felt earlier easily subsided.

Once my stomach was full, I felt even better. I vowed to start exercising or doing something from tomorrow. On the way to meet Jaeoh with Siwoo, my mood was surprisingly not bad.

Quitting the company was indeed the answer. Why did I cling so desperately to this uncertain relationship with her when it was so easily sorted out without seeing her face? The emotions I had struggled with until now seemed like a lie. Surprisingly, living without seeing Jung Yiyeon didn’t bother me at all.

Sometimes, I would have fleeting moments of thought, but truly, it didn’t bother me at all. It seemed like it would be forgotten as time passed. It was quite a hopeful thought. However, I realized how foolish all of that was just a few hours later.

It was beyond my understanding why others were celebrating as if they had become gods just because I became unemployed. They even named it a retirement party, and those who claimed to have had drinks just a few days ago organized a drinking party. As the night deepened, a few more people joined, and the atmosphere became lively. I was just an excuse to ignite this Friday.

“Lee Nan quit his job! Good for you, huh!”

Being greeted like that was the best consolation I could get.

As gay men gathered and voices grew louder, we moved to another gay bar. In every drinking session, there is a funnel rule, and conversations eventually end up revolving around self-boasting or relationship issues. Since it was a gathering of gay men, discussions naturally tended to focus on same-sex issues. While a couple of them were openly sharing their relationship problems, Jaeoh and I didn’t have much to say. Siwoo occasionally seemed to glance at me, but generally, these guys didn’t ask me such questions. They knew I wouldn’t answer even if they did. Today, after hearing Siwoo’s words, I thought that maybe they found me pleasant, and there was nothing more to be curious about.

“But why did you quit your job?”

Amidst the atmosphere of the table dividing, Jaeoh approached me and asked. I couldn’t answer recklessly. It was because I couldn’t play around with Jaeoh to oust Jung Yiyeon. Despite the strong influence of alcohol, my judgment was not zero.

“I just felt shitty.”

“….”

“I don’t know if looking at him will make her my man or not. It seemed harder to sort things out by looking at him.”

Denying that he was the one I liked, but also not believing it, it was foolish to keep denying it to someone who worried about me in a different way than Siwoo. He asked, and I couldn’t keep denying it to him anymore.

“You’re being extreme.”

“But I’m fine.”

“Yeah, right. You’re so in love and all.”

“Ah, it’s annoying.”

Right. He even saw me crying. My face twisted in belated humiliation. Jaeoh burst into laughter, a hearty laughter that made his handsome face shine in this dimly lit bar.

“Idol. You got that nickname right.” I reached out and tousled his hair.

“What’s the matter?”

“You look cute. Since my glass is empty, why don’t you pour me some more?”

As I played the role of a perverted middle-aged man, Jaeoh teased, “Sure, sure,” and filled my glass. After filling his own, he raised it.

“Cheers.”

He took a sip and put the glass down, but I continued to empty mine.

“Are you going to cry again?”

“Why do you keep saying that? I was really drunk that day.”

“That’s why I told you not to drink too much. It upsets your stomach.”

“I’m off tomorrow, so I’ll be lying around dead anyway.”

It’s Saturday, after all. I laughed. Seeing that hearty laughter coming out of me, I realized I was indeed drunk. My head felt light and dizzy, and I felt pleasantly good. It seemed overly good.

“What are you going to do from now on?”

“I’m thinking of taking a break until Hyung comes back.”

“Hyung?”

“I vaguely mentioned that I’d find a place for you before, so if I want a job, I can find one anytime.”

“Did you tell Hyung that you’re taking a break from work?”

“He hasn’t been home for a long time, so I haven’t seen his face. He said he’s been busy and won’t be coming home for a while, so there’s no need to say anything.”

Saying that, I held up the empty glass, and Jaeoh sighed, filling it for me. After emptying one more glass, Jaeoh looked at me with a strange expression.

“…Let’s sleep together tonight.”

What kind of nonsense is this? I’m sure I rejected that suggestion earlier.